My Star Trek review

[fireball1]

all true but I still enjoyed the movie.

 

[Greylock Crescent]

I haven't seen this level of "analysis" since the Star Wars prequels.

3D Master, I have to know, have any of your screen names ever included words such as "Vortex" or "Hologram"? Because, you know, you could easily be a clone of some of the more infamous posters from the Prequel days.

In any event, I have a critique of your originally posted reviews and some advice (full disclaimer: I did *not* read more than a couple of paragraphs). You have some good points but they're buried in overly-emotional language (not to mention the avalanche of minutiae). But you cannot rant vehemently and expect a whole lot of people to accept your views as purely rational and objective. Scale back the venom, and be a bit more succinct.

Unless, of course, you're getting exactly the kind of responses you wanted. In which case, kudos to you for such a long-winded review and thread. It is the stuff of pure genius.

 

[Devon]

3D: Who are you?

http://nojarjar.ning.com/

"All Members (13)"

 

[JuanBolio]

Excuse me, but what bridge had no rails? The Kelvin had rails all over every console and even hanging from the overhead in case gravity went out, and the Enterprise had 'em same as always.

We're talking about all the walkways in the Narada, the ones everyone kept jumping from one to another in the big fight scene.

Well, the ship was a monstrosity. Romulan mining ship taken over and enhanced by Borg nanotechnology. Who knows what kinds of funky designs those nanoprobes would come up with, or why.

 

[Bishbot]

In seconds? Did you see how long that test took?

It starts with the Starfleet officer; he apparently doesn't know that Kirk cheated. The Klingons shields just failed, there weapons did nothing; it is OBVIOUS to anyone even mentally disabled that Kirk cheated. The fact that he doesn't realize this, makes him an utter moron.

His question should either be: "How did he manage to break your security?" or "How did he manage to reprogram your test?"

Then Spock's answer: "I don't know." Would be accurate.

Both him and Spock, if they got functioning brains, would have known Kirk reprogrammed the scenario half-way through the test. The moment the Klingons' shields just dropped, they should both know it instantly; ESPECIALLY with the way Kirk is acting like the a-hole he is.

However, if the Starfleet Officer isn't smart enough to realizing the bleeding obvious and still had to ask "How did he beat your test?" Spock himself should have already figured out, let's face it, there's no figuring needed, know the undeniably obvious, and said, "Obviously he cheated. I will still have to ascertain how."

But both, makes both of them look like complete morons.

"How did he beat your test?" is a perfectly succinct way of getting the point across. You're banging on about nothing here. Unless you would have preferred:

RANDOM STARFLEET OFFICER: How did he beat your test? And by "beat" I obviously mean "reprogram" because this test is a no-win scenario

SPOCK: Yes, you obviously do mean reprogram, because we both know how this test works, why are you telling me this extra information?

RANDOM STARFLEET OFFICER: I didn't think it was clear enough in that other scene that the test is unwinnable, and in this scene that Kirk is acting like a cocky bastard so he must have cheated.

SPOCK: Oh I see, you think the audience are idiots and need to have everything explained to them.

My dialogue is the best! It tells you everything you need to know and why you need to know it and it even explains the obvious clues in other scenes as to what that guy meant.

 

[DonIago]

^When will your copy of the script be available?

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

I wouldn't call Star Trek a mindless action movie...

Nor would I - but hey, anyone who found it lacking should definitely not buy more tickets.

 

[stonester1]

.....

Over the top ranting and ad nauseum regurgitation of what has already been said, this is your big revelatory "review" that would blast the scales from the eyes of the unbelievers?

On and on and on?

Epic FAIL, 3d.

 

[Hartzilla2007]

Meh the only thing I cared about was whether 3D Master showed the proper respect to Lord Robau master of the badass, which he did, which also means Robau will not strike him down.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

3D: Who are you?

http://nojarjar.ning.com/

"All Members (13)"

Hey, the place has amazing compensations for its negativity. Meet TrekkieGal:

http://nojarjar.ning.com/photo/albums/3300216:Album:259

 

[Australis]

^ I dunno - was that an Adam's apple there? Maybe covered by a band in a couple of the photos?

And btw, that is one ugly-arsed page. Anyone remember the old Windows Hotdog colour scheme?

 

[M'Sharak]

^ I dunno - was that an Adam's apple there? Maybe covered by a band in a couple of the photos?

She claims to be gay. She's also not really on-topic for this thread, nor is the nojarjar.ning place.

 

[Australis]

^ Sorry, just one final thought on 'her':

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I was born Hermaphrodite.

 

[Kirk1980]

Australis....stop speaking, you're making my brain hurt!

 

[Bishbot]

^When will your copy of the script be available?

Not for many years, unfortunately, it just takes so much more dialogue to make sure no-one in the audience has to use their brains even a little bit at any time. The final movie will be around eight hours long.

 

[Australis]

And my job is done!

 

[stonester1]

Meh the only thing I cared about was whether 3D Master showed the proper respect to Lord Robau master of the badass, which he did, which also means Robau will not strike him down.

Yea, verily.

 

[Captain Robert April]

Just compiled 3D Master's review. With a 10 point Arial font, it clocks in at 24 pages.

There's gonna be a discussion panel at Starfest next month about the movie, so I'm gonna do a close study of this puppy.

 

[muzzleflash]

I'm hoping the next Trek movie will be even worse, just to see 3D Master's reaction.

 

[DonIago]

Just remember, if he has an aneurysm he probably won't be able to post his review.