Ever complain after being fired?

[TremblingBluStar]

The reason I ask is because I was recetly, as in 3 weeks ago, let go from a position I held at a human services organization, one that is a contrator for DHS, for "ongoing problems" which were never made clear to me. I'll quote a post I made on another forum the week I was let go:

Every time I meet with my supervisor, who is most of the time a very sweet lady, she would report to me that I had offended someone at work during a meeting or training. Of the four incidents she reported to me where she felt I was acting in an unprofessional and offensive manner, two of them the person reporting to her (whom she has yet to identify) didn't even recall what was said - just that she was offended by it. Which is next to useless to me, since it doesn't let me know at all what I need to stop saying! During one, I jokingly told my team mates I gave a client permission to spank his child. Immediately afterward, I said "I'm kidding, of course", after which my supervisor asked "you didn't say that, did you?" to which I responded, "no, I didn't". Yet, it stuck in her mind and I ended up having a "conversation" with her about it a few days later.

The most recent complaint occurred a few days ago, when two of the pregnant ladies were complaining about stretch marks, and how ugly they were. I said to them "I don't know what you are talking about. I think stretch marks are attractive".

When I hear back from my supervisor the comment turned to me saying pregnant women are sexy! To which she says it is inappropriate to express attraction for any woman or feature of a woman at the work place, and noting my expression of vague confusion, she said it was troubling that I didn't see how my comment would offend people.

It's gotten to the point where I'm fearing for my job! And nobody likes feeling that way. So I'm getting the impression that I'm going to have to just go to work, not talk to anybody, and keep to myself - which makes me feel like I'm pretty much tucking in my tail and being a total wuss!

I understand the need for keeping the work place free of harassment and language that offends. However, it feels as if at this point that either I'm cursed to forever say things that offend others and thus may as well quit, or and that I just need to not say anything at work for the risk of saying something to offend people.

I've even stopped bringing questions or updates to my supervisor, because it seems like whenever I do I get an attitude that says "what are you bringing this to me for?"

Looking back now, the way things were handled and the way I was treated there just sickens me. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, and thus I hate playing the victim or believing that any setback I experience is anybody's fault but my own.

I can think of a great deal of things I could have done different at this place, but like an approaching train, I cannot think of a single thing I could have done to stop these problems.

Basically, the environment of this organization was very hostile. I don't want to say it was because I am male, though there are less than 6 men working at the place with over 200 women. However, I simply cannot think of any other reason other than my supervisor simply did not like me personally.

And again, I know how lame that sounds. Just saying it feels like I am making an excuse.

However, there were several conversations and comments made to me while there that were potentially offensive and if were said by me would have resulted in a complaint. For example:

- Several of the girls would have conversations about sex and what sex is like pregnant.
- My own supervisor on several occasions bashed clients and would talk about clients while in the lobby of the building.
- During a potluck, two of the girls were talking about chicken breasts. My supervisor walked up and said "whose breasts are you referring to?" Hardy har har. Not a biggie, but if I had said that to a woman there, I would have been lynched.

My supervisor said on the say she fired me that "it's not a good fit" and I have to agree. Even though I'm going to have a degree in counseling, it is not social work, and she knew this! Yet, many of her complaints had to do with me treating clients like a counselor would treat his/her clients, with respect and empathy, and not as she would treat them.

After that lengthy ramble, my point: Ever since the day I got let go, I had been thinking about going back to talk to someone there - either my supervisor's higher up, or someone else. I'm not sure what good it will do, other than making me feel heard and maybe understood.

I'm taking a class right now in social work, and many of my classmates after hearing my story, most of whom work for DHS, say I should speak with someone, perhaps going directly to DHS itself.


What are your thoughts? Right now this is really bothering me, and interfering with my sleep, not to mention my current job searching. I feel like, if I couldn't make it work there, what chances do I have elsewhere.

 

[Finn]

Sometimes, it is best not to say anything, even if you were going to say "just kidding" immediately afterwards. Some people wouldn't appericate it even if they knew you were just kidding. I wouldn't have made that remark about stretch marks being attractive. I won't even say that to my fiancee when she's pregnant in a few years time.

Also, it's a very different thing when a woman talks about breasts or being pregnant, they either experience it or can do it. We men don't have boobies (not counting these among us who are obese or have certain ailments) and don't get pregnant so some may take offense when guys seem to act like they know about it. My fiancee hates it when men sprout out facts about women stuff like PMS, periods, female gentials and all that.

