Dating

[Tim]

Thanks for the continued input; it's nice to have an external perspective, but we needn't make this thread about me.

Ultimately, I need to cut through the ambiguity and wringing my hands about it online won't fix that. I'll do that by observing what she does and formulating an appropriate response.

Well, the other shoe has dropped. We had set up to talk on the phone recently because we've both been away or busy and haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. Prior to this, we were doing things together on a regular basis (visiting the park, visiting the art museum, going to a concert, going to movies) and things seemed to be going well.

She's seemed a little skittish but agreed that we'd talk. I called on the appointed evening and she didn't pick up or return a message or text. A follow up the next morning to see what was up (she's done this before and it's usually been benign) and she apologizes that she was out on a date. A few texts later, she reiterates that she had only platonic feelings, etc., even though non-platonic actions had occurred.

So, I'm confused, hurt, and don't really know what to do. This little bombshell dropped this morning and it took a mighty effort for me to keep it together at work until the end of the day.

I'd like to talk to her on the phone today about this just to sort out what's going on. I'm not particularly angry and all the evidence I have from spending time with her over the last 9 months points to her being a fundamentally honest person and not the sort who'd string someone along. I'd just like to know if I've screwed something up (again) or if perhaps she's confused too.

I'm feeling a bit lost.

 

[RJDiogenes]

I know that feeling. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you get to talk to her and that something positive will come of it.

 

[msbae]

Oh, if we're just friends then you pay for your own God damn meal.

W3rd.

 

[StarTrek1701]

Thanks for the continued input; it's nice to have an external perspective, but we needn't make this thread about me.

Ultimately, I need to cut through the ambiguity and wringing my hands about it online won't fix that. I'll do that by observing what she does and formulating an appropriate response.

Well, the other shoe has dropped. We had set up to talk on the phone recently because we've both been away or busy and haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. Prior to this, we were doing things together on a regular basis (visiting the park, visiting the art museum, going to a concert, going to movies) and things seemed to be going well.

She's seemed a little skittish but agreed that we'd talk. I called on the appointed evening and she didn't pick up or return a message or text. A follow up the next morning to see what was up (she's done this before and it's usually been benign) and she apologizes that she was out on a date. A few texts later, she reiterates that she had only platonic feelings, etc., even though non-platonic actions had occurred.

So, I'm confused, hurt, and don't really know what to do. This little bombshell dropped this morning and it took a mighty effort for me to keep it together at work until the end of the day.

I'd like to talk to her on the phone today about this just to sort out what's going on. I'm not particularly angry and all the evidence I have from spending time with her over the last 9 months points to her being a fundamentally honest person and not the sort who'd string someone along. I'd just like to know if I've screwed something up (again) or if perhaps she's confused too.

I'm feeling a bit lost.

Is she American? For all the good things that I love about my country, I still think the worst thing to come out of America are American teenage guys and American women, ANY fucking age!! Women in other parts of the world are direct, sensuous, caring and more than sharing. I myself married a Canadian-Asian. No hassles, no drama, just direct feelings and affections. All my years of experience has taught me that American women are just fucked in the head.

 

[Gryffindorian]

How could I have missed this thread? Ah, it was first posted six months ago, that's how.

 

[Tim]

Is she American? For all the good things that I love about my country, I still think the worst thing to come out of America are American teenage guys and American women, ANY fucking age!! Women in other parts of the world are direct, sensuous, caring and more than sharing. I myself married a Canadian-Asian. No hassles, no drama, just direct feelings and affections. All my years of experience has taught me that American women are just fucked in the head.

Yes, we are both American, but we're not teenagers. We both have advanced degrees.

Anyhoo, I got her on the phone today and we talked. I'll have to process it a bit, but I guess she never did feel anything, was poor at expressing that, and just went along with it. I'm not sure if I buy that 100%, but I think it's mostly true. I did let her know that she sent mixed signals that made the situation worse, but tried not to be accusatory as there's no need for that.

We had a good talk, which reaffirmed all the reasons why I liked her in the first place, but it's going to be challenging for me. These sorts of things always seem to affect me more than they do other people, and now I have six months of it (yes, necroposting from me, but there's a first time for everything) to deal with.

