Time to get new friends

[Emher]

I'm not saying this as "oh woe may be you, but I created woe"-kind of thing, but rather that you may be going trough a rough spot but you're making a change to something better.

I keep thinking of Alfred comforting Bruce in TDK, "It was always going to get worse before it got better."

And if these people who called themselves friends don't want to live up to the name, screw 'em! They can live their own self involved lives if that's what they want to do. You'll always have a friend in me

Oh and about that last part, I always go here in the morning before I go to Facebook so this is the first I'm hearing of this. Don't unfriend me!

Oh, don't worry- right now I'm fighting the temptation to say "Oh, you're in Austin? **** you! DELETE!"

Heh, good reference there.

And I guess I'm for once happy to not be in Austin then!

 

[Crusher Disciple]

I just had to punt someone who I thought was pretty much the closest friend I have in Austin today. The person I confided my deepest darkest secrets, and who ran out on me for their own self interests when I was most vulnerable. And the same person who has spent the last 24 hours judging and pointing fingers at me.

Man, I really have crappy taste in RL friends. Really, at a time that I need physical human contact and support the most I have to put up with this shit.

 

[Trekker4747]

Crusher, move to Kansas City.

No, seriously, I hope things get better for you. Your friends really should be supporting you (emotionaly) more than they seem to be.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Aw CD, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. {{{{squishy hug}}}} People really can suck sometimes.
I'm always here to listen if you need to talk. Personally, i think the fact that you've been doing so much to move forward with your life is tremendous! When we spoke (last week?) i was amazed with all you had been doing. I think its AWESOME.
And your new picture is truly GORGEOUS.
PM anytime you wanna vent. I mean it.

 

[Jetfire]

I just had to punt someone who I thought was pretty much the closest friend I have in Austin today. The person I confided my deepest darkest secrets, and who ran out on me for their own self interests when I was most vulnerable. And the same person who has spent the last 24 hours judging and pointing fingers at me.

Man, I really have crappy taste in RL friends. Really, at a time that I need physical human contact and support the most I have to put up with this shit.

You can't trust anyone...for real. People who say they are/want/can be a friend are fooling themselves or fooling you.

Unless you can take life on by yourself...you will just keep getting crushed.

I am very jaded...but no one has yet to show me anything different.

 

[Scout101]

Think part of the problem is just putting too much weight on these "friends". Or, really, labeling them as friends to start with.

General rule of thumb is that you'll have plenty of aquaintences over the course of your life, but probably always be able to count real friends on one hand. We get along with people when times are easy, and then expect too much when the going gets hard, getting upset when a drinking buddy won't go the extra mile. It sucks, but such is life. They were people you could hang out with, or had one thing in common, but if they act like this, they weren't your friends, so nothing worth getting upset over. They'll be replaced and forgotten soon enough.

As for specifics? Cheer up, Crusher, it'll get better. You knew it was gonna be tight for a while, and just gotta get through it. You're smart, attractive, and appear to have a fun personality (as much as you can judge from anything anyone says online ), sure you'll land on your feet. You'll get through the real estate thing, and hopefully that will pick up, or hear back on some acting work, or failing that, pick up something to help make ends meet while you work on those two primary (and more fun) goals.

Chin up, girl!

 

[Mark de Vries]

The stupid thing with friends is that you can't plan to be friends with anyone. It happens, or it doesn't, but very rarely according to anyone's plan.

From my own experience I can offer a polar opposite to Jetfire's comments: friends around me have been great these opast months (which were far from easy for me), and not through any work or expectation of my own. So there's always reason to hope and put an effort into friendship. But it comes without guarantees. Some day, someone may go totally douchebaggy on you. And then it is time to move on. There's only so much of yourself that you can give.

CD, without any extra funds there's not a lot of new things you can do and go to, of course. That limits the number of people you'll meet. Perhaps that means that for now you will be going at it alone (with some significant digital support from people here, of course). But the good thing is: that won't last forever (the going at it alone, I mean, not the digital support).

"It was always going to get worse before it got better." The butler is wise.

 

[sojourner]

Sorry, but what I got out of that is that you quit your job without another one lined up and then expected everyone else to take care of you?
And while borrow money you go out and get massages?
Good luck.

No, you didn't read any of it. I said that I put myself in a tight financial situation, fully expecting it to get rough. And that I mistakenly thought I might have a support system while dealing with the results of my decision.

Good luck to you as well. If you ever have to make a tough, life changing decision as I did, I sincerely hope no one makes such a rude and a thoughtless comment to you.

In all my years I have been laid off twice, quit some jobs, been medically unable to work for 2 years, and evicted from houses and apartments. Never once have I relied on anyone else to get me out of a jam or expected them to get me out of one.

Friends help when they can, not on que.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

Thanks, Mark. And by all means, please say a prayer for me.

 

[sidious618]

Friends help when they can, not on que.

And it looks to me like these friends could help but didn't. She's not asking them for a fortune she's just asking for someone to be there to listen and give some solid advice. I don't think that's asking too much as it's clear she has done the same for them in the past.

After going through a very hard time lately my mom and dad had to wake up to the fact that members of their family simply didn't give a shit. It's hard as hell and I think you're being incredibly unfair on CD.

 

[Mr Awe]

You're post is so filled with complex happenings that it's almost impossible to give advice. I just hope that things improve. Everything sounds difficult.