 

[SeerSGB]

Sometimes, it is best not to say anything, even if you were going to say "just kidding" immediately afterwards. Some people wouldn't appericate it even if they knew you were just kidding. I wouldn't have made that remark about stretch marks being attractive. I won't even say that to my fiancee when she's pregnant in a few years time.

Also, it's a very different thing when a woman talks about breasts or being pregnant, they either experience it or can do it. We men don't have boobies (not counting these among us who are obese or have certain ailments) and don't get pregnant so some may take offense when guys seem to act like they know about it. My fiancee hates it when men sprout out facts about women stuff like PMS, periods, female gentials and all that.

That's pretty much my take too.

I worked in a couple of places where I was either the only male or one of just a handful out of a 90% female staff. You learn pretty early on that women can make jokes and say things to each other that if a man got caught saying it, even if it was two guys sharing a joke in the break room, there would be hell to pay.

Now on the flip side, I've been in jobs whre we've h ad only a couple of women working in a largely male staff, and when the men get foul mouthed and the women complain the supervisors would just tell them to deal with it.

 

[Holdfast]

...

Without getting into too much of a detailed discusion about this (largely because I'm too lazy & disinclined to do so), I seem to recall similar posts about various other interpersonal settings you've found yourself in. Certainly there's a great deal of thematic consistency between them. It's up to you what you want to make of this, but after a point, it's probably worth considering what's actually going on.

 

[Alpha Romeo]

SOunds to me like the canned you for good reason.

 

[Plecostomus]

I don't like working in environments like these, I tend to gravitate twords positions where I am working by myself or as part of a group of like-minded folks. Situations where I have to interface with a large group of people in a formal setting or with customers I find myself being the "fish out of water."

And no I refuse to take social anxiety medication or change who/what I am just so I can "fit in." This is one of my big quarrels with my job right now... I was hired to operate machines and write programs for said machines... not do takeoffs for customers and handle purchasing. Those activities fall outside my comfort zone and I've spoken to them about it, typically when they bring me in for "offending" or "nearly offending" someone.

I am what I am, and I will not apologize for it!

 

[Davros]

I bitched up a storm when I was fired from a job for stealing money from the safe that I never stole. The worst part was the person who did steal it was a so called friend that I helped get the job so he wouldn't be homeless.

 

[Lookingglassman]

I am so glad I work for the Army because I dont have to put up with all the nonsense I did in the civilian work place.

After I got out of the Army I worked 4 civilian jobs and each one was horrible. Any little thing I said was taken out of context and everybody was so petty. I got written up once for showing up to work TOO EARLY! I told my boss I was trying to beat the traffic, but she didnt care and wrote me up anyway, yet didnt care when the other workers came in late.

I eventually got fed up with all the stupidity in the civilian world and got me a civilian job with the Army. I can say and do pretty much anything I want and not get in trouble. Nobody cares what you say, they pretty much curse every other word and describe what they will do to females who work in the same building if given a chance. It is a man's world in the Army and I am loving it. The civilian world can kiss my butt.

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

...

Without getting into too much of a detailed discusion about this (largely because I'm too lazy & disinclined to do so), I seem to recall similar posts about various other interpersonal settings you've found yourself in. Certainly there's a great deal of thematic consistency between them. It's up to you what you want to make of this, but after a point, it's probably worth considering what's actually going on.

So you're saying look for the constant element in each situation

 

[iguana_tonante]

After I got out of the Army I worked 4 civilian jobs and each one was horrible. Any little thing I said was taken out of context and everybody was so petty. I got written up once for showing up to work TOO EARLY! I told my boss I was trying to beat the traffic, but she didnt care and wrote me up anyway, yet didnt care when the other workers came in late.

Sounds like she just hated you. Which is completely understandable, because...

I eventually got fed up with all the stupidity in the civilian world and got me a civilian job with the Army. I can say and do pretty much anything I want and not get in trouble. Nobody cares what you say, they pretty much curse every other word and describe what they will do to females who work in the same building if given a chance. It is a man's world in the Army and I am loving it. The civilian world can kiss my butt.

Yeah, this.

 

[TremblingBluStar]

SOunds to me like the canned you for good reason.

Geez. Bitter much?

Without getting into too much of a detailed discusion about this (largely because I'm too lazy & disinclined to do so), I seem to recall similar posts about various other interpersonal settings you've found yourself in. Certainly there's a great deal of thematic consistency between them. It's up to you what you want to make of this, but after a point, it's probably worth considering what's actually going on.

