I'm a mean, bad Mother...

[Count Zero]

You're not a bad mother. You just expected and were happy about something that didn't quite materialise. But he already has his college admission, they're still very good grades, so you shouldn't worry too much about it. I don't think anyone will care about those grades later in his life, anyway.

 

[Deckerd]

I bet you're feeling no pain now K? I'm joining you with the wine now. Well, what's left after my underachieving daughter and I guzzled it last night. She's just finished 3 years photography study at the ripe old age of 25. I was a late graduate too. The pressure on teenagers to get into Higher education is too much IMO. A bit of real life earning without a degree works wonders on motivation.

 

[Rocketman]

I'd have to offer a dissenting voice (or assenting compared to people like Deckerd), speaking as someone who slipped badly after coasting through secondary school.

Some people, when finding out they can't be successful coasting pull themselves together and work.

Others just continue coasting, and I suspect they're actually the majority of University students. Clever, potentially talented individuals, sailing through the most amazingly opportunity-rich period of their life because they're pushed into it at an age when they haven't found a passion or motivation yet.

The thing is, you can learn "partying skills" anywhere, and if your son's immediate ambitions are to go to festivals and party, getting a job will allow him to do so.

I don't know about the education system in the UK, but over here, there's basically no financial penalty for 'postponing' your education and working a few years.

Also this:

Apparently 45% of his year at his school got straight A*s or As.

This is shocking, and I'd complain to the school board about slipping educational standards if I were you.

 

[Count Zero]

Apparently 45% of his year at his school got straight A*s or As.

This is shocking, and I'd complain to the school board about slipping educational standards if I were you.

I wouldn't go so far, but I was wondering about that, too. Seems really weird, especially for a school with a high reputation.

 

[kustirider2]

Not really.. Those grades are still gonna get him far in life.

I got mine today too (The year 10 ones), I've never achieved over a C.. and, with my results, still haven't now either.

See this is when I sound like a complete shit. Sorry.

You passed your exams, really well done.

I am just a bad Mother and expect too much.

You are in no way a bad mother!

You are right to expect high from your son, My parents were expecting Bs + As from me and were really dissappointed when I didn't achieve those grades, but I'm good in other stuff which isn't exactly acedemic (Like; Drawing, Music Ect.). You really aren't a bad mom

 

[cultcross]

Apparently 45% of his year at his school got straight A*s or As.

This is shocking, and I'd complain to the school board about slipping educational standards if I were you.

I wouldn't go so far, but I was wondering about that, too. Seems really weird, especially for a school with a high reputation.

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

 

[Capn Flukie]

I'm a mean, bad Mother...

Shut yo mouf!

 

[Trippy]

O.K., story time. I did poorly at school, for a variety of reasons (learning disabilities, abuse at home, bullied at school). Yet, when I went to univerisity (as an adult) I aced it-made dean's list twice and graduated with an honours BA and a A- average. Went to teacher's uni and graduated with a 4.0 and a B. Ed. I am now a secondary school teacher.

My son is a great kid-wins awards at school for honesty, kindness and friendship. He is a solid B student, and I'm great with that! He already does WAY better than I did at school and he is well liked by teachers and his peers. He has lots of fun AND does his homework.

I am a proud, happy mom.

You should be very proud and happy too! Don't let him think he can't measure up to your expectations...character is just as important as book smarts in the long run.

 

[Rocketman]

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

I suppose it's different here then--the only aspect of school performance that are actually published here are the standardised exam results--and particularly the better schools pride themselves on challenging students.

 

[Count Zero]

This is shocking, and I'd complain to the school board about slipping educational standards if I were you.

I wouldn't go so far, but I was wondering about that, too. Seems really weird, especially for a school with a high reputation.

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

But if everyone there gets such good grades, don't they lose their meaning? Or are grades given out controlled by outside people?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

...
You are right to expect high from your son, My parents were expecting Bs + As from me and were really dissappointed when I didn't achieve those grades, but I'm good in other stuff which isn't exactly acedemic (Like; Drawing, Music Ect.). You really aren't a bad mom

Exactly, everyone should have a chance to specialise in what they love ~ what interest them, therefore they will be more interested to learn.

This is shocking, and I'd complain to the school board about slipping educational standards if I were you.

I wouldn't go so far, but I was wondering about that, too. Seems really weird, especially for a school with a high reputation.

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

45% of the entrants gained a A or above in all the subjects that they entered for ~ I'd say that was an achievement.

I'm a mean, bad Mother...

Shut yo mouf!

Only talk to me when you're big enough

O.K., story time. I did poorly at school, for a variety of reasons (learning disabilities, abuse at home, bullied at school). Yet, when I went to univerisity (as an adult) I aced it-made dean's list twice and graduated with an honours BA and a A- average. Went to teacher's uni and graduated with a 4.0 and a B. Ed. I am now a secondary school teacher.

My son is a great kid-wins awards at school for honesty, kindness and friendship. He is a solid B student, and I'm great with that! He already does WAY better than I did at school and he is well liked by teachers and his peers. He has lots of fun AND does his homework.

