If you did a fan-edit of ST09
- Thread starter EJA
- Start date
Although this is written as a review and not an edit, it makes pretty clear how I would do it differently:
http://startrekreviewed.blogspot.com/2009/06/211.html
I think I'd restore the cut scenes of Nero being captured by Klingons, and then escaping.
I would remove as much of the stuff about people having to be motionless in order to be transported as I could, and delete Amanda "falling out" of the transporter beam. That was plain dumb. Instead, have her get crushed by a falling rock or something.
I'd like to cut the sequence of Scotty in the water tubes, but then I'd have the problem of why Scotty is wet, so I'd probably be forced to keep it in.
I would remove as much of the stuff about people having to be motionless in order to be transported as I could, and delete Amanda "falling out" of the transporter beam. That was plain dumb. Instead, have her get crushed by a falling rock or something.
I'd like to cut the sequence of Scotty in the water tubes, but then I'd have the problem of why Scotty is wet, so I'd probably be forced to keep it in.
Last edited:
To please myself I'd add back in the scenes with "Jimmy" Kirk and his brother and uncle, as well as the Nero-on-Rura-Penthe stuff. I say "to please myself" because the Nero scenes probably would lengthen the film to no particularly good effect except that they interest me.
Other than that, the movie is fine. Actually, the movie is fine. I'm just playing along, here.
Other than that, the movie is fine. Actually, the movie is fine. I'm just playing along, here.
For some reason, I hate Spock's "Thrusters on full" line - I'd change it to "Ahead warp factor six" or any other line that sounded like it was said by Kirk in TOS.
It's interesting that the "thrusters on full" actually isn't in the script - Nimoy has said it was an improvisation, and that's apparently the case. Quite an on-set improv, though, considering the camera set-up and movement.
There's not a thing I'd take out of this movie. I can see why the Spock birth scene went in editing, though, and I'd leave it out; the story doesn't begin there. It begins with Kirk's birth.
There's not a thing I'd take out of this movie. I can see why the Spock birth scene went in editing, though, and I'd leave it out; the story doesn't begin there. It begins with Kirk's birth.
This movie was thoroughly enjoyable but there are still a few things I could change. One aspect I'll focus on is the whole sequence involving Kirk getting marooned on the ice planet Delta Vega. All 'fan' complaints aside, this whole sequence seemed like the least believable segment of the film.
I can understand Spock was mad and marooned Kirk, but aren't there some regulations involving the marooning of a crewman? Perhaps that's why he was marooned by a Starfleet outpost (with any supplies?), and I can understand why Scotty was there too, as punishment I suppose. If cadet Kirk dies, is Spock charged for his murder?
It gets a little weird when prime Spock is also found on this planet, which seems to have an orbit coming within visual range of Vulcan. Anyways, it just seemed somewhat contrived that Kirk waltzes into the ice cave to find prime Spock hanging out by the fire?
I also didn't like how prime Spock knew about the Starfleet outpost, but was not utilizing it whatsoever. I suppose he accepted his 'fate' and didn't want to further alter this time line, perhaps he wanted to stay 'under the radar' and not effect the timeline, or maybe he didn't have a chance to visit there yet. He sees Kirk and notices the timeline has changed, motivating him to action, which leads to...Scotty's secret equation? Ok that's fine I guess Scotty has a secret equation that allows for this level of transportation but really this was perhaps the weakest part of the story.
Despite the unbelievability, there are a few elements I do like to this sequence, though: the characters, visual/sound, the flashback sequence, and the basic concept. What I mean by 'basic concept,' this part of the story does accomplish something, but I believe the same thing could be accomplished in a slightly better way.
Other than that, there would be other minor things I would tweak, but I believe they made an excellent movie. We're in the process of creating an original animated episode parodying the movie in different ways, which will show some other changes we made to the story.
I can understand Spock was mad and marooned Kirk, but aren't there some regulations involving the marooning of a crewman? Perhaps that's why he was marooned by a Starfleet outpost (with any supplies?), and I can understand why Scotty was there too, as punishment I suppose. If cadet Kirk dies, is Spock charged for his murder?
It gets a little weird when prime Spock is also found on this planet, which seems to have an orbit coming within visual range of Vulcan. Anyways, it just seemed somewhat contrived that Kirk waltzes into the ice cave to find prime Spock hanging out by the fire?
