and my Mum won't let me go to Knebworth

[K'Ehleyr]

(From a 16 yr old's point of view)
So here's the story...
My mate Jonny won tickets for this bodacious gig at Knebworth this weekend. Trobs is I don't have any money to go ~ it's so not my fault I can't get a job at 16 and accidently spent my £50 pocket money + the £100 I weasled out of Mom, cos she's a soft touch but the blow was cool man.
So Mum doesn't particularly like Jonny 'cos we had this suicide pact last year at school. I mean it was just jumping in front of a train and we both said we'd totally do it. Then there were the things I found in the Chem lab and wondered exactly how lethal they were.
Anyway Mum and school got a bit upset about the suicide notes that I wrote to everyone and I was sent home. No-one said much, but I got my own counsellor and had to go to some 'mental health thing' every month. Then everyone flew off the roof because I admitted to smoking a joint or two. Oh, for fucks sake, what's everyone's problem
So then I stayed friends with Jonny and even snuck him into our house and called him Jack ~ but Mum sussed me out, called me out and threw us out first thing in the morning - BITCH.
So... I really want to go to this gig, but I told Mum it was another friend ~ Lulu, that had the tickets and she was like 'I want her mum's number to check on arrangements'...
So I've taken my school bank account card from my mum's purse and if she doesn't let me go I'm just gonna.

Yeah ~ I mean what's my Mum gonna do?

Yeah, really, what the fuck am I going to do? [K'eh]

 

[trampledamage]

Bearing in mind my oldest is four and a half, so I have no clue about teenagers.

How sure are you that he is lying about who has the tickets, and that he has the bank card?

If you're definite on both, I would confront him, tell him you know he's done these things, and therefore no way no how is he going to the concert because he's just proved he can't be trusted.

Of course, since he's 16 I guess he'll probably end up going anyway somehow, but I definitely wouldn't give my permission.

 

[MANT!]

Rebellious youth,wacky fun..and totally wrong..

My oldest had issues with parental authority, he ended up drunk in public in a dry county..arrested and put in jail overnight..got caught with a couple of doobies and again spent a night in jail (as he was a minor)..finally his mother sent him to me, and I totally restricted his access to friends, internet,cell phone and the like for 3 weeks..gradually giving those privileges back as he earned them for good behavior..after that he returned to his mother..

When things re-boiled over for him, he went out here to California to get on his feet..and he agreed that he was not going to use weed..an agreement that he broke within a month..I sent him back to his mother which shocked him to a huge degree. He realized the path he was on..made NEW friends and got a full time job working hard..

Perhaps somthing that gives a mental shock to show that you (and the world) mean business.. Is the father involved in any way?

 

[Plecostomus]

Kill 'em and make another one. Obviously this one is defective in some way.

 

[Kommander]

Cancel the bank card.

 

[Misfit Toy]

My son becomes a teenager in three days.

I'm frightened.

 

[trampledamage]

Bearing in mind my oldest is four and a half, so I have no clue about teenagers.

How sure are you that he is lying about who has the tickets, and that he has the bank card?

If you're definite on both, I would confront him, tell him you know he's done these things, and therefore no way no how is he going to the concert because he's just proved he can't be trusted.

Of course, since he's 16 I guess he'll probably end up going anyway somehow, but I definitely wouldn't give my permission.

Actually thinking about it you might want to take the opposite approach.

If he's reasonably sensible normally then maybe say to him, I know you'll find a way to go to the concert with or without my blessing, so I'm going to give you permission to go because I want you to be safe and know you can call me if you need to. But lying and stealing are the reasons I can't trust you to be an adult.

 

[SeerSGB]

Cancel the bank card.

Or report the card as stolen (from a certain POV it is) and when he goes to use it let his butt get arrested. That'll send a message.

 

[trampledamage]

My son becomes a teenager in three days.

I'm frightened.

Hey, happy birthday Misfit Toy Jr.

 

[Mallory]

Man, if any one of my kids ever pulled that kind of shit on me I'd have the police all over their ass in no time. Of course, they knew that which is why I pretty much skated through their teens. Except for my son, who needs the Daily Reminder.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

...How sure are you that he is lying about who has the tickets, and that he has the bank card?

If you're definite on both, I would confront him, tell him you know he's done these things, and therefore no way no how is he going to the concert because he's just proved he can't be trusted.

Of course, since he's 16 I guess he'll probably end up going anyway somehow, but I definitely wouldn't give my permission.

