TOS Caption Contest #152: Assignment: Mirth

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I would advise you to keep your parrot in your quarters, Doctor."
McCoy's parrot: "*squawk* FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE. *squawk*"

 

[scottydog]

Gus: "All right, Nimoy, hand over the hat. Thurston Howell III on the set of Gilligan's Island wants it back."

Nimoy: "But Lovey said I could have it."

 

[Triskelion]

Gary 7: As you can see, Hot Pocket technology has come a long way since your stone knives and bearskins.
Spock: Impressive.
Roberta Lincoln: Hot Pockets!

Kirk: Were security guards ever not a pain in the ass?
Spock: Negative, Captain.
Guard: UP AGAINST THE WALL, PUNKS! I'M WRITING YOU UP!

 

[Shatmandu]

Chaz: "Fashion Police! Hands up!"
Kirk: "I told you that hat was bad."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Indeed, you are laying down phat beats and dope rhymes. Unfortunately this is the 1960s.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Mr. Seven, Spock really liked fondling your cat."

 

[Jptrekker]

Seven: This agent must be stopped at any cost, she's gone "rogue".

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Mr. Seven, why do you have a giant metal nipple on the wall?

 

[M'Sharak]

Sgt. Nudnik: All right, which one of you parked that Riviera so it's blocking the fire lane?
Kirk: Ohhh, I can explain, Officer... he did it.

Nimoy: You've heard of Le Petomane?
[girls nod, uncertainly]
Nimoy: He was a punk.

Kirk: "Look, I told you that you should have picked a matching suit and a hat to go with it. Now you've pissed off the Fashion Police."

Spock (nancy): And I suppose you're going to tell me his outfit works! Well, let me
tell you something: I. Don't. Thinkso! It's just tacky beyond belief!

 

[Gertch]

Kirk: "That's certainly an interesting dance move officer. It looks like you're walking backwards on the moon or something."

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Look, I told you that you should have picked a matching suit and a hat to go with it. Now you've pissed off the Fashion Police."

Spock (nancy): And I suppose you're going to tell me his outfit works! Well, let me
tell you something: I. Don't. Thinkso! It's just tacky beyond belief!

Policeman: "Actually, I need to bring both of you in. Hat, your pants are one inch under regulation, and pretty boy, yours are two."

 

[Isis]

Isis: "You keep company with some strange humans. Your captain is always saying he could use some of this form of me, but Mr. Sulu says he wants nothing to do with it."

Spock: "Indeed."

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

 

[Isis]

Blondie: "So you say you're from a TV show called Star Track. Sorry, science is over my head, never heard of it."

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Help me remember, Spock. Is this time period before or after the Rodney King trial?
Spock: Before.
Kirk: We surrender, officer.

Spock: Nevertheless, Mr Scott, the protocol has been changed to "lavender alert." May I suggest you lose the attitude before I have to wake up Baron von Snuggywumpkins.
Sulu: Oh snap!

Gary 7: Now everyone just watch the viewer. I'll be in the next room standing behind the radiation shield in my lead smock.
Kirk: Wait - is this thing even safe?
Gary 7: Of course it is!

 

[Corallis]

I sadly do not have Photoshop, so my editing is very crude. However, I just couldn't shake this image from my head and felt compelled to do it.

Spock: 'I told you converting the footage from that antique VHS onto a computer tape was not logical!'

 

[Captain Crow]

Gary Seven: He's all over the place. Nine hundred feet up to thirteen hundred feet. What an asshole.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Spock: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem...

 

[Captain Crow]

Sorry, I was half asleep and not paying attention when I posted that and didn't realise that joke had already done.