Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

[Itisnotlogical]

Nothing deters a freak like a pocket knife, some pepper spray, a good blaster at your side, etc.

But definitely the police, or if you can't notify the police in time the best thing to do is to always go somewhere with a big, strong, mammoth man whenever possible. Trust me, if at all possible, get a weapon, learn how to use it, and carry it everywhere you go. Something about him entering your home on a whim tells me you're going to be glad of having a large, pointy object to poke him with. Or a small metal contraption which can fire projectiles at the speed of sound

 

[JuanBolio]

You know Cakes, after looking at your myspace page and the photos there upon, I'm inclined to retract my statements about you needing to be armed. You ARE armed - with very nice arms. Dude doesn't stand a chance.

Then I looked at your interests. If I ever happen to be wandering aimlessly about upstate New York with a sack full of reefer (which is a distinct possibility, from where some of my stoned hikes have led me), we should hang out... and not in a way that would incline you to twist my head off.

 

[Mark de Vries]

I'm not going to declare this guy a stalker, just because I wouldn't know when a person moves from being a pest to being a stalker!

In my opinion (unmarried, but a guy), if you want to wait one more time, make sure he knows damn well what the result will be if he shows his face on your vicinity again: tell him in blunt and simple words (preferrably with only one or two syllables ) that he can expect a heap of trouble with his wife, the police and anyone else you can think of. Whether that's true is secondary, just as long as he knows he shouldn't come near you again. Because until now he's certainly not been listening to reason.

Filing a complaint would be the best thing to do if your final warning has no effect. But you may want to inform the police about him already, just to make sure they're aware of the situation.

Guns and other weapons: don't do it. I fear that'll lead to more trouble for you than he's worth. What you're going to do, anyway, kill him?

 

[Hoser]

Call the cops! Of all the things, that's the smartest to do. The wife could respond in a million ways to you narcing him out, many not good, and he could respond in equal ways that could be not good. But the cops will have your back if any of that happens, so no matter what you decide, cover your six with police attention.

 

[Sephiroth]

take your pick

 

[jamestyler]

After JuanBolio's MySpace/pic comment - seconded on that. Good arms that put half our female talent roster to shame! Though if anything gets physical, never be afraid to use handles. I love dirty tactics to win

Five pages in theres not much I can add...

I'll just second (or fifteenth) the police route. It's a good way to protect yourself from being labeled a bullshitter if it escalates - especially if his wife is informed and he decided to lay the blame on you.

And seconding the telling off the neighbours. It may have happened with someone else, some intel could be a good move.

Oh, and good luck

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Sephiroth, are you under the impression that she is going back to save Marsellus Wallace from Zed and the Gimp?

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Cakes, I must confess I'm very worried about you. I was just skimming through the posts and I'm afraid every time I see you haven't posted for a while. Granted I wasn't all the way on the other side of the country in Modesto CA, I would tell this bastard that enough's enough.

 

[Sephiroth]

Sephiroth, are you under the impression that she is going back to save Marsellus Wallace from Zed and the Gimp?

she could throw the TAS DVD's like ninja stars

 

[Locutus of Bored]

I'm so lame that was seriously the first thing I noticed in the pic.

 

[Sephiroth]

whats in that picture is supposed to represent my personality, actualy

 

[Amaris]

I'm so lame that was seriously the first thing I noticed in the pic.

Don't feel bad, me too. I saw the pic and I said "Hey, TAS DVDs!" ... "Oh look. Guns!"


J.

 

[Cakes488]

the best thing to do is to always go somewhere with a big, strong, mammoth man whenever possible.

No matter what I like the sound of this regardless.

You know Cakes, after looking at your myspace page and the photos there upon, I'm inclined to retract my statements about you needing to be armed. You ARE armed - with very nice arms. Dude doesn't stand a chance.

Then I looked at your interests. If I ever happen to be wandering aimlessly about upstate New York with a sack full of reefer (which is a distinct possibility, from where some of my stoned hikes have led me), we should hang out... and not in a way that would incline you to twist my head off.

