I'm a mean, bad Mother...

[K'Ehleyr]

So GCSE results day here in UK (national exams for 16yrs)
Brief background...

Single Mum, only Son won a scholarship to one of the best private boarding schools at 11. (Fees £19,000 a year). Everybody delighted.

Son made friends, won cups for Fives and had expected grades of 4 A*s, 4 As and a B in Latin.

With confidence, Son was expecting at least those results and had been encouraged by monetary rewards for A*s but has always been told "do your best".

Today we went up to the school with Great Expectations to get results ~ 5 As and 4 Bs.

Am I really mean to be disappointed? ~ He is.

To be truthful I don't think he did do his best. I think when he got his mocks he stopped working and it all went pear-shaped.

I know they are great results but they are not what he could have got. Now, you see, I'm bad. Son has already got his place in College so it's not a disaster, but let's just put it this way ~ I'm glad I didn't plan a party

What personal experiences do you have of not achieving your desired results and what effect did this have on your further studying?

 

[Deckerd]

If he can get those results without trying, I wouldn't be too downhearted. My experience of being a student is that all but the most diligent did the barest minimum and saved their energy for partying. There's real skill in getting a degree this way.

 

[backstept]

'cups for Fives'?

 

[Lindley]

As someone who went through college without picking up any "partying skills", let me say----they're just as important as anything else, so long as you keep things balanced on that front. My grades are all fine and I've got a good job as a result of them, but I still look back on college as a missed opportunity because I didn't get on the social scene much at all.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

If he can get those results without trying, I wouldn't be too downhearted. My experience of being a student is that all but the most diligent did the barest minimum and saved their energy for partying. There's real skill in getting a degree this way.

As someone who went through college without picking up any "partying skills", let me say----they're just as important as anything else, so long as you keep things balanced on that front. My grades are all fine and I've got a good job as a result of them, but I still look back on college as a missed opportunity because I didn't get on the social scene much at all.

I do appreciate that, and you may know from my previous posts he does party. He went to bloody Knebworth festival a month ago. And he is still only 16 and has plenty of time at college for partying. Thing that really rankled him ~ the first guy he saw when collecting results at school got 8 A*s and 4 As.

'cups for Fives'?

It's like squash with gloves instead of a racket. Really mean sport

 

[Australis]

Considering how badly I messed up my HSC (Aus exam before going to college), and consequently didn't have higher education then, I think you're being a bit hard. He's got a place in college, he's relatively normal, he loves his Mum, it'll be fine.

Thanks to my teen tomfoolery it's been a much longer journey, interesting... but longer. Cut the kid some slack. It could have been worse.

 

[Deckerd]

Also if it rankled that one of his mates did so well, the competitive beast in him may have been stirred. There is hope!

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Considering how badly I messed up my HSC (Aus exam before going to college), and consequently didn't have higher education then, I think you're being a bit hard. He's got a place in college, he's relatively normal, he loves his Mum, it'll be fine.

Thanks to my teen tomfoolery it's been a much longer journey, interesting... but longer. Cut the kid some slack. It could have been worse.

I know, and honestly I need answers like that, because all that's in my mind at the moment is that it could have been much better.

 

[SilentP]

Thing that really rankled him ~ the first guy he saw when collecting results at school got 8 A*s and 4 As.

I saw your son's results and thought that was pretty good for someone who didn't do the most amount of work possible, then I saw this guy's results

Seriously, your son has damn good grades, they may not have been the highest possible, but they're still quite impressive, IMHO. And like Deckerd said, maybe seeing how his peers did will inspire him to do more. Just out of curiousity, did the first guy party as much?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Also if it rankled that one of his mates did so well, the competitive beast in him may have been stirred. There is hope!

Thing that really rankled him ~ the first guy he saw when collecting results at school got 8 A*s and 4 As.

I saw your son's results and thought that was pretty good for someone who didn't do the most amount of work possible, then I saw this guy's results

Seriously, your son has damn good grades, they may not have been the highest possible, but they're still quite impressive, IMHO. And like Deckerd said, maybe seeing how his peers did will inspire him to do more. Just out of curiousity, did the first guy party as much?

