I find it easier to talk to Alicia now than to talk here. It's like you're all Kanye and I'm Taylor Swift.
I think I'm in love with my best friend!
- Thread starter MadBaggins
- Start date
What happened to this bored? It used to be a nice friendly place where I or anyone else could come and share their problems and get good advice. I've been helped through some of the toughest moments of my life by people here. Now? Everyone's gone all mean and demanding. I don't understand it. I thought people would be happy that I'm finally sorting my life out and taking positive steps. That's what you've all been advising me to do. But instead all I get is people complaining for reasons that make no sense within the context of the thread...
I find it easier to talk to Alicia now than to talk here. It's like you're all Kanye and I'm Taylor Swift.
Sorry, MB. We just want the best from you and lately you've been letting us down.
Ignoring the beginning of season 1 and season 2, these threads are always like this. Always. In season one, it was only about giving you good advice in the beginning. But when you promptly ignored everyone and bonked the the cousin, we stopped giving good advice and having fun that season. Season two, we started off by trying to give you good advice. When our aid was thrown to the wayside and we started having fun with you again. Season three rolled around and I think we all collectively said, "Fuck it!" (no pun intended), and we decided to start the season off by having fun instead of trying to work with you.What happened to this bored? It used to be a nice friendly place where I or anyone else could come and share their problems and get good advice. I've been helped through some of the toughest moments of my life by people here. Now? Everyone's gone all mean and demanding. I don't understand it. I thought people would be happy that I'm finally sorting my life out and taking positive steps. That's what you've all been advising me to do. But instead all I get is people complaining for reasons that make no sense within the context of the thread...
I find it easier to talk to Alicia now than to talk here. It's like you're all Kanye and I'm Taylor Swift.
I mean, maybe you haven't been reading these threads, but the only advice we've given you has been ignored and the rest has been just a general taunting of the blogging of your social inepitude. And don't say you're leaving. Brett Farve is more likely to retire than you are to stop posting these blogs.
Besides, if you don't start entertaining again, the natives might get restless and the suits will probably cancel you.
^That's some tough love right there.
Ach, I figure that on the off (very, very off) chance that there's a real person on the other side of these posts really doing this stuff, it's only fair that they realize why no one takes him seriously any more. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm taking him about as seriously as his stories and actions demand being taken.
Besides, the last time we got mean, we got that really stange and kinda entertaining post out of him.
What happened to this bored? It used to be a nice friendly place where I or anyone else could come and share their problems and get good advice. I've been helped through some of the toughest moments of my life by people here. Now? Everyone's gone all mean and demanding. I don't understand it. I thought people would be happy that I'm finally sorting my life out and taking positive steps. That's what you've all been advising me to do. But instead all I get is people complaining for reasons that make no sense within the context of the thread...
I find it easier to talk to Alicia now than to talk here. It's like you're all Kanye and I'm Taylor Swift.
Bring us donuts, or GTFO.
Ach, I figure that on the off (very, very off) chance that there's a real person on the other side of these posts really doing this stuff, it's only fair that they realize why no one takes him seriously any more. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm taking him about as seriously as his stories and actions demand being taken.
Besides, the last time we got mean, we got that really stange and kinda entertaining post out of him.
Oh, I wasn't complaining! Your smackdown post was more entertaining than his.
So I met up with Thames today. It was a pretty big deal for me, the first time I'd been out the house since the last time they'd dragged me back in because of my "erratice behaviours". I HAVE been feeling better lately but I have to admit I was still feeling sick with anticipation and worry and had to visit the bathroom several times during the night and right up until the time I went out. Still, I had it in my head to not let ANYTHING get me down now. Positive thinking is the way forwad.
We were meeting in the park. He was late, of course, he's always late. We have an expression "as late as Thames" which means being as late as Thames which is VERY late because he's always very late. I watched people as I sat on the park bench waiting for him and was astonished at how different I am from them. Just watching normal people doing normal things, walking their dogs (ours died a year ago), holding hands with girlfriends, jogging, just stuff like that. Was I ever normal? Did I diverge at some point or was I always doomed to be this. I felt quite depressed again, I've always thought that I am right and it's everyone else who's wrong. Could it possibly be the other way round? No, I had to be positive. I'm right. Things will work out. They always do.