Well, this is true.

However, in this case it is clearly me not fitting in, and dealing with office politics where certain people don't want me there, and thus complain about nothing to my boss who comes down hard on me, again for no real reason.

Further, I got grief from her for simply doing my job. For example, she asked me at one point to email DHS about a client who had stopped participating in services. I did so, and added at the end of the email "I am concerned for his safety", because of his history of drug use and severe mental health issues.

I got reamed by my supervisor, saying "we aren't concerned for his safety. He can take care of himself". And "I'm really concerned with how we are communicating with DHS".

Well, excuse me? She knew I'm a trained counselor, not social worker. I can't imagine ever telling a client "I don't give a shit about you because you can take care of yourself". I also can't imagine DHS taking exception to me showing concern for a client.

I guess I was looking for suggestions and/or constructive criticisms - not personal attacks from certain posters who clearly have nothing better to do (Alpha).

 

[TremblingBluStar]

just an addendum - I don't think this communicates well through text, but I don't think people here realize just how nice of a person I am. I'm not saying that in an arrogant way by any means, but I do pretty much anything for anybody, especially coworkers and friends.

There were several times at work where I went out of my way to help coworkers without asking for anything in return, other than people be somewhat friendly and understanding with me.

If I weren't such a nice person, I wouldn't be bothered by what happened at work, and wouldn't feel the need to talk to anybody about it. I would say "fuck them" and move on. It wouldn't be tearing at me that I was so consistently misunderstood and dismissed. I would be able to say "it's their loss" and move on.

I'm beginning to think that being a nice person is the problem. If I had fought a bit and asked questions and clarification when my boss would tell me "so and so complained about you,but I'm not sure what it was about. But you are in trouble for it".

I should have said "I want to know what was said. If I am going to be judged by this, I want it in writing. And I want to know what exactly you expect me to do from now on in these situations."

But then, doing so would have demonstrated a small measure of assertiveness. Unfortunately, as the responses I recieve here illustrate, I'm so unassertive that people simply walk all over me at every available opportunity.

I guess if anything I can look at it as a learning experience. Just not sure what I was supposed to learn and what I am supposed to do differently next time.

 

[John Picard]

After I got out of the Army I worked 4 civilian jobs and each one was horrible. Any little thing I said was taken out of context and everybody was so petty. I got written up once for showing up to work TOO EARLY! I told my boss I was trying to beat the traffic, but she didnt care and wrote me up anyway, yet didnt care when the other workers came in late.

Sounds like she just hated you. Which is completely understandable, because...

I eventually got fed up with all the stupidity in the civilian world and got me a civilian job with the Army. I can say and do pretty much anything I want and not get in trouble. Nobody cares what you say, they pretty much curse every other word and describe what they will do to females who work in the same building if given a chance. It is a man's world in the Army and I am loving it. The civilian world can kiss my butt.

Yeah, this.

I'm going to agree and add that I think there's more to the story. I've been out of the Navy for over 15 years and worked three/four different jobs where coming in early has NEVER been a problem. Also, since when is there "No BS" in the military

 

[Alpha Romeo]

SOunds to me like the canned you for good reason.

Geez. Bitter much?

Without getting into too much of a detailed discusion about this (largely because I'm too lazy & disinclined to do so), I seem to recall similar posts about various other interpersonal settings you've found yourself in. Certainly there's a great deal of thematic consistency between them. It's up to you what you want to make of this, but after a point, it's probably worth considering what's actually going on.

Well, this is true.

However, in this case it is clearly me not fitting in, and dealing with office politics where certain people don't want me there, and thus complain about nothing to my boss who comes down hard on me, again for no real reason.

Further, I got grief from her for simply doing my job. For example, she asked me at one point to email DHS about a client who had stopped participating in services. I did so, and added at the end of the email "I am concerned for his safety", because of his history of drug use and severe mental health issues.

I got reamed by my supervisor, saying "we aren't concerned for his safety. He can take care of himself". And "I'm really concerned with how we are communicating with DHS".

Well, excuse me? She knew I'm a trained counselor, not social worker. I can't imagine ever telling a client "I don't give a shit about you because you can take care of yourself". I also can't imagine DHS taking exception to me showing concern for a client.

I guess I was looking for suggestions and/or constructive criticisms - not personal attacks from certain posters who clearly have nothing better to do (Alpha).

I'm not bitter. I'm just saying that they had every right to can you.

