This girl confuses me......

[Locutus of Bored]

I have nothing to add to the discussion, except to say that I find it somewhat amusing that "This girl confuses me..." was posted by a guy with the user name BoyNamedSue.

Also, it's a great song, but that's neither here nor there. Carry on.

 

[thestrangequark]

You have to make her jealous, not talk to her as a friend. That is the way to win her if you want her. For instance, invite another girl while you´re on Yahoo. And give the new girl all the attention. You´re probably too available. What´s free has no value.

If you don´t wanna do something like that forget her.

I'm sorry, but this is terrible advice! Women aren't prizes to be won, and manipulation and trickery are not foundations for a relationship.

Unless you are in high school, in which case, carry on.

 

[JustKate]

I have to agree with those who have said that this just doesn't sound that confusing. She has made it clear that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, for whatever reason (and there are many possible reasons) - maybe she's not interested, maybe she is and has just decided not to act on it, I don't know. But in any case, she has been quite consistent on that. At the same time, she seems to be making it clear that she likes you.

So - and I realize I'm looking at this as a total outsider - what's so odd about wanting to be friends with someone you don't want to have a romantic relationship with? I mean, isn't liking somebody a really basic requirement of friendship? And it's a lot more comfortable and workable if this person is also someone you aren't interested in romantically.

I just don't see the craziness here. I don't see the confusion here. I don't see anything the least bit odd about this, I'm sorry to say.

And I also have to agree with those who have said that if you want to find out what's going through her mind, you're going to have to ask her. But don't be too surprised if she says, "I like you but I don't want a relationship with you." I mean, that's what she's said, right?

And BTW, my reaction to a guy I'm not interested in trying to make me jealous would be, "Oh, how nice - he's found someone else he likes." If it's a guy I was interested in romantically, I'd write him off. Really. I don't compete for men. So it's a pretty risky techique, if you ask me.

 

[The Sneeze Police]

I am with JustKate on this one, too. She has given a clear indication that she does not see you romantically, but she values you as a friend. Your representation makes her seem pretty straight forward to me.

You need to decide whether you are willing to accept this and be friends...or step away, if you think you might continue to pine for her to your detriment...you don't even have to be overly dramatic...find something else to do and let your acquaintance fade away.

 

[Data Holmes]

You have to make her jealous, not talk to her as a friend. That is the way to win her if you want her. For instance, invite another girl while you´re on Yahoo. And give the new girl all the attention. You´re probably too available. What´s free has no value.

If you don´t wanna do something like that forget her.

I'm sorry, but this is terrible advice! Women aren't prizes to be won, and manipulation and trickery are not foundations for a relationship.

Unless you are in high school, in which case, carry on.

Seems that a disproportional high amount of women go out with guys who play those games though.

 

[Mr. B]

...wouldn't having a real date with another woman to mention in conversation suit that purpose a lot better?

 

[JustKate]

^^ "Women" or "girls," Holmes? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, I'm just not sure what you mean.

If they do play those games, they are still girls - or they are at least really immature when it comes to relationships - no matter their chronological age. And if they're that immature, why bother with them?

 

[Data Holmes]

^^ "Women" or "girls," Holmes? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you, I'm just not sure what you mean.

If they do play those games, they are still girls - or they are at least really immature when it comes to relationships - no matter their chronological age. And if they're that immature, why bother with them?

I'm saying that both women and girls seem to have a disproportionally high rate of going out with guys who play those types of games on women. I'm not talking about females who play, or don't, the types of games referenced, but the success rate of the guys who do and the number of women/girls who fall for it.

 

[JustKate]

^ I guess I'm just going to have to disagree. Girls, yes; immature females, yes. Grown women? No. IMO, of course.

It's really immature and really, really, really shallow, is what I'm trying to say. I don't care who does it or how old they are, if they pull this stuff, they have some growing up to do.

 

[Data Holmes]

^ I guess I'm just going to have to disagree. Girls, yes; immature females, yes. Grown women? No. IMO, of course.

It's really immature and really, really, really shallow, is what I'm trying to say. I don't care who does it or how old they are, if they pull this stuff, they have some growing up to do.

What... I'm confused now.

 

[JustKate]

^ I'm not sure what's confusing you, so let me try again.

