To all the ladies who think the good men are gone; they're not.
The men who care, the men who listen, the men who give a damn, the men who love for love's sake and not for power or possession, they still exist. They're not all gone.
Oh, I don't think they are all gone for women in their 20's and 30's. But for women in their 40's? The pickins are pretty slim by that time, I think. There are not many single non-gay guys by that time...and the ones there are seem apt to have one or more of the issues I described - addiction issues, commitment issues, anger issues, mommy issues, terminal selfishness issues, etc. Virtually every SINGLE guy I have dated since about age 35 ended up having at least one (and often, more) of those issues. And so finally, I just gave up.
That's why I was very careful to qualify that statement in my original post with something along the lines of 'by my age...'.
That is also why I counsel younger women who I really like/care about to snatch up the nice guys while the gettin' is good. I picked wrong at that age - and it turned out to be a mistake that would snatch what was supposed to be 'the best years of my life' right out of my hands, and would kill many of the dreams I held for my life.
And so, while it is too late for me, sitting here on the other side of 45, it's
not too late for the girls in their 20's and early 30's to find someone who is not a selfish, maladjusted, douchebag. Most girls, by nature, are 'givers'...and so some of us (myself included) mistakenly think we have enough 'give' in us to make up for the fact that a partner we might get involved with is fundamentally a 'taker'. But that is a HUGE mistake. And any girl who asks me, I tell her - if you are a 'giver' find another giver. Because a 'taker' will do exactly that - take your life, take your dreams, take your money, and take your love....and throw it all on the floor, piss all over it, and walk out the door without even a backwards glance or a pang of guilt. It's happened to me twice, and I speak from some very painful experience.
Now, I'm not looking for sympathy here, or to be told any more of that 'there is someone for everyone' cliched crapola, because those little 'pep talks' are exactly that - cliched crapola. There is NOT 'someone for everyone'. Besides, I'm pretty well resigned to a fate of being alone - I've been struggling to make peace with that concept for a few years now, and I'm getting there - it's been really slow going at times, but I'm doing it. Now, I will NEVER believe that being alone is a choice, because it's not - at least it wasn't one for me. I was forced into it by fate, destiny, a God who abandoned me, or whatever you want to call it. But guess what? The world is FULL of lonely and abandoned people - I'm only just one of them. And at a certain point, you just have to stop struggling with fate when it comes to circumstances you can't control and simply accept it...and go from there. Once you stop struggling, it doesn't hurt nearly as bad and you can then refocus on trying to make the best of what you have left of your life.
Bottom line: As Mick always says, "You can't always get what you want!"
But this is the important part: it would have been a
much larger tragedy if I had been sitting around all these years, holding out 'hope' for something that was never going to happen. Because now, at least I've 'made lemonade' of a fashion from the lemon of a life I was dealt: I've seen the world, done and seen a lot of things most people will never do or see. And I've done all of it on my own - I didn't NEED anyone - and I STILL don't. I might not have won the grand prize of a kind husband and 2.5 kids plus the picket fence...but the consolation prizes I got for MYSELF, with no help at all from ANYONE, aren't that bad. There are certainly worse ways to spend one's life, after all, than to have become a world traveler with many interests and some fascinating experiences under my belt.
Fate, or destiny, or God or whatever is up there tried to destroy me - to rob me of every dream I ever had. Refused to grant even ONE of the fairly modest dreams I had when I first got married - little things that other people completely take for granted, I was denied. But at least I had the inner strength to salvage what I could of my dreams (the things that didn't require anyone or anything but ME to accomplish) and set about making those things happen. DESPITE Fate/Destiny/God. And I succeeded. And further, I'm really proud of that - that I DIDN'T let Fate/Destiny/God destroy EVERY dream. I actually won a round or two.
It's not the fight...but at least it's something!
