Female Condom Unveiled For World Cup
- Thread starter Angela 0077
- Start date
I am going to tell about a time I was sexually assaulted and ask Angela and Luther if they think I was partly at fault.
I was not quite 17 years old. A couple of days before this incident I had seen my boyfriend with another girl (holding hands and kissing her) and I was very upset. I was with girl called Pippa when I saw my boyfriend with this other girl. Technically I hadn't broken up with my boyfriend yet however but I had intention of doing so..
A boy I really liked (Tony) and I had known for several months phoned me up and asked me if I wanted to go to the beach. Pippa had told Tony about my boyfriend and the other girl. Tony told me that he and two of his mates were planning to do a bit of surfing and I could watch them and sunbath. I said yes.
We got to the beach. I got changed into my bikini (which I admit I wore to impress Tony) and placed my towel not far from the car. I kissed and hugged Tony.
There was a middle-aged man who came and talked to the other two young men I was with. Then the man walked away.
Then the three of my friends went off to surf. I laid down on my towel but I saw the man coming back and I stood up. He started to talk to me. He asked me if one of the guys was my boyfriend. I answered 'not really' (as Tony hadn't asked me to go steady with him). The man than said he could be my boyfriend. He put his arm around me. I tried to pull away from him but he grabbed me tighter and but his free hand over my mouth and dragged me away from the car. He got me on the ground, pulled down my bikini bottoms and was trying to unzip his trousers. To do this he released his hand from my mouth and I screamed. Once I screamed he started to punch me and tried to cover my mouth again.
Luckily the three men who were surfing heard my screams. Two of them (including Tony) went to 'start the car' while the youngest of the three, a fat 16 year old boy who everyone teased and called Porky (real name Colin) picked up a piece of wood and charged at the guy. he managed to hit the guy a couple of the times and the guy ran away.
Colin helped me to the car and got the driver to take us to his mother's place. The other two guys left us there. Colin's mother was nice to me but explained how it would look to the police and the courts. I had gone to the beach with three guys, none of whom were my boyfriend. I had kissed and cuddled one of those boys despite the fact I had another boyfriend. Also I had spoken to the guy, and told him none of the three guys was my boyfriend, and I was only wearing a skimpy bikini. Also the other two men had said they 'didn't want to get involved'. After talking to Colin's mother I decided not to call the police. This is something I later regretted as I felt guilty about the possibility this guy might have done something to other girls. Colin wanted me to call the police saying he would give evidence against the guy.
I dated Colin for a while, mainly out of gratitude, and we have stayed on friendly terms ever since though it has been a few years since I ran into him. I used to see him when he was driving taxis but I don't think he drives them anymore.
I was not quite 17 years old. A couple of days before this incident I had seen my boyfriend with another girl (holding hands and kissing her) and I was very upset. I was with girl called Pippa when I saw my boyfriend with this other girl. Technically I hadn't broken up with my boyfriend yet however but I had intention of doing so..
A boy I really liked (Tony) and I had known for several months phoned me up and asked me if I wanted to go to the beach. Pippa had told Tony about my boyfriend and the other girl. Tony told me that he and two of his mates were planning to do a bit of surfing and I could watch them and sunbath. I said yes.
We got to the beach. I got changed into my bikini (which I admit I wore to impress Tony) and placed my towel not far from the car. I kissed and hugged Tony.
There was a middle-aged man who came and talked to the other two young men I was with. Then the man walked away.
Then the three of my friends went off to surf. I laid down on my towel but I saw the man coming back and I stood up. He started to talk to me. He asked me if one of the guys was my boyfriend. I answered 'not really' (as Tony hadn't asked me to go steady with him). The man than said he could be my boyfriend. He put his arm around me. I tried to pull away from him but he grabbed me tighter and but his free hand over my mouth and dragged me away from the car. He got me on the ground, pulled down my bikini bottoms and was trying to unzip his trousers. To do this he released his hand from my mouth and I screamed. Once I screamed he started to punch me and tried to cover my mouth again.
Luckily the three men who were surfing heard my screams. Two of them (including Tony) went to 'start the car' while the youngest of the three, a fat 16 year old boy who everyone teased and called Porky (real name Colin) picked up a piece of wood and charged at the guy. he managed to hit the guy a couple of the times and the guy ran away.