1) What you did and said was not professional.

2) Absent a contract, they can fire anyone at any time.

3) You've learned a valuable lesson to keep your mouth shut.

 

[Plecostomus]

I guess I was looking for suggestions and/or constructive criticisms - not personal attacks from certain posters who clearly have nothing better to do (Alpha).

Alpha deals with people like us on a daily basis. Heed his advice if/when he gives it.

As for the job you were just let go from, I've had some rather shitty jobs with shitty supervisors and nasty conditions. Take it on the chin pick up your pieces and move on.

 

[Finn]

After I got out of the Army I worked 4 civilian jobs and each one was horrible. Any little thing I said was taken out of context and everybody was so petty. I got written up once for showing up to work TOO EARLY! I told my boss I was trying to beat the traffic, but she didnt care and wrote me up anyway, yet didnt care when the other workers came in late.

Sounds like she just hated you. Which is completely understandable, because...

I eventually got fed up with all the stupidity in the civilian world and got me a civilian job with the Army. I can say and do pretty much anything I want and not get in trouble. Nobody cares what you say, they pretty much curse every other word and describe what they will do to females who work in the same building if given a chance. It is a man's world in the Army and I am loving it. The civilian world can kiss my butt.

Yeah, this.

I'm going to agree and add that I think there's more to the story. I've been out of the Navy for over 15 years and worked three/four different jobs where coming in early has NEVER been a problem. Also, since when is there "No BS" in the military

Indeed. I'm an Air Force Brat. Growing up, there were times when Dad would come home and bitch about all the BS that would be happening at the Base such as war games, inspections, dealing with the generals and Pentagon, even when he was second in command.

 

[TheBrew]

While there is a lot of BS in the military, most of it is just annoying. It's hard to actually get fired.

 

[Cakes488]

Well I've been fired twice...but both jobs called me and asked me back. The first one was Carvel and there were thefts occuring. I was new so naturally they assumed it was me. I left and stated fine by me...but you still have the theif in your midst. Sure enough the real perp was caught soon after and they begged me to come back..even increasing my salary -- but I declined. I never go back.

The second was a temp actually fired me while all the main bosses were outta town. This guy was the acting CFO. I got fired for listening to the radio in the reception area while covering for the receptionist...something I had done every day for 2yrs. Well sure enough when the bigwigs returned I rec'd a call asking me to come back....but I declined..I had already registered in school and once again...I never go back.

Not that anyone is even reading this...lol but to sum it up I feel like I've never really truly been fired. Technically yes...but in reality I feel no.

But most people do get fired at some point or another...I think the stats are something like 75%.

 

[Crash]

Ah, being fired....

When I was nineteen I got canned for coming into work on a badly sprained ankle and sitting down for my shift. This was at a convenience store, I should add, and I even had manager approval. But, apparently his boss, a known asshole, decided I should be shit canned for it.

He actually pulled me into the office before my next shift, and tried to lecture me. Thirty seconds I figured out what he was gonna do, asked him point blank if I was fired, and when he said I was I told him to basically go fuck himself. I later learned he actually thought I would work that shift that day, and they ended up short handed.

Seriously, I think everyone has stories of those crummy, minimum wage jobs and how they either quit or were fired. It's like a right of passage.

 

[Braxton]

Sometimes, it is best not to say anything, even if you were going to say "just kidding" immediately afterwards. Some people wouldn't appericate it even if they knew you were just kidding. I wouldn't have made that remark about stretch marks being attractive. I won't even say that to my fiancee when she's pregnant in a few years time.

Also, it's a very different thing when a woman talks about breasts or being pregnant, they either experience it or can do it. We men don't have boobies (not counting these among us who are obese or have certain ailments) and don't get pregnant so some may take offense when guys seem to act like they know about it. My fiancee hates it when men sprout out facts about women stuff like PMS, periods, female gentials and all that.

That's pretty much my take too.

I worked in a couple of places where I was either the only male or one of just a handful out of a 90% female staff. You learn pretty early on that women can make jokes and say things to each other that if a man got caught saying it, even if it was two guys sharing a joke in the break room, there would be hell to pay.

Now on the flip side, I've been in jobs whre we've h ad only a couple of women working in a largely male staff, and when the men get foul mouthed and the women complain the supervisors would just tell them to deal with it.

It's a great double standard we have. I, myself, am stuck in between five women and let me tell you, some days it is VERY difficult because they all have their issues or bring personal life into the work place (this happens a lot).