Hopefully Deckerd, the competetive beast has been unleashed ~ but too late for this year

And SilentP, whilst we were leaving the school office there were a pair of twins and their parents heading for their envelopes.
"I don't know why they've bothered to come up" says Son,
"Why? Have they no hope?" K'eh, desperately trying to inspire.
Son: "No ~ they're obviously going to get A*s across the board. They're so funny"
K'eh: "Funny Ha ha or funny peculiar?"
Son: "Well they're amusing, but they're funny 'cos all they did was sit down and study" ~ same goes for Charlie, the A* guy.



Apparently 45% of his year at his school got straight A*s or As.

Yes *holds hands up* I'm an education snob I wanted my son to get an A* *weeps pathetically*

 

[TheBrew]

It's okay, you are just a good Mum. If my Mum didn't drive me batty to do better, she wouldn't be as great as she is.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Better to have good grades while having a life than have excellent grades and spend your youth sitting in a chair. Education is important, but so it enjoying your time. The key is keeping it balanced. For my experience, "all A" students tends to be assholes due to all the pressure and stress, and they are prone to breakdown at the worst possible moments. So be happy that your kid is a well balanced individual, with a diligent side and a wild side. And don't worry, when he will be getting his college degree, nobody will be asking what his grades in high school were.

If you may present a personal example, here I am: average 7/10 in high school, graduated with 56/60 (weird Italian scale, I know), bachelor's and master's degree with top grades and some months from my PhD. Everything combined with sports, parties, girlfriend, general slack, and an unhealthy obsession for Star Trek.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

It's okay, you are just a good Mum. If my Mum didn't drive me batty to do better, she wouldn't be as great as she is.

I love you * 3 big glasses of wine down* but I obviously did not have a big enough stick ~ just a honey glazed enormous carrot, which I shall have great pleasure in scoffing tonight.

And thanks Igi, I do understand 'well-roundedness' is important, but I just wanted him to get an A* ~ and I know that is so sad.
He has no aspirations for University. He doesn't really want to leave home again, has no specific subject or goal yet and we both are not keen on the £25,000 overdraft he will incure.
He's studying Japanese and there is a Japanese restaurant opening in our town soon. If he can be a waiter there whilst studying, and maybe train as a sushi chef ~ just thinking outside the box ~ they command a bloody fortune. It's an option...

 

[cultcross]

And thanks Igi, I do understand 'well-roundedness' is important, but I just wanted him to get an A* ~ and I know that is so sad.

It's not, my mother was the same way - she was a teacher, education meant the world to her. I kind of coasted my way through GCSEs and A Levels, but then, as everyone does at some point, hit a brick wall where I couldn't coast any more in my first year at Uni - my grades slipped; not badly, but slipped in the sense your son's have slipped. I was annoyed at myself, sure, but the worst part was that kind of 'oh. well, I'm sure you tried hard' look on my mother's face.
It was that more than anything else that made me pull my finger out and try my ass off the rest of Uni, and I walked away with the reward at the end.
Sometimes a little healthy pushing is a good thing. Just don't overdo it.

He has no aspirations for University. He doesn't really want to leave home again, has no specific subject or goal yet and we both are not keen on the £25,000 overdraft he will incure.

I would strongly suggest with grades like his he rethinks this in today's climate - he may be alright now, but he will hit a glass ceiling without a degree quickly and may find himself very bored.
Don't think too hard about the money - it's the sweetest loan you will ever get, if he isn't able to pay it, he doesn't pay it. If he doesn't pay it by the deadline, it's written off. It's really not 'debt' in the common sense (of say a CapitalOne card racking up interest and sending round bailiffs). The education he'd get is worth the money, I guarantee it.

He's studying Japanese and there is a Japanese restaurant opening in our town soon. If he can be a waiter there whilst studying, and maybe train as a sushi chef ~ just thinking outside the box ~ they command a bloody fortune. It's an option...