Colin helped me to the car and got the driver to take us to his mother's place. The other two guys left us there. Colin's mother was nice to me but explained how it would look to the police and the courts. I had gone to the beach with three guys, none of whom were my boyfriend. I had kissed and cuddled one of those boys despite the fact I had another boyfriend. Also I had spoken to the guy, and told him none of the three guys was my boyfriend, and I was only wearing a skimpy bikini. Also the other two men had said they 'didn't want to get involved'. After talking to Colin's mother I decided not to call the police. This is something I later regretted as I felt guilty about the possibility this guy might have done something to other girls. Colin wanted me to call the police saying he would give evidence against the guy.
I dated Colin for a while, mainly out of gratitude, and we have stayed on friendly terms ever since though it has been a few years since I ran into him. I used to see him when he was driving taxis but I don't think he drives them anymore.
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I know that quite well. Ergo my dripping sarcasm. The "what did you expect, dressing like that" response to rape is a double-barreled weapon of friendly fire. It slut-shames victims, tars all men as mindless slaves to their sex drives, and gleefully lets actual rapists who deliberately seek out or create opportunities to abuse off the hook. I've never argued otherwise.
ETA: Miss Chicken, if anybody reading does think any of that is your fault, I can only hope they'll be outnumbered by people who get how wrong and hurtful that kind of reaction is. And the same for everyone else whose spoken about their personal experiences in this thread. I wish that reactions like Colin's mothers weren't so common.
I feel like a bit of a coward now, cause there's some of my own stuff that I'm not comfortable talking about under this name in front of the Google spiders. I will say that the first time I was sexually assaulted, I kept it to myself and struggled with it for years, because the one friend I did tell said if I told anyone the story would get around that I was a slut. In her mind, she was just repeating what she absolutely believed was the truth, and given how easily I believed her, it's pretty obvious I believed it too.
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Way to completely fucking miss the point. You are apart of the entitled mentality, aren't you? Entitled to do what you want but not to be offended or treated differently if you dare to dress slutty and be treated as such. When you dress to provoke, you cannot complain when you provoke.
Did you even read what I said or did you jump on the sexist soapbox and start blindly yelling? Maybe next time, you go back, read my original comment and pull your head from your ass before you start accusing me of saying rape is ever acceptable. I never once said it was okay or anyone was "asking for it" to dress provactively then get raped. I said if you dress a certain way, you're going to get comments and stares. Words and stares are going to be reasonable if you dress inappropriately. It doesn't, and I stated this clear as glass, mean it is acceptable to touch or rape someone.
Maybe you should hand out a couple of warnings before shutting down a thread. I really think I have important, and relevant things to still say in this thread and I think I am saying them in a way that is appropriate for Miscellaneous.
I didn't accuse you of holding those opinions.
We may have very different ideas on what constitutes appropriate dress, and possibly also about what constitutes sexual harassment. However, I don't think we're likely to come to a productive understanding on this point. I'd rather bow out of this particular point of discussion than get into a blazing row that ends up shutting down the whole conversation. I apologise if my glib tone was baiting, and retract.
I'm sorry if I contributed to that in anyway. I think it would be a shame to see the thread closed. It's gone in an unexpected direction, but I think there's real value in talking about this stuff honestly.
I have nothing of note to add that hasn't been said (in whatever way) already. I just want to say that reading this whole thread has put me in a permanently bad mood this evening.
However, I will remark on one point:
Unfortunately, while the actual physical act is averted, the problems with power and control over will remain unresolved, and might lead to other forms of abuse as well as sexual.
However, I will remark on one point:
Unfortunately, while the actual physical act is averted, the problems with power and control over will remain unresolved, and might lead to other forms of abuse as well as sexual.
There is a line that gets crossed from behaving inappropriately either in dress or actions but never is it the victims fault to be raped. As Miss Chicken said, dressing in a way that gains attention is just an excuse for a rapist to perform the act, it's not the cause. If it is not dress then they will find some other reason.
However, common sense should be used when you're going into an area of potential danger. It's unwise to invite more unwanted attention than necessary if there's the possiblity of being assaulted. Safety should be a concern over dressing to show off if you're not in a safe place.