He texted me late this afternoon and said he'd left me a note. In the note he admitted lying to me that it was Jonny and not Lulu that had the tickets. He also said that he wouldn't be home this evening. I texted back saying If he chose to stay out then at least be decent enough to tell me where he is. He replied with a friends address. I'm not 100% about the card but will do as Kommander says and cancel it in the morning.

The thing that really pisses me off is that Knebworth is a totally famous venue ~ I've not been, neither have my man, or my mum and dad and we were all clubbing together to get him money to go.
No he has totally fucked that. There's weedling, there are little white 'no I wasn't smoking mum' lies then there are the 'I'm planning to go away for a weekend with someone that has already agreed to kill himself and me'.

And he wonders why I have a problem with that

Rebellious youth,wacky fun..and totally wrong..

My oldest had issues with parental authority, he ended up drunk in public in a dry county..arrested and put in jail overnight..got caught with a couple of doobies and again spent a night in jail (as he was a minor)..finally his mother sent him to me, and I totally restricted his access to friends, internet,cell phone and the like for 3 weeks..gradually giving those privileges back as he earned them for good behavior..after that he returned to his mother..

When things re-boiled over for him, he went out here to California to get on his feet..and he agreed that he was not going to use weed..an agreement that he broke within a month..I sent him back to his mother which shocked him to a huge degree. He realized the path he was on..made NEW friends and got a full time job working hard..

Perhaps somthing that gives a mental shock to show that you (and the world) mean business.. Is the father involved in any way?

The father is useless. Late 40s and just left his second wife with three kids for a 21 year old that he works with. When I spoke to him tonight he said he wasn't in a position to do anything as he was being evicted from his lodgings. I cut the conversation with a 'well that's really not my buisness how about your son. His ex-wife however is cool and son gets on with her. I've filled her in on the situation and we're planning a 'pincher manoevre' tomorrow. Son has 3 ways to go ~ my mum, me and step-mum. We are all agreed that he is totally out of line this time.
Imagine the scariest pic of three furious women and you don't have to be 16 to be intimidated, but unfortunately his time has come. Shit I'm terrified

Kill 'em and make another one. Obviously this one is defective in some way.

But that would involve having sex again ~ yuk!

Cancel the bank card.

That was the only sensible thing that his father said ~ ever

 

[trampledamage]

The thing that really pisses me off is that Knebworth is a totally famous venue ~ I've not been, neither have my man, or my mum and dad and we were all clubbing together to get him money to go.

Tell him that. Tell him that you were all going to give him the treat of being able to go and have fun, but he had to be underhanded and stupid and juvenile. Tell him just how much he has spoiled and how many people it has affected.

It might be all water off a duck's back or some of it might sink in.

Good luck

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Actually thinking about it you might want to take the opposite approach.

If he's reasonably sensible normally then maybe say to him, I know you'll find a way to go to the concert with or without my blessing, so I'm going to give you permission to go because I want you to be safe and know you can call me if you need to. But lying and stealing are the reasons I can't trust you to be an adult.

The lying and stealing bit is what my Mum said and has said that she will not have any time for him until he understands what he put the family through last year. At the same time as this 'suicide pact shit' (I say that lightly but I'm trembling as I type), my 93 yr old granddad was dying, my Mum who suffers from MS was trying to look after him in various homes on her scooter and I lost my job because I had to take so much time off for Sam's school, counselling, Mum and Gramps. And yes, as I type this it's cathartic because son does not have a clue how bigger curved ball he threw, and of course ~ you can't mention it because he'll play the fucking suicide card again

Cancel the bank card.

Or report the card as stolen (from a certain POV it is) and when he goes to use it let his butt get arrested. That'll send a message.

Man, if any one of my kids ever pulled that kind of shit on me I'd have the police all over their ass in no time. Of course, they knew that which is why I pretty much skated through their teens. Except for my son, who needs the Daily Reminder.

If the collective '3 witches' can't talk sense into him before Friday then I will report the card missing and file a missing persons report on him.

Aha ~ just thought, I'm on his laptop but I'm administrator which should mean I can get into all sorts... that's allowed isn't it

Really thank you so much all, it's 4am and there's no chance of me sleeping and I don't want to annoy man. So I'm here with 'Generations' and you lot, and tissues because I can't stop crying .

 

[trampledamage]

Actually thinking about it you might want to take the opposite approach.