I normally don't need to use the "guns" because my mouth is lethal. You let me know when you're in my hood and we'll compare sacks...I betya mine is bigger than yours.

I'm not going to declare this guy a stalker, just because I wouldn't know when a person moves from being a pest to being a stalker!

In my opinion (unmarried, but a guy), if you want to wait one more time, make sure he knows damn well what the result will be if he shows his face on your vicinity again: tell him in blunt and simple words (preferrably with only one or two syllables ) that he can expect a heap of trouble with his wife, the police and anyone else you can think of. Whether that's true is secondary, just as long as he knows he shouldn't come near you again. Because until now he's certainly not been listening to reason.

Filing a complaint would be the best thing to do if your final warning has no effect. But you may want to inform the police about him already, just to make sure they're aware of the situation.

Finally! Someone posting exactly what I wanna hear. Again I'm really surprised that everybody is saying restraining order...that's not the advise I expected at all. So yeah I'm going to talk to him once more and let him know that at this point I don't want to even talk to him at all etc..etc....and the heap of trouble that I promise will be true -- he wants to fuck with my peace of mind upstate I'll fuck with his mind everywhere.... And PS I'm not going to initiate the conversation...he'll have to "track" me down in order for us to speak again....which I have a feeling will eventually happen. Thank God the season is almost over and should help quiet this all down.

I'm so lame that was seriously the first thing I noticed in the pic.

Me too! I'm soooo good at being lame.

I don't think he's psychotic though! He's not stalking...he's not around every corner or peeping in my window.

Then I'm confused...

Back in July he started making unwanted advanced towards me while his wife was not there for the weekend. I was very very direct and blunt and told him to get the fuck off me and our "relationship" shan't be taking that turn. He still kept grabbing me, attempting to kiss me and just touching me in general.

Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there...

last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) .

What part of him continuing to make advances after being explicitly told not to, touching you and trying to kiss you against your will, entering your home without your permission, and constantly staring at you and asking if you're alone doesn't strike you as stalking and the actions of a potential rapist?

If the events described above are accurate, you seriously need to stop minimizing his behavior. Clearly it "creeped you the fuck out," so why are you backing off from your initial impression when people are universally telling you that it's a dangerous situation?

Just to set the record straight...he really didn't stop in front of my house and yell out...I didn't want to include every detail in the spirit of keeping it brief...not that it really matters but my friends dog chased his car and I ran after the dog and saw it was his car...i was about halfway down the driveway at that point..saw it was him and stopped in my tracks and said "oh Dennis..it's only you that he chased after...so i don't have to worry about it I know you'll give me a pass". He said "yeah don't worry it's nobody" we LOL'd and then he asked if I was alone. I responded with what I think was an obvious lie...I said yeah I have friends coming up tomorrow (which was labor day)...I mean if I had friends coming up they would of already been there...not arrive on Labor day. If I could go back I wish I could of just set him straight right then and there...but I was caught sooo off guard because of that damn Lab and I was thinking of all the cars to chase you infernal beast...it had to be that one!

Also he only touched me that first day back in July...does that matter? I mean it's not against the law to stare at my house when you drive by...is it? I mean is that really grounds for a restraining order? With a R. Order isn't there court appearances and such? I should ask CoolEddie all this shit...he knows all about restraining orders.

But PS...maybe I am minimizing it...maybe I am, but I don't think so.......yet. Like I said after this next and last tounge lashing...if he truly doesn't get it...he's gonna get some Cake in his face...and not in a good way.

Oh and to the person who said that it's summer homes so how do I know that he hasn't already been in and out of my place...well that's an excellent point and I don't know, but I do know he's not up there during the week often if ever. He owns his own business so he likes to work all the time....But funny you said that because my sister raised the exact same question last night when I was chatting with her.