One bit of advice. You mention changing careers and one avenue is acting. That is not a particularly low stress field. You will have people judging you very personally. It's tough to start. Etc. You might try focusing in one area, get on your feet, get your personal life sorted out, and then if you have a strong inclination, try acting then. For now, find something you can do to support yourself immediately while you are earning your real estate license.

Some of what you label excuses from your friends *might* be legit. Like, they might really have had to sell the condo quickly. You can't always wait. You might consider that, in some cases, other people will have their own issues that impose constraints. Obviously, I don't know, but consider the possibility that they are in their own tough situations.

In any case, I really doubt that all of your friends are against you. That's just unlikely. That doesn't mean they're all close knit buddies but they're also not all against you, or all uncaring. All I'm saying is that things are probably not as dire with them as you think right now. People sometimes get into a rough spot and everything looks worse.

Just a couple of things to consider.

Mr Awe

 

[Jetfire]

The stupid thing with friends is that you can't plan to be friends with anyone. It happens, or it doesn't, but very rarely according to anyone's plan.

From my own experience I can offer a polar opposite to Jetfire's comments: friends around me have been great these opast months (which were far from easy for me), and not through any work or expectation of my own. So there's always reason to hope and put an effort into friendship. But it comes without guarantees. Some day, someone may go totally douchebaggy on you. And then it is time to move on. There's only so much of yourself that you can give.

CD, without any extra funds there's not a lot of new things you can do and go to, of course. That limits the number of people you'll meet. Perhaps that means that for now you will be going at it alone (with some significant digital support from people here, of course). But the good thing is: that won't last forever (the going at it alone, I mean, not the digital support).

"It was always going to get worse before it got better." The butler is wise.

I really hope one day I can have someone I can call a "friend"...it would be great.

Crusher Disciple I really hope everything works out.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

In any case, I really doubt that all of your friends are against you. That's just unlikely. That doesn't mean they're all close knit buddies but they're also not all against you, or all uncaring. All I'm saying is that things are probably not as dire with them as you think right now. People sometimes get into a rough spot and everything looks worse.

Just a couple of things to consider.

Mr Awe

I think that's an excellent point. I keep fighting the urge to paint them all as being the worst of the worst, mostly due to the fact that I'm just so raw emotionally right now.

The other thing that's really making it hard is that the worst offender (so to speak) has been sending me these messages all day filled with some of the lowest blows, and basically calling me a selfish piece of dirt. Given how much I've tried to be there for both him and his girlfriend over the past two years, it's really ripped me apart today. Apparently, he had some issues with me and he decided to move way past the issue at hand (me asking for their moral support) to some emotion filled crap just before I pulled the plug on it and told him that I no longer wanted either of them in my life.

I'm sure once I get past the loss of that friendship, which was very dear to me, I'll be able to see things with clearer eyes. Right now it's just alternating between tears and red hot anger.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

*big tight hug* You know, I'm always here for you CB and don't ever hesitate to give me a ring ^^. If you ever need anything, just holler, I'm always just a few minutes away and I don't care what you need.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

*big tight hug* You know, I'm always here for you CB

Oh, God- now he's calling me a radio!!

ETA: Great, now I can count on one person in Austin who cares about me. That's more than I thought I had yesterday. Thank you.

 

[Thespeckledkiwi]

*big tight hug* You know, I'm always here for you CB

Oh, God- now he's calling me a radio!!

ETA: Great, now I can count on one person in Austin who cares about me. That's more than I thought I had yesterday. Thank you.

Yep, if you tune it right, you get some sweet sounding music! Actually I call you CB because your Crusher Bunny to me

I've always cared about you Crusher, you're my friend and always have been since I first met you.

But you're very welcome.

 

[auntiehill]

^Hey, I'm not in Austin anymore, but you know I care about you, girl.

Hang in there. Friends are supposed to make you feel BETTER when you're with them, and vice-versa. If it doesn't work that way, get some new friends.

We're always here whenever you want to vent.

 

[Kira's Mom]

I may be in Virginia, but I care about you too, bunny girl! *hugs*

 

[freak]

CD: Oh, so sorry to read about your friends doing this to you. I've come to the conclusion that you simply can't trust anyone nowadays..most of the people I have hung around with who have been my so-called "friends" have let me down. I have two friends who haven't let me down..one lives in Cambodia, the other in Florida. For that I am grateful.
I have had similar experiences with friends..one in particular, who used me to look after her house while she went on vacation. Like I had to take time out of my busy schedule to go over to her house and take her trash can in. She hardly ever wanted to hang out with me..she spent the night at the house one time and one time only..that was her first and last time to spend the night. She hated animals(which I never knew) and didn't like it when my dog slept on the bed with us. She also didn't like the temperature of our house either(too cold for her tastes..her house was 85F year round!) and I never knew until too late. She did call me one last day to inform me in no uncertain terms that she was leaving for New York and was getting married and that she was leaving tomorrow and wanted to take me shopping one last time. We only spent maybe 30 minutes together that one last time..and it felt rushed. And she spent most of the time on the phone arguing with her husband about a bedspread. I never heard from her again..haven't heard from her in over six years. And if I do, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind when I talk to her!
So yeah, I can understand how you feel..people suck..but I'll give you this little tip: believe only half of what you hear and 20% of what people say. :P

 

[May 20]

I'm not in Austin anymore, but hugs to you and lots of good thoughts your way, hon. I didn't realize you had quit your job. Wow. You've swapped stress for stress. But you're a strong one and you'll find your way. Of that I have no doubt. And until you do, you know where my PM box is. Right?