If he's reasonably sensible normally then maybe say to him, I know you'll find a way to go to the concert with or without my blessing, so I'm going to give you permission to go because I want you to be safe and know you can call me if you need to. But lying and stealing are the reasons I can't trust you to be an adult.

The lying and stealing bit is what my Mum said and has said that she will not have any time for him until he understands what he put the family through last year. At the same time as this 'suicide pact shit' (I say that lightly but I'm trembling as I type), my 93 yr old granddad was dying, my Mum who suffers from MS was trying to look after him in various homes on her scooter and I lost my job because I had to take so much time off for Sam's school, counselling, Mum and Gramps. And yes, as I type this it's cathartic because son does not have a clue how bigger curved ball he threw, and of course ~ you can't mention it because he'll play the fucking suicide card again

Take him down to the nearest Army recruiting office.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Actually thinking about it you might want to take the opposite approach.

If he's reasonably sensible normally then maybe say to him, I know you'll find a way to go to the concert with or without my blessing, so I'm going to give you permission to go because I want you to be safe and know you can call me if you need to. But lying and stealing are the reasons I can't trust you to be an adult.

The lying and stealing bit is what my Mum said and has said that she will not have any time for him until he understands what he put the family through last year. At the same time as this 'suicide pact shit' (I say that lightly but I'm trembling as I type), my 93 yr old granddad was dying, my Mum who suffers from MS was trying to look after him in various homes on her scooter and I lost my job because I had to take so much time off for Sam's school, counselling, Mum and Gramps. And yes, as I type this it's cathartic because son does not have a clue how bigger curved ball he threw, and of course ~ you can't mention it because he'll play the fucking suicide card again

Take him down to the nearest Army recruiting office.

I never thought I'd sound like my gramps but they know nothing and respect nothing...

But on the other side of the coin ~ it's totally in his genes. My Mum was caught by my Gramps trying to hitch a lift to a Rolling Stones party (it was the 60s), and at 15 I was delivered home in a car by the chap that owned the stables where my horse was after a camping party and throwing up in his car

Yeah pot ~ kettle ~ black

Perhaps it is all karma and what went around is coming around for me

 

[sidious618]

My family has been having some trouble with my sis who is 15. She drank for the first time last June and she decided it'd be appropriate if she drank half a bottle of vodka for her first time.

She barfed twenty times the next morning and was grounded for three weeks. A week after being grounded she promptly drank again and lied straight to my mother's face about it. She was grounded again and it just ended today so we'll have to see.

My advice? Hold your ground and punish the crap out of him. Ground him, take away his phone, computer etc. I don't advise getting the police involved as they are not a parenting service and have more important things to worry about. Plus, if the cop is a dick you don't want your son having a record because that could hurt him in the future.

Or you could sign him on here and let us talk to him.

 

[MANT!]

Really thank you so much all, it's 4am and there's no chance of me sleeping and I don't want to annoy man. So I'm here with 'Generations' and you lot, and tissues because I can't stop crying .

I'm sorry that he has put you through this..but all of em do at one time or another..

and yes it's very much a wheel, but it never makes it easier when it happens to you..

Stay up if you must, don't mention the suicide thing, you and yours show him where the rubber meets the road..cancel the card..and where-ever he ends up staying, make sure his "Fun" is severely curtailed..

Military service is an option but it must be HIS decision..that's only right if he's likely to risk life and limb..but perhaps a recruiter can let him know the honorable path it can be..

Finally, charge rent to him..he's 16 after all, that makes him the equivalent to an 18 year old in the USA, not yet a full adult, but responsible for his actions..perhaps when he sees just how the world actually can work, maybe he'll get off his ass and try not to make his life an endless summer..

 

[Aurian]

Im sorry you are going through this K, it is just not fair.
Since I work in social services and have great faith in the things they can do, I urge you to atleast contact them and ask for their advice. You may be anonymous if you do not feel confident in going for help full-way.
Your son is beyond reasonable right now, and there is no easy way to deal with it on your own. Rally the troops (the witches) and get the authorities on it.

 

[Australis]

My teens are generally considered polite, friendly and helpful... and even they have pulled this kind of stuff on me. I admit, not the suicide stuff, but the general bucking of authority at most opportunities.

I think the 3 Furies approach will work best. When he can see he's up against a united front, it's very different compared to just one person.

Good luck, thinking of you.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sorry to hear all this, K'ehleyr. This is why I would never have kids. I'm definitely not up for it.