 

[Guartho]

I'm so lame that was seriously the first thing I noticed in the pic.

Me too. I was all set to make a "You can-decanonize TAS when you pry it from my cold dead hands," crack, but it seems not so timely now.

He owns his own business so he likes to work all the time....

But he also has the freedom to not be there any time he wants.

 

[Kestra]

Finally! Someone posting exactly what I wanna hear. Again I'm really surprised that everybody is saying restraining order...that's not the advise I expected at all. So yeah I'm going to talk to him once more and let him know that at this point I don't want to even talk to him at all etc..etc....and the heap of trouble that I promise will be true -- he wants to fuck with my peace of mind upstate I'll fuck with his mind everywhere....

Bolding mine. This situation you have is a problem, Cakes. You were able to recognize that it was an issue, but are unwilling to listen to the advice of the majority of people in this thread.

Now, that's unsurprising. That's usually the way "advice" threads go on the BBS. This can be for a variety of reasons, and one might simply be drawing attention or something that a poster wants to brag about. However, I do not think this is the case with you and because of that I want to add my note of concern in with the rest.

Talking isn't going to fix this issue. Obviously he's not listening to reason. Talking to his wife could easily make it worse for a number of reasons. You definitely need to start talking to the police because this situation could easily be turned around on you. Imagine if you did talk to his wife and she took his side? He could make your life hell and accuse you of things, and have his wife backing him up for all you know.

So talk to neighbors, talk to the police, take the advice of the people in this thread and take the situation seriously.

 

[Shatmandu]

...but anyway I was thinking that if he asks me this crap again I'm going to say "what part of we're not hanging out do you not understand? If you can't comprehend this then I'll be forced to go to Jean (his wife) and have her explain this to you"...

If he yells at you from the street again, ignore him. Go about your business.

Next time he approches, just say:

"Hey, listen, no offense, but I'm not comfortable being around you, so I will not be around you, period.

"This is not a debate, it's my choice. There will be no further explanation or discussion.

"Do not approach me again. Goodbye."

I had to do something similar years ago, way before I was married, to a friend who mistook friendship for "I wanna sex you down-ship".

If he approaches you again, put it in writing. You've got better things to do.

Or, rather than all that, introduce him to a big black guy.

Joe, serious

 

[Mark de Vries]

Next time he approches, just say:

"Hey, listen, no offense, but I'm not comfortable being around you, so I will not be around you, period.

"This is not a debate, it's my choice. There will be no further explanation or discussion.

"Do not approach me again. Goodbye."

This, and if that doesn't reach his brain: time for the police.

You may feel like you want to bug him as much (or more) as he has been bugging you, but honestly: all you want, or so I imagine, is him out of your life. The best way to achieve that (after that final warning) is to leave the handling of the problem to someone else, in this case the police.

 

[Gryffindorian]

You know, this whole thread reminds me of Kirk's Tights thread a couple of weeks ago about his verbally abusive and immature husband/SO. Everybody kept telling KT to leave him, file for divorce, etc., etc. But did they KT take everyone's advice? No, because the situation, as she described it, wasn't all that bad, and that was understandable.

Now we have another situation here where Cakes appears to have a stalker, everyone tells her to call the cops, etc., etc., but I don't think, Cakes dear, that you're taking your situation quite seriously. There are times when you have to take things with a grain of salt, but this isn't the time, you know? I mean your personal safety is at stake. So I hope you really assess your situation and act accordingly.

 

[SeerSGB]

Invest in a good pocket audio recorder (tape or digi, doesn't matter cause you're just going to give the whole shooting match to a cop or a lawyer) and have it running the next time he bothers you and clearly state that you've told him in the past several times to fuck off (not in those words so much, but make it clear on the recording that you have given him warnings in the past). When he starts his crap, you've got evidence and you can go straight to the cops and not get into a whole "he said, she said" BS.

 

[Shatmandu]

This thread needs more discussion of vibrators.

Joe, made in Taiwan