Thames finally arrived half an hour late (AS LATE AS THAMES!) and said it was becaue he'd been arguing with his girlfriend. Every instinct running through my body made me want to scream "DUMP THAT FOOD MACHINE" right in his face, for it would be the RIGHT thing to say. But I pushed it down. Yes, it might be right, but he'd react badly and it would ruin our friendship again and the conversatio to come. I had to be positive.
I started by asking if he'd ever had sexual thoughts about me. He stood up, said "oh MAN!" and walked around the bench staring at his shoes about ten times. I didn't know what this meant. I started to think that he MUST have had sexual thoughts about me too and that was why he was reacting like this. But eventually he said down and said "NO! DUDE!" Damn it. This was going to be harder than I had thought.
I explained everything, going back to the van. I toned down the sexual thoughts angle (and, thinking about it, I really have had A LOT of sexual thoughts about him) and just focused on obsession and longing for the van. I think he understood. He said "dude, that's cool, as long as you're not gay we can just forget this shit, you're medicated and shit now, let's just be cool again and meet some pussy." I don't know if I want to meet any pussy anytime soon (I know, I know, I should be positive and get with a new girl right away, but it could end badly) but I just nodded and went along with it. Then we talked about wrestling for 45 minutes.
I think it went well.
We were meeting in the park. He was late, of course, he's always late. We have an expression "as late as Thames" which means being as late as Thames which is VERY late because he's always very late. I watched people as I sat on the park bench waiting for him and was astonished at how different I am from them. Just watching normal people doing normal things, walking their dogs (ours died a year ago), holding hands with girlfriends, jogging, just stuff like that. Was I ever normal? Did I diverge at some point or was I always doomed to be this. I felt quite depressed again, I've always thought that I am right and it's everyone else who's wrong. Could it possibly be the other way round? No, I had to be positive. I'm right. Things will work out. They always do.
Thames finally arrived half an hour late (AS LATE AS THAMES!) and said it was becaue he'd been arguing with his girlfriend. Every instinct running through my body made me want to scream "DUMP THAT FOOD MACHINE" right in his face, for it would be the RIGHT thing to say. But I pushed it down. Yes, it might be right, but he'd react badly and it would ruin our friendship again and the conversatio to come. I had to be positive.
I started by asking if he'd ever had sexual thoughts about me. He stood up, said "oh MAN!" and walked around the bench staring at his shoes about ten times. I didn't know what this meant. I started to think that he MUST have had sexual thoughts about me too and that was why he was reacting like this. But eventually he said down and said "NO! DUDE!" Damn it. This was going to be harder than I had thought.
I explained everything, going back to the van. I toned down the sexual thoughts angle (and, thinking about it, I really have had A LOT of sexual thoughts about him) and just focused on obsession and longing for the van. I think he understood. He said "dude, that's cool, as long as you're not gay we can just forget this shit, you're medicated and shit now, let's just be cool again and meet some pussy." I don't know if I want to meet any pussy anytime soon (I know, I know, I should be positive and get with a new girl right away, but it could end badly) but I just nodded and went along with it. Then we talked about wrestling for 45 minutes.
I think it went well.
FIRST!
Maybe if he tells Thames he'll catch, it might be okay.
I don't think the meds are going well:
As possibly posted by Squiggy:
I don't think the meds are going well:
We? The voices again?
Mmm.
So... no thought it might be the wrong thing to say? Sounds like the wrong thing to me. And do you really think that sounds normal? If so, man, you've lived some fucked-up existence.
Seeing Squggy's a no-show, I'll channel him:
As possibly posted by Squiggy:
So, no homosexual subtext there, then.
So I met up with Thames today. It was a pretty big deal for me, the first time I'd been out the house since the last time they'd dragged me back in because of my "erratice behaviours".[/qquote]
"Erratice" behaviours? What'd you do dry-hump a climbing-vine structure on the side of a house?
You're now introducing adult-onset diabeties to this story. Fantastic.
Is he late for his shift at the Department of Redundancy Department?
Oh man, here we go...
Oh no, people doing THINGS?!
No.
As soon as the doctor pulled you out of your mother and slapped you on the back you started divergingfrom "normal."
In a manner of speaking, sure.
Heh! It's even funnier this time!
Dude, you have issues with fat people. Did one rape you? Try to eat you? What's the deal here?
He stared at his shoes 10 times? Was he thinking about that white boy he killed to get them during the "missing" 30 minutes?
Ew.
I got it! You're not horny for Thames, you're horny for the van!
