TOS Caption Contest #141: Pox Marks the Spot
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Bones: Prepare for the penile shortening procedure.
Van Gelder: Lengthening! Penile lengthening!
Spock: That is illogical. It says "shortening" right here.
Intercom: ooe EEE ooe
Kirk: Kirk here
Helen: Dr. Noels, I need to speak to yeoman Rand
Kirk: Yeoman Rand is busy, and can't talk.
Janice: **lluf si htuom ym**
Helen: I knew it, you alway go running back to her
Kirk: Now Helen is not like...
Intercom: Click
Janice: **hctib taht**
Kirk: never mind all that, just finish up
Door: Swish
Kirk: Sulu is that you ?
Kirk: Oh my God don't shoot
Janice:**ti si tahw**
Helen: Jim I thougth we had something
Kirk moves forward awkwardly
Kirk: Don't you know I LOVE YOU
Janice: **! dratsab**
Door: Swish
Kirk: Sulu ?
Helen: Oh please that jokes all over the ship
Spock: Get away from him you bitch
Janice: **ees t'nac**
Kirk: Oh boy
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Van Gelder: Hey sweetheart, nice silk blouse. Hows bout a kiss. That's it baby, lean over the table.
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Scotty: "Metrons! Hey! Our aggression was all Kirk's idea! Punish him, not us. Right, everyone?"
Uhura: "Yep."
Sulu: "Fuckin' A."
McCoy: "I warned him."
Spock, after considering: "Logical. Flawlessly logical."
Van Gelder: "I DIDN'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE HEMORRHOIDS, DID I?"
Coot: "Has Floyd been in here yet?"
Spock: "Hell no. Fucker almost ruined a caption contest."
Floyd (under the counter): Psst... I'm down here, unzipping your pants.
Van Gelder: When in the hell am I going to get my "happy ending"?
Spock: "Can you smellllllllllllllllll, what the Spock is cooking!!!!"
Attention crew...be on the lookout for a hostile alien intruder...that looks like a pair of pants. May have some skidmarks. That is all.
Coot: What'll you give me for this dead cat?
Spock: <Fills a coffee mug with whisky>.
Van Gelder: Would you two hurry up? My anus isn't going to violate itself!
Bum 1: Plomeek soup 5 days running? What is this crap anyway?
Spock: You are in no position to complain, sir. If this is not to your liking, I suggest you seek employment or dine elsewhere.
Bum 2: Don't piss him off! Lou tried to take his hat last week and chef here just touched him and he went out cold. Besides, the plomeek, ya get used to it. Hell, I think it's downright tasty, don't you, Spocko? Right?
Spock: (Raises eyebrow) You, no plomeek for one year. Next!
Kirk: "... I'll check. <turns> Hey, guys, Uhura says I need to get ahold of Won Hung Lowe. Anyone got a line on Won Hung Lowe?"
Scotty: "It's not Asian, but I got an arm's length of pure Aberdeen Trouser Trout here for ye, Nancy."
<From room above kitchen, we hear loud sounds of Kirk beefing Edith Keeler.>
Coot: "I'll have what she's having."
Coot: Fuck, this shit taste like Floyd's asshole after a huge dump.
Spock: (sigh) Several scientific degrees, hundreds of honors and to end up serving coffee to a bunch of low-life degenerates in this vacuum tube, stone knives and bearskins culture... Father was right, I should've accepted that appointment to the Vulcan Science Academy.
Spock, over left shoulder: "Hey Grignak, break-time's over."
Grignak: "Yourself, go fuck. The boss, you are not, wipe-ass."
Spock sighs.
Coot: "'Wipe-ass'?"
Spock: "Walk away if he offers you a 'job hand.'"
Grignak: "Around-reach guaranteed!"Spock: "Walk away if he offers you a 'job hand.'"
Spock, over left shoulder: "Hey Grignak, break-time's over."
Grignak: "Yourself, go fuck. The boss, you are not, wipe-ass."
Spock sighs.
Coot: "'Wipe-ass'?"
Scotty: "Is that the myth-busters episode again?"
Dammit to hell Johnnyracefan, I was going to first with, "Beam down ensigns Hyneman and Savage!"
