Door-to-door Jesus Freaks
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My husband worked with a Jehovah's witness for a while. Apparently, it is part of their religion, that they spread the word. However, if i understood correctly, it is sort of 'against their religion' to hear about someone else's.
So, if you say, "I'll gladly listen about your religion if you will first listen to me tell you about mine, then I'll let you in". Of course, they don't have to know that you are athiest or whatever.
Or you could just answer the door, spin your head 360 degrees and in the throatiest voice you can muster say, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell". That should work.
So, if you say, "I'll gladly listen about your religion if you will first listen to me tell you about mine, then I'll let you in". Of course, they don't have to know that you are athiest or whatever.
Or you could just answer the door, spin your head 360 degrees and in the throatiest voice you can muster say, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell". That should work.
Going door to door really doesn't seem like a good way to spread the Gospel to me, but if some people are called to that bless them! God uses individual Christians uniquely according to His purpose.
And His purpose is to annoy? 
Ask for some free samples of this God thing or GTFO while shaking a can of pepper spray.
An electrified door knocker and doorbell. Essential.
Powerful stream water sprinklers aimed at te door, also essential.
Buckets of molten metal ... illegal. But...
Powerful stream water sprinklers aimed at te door, also essential.
Buckets of molten metal ... illegal. But...
I had a HUNCH someone would suggest that!
Is that American pissed or British pissed?
The boulevard is not that bad.
I told this story a few weeks ago in here but I will repeat it.
I find the best way to deal with Mormons or Jehovnah Witnesses is to speak to them but only on a topic of my choice. The last time the Mormons came I got the topic onto African Wild Dogs and refused to budge off that topic. I had just finished reading an article on AWD so my head was filled with facts. I won't let them get onto the topic of religion at all.
And as I peviously said - I know that I have won once the Mormons start to look at their watches.
I find that after using this stategy a couple of times visits stop. They must have a list on which homes not to visit or something because they stopped visiting me at my previous address.
I find the best way to deal with Mormons or Jehovnah Witnesses is to speak to them but only on a topic of my choice. The last time the Mormons came I got the topic onto African Wild Dogs and refused to budge off that topic. I had just finished reading an article on AWD so my head was filled with facts. I won't let them get onto the topic of religion at all.
And as I peviously said - I know that I have won once the Mormons start to look at their watches.
I find that after using this stategy a couple of times visits stop. They must have a list on which homes not to visit or something because they stopped visiting me at my previous address.
Sounds like someone is proselytizing via Mad Libs.
"Jesus is____(random noun)___. Jesus is ___(random adjective)___."
I had that happen one or twice I just shut the door on them, one time I pointed at my No soliciting sign and asked “Can you read?”
They said “We’re not trying to sell anything”
I said “Bullshit, you’re trying to sell me on your religion, now Fuck Off and don’t come back”, and slammed the door on them.
The best one I heard was a friend who was warned they were coming and answered the door listened for a bit and had his G/F come up from behind him and groped and felt him up, the people just turned and left.
They said “We’re not trying to sell anything”
I said “Bullshit, you’re trying to sell me on your religion, now Fuck Off and don’t come back”, and slammed the door on them.
The best one I heard was a friend who was warned they were coming and answered the door listened for a bit and had his G/F come up from behind him and groped and felt him up, the people just turned and left.
I was playing the score (by te late Elmer Bernstein) from "The Ten Commandments" really loud when a couple or mormons or something came and knocked. Don't know if they heard it, but they left.
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Well, I realize they annoy quite a few people, but the well intentioned and polite ones I don't hold any grudge against. The two young men who visited us a few years back were of the Mormon variety, and so they asked to come inside and I nodded and let them in. I offered them lemonade (no caffeine). They gladly accepted. We talked for a while, and I got to know these young men. One of them was studying to be a Biologist. The other wanted to be a folk singer. I got out my guitar and let him play a few songs. He was quite good. After about two hours, I had learned a great deal about them, and I understood why they were doing what they were doing and bless their hearts they lived in a single room with two beds, the very basics, and every morning like clockwork they were up and out the door, and I had to admire the level of dedication they had. I certainly wasn't going to accept their beliefs as my own, but I couldn't help but admire their effort, and not once were they impolite. I think, even though I'm sure they left disappointed that I wasn't going to convert, they seemed to have had a good time.
From time to time I wonder about them and hope they were able to get started on their goals in life.
From time to time I wonder about them and hope they were able to get started on their goals in life.
My dad, who was born in 1918 and raised back-woods Baptist, loved it when people would come recruiting. He had many different lines of argument, so me and my brother would hide around the corner trying not to laugh out loud.
Some of my favorites were:
Dad: Well who all's goin' to heaven?
Them: Well we are!
Dad: And who else?
Them: We're not sure about others, but our flock is bound for heaven.
Dad: Well that tells me that more people's goin' to Hell than goin' to heaven:
Them: Well maybe.
Dad: And that tells me that Satan's got more pow'r than God, and I'm goin' with the one with the pow'r.
Them: (shocked expressions, then they flee).
***
Dad: You see, I made me a deal with the devil. I won't go to church on Sundays if he don't let it rain on my golf game, and let me tell ya, I get to play golf most every Sunday.
****
I think he'd concluded that most churches are reluctant to recruit devil worshippers, so he used it as an entertaining way to get rid of the pests.
Some of my favorites were:
Dad: Well who all's goin' to heaven?
Them: Well we are!
Dad: And who else?
Them: We're not sure about others, but our flock is bound for heaven.
Dad: Well that tells me that more people's goin' to Hell than goin' to heaven:
Them: Well maybe.
Dad: And that tells me that Satan's got more pow'r than God, and I'm goin' with the one with the pow'r.
Them: (shocked expressions, then they flee).
***
Dad: You see, I made me a deal with the devil. I won't go to church on Sundays if he don't let it rain on my golf game, and let me tell ya, I get to play golf most every Sunday.
****
I think he'd concluded that most churches are reluctant to recruit devil worshippers, so he used it as an entertaining way to get rid of the pests.
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