I have what feels like an embarrassing issue at my office and I would like to air it out and get opinions from my fellow TrekBBsers. I've been employed at my work for many years now, I'm a guy and most of my co-workers are female. Well a few months ago we got another new male co-worker named Paul. Paul is a really nice guy, I like him, and there's the problem, he's a great guy. He's so great a guy it can be damn annoying at times, but you still can't help but like him. As for his appearance he's not incredibly handsome, but he is in good shape. Paul isn't a ripped big beefy guy, but he's far better muscularly defined then I am, as well as a little taller then me. The women at my office often and repeatedly swoon over him without any shame and have constant chatter about him and how terrific he is. It's like he's got his own office groupies or fan club.
Yeah you guessed it, I feel neglected, embarrassed and flat out left out by this crap.Now my co-workers do like me, I'm a nice guy myself and I can tell they are quite fond of me as I have been working with them for several years now. But Paul really is a more fun guy, he's always doing something, has a ton of friends and loads of interesting stories to tell. Paul's an all around great guy and he hits the gym far more regularly then I do. My women co-workers have always been fond of me more as a brother, and that was something I didn't think much of for years. I mean they are all either married or with boyfriends of their own, so what did I care what they thought. It's only when Paul showed up that I started to really think about these things and it became apparent how wildly different I am percieved and treated. They give him these stary eyed, dreamy looks, and often speak about how wonderful a guy he is. Sometimes I get angry at the women at my work, don't know they know any better to put on such a display? Every now and then I can tell one or two of them realize they may be going over the top, especially since I'm around and I get none of that attention, so they tone it down a bit. But most of them don't. I imagine if we were all men and there were only a couple of women and we all put one girl up on a pedastal, and left the other out we'd be seen as sexist neanderthal bastards. A couple of them hang out with him, facebook him and phone him...while I've worked with them for years and we've never gotten that close. And we're all around the same age bracket, 20s and 30s.
I would like opinions on this matter. Do you think I'm being immature or silly to feel so embarrassed and so neglected? What should I do? My boss is a female and she swoons over him too. I've got to fight off feelings of jealousy and resentment to Paul, I mean it's not his fault that they all love him. Nor is it his fault that I'm not nearly as social as he is. And he really is a fucking great guy, I've never once seen anyone be angry with him, even the couple other men that once in a while pop up at the area think he's awesome. This dude could make friends with Al-Qaeda. What makes me often feel lousy is that he is better then me in many areas, since I am male I was the "office handyman" to speak for years, well Paul turns out to be a better handyman then I am and the boss goes to him now instead of me to do minor fix it things...it really emasculates me and a couple of the women noticed that he's the new handyman and poked fun at me for it. I'm not sure they realized how much it burned me. Paul is also a better techno geek then I am, so when there are computer software issues, well fuck he's the man to go to. I have now realized that I DO have a resentment to him, as much as I kid myself into believing I don't. And I do try to not resent him, but he probably goes to the toilet better then I do. It's like being in that Family Guy episode where that new dog that everyone loved b/c he was so perfect came and replaced Brian. This does effect my feelings in the work enviornment, and it's really shitty to be at work some days, actually many days.If we had other guys around it wouldn't be so bad, but since it's just me and him and a bunch of ladies, I feel sooooo left out. I don't think the girls grasp how awful I feel over all this. Many days I find myself eating lunch in anywhere but our breakroom, just to get a bit of fresh air and escape from the Paul groupies at work.
What would you do? Should I talk to my female co-workers on the matter and risk humiliation? Should I do my best to ignore it? Please don't say try to hang out with Paul and pick up his skills of being so great, as I see that as a potential answer I'd get and right now I'd rather not do that.
You're the nice-guy, the beta male, the one who the girl latches on to "as a friend" to bitch about her loser boyfriend with. It sucks, I know, I've been there all my life.
New guy is a Alpha Male. He sweats pheromones that says "I'm confident and awesome," this causes women to drench their panties and want to do evil things to him.
It sucks. It's life, I know. I've been seeing this guy around me all my life.
The women are all bitches but they're wired that way. They want the confident alpha male who boasts and swaggers around, not the nice guy who sits at his desk and talks nicely to everyone. You're the friend, you might as well be a woman to all of them. He's the Man Musk of Sex.
Life sucks, shrug it off, and consider yourself better off.
Trekker, not at all bitter.