I am a proud, happy mom.

You should be very proud and happy too! Don't let him think he can't measure up to your expectations...character is just as important as book smarts in the long run.

And so you should be Trippy, honesty, kindness and friendship are unfortunately undervalued nowadays ~ it is the total package that creates a person, not just letters of the alphabet.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

I bet you're feeling no pain now K? I'm joining you with the wine now. Well, what's left after my underachieving daughter and I guzzled it last night. She's just finished 3 years photography study at the ripe old age of 25. I was a late graduate too. The pressure on teenagers to get into Higher education is too much IMO. A bit of real life earning without a degree works wonders on motivation.

I see your your wine and I raise you two hours down the pub arguing with my Man's uptight friends about everything ~ God that was fun
Oh, Eff it. I'm going to kick my mans ass at a board game ~ and who says I don't have a life

Thanks guys ~ you really do help. *spreads love and wine fumes to all*

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I'm a mean, bad Mother...

Shut yo mouf!

Just talking bout K'ehleyr!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I'm a mean, bad Mother...

Shut yo mouf!

Just talking bout K'ehleyr!

Then we can dig it.

 

[Capn Flukie]

Shut yo mouf!

Just talking bout K'ehleyr!

Then we can dig it.

Right on!

 

[cultcross]

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

I suppose it's different here then--the only aspect of school performance that are actually published here are the standardised exam results--and particularly the better schools pride themselves on challenging students.

These are standardised exam results - GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education, a set of national exams taken by 16 year olds. Schools are ranked by average pupil score, which is a stupid method for a number of reasons. Not least that '4 Cs' ranks higher than '3 A*s' even though the latter arguably did better. More GCSEs passed scores higher than better grades. Even more true at A-Level (the next set of exams, taken at age 18)

I wouldn't go so far, but I was wondering about that, too. Seems really weird, especially for a school with a high reputation.

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

But if everyone there gets such good grades, don't they lose their meaning? Or are grades given out controlled by outside people?

This is something that is in high debate in England - both GCSE and A-Levels have seen unbroken year-on-year increases in top grade awards for decades. It was actually this that led to the introduction of the 'A*' (pronounced A star) grade above simply 'A' to help spread out the top achievers.
Bear in mind though that the number K' is quoting is not a typical school. The national rate is 18.9% achieving A or A*.

 

[Mallory]

Thanks for the explanation cultcross. I've been a member here now for over seven years and I still haven't been able to get a good grasp on how the English education system works. It seems so completely different from how things work here. So every little bit of additional knowledge helps.

Exactly, everyone should have a chance to specialise in what they love ~ what interest them, therefore they will be more interested to learn.

I agree, to a certain extent. What exactly is the purpose of a university degree? Should it be an accomplishment that sets one out on a successful career path? Or should it be simply self growth and self fulfillment? You can get degrees in philosophy or Latin here but you sure won't find many businesses with a crying need for more philosophers or Latin translators.

That said, I congratulate both you and your son on his accomplishments. I should only be so lucky. Both of my daughters graduated with academic honors. With my son though, I'm still waiting for a school year where he actually passes at least half his classes.

 

[Amaris]

Hey K'ehleyr, you're not a bad mom at all. I think you're just proud and confident, and there's nothing wrong with that. If only all parents would encourage their children to do their best. I think, though, it's important not to push. Everyone needs to relax, to balance things out. Pushing hard might result in better grades, but his life experiences will be cast to the wayside, and then what's he got later in life? A good track record, but no enjoyment. Life is to be experienced, loved and shared. Success is important, but remember the goals of success: To live a life that is more beneficial and fruitful. You're doing a great job, and I'm glad you want him to succeed, but there always has to be balance.

J.

 

[cultcross]

Thanks for the explanation cultcross. I've been a member here now for over seven years and I still haven't been able to get a good grasp on how the English education system works. It seems so completely different from how things work here. So every little bit of additional knowledge helps.

Well if you're really interested, I'm awake too late and drank 3 coffees so can't sleep
Here goes. Things are somewhat complicated by the fact some older systems still operate in some parts. What follows is the most common system, and the one the current government would describe as 'our education system'

We start school in the Academic year we turn 5. This year is called 'Reception'.
The year you turn 6 is 'Year One'
The year you turn 7 is 'Year Two'
8 is 'Year Three'
9 is 'Year four'
10 is 'Year five'
11 is 'Year six'

The above years constitute 'primary school'

The year you turn 12 is 'year seven'
13 is 'year eight'
14 is 'year nine'
15 is 'year ten'
16 is 'year eleven'

The above years constitute 'secondary school'. During years 10 and 11, pupils study for exams (GCSEs) in a range of subjects, sometimes up to 12 or 13 of them. These exams are graded A*-G, with A*-C being 'pass grades'. The exams are taken at the end of Year 11, and represent the end of legally mandatory education.
More and more pupils however stay on at school (or move to a dedicated college) to do two more years, colloquially termed 'the Sixth Form'. This name refers to an older method of naming the year groups, and isn't actually the 'sixth' anything anymore.

