I am investigating the world of Online Dating.

[RoJoHen]

I've always had a really difficult time meeting girls to date. I get along fine with girls, but I very quickly end up in the dreaded "Friend Zone," and I'm getting a little tired of it. Also, I just moved away from all my friends, so my social network has become almost non-existent. The few girls at my new job seem really bitchy or are about twice my age, so I have pretty much eliminated them as an option.

So, with nothing better to do, I signed up at plentyoffish.com the other night. I've already started talking to a girl, and she seems pretty awesome, and it turns out she only lives about 20 minutes away. Not really sure where to go from here.

I know there are some people here who have had success with online dating, and I know one of my mom's friends just got married to someone she met through online dating, so I guess the system can work. Here's hoping...

 

[Daneel]

Good luck, RoJo. I myself have also had a difficult time meeting women, so I decided to try online dating a few months ago, and I was getting nowhere with it. It was rather disheartening, and I kind of put it on the back-burner for a while.

A couple weeks ago, my paid membership on a site was about to expire, so I just kind of figured, "What the hell," logged back in, and sent a few messages to some girls who piqued my interest -- one last attempt, I guess you could say.

Well, one of them messaged me back. We chatted over MSN a few times, and we've now gone on a couple of dates. I like her: she's pleasant, easygoing, and a little nerdy (of which I approve, naturally ). We're kind of taking things slow, keeping it light, but we've made unspecified plans to get together again in the near future. So it took a while, but I guess it finally paid off for me, as I hope it will for you, my friend.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Seems like a good route to go. You at least know everyone who you'll meet is looking for a relationship and reduces your chance of being put into the friend zone. good luck. Let us in on the more salacious details.

 

[Jetfire]

I was looking into getting a foreign bride...but I need to get a whole lot richer.

 

[TheBrew]

I've always had a really difficult time meeting girls to date. I get along fine with girls, but I very quickly end up in the dreaded "Friend Zone," and I'm getting a little tired of it. Also, I just moved away from all my friends, so my social network has become almost non-existent.

Jeez, you sound like my twin:

I get alone fine with girls.
I always end up in Friend zone (or when it's a good time to not be in friend zone, I am about to move)
I just moved away from all of my friends.

Let me know how it works out so that I can continue to copy your life.

 

[Lindley]

You at least know everyone who you'll meet is looking for a relationship

Well, no. Just last night I met with a girl from Match for coffee. One of the things we'd both said was that there would be a lot less pressure in the whole process if we viewed it merely as a way to meet new friends (lowercase f) and that *if* something seemed to be working out beyond that, we could try taking it further. Oh, and she's not really a SF geek but she did watch Battlestar Galactica.

Some girls may be looking for instant romance, but you shouldn't assume that all of them are. In many ways Match is just Facebook with anonymity and a focus on establishing, rather than maintaining, connections. And a subscription fee.

My suggestion is to message girls early and often, whenever they seem even a little bit interesting. Don't get too hung up on any one girl prior to meeting her in person; maybe one in ten will even return your emails, if your experience is anything like mine.

 

[TheSeeker]

Good luck RoJo. I met my wife online so it does happen!

 

[Kirby]

My wife's brother met his wife through a catholic on-line dating service. My nephew met his girlfriend while playing World of Warcraft.

 

[Danoz]

I'm not against online dating. I've personally never tried it, but I've been a habitual long-term relationship guy since I was 15 years old (four year relationship, two year, two and a half year, 3 month). In fact, the last 7 months is the longest I have ever been single in my entire life (since 15)! I think I'm enjoying the break but it's taking some getting used to.

Anyway, I think the online approach is fine as long as it's only one weapon in your arsenal. Sign up for community theater, choirs, gyms, classes-- or whatever outside of the workplace that gets you interacting with other people on a regular basis.

To avoid the "friend" pit that so many nice guys end up in. NEVER BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO A GIRL YOU LIKE WHILE SECRETLY CRUSHING FROM A DISTANCE. It's such a simple lesson and I can never figure out how guys fall into this hole so often. If you really do like somebody, put it on the table, and if you are rejected you can shed the emotion before it slowly churns into something more painful. It's also a good idea to get the first kiss out of the way before you know the person that well .

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm not against online dating. I've personally never tried it, but I've been a habitual long-term relationship guy since I was 15 years old (four year relationship, two year, two and a half year, 3 month). In fact, the last 7 months is the longest I have ever been single in my entire life (since 15)! I think I'm enjoying the break but it's taking some getting used to.

You're like my best friend. He's been in long-term relationships since he was 14. The longest he was ever single was 6 months when he was in China! And even then, he still managed to get in a relationship for the remaining 6 months of his year there.

To avoid the "friend" pit that so many nice guys end up in. NEVER BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO A GIRL YOU LIKE WHILE SECRETLY CRUSHING FROM A DISTANCE. It's such a simple lesson and I can never figure out how guys fall into this hole so often. If you really do like somebody, put it on the table, and if you are rejected you can shed the emotion before it slowly churns into something more painful. It's also a good idea to get the first kiss out of the way before you know the person that well .