What I'm trying to say is the games you describe are games played by immature people - immature emotionally. It doesn't matter how old they are chronologically, or whether they are technically girls or women, boys or men. If they do this stuff, they still need to grow up emotionally.

 

[Brutal Strudel]

You seem to have been shuffled onto the dreaded "friend" list. Almost every girl has one, in my experience. It usually consists of genuinely nice guys who care deeply about the girl, often romantically, but whom she would usually never consider dating or even sleeping with for some unknown reason... maybe they're kept on as an ego booster? I don't know.

It is almost impossible to jump from the friend list over to the dating list, which usually consists of relative jerks who care little for her and treat her poorly, and whom she ultimately cares little about, and yet dates and fucks.

Go figure. Your own mileage may vary - this is just based on my own personal experiences. But yes, it is common for a girl to have a close male friend who is attracted to her and whom she knows is attracted to her, but does not return the affection. I've been there many times, and it usually ends in me telling the girl to get lost because I can't stand seeing her throw herself at assholes who don't care about her half as much as I do. If you can't get what you want and it kills you to see her give it to damn near everyone but you, just get out. Best thing you can do.

Bingo! And you're not a friend, you're her number one fan. I suggest you quit the fan club.

 

[Data Holmes]

^ I'm not sure what's confusing you, so let me try again.

What I'm trying to say is the games you describe are games played by immature people - immature emotionally. It doesn't matter how old they are chronologically, or whether they are technically girls or women, boys or men. If they do this stuff, they still need to grow up emotionally.

And I wasn't talking about the people that play the games, but the females who fall for the games played by those who do.

 

[Ruaidhri]

Anyone without baggage hasn't lived.

I love this quote.

 

[melancholymecha]

do guys put girls in "friend zones"?

just asking, as an Aspergian who knows nothing about this type of relationship stuff...

 

[Kestra]

You seem to have been shuffled onto the dreaded "friend" list. Almost every girl has one, in my experience. It usually consists of genuinely nice guys who care deeply about the girl, often romantically, but whom she would usually never consider dating or even sleeping with for some unknown reason... maybe they're kept on as an ego booster? I don't know.

It is almost impossible to jump from the friend list over to the dating list, which usually consists of relative jerks who care little for her and treat her poorly, and whom she ultimately cares little about, and yet dates and fucks.

Go figure. Your own mileage may vary - this is just based on my own personal experiences. But yes, it is common for a girl to have a close male friend who is attracted to her and whom she knows is attracted to her, but does not return the affection. I've been there many times, and it usually ends in me telling the girl to get lost because I can't stand seeing her throw herself at assholes who don't care about her half as much as I do. If you can't get what you want and it kills you to see her give it to damn near everyone but you, just get out. Best thing you can do.

I don't get what the big deal is about the friend thing. Sometimes there's going to be someone who is a perfectly nice decent human being and yet they might not be attractive to a woman. If both people are upfront about their interests and expectations, why does it matter? Why would a guy expect more from a girl who has said that she's not interested in him romantically?

 

[Data Holmes]

do guys put girls in "friend zones"?

just asking, as an Aspergian who knows nothing about this type of relationship stuff...

I'm in the same boat but from my social observation it seems like most men do not, and if they do it's because they don't see them as a prospect but almost as a "sister" position within the social dynamic, big or little depending on each case.

Otherwise it seems like most women fall as future prospects, past conquests, sure things, or current things.

 

[JonathonWally]

do guys put girls in "friend zones"?

.

Of course we do.

 

[Kestra]

do guys put girls in "friend zones"?

.

Of course we do.

I better not be in the friend zone!

 

[thestrangequark]

Anyone without baggage hasn't lived.

I love this quote.

^ I'm not sure what's confusing you, so let me try again.

What I'm trying to say is the games you describe are games played by immature people - immature emotionally. It doesn't matter how old they are chronologically, or whether they are technically girls or women, boys or men. If they do this stuff, they still need to grow up emotionally.

And I wasn't talking about the people that play the games, but the females who fall for the games played by those who do.

I'm I the only one who doesn't live in the world of TV romantic drama? I've never known anyone who played such silly little games outside of high school. Mature adults just don't do this ridiculous stuff. It's not that difficult to be clear about one's intentions with a potential partner or friend, games are childish and unnecessary. If I caught even a whiff of such behavior from a man I'd have him out of my life in an instant.