Then you mentioned his FAT GIRLFRIEND!!!
A reasonable reaction. Who are you?
"Wrestling", right. :wink:
Surprisingly, it seems that it did. WHO ARE YOU?!
Oh, happy day!
"They"? Is there a team of men in white coats who keep you strapped to a bed?
When did this become an ad for Detrol?
Indeed, you must think happy thoughts if you want to enjoy some man juice in the near future.
Is there an echo in here?
Yes, you're right. They aren't rageaholic, cousin-fucking, pathological liars.
I seriously doubt it, but I'm not sure who's to blame. So, I'll just blame Canada. Fuck you, Canada! Take this one back!
Well, as often as you've asked for advice here, and as often as you've ignored it--yeah, you doomed yourself from day one. Great job! It takes dedication to fail so hard, so often.
Wherever did you get a whacked-out idea like that? Nailing your mildly-retarded cousin was right? Stalking Thames was right? Throwing your soup on the floor because your mother suggested a visit with him--that was right? Breaking a mirror and contemplating slashing your neck open so you could bleed to death... was that right, too? Actually, you might have been onto something there...
Yes. Somehow, in spite of yourself, you manage to have a roof over your head and people who inexplicably care about you. You're one lucky bastard.
No doubt arguing over whether they should go to Burger King or Hardee's. (Hardee's, obviously.)
If only every post contained a gem like this.
Don't worry, I'm sure your lust for man meat will make you positive in some manner, eventually.
See, this would have gone so much better if you'd just grabbed his cock and made eyes at him. Why'd you have to ruin it by talking?
No, you shouldn't get a new girl right away. You're a danger to everyone around you. You're mentally unstable. You have anger problems. You're socially inept. You're irresponsible. You're a slacker. It's no wonder you resort to porking your cousin and hitting on your best friend.
Absolutely Not Gay!
Only if it ended with you on your knees in front of Thames.
For future success, I suggest DUMP THAT FOOD MACHINE become the catchphrase of the series. AS LATE AS THAMES will never catch on.
I concur. The latter is forced. The former is spontaneously funny. MadBaggins is at his best when he just blurts something out irrationally.
My "American-English" spell check is showing me that both of these words are spelled in correctly and is suggesting "A lattice beehive."
For cowards and Swedes perhaps.
But I wanna know "is Tim late"? This is what the audience is dying to figure out. Now the fun stuff.
No. Far from it. "Abnormal" doesn't begin to describe you.
Since your mother is a twenty away from being a alcoholic prostitute, I'm going to say you're doomed to this. The fact that you're still alive is proof that there is a God and he is kind.
Rightfully so. I would've killed myself long ago.
This is wrong.
Yes.
Oh God dammit!
No. You're never right. You're just seconds away from doing more wrong things. Everything you've ever done is wrong. From sticking your penis into your cousin's insane vagina to trying to extort your aunt to not being able to handle being a different part of your OWN COUNTRY (still to be determined)...wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.
Why start now?
They never do. What part of the past year has gone "right"? The fact your cousin gave you a video on Christmas morning of her munching on some other girl, you failing to become a baker...or a wrestler...or a successful person at all? You've just RECENTLY mustered up the courage to leave your house to meet in GENERIC PARK SETTING. Sounds like epic failure to me. At least you're not pissing in milk bottles. Little victories I guess.
About food I bed, for she is large as you're about to remind us.
We'll put "right" into that list of words and/or concepts you fail to grasp.
Careful. You'll break it.
You can't ruin something "again". Once you ruin something, it's RUINED and can't be repaired. It's beyond repair. If you can repair it...it's not ruined.
Way to lead off.
[INSERT SAME JOKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS MADE]
Angles are often the best parts of sexual thoughts. I've found that the optimal angle is 37 degrees.
And the Rock. Don't forget the Rock.
I think I know what van you're talking about:
Seriously. If you don't have a family of 5 and live after 1982...who the hell still owns a van?
As we're about to find out.
3 points.
1. Tim seems like the stupidest man ever to exist.
2. Tim seems like the biggest asshole ever to exist.
3. Who talks like this?
Leading psychologists (black mental pill guys) all thing that after a psychotic, mental break down one should immediately jump into a physical relationship after you've come out of the closet to your best friend.
[INSERT SAME JOKE EVERYONE ELSE HAS MADE]
Yes. You professed your love to your best friend and he cock blocked. Well done.
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