The big problem for me is that I never crush on girls until I've been their friend for a while. I'm talking several years of friendship. I never get crushes on girls that I meet right away.

I'm trying to change that mentality, but it's hard. I'm just not wired to think that way.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I was looking into getting a foreign bride...but I need to get a whole lot richer.

I heard Iraqi brides are at a discount these days.

My wife's brother met his wife through a catholic on-line dating service. My nephew met his girlfriend while playing World of Warcraft.

They will have such lovely baby night elves!

The big problem for me is that I never crush on girls until I've been their friend for a while. I'm talking several years of friendship. I never get crushes on girls that I meet right away.

I'm trying to change that mentality, but it's hard. I'm just not wired to think that way.

I think you should get into more casual sex and see where it goes from there, but maybe that's just me.

 

[Stone_Cold_Sisko]

Online dating is very good for people in your predicament.

I'd say away from pay sites, plentyoffish is pretty good. As is okcupid.com which has a LOT of people on it.

The added benefit here is that its implicit that you're both looking for dating when you meet up so you avoid the 'friend zone', you're either in it, or its not a good match and you part ways. very little in between.

 

[RoJoHen]

The big problem for me is that I never crush on girls until I've been their friend for a while. I'm talking several years of friendship. I never get crushes on girls that I meet right away.

I'm trying to change that mentality, but it's hard. I'm just not wired to think that way.

I think you should get into more casual sex and see where it goes from there, but maybe that's just me.

I don't know how to do that.

 

[Kommander]

I've gotten talking to maybe ten women through dating sites. I met two of them, and both times never talked to them again after the first date. I've been on a good number of first dates, but maybe three second dates. I don't think I've ever been on a third. My ex and I didn't exactly start things off by "dating," so that doesn't count.

So, yeah. I'm a bad example. I freely admit that I suck at dating. Online dating works for lots of people. My dad met two of the three girlfriends he's had since he divorced my mom that way, the first lasted maybe five years and his current girlfriend he's been with for a year and a half.

 

[sidious618]

To avoid the "friend" pit that so many nice guys end up in. NEVER BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO A GIRL YOU LIKE WHILE SECRETLY CRUSHING FROM A DISTANCE. It's such a simple lesson and I can never figure out how guys fall into this hole so often. If you really do like somebody, put it on the table, and if you are rejected you can shed the emotion before it slowly churns into something more painful. It's also a good idea to get the first kiss out of the way before you know the person that well .

I'd disagree. For example, without getting into too many details about myself, say I met a girl and we started spending time together. There is always something there and we get to know each other better and better. We even playfully kiss. Now, we know each other and ARE friends but it could easily become a relationship. You just have to be able to straddle the line between charming and friendship.

 

[Warped9]

I, too, have just moved into a new community where I have to establish a new social network. I'm also considering the online dating route because there's absolutely no one I have the least bit interest in at work and I just don't know anyone (social wise) in this town or even much of what it has to offer.

I also know people who've met people successfully online so I don't have any real qualms about trying it out.

 

[Danoz]

To avoid the "friend" pit that so many nice guys end up in. NEVER BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND TO A GIRL YOU LIKE WHILE SECRETLY CRUSHING FROM A DISTANCE. It's such a simple lesson and I can never figure out how guys fall into this hole so often. If you really do like somebody, put it on the table, and if you are rejected you can shed the emotion before it slowly churns into something more painful. It's also a good idea to get the first kiss out of the way before you know the person that well .

I'd disagree. For example, without getting into too many details about myself, say I met a girl and we started spending time together. There is always something there and we get to know each other better and better. We even playfully kiss. Now, we know each other and ARE friends but it could easily become a relationship. You just have to be able to straddle the line between charming and friendship.

I actually agree with this and it doesn't really go against my recommendation. You're talking about playful flirting with a network of girls who and friends, where I was talking about guys who specifically crush over an intellectual friendship to the point of obsession and emotional turmoil. I have girl friends like the one you are talking about as well but there no "secret crush" going on-- it's just a friendship where mutual attraction is out in the open.

 

[sidious618]

I've never tried online dating but there's less and less of a stigma as time goes on which is good. It's not really any different than meeting someone at work or at a bar, I think. I may do it one day just because it could be fun. Then again, maybe not.

 

[sidious618]

I actually agree with this and it doesn't really go against my recommendation. You're talking about playful flirting with a network of girls who and friends, where I was talking about guys who specifically crush over a friendship to the point of obsession and emotional turmoil. I have girl friends like the one you are talking about as well but there no "secret crush" going on-- it's just a friendship where mutual attraction is out in the open.

In this case the mutual attraction could go to a relationship, though. But if you mean you become the girl's friend solely BECAUSE you have a crush on her and thus hope to win her over that way, well... it could happen but it's a lot more difficult.

 

[Lindley]

Everyone's on Facebook these days, right? Only difference between that and online dating is the matching algorithm and the expectations.