I have nothing more to add.
However, common sense should be used when you're going into an area of potential danger. It's unwise to invite more unwanted attention than necessary if there's the possiblity of being assaulted. Safety should be a concern over dressing to show off if you're not in a safe place.
I have nothing more to add.
Well, it's nice to know women have to be careful what they wear if they want to be respected or treated with any kind of decency. 
Are people in this thread just cherry-picking what they read? Go back, read again. Dressing in scantly clad or revealing clothing does not tell other people they want to pretend they're not trying to draw attention to their bodies. Drawing attention to your body tells others you want to be looked at, and being looked at comes with some unwanted comments or advances, but it does not mean it's okay to touch.Well, it's nice to know women have to be careful what they wear if they want to be respected or treated with any kind of decency.
How much more clearly can it be said? Should I start typing in caps or are you going to just ignore the fact dressing inappropriately results in inappropriate comments?
Re: i'm new...
May I suggest renaming the thread to something more appropiate to what it's about now. Miss Chicken suggests there's more to say, but I'm not sure everyone with something to say will know what's being discussed in a thread with a title about a condom and the World Cup.
May I suggest renaming the thread to something more appropiate to what it's about now. Miss Chicken suggests there's more to say, but I'm not sure everyone with something to say will know what's being discussed in a thread with a title about a condom and the World Cup.
What's your point? So some women dress in a sexualized manner. Probably 'cause they like consensual sex. I don't see why this argument is being pushed in a thread about rape.
Are people in this thread just cherry-picking what they read? Go back, read again. Dressing in scantly clad or revealing clothing does not tell other people they want to pretend they're not trying to draw attention to their bodies. Drawing attention to your body tells others you want to be looked at, and being looked at comes with some unwanted comments or advances, but it does not mean it's okay to touch.Well, it's nice to know women have to be careful what they wear if they want to be respected or treated with any kind of decency.
How much more clearly can it be said? Should I start typing in caps or are you going to just ignore the fact dressing inappropriately results in inappropriate comments?
Gee, I don't know, when I see a woman dressed provocatively, I might think some dirty thoughts, but I have enough fucking manners to keep it to myself. Since when does a woman being scantily clad give everyone around her license to act like a pig?
From the very first post this thread was about rape. It started mentioning one way to avoid rape and has got on to other ways to avoid rape and rape is general. This means that the thread is still on topic.
Though it would have been better if the title of the thread was
"Female Condom Designed to Avoid Rape'
rather than mentioning the World Cup.
Though it would have been better if the title of the thread was
"Female Condom Designed to Avoid Rape'
rather than mentioning the World Cup.
Re: i'm new...
Well, the topic title is a little misleading given even the content of the OP (I was going to suggest that the thread had been derailed when in fact it hadn't really, silly me
), and certainly such a move can help with other threads that are more ambiguously titled (such as "What annoys me..." and "Can you believe this?!" and others of its ilk), but I can see it setting a precedent for all other discussion threads in the BBS by promoting off-topic conversation. Such as this. 
.
Well, the topic title is a little misleading given even the content of the OP (I was going to suggest that the thread had been derailed when in fact it hadn't really, silly me
), and certainly such a move can help with other threads that are more ambiguously titled (such as "What annoys me..." and "Can you believe this?!" and others of its ilk), but I can see it setting a precedent for all other discussion threads in the BBS by promoting off-topic conversation. Such as this. .
In a word, yes. It's not like everyone follows the same moral code you do. While most men would stop at looking, some would comment. If you can't take the comments, you should not be dressing to gain them. It's dressing to attract that kind of attention that will get you that kind of attention. Some men are just vocal about it, in inappropriate ways but no less so than the person who dresses inappropriately is suggesting it's acceptable.
Re: i'm new...
While the moderators can edit thread titles, we only limit that ability to any rule breaking (ie crass language etc). It would be improper to change the title in this case.
Well, the topic title is a little misleading given even the content of the OP (I was going to suggest that the thread had been derailed when in fact it hadn't really, silly me
Anyone who posts to this thread can edit the title to their liking. (unless they use Quick Reply) And then anyone who replies to that message will perpetuate the new thread title.