I also didn't like how prime Spock knew about the Starfleet outpost, but was not utilizing it whatsoever. I suppose he accepted his 'fate' and didn't want to further alter this time line, perhaps he wanted to stay 'under the radar' and not effect the timeline, or maybe he didn't have a chance to visit there yet. He sees Kirk and notices the timeline has changed, motivating him to action, which leads to...Scotty's secret equation? Ok that's fine I guess Scotty has a secret equation that allows for this level of transportation but really this was perhaps the weakest part of the story.
Despite the unbelievability, there are a few elements I do like to this sequence, though: the characters, visual/sound, the flashback sequence, and the basic concept. What I mean by 'basic concept,' this part of the story does accomplish something, but I believe the same thing could be accomplished in a slightly better way.
Other than that, there would be other minor things I would tweak, but I believe they made an excellent movie. We're in the process of creating an original animated episode parodying the movie in different ways, which will show some other changes we made to the story.
Last edited:
Actually, there is some dialogue to be found in Orci and Kurtzman's shooting script that I'd add back in there:
SPOCK
- then I must remove you from
this ship. If I confine you
to the brig, you'll likely
escape. Mr. Chekov: have
transportation prepare a
deployment capsule. Mr. Sulu,
escort him out.
Later, in the ice cave, there's this:
KIRK
Going back in time... you changed all our
lives.
SPOCK PRIME
Yet remarkably, events within our
timelines, characteristics, people...
seem to overlap significantly. Tell me
about the rest of the crew? Chekov--
Uhura --?
KIRK
Tactical and Communications --
SPOCK PRIME
-- Sulu --
KIRK
-- he's the helmsman, why?
SPOCK PRIME
Dr. McCoy would assert our meeting here
is not a matter of coincidence... but
rather, indication of a higher purpose.
KIRK
... he'd call it a damn miracle.
SPOCK PRIME
Yes he would. Perhaps the time stream's
way of attempting to mend itself. In
both our histories, the same crew found
its way onto the same ship in a time of
ultimate crisis -- therein lies our
advantage.
(rises)
We must go- there's a Starfleet outpost
not far from here.
SPOCK
- then I must remove you from
this ship. If I confine you
to the brig, you'll likely
escape. Mr. Chekov: have
transportation prepare a
deployment capsule. Mr. Sulu,
escort him out.
Later, in the ice cave, there's this:
KIRK
Going back in time... you changed all our
lives.
SPOCK PRIME
Yet remarkably, events within our
timelines, characteristics, people...
seem to overlap significantly. Tell me
about the rest of the crew? Chekov--
Uhura --?
KIRK
Tactical and Communications --
SPOCK PRIME
-- Sulu --
KIRK
-- he's the helmsman, why?
SPOCK PRIME
Dr. McCoy would assert our meeting here
is not a matter of coincidence... but
rather, indication of a higher purpose.
KIRK
... he'd call it a damn miracle.
SPOCK PRIME
Yes he would. Perhaps the time stream's
way of attempting to mend itself. In
both our histories, the same crew found
its way onto the same ship in a time of
ultimate crisis -- therein lies our
advantage.
(rises)
We must go- there's a Starfleet outpost
not far from here.
Last edited:
Those additions are excellent, thanks for sharing! Those bits of dialogue would definitely tighten up this sequence and make it more believable/acceptable. I like how you show young Spock's reasoning, prime Spock expresses interest in the whole bridge crew, they acknowledge the uncanny coincidence, and also how you highlight both he and Kirk's deep understanding for McCoy.
I would edit out Spock Prime seeing Vulcan imploding in the sky and change it to him watching Vulcan's destruction on a viewscreen in Scotty's lab or somewhere else.
Also, maybe have Kirk serve on a ship or two prior to ending up on the Enterprise. I know it's fiction but it's just unreal to have Kirk go from cadet to Captain.
Also, maybe have Kirk serve on a ship or two prior to ending up on the Enterprise. I know it's fiction but it's just unreal to have Kirk go from cadet to Captain.
Thanks, but let me clarify: these are passages from the shooting script for Star Trek, not anything that I've written. Most of this was presumably filmed but edited out for various reasons - I'm pretty sure that Nimoy has referred on several occasions to having performed the dialogue about "the universe trying to heal itself."
I was one of the people who read the Countdown comic prequel, so I had a bit of a better understanding of the backstory than a few, which I do think helped me enjoy the film a lot more than I otherwise would have.
That being said... here are the changes I would have made...