The irony is that I originally wanted to talk to her on the phone because I've entered a new and stressful phase of my training and was feeling rather down; talking to her has always made me feel better. So, bad timing.

 

[Danoz]

This is quite the thread, considering the OP hasn't posted in a few pages .

 

[Cakes488]

OP hasn't posted in a few pages....try a few months. LOL

 

[Bears Discover Fire]

I'm feeling a bit lost.

Is she American? For all the good things that I love about my country, I still think the worst thing to come out of America are American teenage guys and American women, ANY fucking age!! Women in other parts of the world are direct, sensuous, caring and more than sharing. I myself married a Canadian-Asian. No hassles, no drama, just direct feelings and affections. All my years of experience has taught me that American women are just fucked in the head.

And all my years of experience tells me that misogyny attracts exactly what it deserves. There's a nonvariable at work here for sure, but it isn't "American women".

 

[Cakes488]

How could I have missed this thread? Ah, it was first posted six months ago, that's how.

lol sorry i missed this...but ain't we funny babydoll?

 

[sidious618]

Funny story here- I think I've begun seeing a two-face. Sometimes she looks really, really spectacular but other times she looks just a little above average. It's freaking me out.

 

[msbae]

Funny story here- I think I've begun seeing a two-face. Sometimes she looks really, really spectacular but other times she looks just a little above average. It's freaking me out.

How often do you get drunk with her?

 

[Tiberius Jim]

Funny story here- I think I've begun seeing a two-face. Sometimes she looks really, really spectacular but other times she looks just a little above average. It's freaking me out.

I had a similar situation: I met a girl online and in her pics she looked amazing. Just simply stunning. I met her in person and while she looked mostly the same as her pics and wasn't unattractive by any means, she looked different enough to the point that she just didn't do anything for me in person. I guess she's just really photogenic...?

 

[JustKate]

Some people are - some people, without any PhotoShopping tricks, just look better in photos than they do in real life, while others look worse.

Course, as Bears could tell you, PhotoShopping can do even more wonders. But yes, there is definitely such a thing as being photogenic.

 

[sidious618]

Funny story here- I think I've begun seeing a two-face. Sometimes she looks really, really spectacular but other times she looks just a little above average. It's freaking me out.

How often do you get drunk with her?

Heh, I don't drink.

Some people are - some people, without any PhotoShopping tricks, just look better in photos than they do in real life, while others look worse.

Course, as Bears could tell you, PhotoShopping can do even more wonders. But yes, there is definitely such a thing as being photogenic.

This is true but in this case she changes looks in person which is weird. There was an episode of Seinfeld about this very subject. Regardless, though, so far she seems nice and she has a rather nice body, too, I won't lie.

 

[CaptainStoner]

I suggest meeting her at a group event. Maybe her roomate talked her out of meeting you solo.

Don't sweat it, tiger.

 

[JustKate]

This is true but in this case she changes looks in person which is weird. There was an episode of Seinfeld about this very subject. Regardless, though, so far she seems nice and she has a rather nice body, too, I won't lie.

Oh, I see. Is this from moment to moment or day to day? Because if it's day to day, makeup, clothes and, especially, hair style can make a big difference. So can lighting - say, a candlelit restaurant vs. fluorescent lighting.

If it's moment to moment...maybe she's a elf? One of those in the Discword books who can look whatever way they want to!

 

[sidious618]

Oh, I see. Is this from moment to moment or day to day? Because if it's day to day, makeup, clothes and, especially, hair style can make a big difference. So can lighting - say, a candlelit restaurant vs. fluorescent lighting.

If it's moment to moment...maybe she's a elf? One of those in the Discwork books, that can look whatever way they want to!

It's day to day. I think it depends on whether or not her hair is down. She has great, flowing, dark hair.

 

[JustKate]

^ That'd do it. Hair style can seem to change the shape of the face.

 

[sidious618]

^ That'd do it. Hair style can seem to change the shape of the face.

Yep. She seems like a sweetie and has a heck of a body, though, so it's all good. Of course, it's still early and she may turn out to be pure evil.