Having said all that, that would be awesome.

 

[iguana_tonante]

He has no aspirations for University. He doesn't really want to leave home again, has no specific subject or goal yet and we both are not keen on the £25,000 overdraft he will incure.

I would strongly suggest with grades like his he rethinks this in today's climate - he may be alright now, but he will hit a glass ceiling without a degree quickly and may find himself very bored.

Yeah, I agree. He may think nothing of it now, but in a few years he will regret that. Don't think about the money you will spend (except if you are having problems with rent or something), think about the possibility. I agree there is an inflation of university degrees even for jobs that don't really need them, so better get on the ship before it departs.
I know probably that's not the problem right now and you just wanted to vent, but better to think about it sooner than later.

He's studying Japanese and there is a Japanese restaurant opening in our town soon. If he can be a waiter there whilst studying, and maybe train as a sushi chef ~ just thinking outside the box ~ they command a bloody fortune. It's an option...

Having said all that, that would be awesome.

Bloody awesome.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

... my mother was the same way - she was a teacher, education meant the world to her. I kind of coasted my way through GCSEs and A Levels, but then, as everyone does at some point, hit a brick wall where I couldn't coast any more in my first year at Uni - my grades slipped; not badly, but slipped in the sense your son's have slipped. I was annoyed at myself, sure, but the worst part was that kind of 'oh. well, I'm sure you tried hard' look on my mother's face.
It was that more than anything else that made me pull my finger out and try my ass off the rest of Uni, and I walked away with the reward at the end.
Sometimes a little healthy pushing is a good thing. Just don't overdo it

Thanks CC and Igi. Unfortunately my face could not lie, I said the grades were 'great' but he knows there are many more adjectives I would have liked to have used.

He's slipped already at GCSE's ~ he thought he could coast them and was expecting a handful of A*s. I think you're right and it will make him realise he is not the 'All Star' he expected to be. So his reward will be a study area in his room; desk, lighting, files and additional study guides/aids for his A levels.

...

He has no aspirations for University. He doesn't really want to leave home again, has no specific subject or goal yet and we both are not keen on the £25,000 overdraft he will incure.

I would strongly suggest with grades like his he rethinks this in today's climate - he may be alright now, but he will hit a glass ceiling without a degree quickly and may find himself very bored.
Don't think too hard about the money - it's the sweetest loan you will ever get, if he isn't able to pay it, he doesn't pay it. If he doesn't pay it by the deadline, it's written off. It's really not 'debt' in the common sense (of say a CapitalOne card racking up interest and sending round bailiffs). The education he'd get is worth the money, I guarantee it

I'm still not convinced about the current value of a University degree. There are still a couple of years to go to make a decision. If Son wants to go to Uni and study Japanese or something that he has a total and utter passion for, then, as always in his life it will happen.

...

He's studying Japanese and there is a Japanese restaurant opening in our town soon. If he can be a waiter there whilst studying, and maybe train as a sushi chef ~ just thinking outside the box ~ they command a bloody fortune. It's an option...

Having said all that, that would be awesome.

It would When he gets his sushi chef bandana it will be posted here

 

[sidious618]

I'm still not convinced about the current value of a University degree.

Then I'd get yourself convinced because in all likelihood your son will need one.

 

[cultcross]

I'm still not convinced about the current value of a University degree.

Very high. Whatever the media would like you to think. Especially if it is a decent degree at a decent institution. Studying a modern foreign language like Japanese, particularly matched with another language from a different language group, would make your son very employable for life.

 

[kustirider2]

Not really.. Those grades are still gonna get him far in life.

I got mine today too (The year 10 ones), I've never achieved over a C.. and, with my results, still haven't now either.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Not really.. Those grades are still gonna get him far in life.

I got mine today too (The year 10 ones), I've never achieved over a C.. and, with my results, still haven't now either.

See this is when I sound like a complete shit. Sorry.

You passed your exams, really well done.

I am just a bad Mother and expect too much.