I would have included the scene(s) with Nero on Rura Penthe, but even before that, I would have started the film with a montage-style recap/overview of the events in Countdown, within a time frame of no more than 5 minutes, just so people can get a quick feel for the backstory.
Other than that, the only two things I would really change, is to totally get rid of the ice-monster scene... that really didn't do anything for the story, and was a total Star Wars moment.
I would also have gotten rid of the whole drilling platform fight scene, as it was filmed... having the character of Sulu resort not only to using a sword, but some kind of super-duper presto-matic Power Rangers sword was so silly, I can't even begin to talk about it, lol... I would have just kept them armed with phasers, or had everyone involved use physical combat... Sulu could have just used martial arts, instead of "just happening" to pack a fold-away travel sword, for his paratrooper away mission, lol
Otherwise, the film was as good as it could have been, for what we got, IMO.
-BolianAdmiral
Oh my mistake, thanks for the clarification, Dennis. Wow that cut dialogue really adds to the story/background, but not surprising its absent from the film. I'm sure the novelization also adds good details to the story that we missed.
Its been cool to read the Countdown comics and the Nero comic also seems to give good background and explain some cool details.
Its been cool to read the Countdown comics and the Nero comic also seems to give good background and explain some cool details.
On the subject of fan edits, has anyone ever thought about reworking earlier Trek movies? I love most of them the way they are, but there are a couple of instances where I would have done it differently. A few examples:
- The Wrath of Khan. There's not a lot I would alter here, though I would like to restore the original version of Kirk and David's confrontation in the Regula 1 cave where David pins Kirk to the floor and threatens him with a knife (This version is the one in the novelisation). I always disliked the scene in the official cut where Kirk easily disarms David in a few seconds. Even though some people find it disturbing, I think I'd restore the brief scenes of the child on Reliant during the final battle.
- The Search for Spock. Again, there's not a hell of a lot I'd alter. Though I think one thing I'd do is replace the original opening "recap" with a montage of scenes from TWoK showing more than just Spock's death, e.g. Khan going after Kirk and the Enterprise and stealing the Genesis Device, and detonating it after the final confrontation in the Mutara Nebula. It always bugged me how they never once even mentioned Khan during TSFS. I'd also restore the brief scene of David's last words to Saavik just before he dies (This was also in the novelisation), as I feel it added more to the character.
- The Wrath of Khan. There's not a lot I would alter here, though I would like to restore the original version of Kirk and David's confrontation in the Regula 1 cave where David pins Kirk to the floor and threatens him with a knife (This version is the one in the novelisation). I always disliked the scene in the official cut where Kirk easily disarms David in a few seconds. Even though some people find it disturbing, I think I'd restore the brief scenes of the child on Reliant during the final battle.
- The Search for Spock. Again, there's not a hell of a lot I'd alter. Though I think one thing I'd do is replace the original opening "recap" with a montage of scenes from TWoK showing more than just Spock's death, e.g. Khan going after Kirk and the Enterprise and stealing the Genesis Device, and detonating it after the final confrontation in the Mutara Nebula. It always bugged me how they never once even mentioned Khan during TSFS. I'd also restore the brief scene of David's last words to Saavik just before he dies (This was also in the novelisation), as I feel it added more to the character.
Actually, I rather liked the finished product. There is very little I would have done differently....
- I would've kept the Rura Penthe sequences in. Their omission leaves a rather sizeable plothole, big enough to drive a Borg cube through.
- I would've given Sybok a cameo in the child Spock sequences.
- I don't know if I would've killed Amanda or not. We already had Kirk losing his father and Spock losing his planet because of Nero, so there was already enough of a revenge angle already.
- I would've had either Sean Finnegan or Lawrence Styles in place of "Cupcake." "Cupcake" could ultimately turn out to be one of those two, but I doubt it.
- I would've had one of Narada's crew, such as a doctor or technician, be captured alive. Then the sequel's premise would be similar to the Jack Nicholson Navy dramady The Last Detail. Kirk is required to take the prisoner to a starbase, where there would be a trial (similar to DS9's "Rules of Engagement") that would determine whether or not he does time in Federation space, or is extradited to the Klingon Empire. En route, Enterpise is besieged by a Force of Nature type phenomenon. Initially, the prisoner would act like Gul Dukat in "Civil Defense," but it would become clear that he would have to work with the Enteprise crew in order to stay alive. Kirk begins to question his orders, as he does not believe that this man deserves to rot on Rura Penthe.
Last edited:
Similar threads