The year you turn 17 is 'year 12' or 'The Lower Sixth'
18 is 'year 13' or 'The Upper Sixth'

During these years you study a reduced number of subjects, usually three to five. At the end of year 13 you take more exams called 'A Levels'. The A stands for 'Advanced'. These are graded A-G, with A-E being 'pass grades'. An A* grade is due for introduction next year. Your grades in these exams are used to apply to University places, in a similar manner to SAT scores in the US.

To confuse things further, we too have exams called 'SATs', taken in Years 2, 6 and 9. These are standardised national tests, however they bear absolutely no significance for the pupil, the scores mean next to nothing. They are used primarily for compiling school league tables. As a result, they are controversial and a number of schools, including all those in Wales, now refuse to run them.

Some secondary schools are selective (academically), and are called 'Grammar Schools'. Those not selected (all but the top 15% usually) go to a type of school called a 'Secondary Modern'. Selection is by means of a verbal and mathematical reasoning test at age 11. This system is old, and controversial. The government actually tends to deny knowledge that it still exists but numerous counties still run them.

Boys and girls only schools are still fairly common in Britain, as are faith schools for Catholic and Church of England denominations.

I think that covers the basics! Let me know if I missed anything

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Just talking bout K'ehleyr!

Then we can dig it.

Right on!

This is a good thing right

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

I suppose it's different here then--the only aspect of school performance that are actually published here are the standardised exam results--and particularly the better schools pride themselves on challenging students.

These are standardised exam results - GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education, a set of national exams taken by 16 year olds. Schools are ranked by average pupil score, which is a stupid method for a number of reasons. Not least that '4 Cs' ranks higher than '3 A*s' even though the latter arguably did better. More GCSEs passed scores higher than better grades. Even more true at A-Level (the next set of exams, taken at age 18)

It has a high reputation because it gets such high grades - league tables are everything in the UK.

But if everyone there gets such good grades, don't they lose their meaning? Or are grades given out controlled by outside people?

This is something that is in high debate in England - both GCSE and A-Levels have seen unbroken year-on-year increases in top grade awards for decades. It was actually this that led to the introduction of the 'A*' (pronounced A star) grade above simply 'A' to help spread out the top achievers.
Bear in mind though that the number K' is quoting is not a typical school. The national rate is 18.9% achieving A or A*.

The rating system in UK schools is, to an extent, unfair. Schools like Christ's Hospital can pick and choose the high achievers to make their grades and carry on the tradition of fair education for all ~ google Christ's Hospital, UK and have a laugh at the uniforms. Oh they did the 'Rock School' thing with Gene Simmons of KISS. Rock on baby

Thanks for the explanation cultcross. I've been a member here now for over seven years and I still haven't been able to get a good grasp on how the English education system works. It seems so completely different from how things work here. So every little bit of additional knowledge helps.

Exactly, everyone should have a chance to specialise in what they love ~ what interest them, therefore they will be more interested to learn.

I agree, to a certain extent. What exactly is the purpose of a university degree? Should it be an accomplishment that sets one out on a successful career path? Or should it be simply self growth and self fulfillment? You can get degrees in philosophy or Latin here but you sure won't find many businesses with a crying need for more philosophers or Latin translators.

That said, I congratulate both you and your son on his accomplishments. I should only be so lucky. Both of my daughters graduated with academic honors. With my son though, I'm still waiting for a school year where he actually passes at least half his classes.

Thank you Mallory, but you are not lucky you're doing something right if your daughters graduated with honours. As for a degree, I shall stick to my guns. Son is passionate about Japanese ~ the language, the lifestyle, the history, the food... I'm thinking go into that groundroot level with a Japanese company, restaurant, anything that inspires and then see what happens.

Hey K'ehleyr, you're not a bad mom at all. I think you're just proud and confident, and there's nothing wrong with that. If only all parents would encourage their children to do their best. I think, though, it's important not to push. Everyone needs to relax, to balance things out. Pushing hard might result in better grades, but his life experiences will be cast to the wayside, and then what's he got later in life? A good track record, but no enjoyment. Life is to be experienced, loved and shared. Success is important, but remember the goals of success: To live a life that is more beneficial and fruitful. You're doing a great job, and I'm glad you want him to succeed, but there always has to be balance.

J.

Alrighty then. Where exactly do you draw the line between being a 'Good Mum' a 'Cool Mum' and a Dragon?

Actually I now know ~ it's when it's late in the evening, you've invited son to eat, drink and play a board game, because you want to include him. And he prefers to go to a friends cos he's 16 and that's what he wants to do. And you let him, but you make darn sure friend's Mum is picking him up from the end of the road.

Trouble is ~ he is too much like me ~ and I'm not totally sure I know how to control myself yet, let alone a 16 yr old. But we'll get there. And how...