I was born with cerebral palsy. I spent most of my childhood in various physical therapy programs; and now, most people can't even tell. I do have a slight gait that, unless you're looking for, wouldn't even notice it.
Other than having my application to the Naval Academy turned down, it's had very little effect on my life.
Wow. I'm glad it's had little effect on your life outside of that.
Okay, fact about me that few people know. I could do a silly list of quirks, because I have an endless amount, but I'm going to go with something serious instead. Some of the recent comments around here have had me thinking about it.
People around here are now starting to understand that I am very self-conscious about my physical appearance and that I have low self-esteem in that regard. Many of you probably do not understand why.
I'm wearing makeup in every picture you have seen of me (excluding chidlhood pics). I don't often wear mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick, whatever. But I wear a heavy foundation to cover my face. This is because I have many scars on my face, and they are really quite horrible.
All through high school and even beyond, my parents dragged me to countless dermatologists to see what could be done. I was examined, performed procedures on, made promises, made to take medicine, and .... nothing. One dermatologist actually succeeded in essentially giving me an acid burn on a part of my face that he was trying to treat. I know my parents and family meant well, but they made me feel like my physical appearance was some horrible disfigurement that simply
had to be fixed at whatever the cost. I think they felt that I would never be physically attractive to anyone otherwise.
Eventually, I told them I was done. That rather than endless promises and doctors' visits, I just wanted to try and accept what I was. They relented and only occasionally ask me to see a dermatologist now. The thing is, I haven't accepted it. If I leave the house, I wear makeup. Whether it's to go to the store, just to go to the drive-thru, to visit friends. I won't step out of the house to get the mail or answer the door to the mailman if I don't have makeup on. Only the people closest to me see me without any makeup, now.
When I think of myself, my self-image is that which you see in pictures. The makeup version. I can't find a way to cope with how I look unless I retain that self-image. I do know that I can be attractive with makeup. I see guys look at me, and I can recognize that attention. But I feel that they're not really seeing me, or appreciating me as I truly am. It also doesn't help that my sister is gorgeous and all eyes always go straight to her.
The thing is, I did manage to find someone who loves me for who I am. Even in high school, I think my family was a bit surprised at the guys who were interested in me. And when I brought home my husband for the first time when we were dating, my sister kept talking about how he was so good looking. I know they're somewhat surprised I managed to find someone like him.
I still struggle with this a lot and one of the reasons I liked the internet so much was that no one needed to see me. I can sit here and post without makeup on and none of you treat me any differently for it. So ... I don't know why I went into all this. I guess I just wanted to explain part of the reason I'm so insecure. But also for everyone to keep in mind that there
are things we don't know about each other, even when we think we do.
Hope that's not too much of a downer!
and you guys say TNZ is bad ...
