Kitchen Confessional: Good cooks come out as closeted McD's eaters

[Timby]

As an offshoot of the hot dog discussion that has derailed this thread, let us step away from food snobbery and instead step into a happy zone, a comfort zone, a thread of forgiveness where we can confess to the horrible truths that permeate our lives in the kitchen. We might swear that homemade stock is the way to go, but we secretly rely on cans of Swanson's. We might publicly scorn beef and ramen, but in the darkness indulge in Spaghetti-O's. From the can.

It's okay, my friends.

Let it all out. This is where the atonement, the forgiveness and the healing can begin. Let us cry together, my brothers and sisters ... and gain strength from the sharing.

I'll begin.

My name is Timby, and while I may be a hell of a good cook and live in no fear of preparing dishes of exotic, foreign origin ... some nights it's just Taco Night. And I use those McCormick's packets that are basically salt, MSG, and cumin. They just make the meat taste so damn good, damn it.

Also, I rarely eat cereal, but when I do, I buy the most ridiculous "chocolate fruity pebbles with marshmallows and double plus good sugar added" I can find. I do this for the sole reason of being a symbolic slap in the face to Mr. Kellog as well as Jesus.

 

[ITL]

I have a fondness for microwave-burgers-in-a-box. Feck knows what crap is contained within, but I loves 'em anyway.

 

[Kira's Mom]

Mmmm, Spaghetti-O's. With sliced franks. I have never outgrown them!

 

[Aurian]

Since there is just no way the "Old El Paso" and "Santa Maria tex-mex" packages is anywhere near authentic mexican food, i will not bother in trying to make them better. Yum.
But we only eat that maaaaaaaaybe once a month.. or even less. Kiddo begs for it often though.

Otherwise, i usually strive to do things home-made.. but that's because I need to justify buying all those cookbooks..

 

[Chekov's Phaser]

Mmmm, Spaghetti-O's. With sliced franks. I have never outgrown them!

That was my lunch!

My breakfast was a cinnamon pop tart.

 

[StolenThunder]

I have a fondness for microwave-burgers-in-a-box. Feck knows what crap is contained within, but I loves 'em anyway.

Yeah, I'd agree with that. I don't know what the secret is - the ingredients list is surprisingly normal.

Also I will occasionally succumb to Kraft Mac & Cheese.

 

[Kommander]

Sometimes I mix two parts ranch dressing with one part ketchup for things like french fries, hamburgers, chicken strips, and other such food. Most people react with horror when they see me do this, but the few people that have actually tried it think it's awesome. Seriously, it tastes a lot better than you'd think it would.

double plus good

I'm just acknowledging your 1984 reference. Anytime I make one that doesn't involve comparing something to Big Brother and/or calling something "Orwellian," no one gets it and it irritates me.

 

[Timby]

I learned how to be a coffee snob from one of my co-workers: Grinding your own beans, French press, the whole nine yards.

That doesn't change the fact that I still use Folgers' Black Silk grounds through the tiny, piece-of-shit Mr. Coffee I bought for when my mother was going to be in town visiting for a weekend.

And I like it.

 

[Holdfast]

I love good food & good wine, enjoy going to fine dining restaurants and can cook to a modest extent too.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I have an irresistable craving for a big dollop of low-rent cholesteroly goodness.

A large MaccyD's quarter-pounder with cheese or filet-o-fish meal (with one their wallpaper-paste "milkshakes") usually fills the gap. Well, maybe an apple pie afterwards too.

But for the really serious cravings, Papa Johns The Works pizza is the only thing that works.

 

[Misfit Toy]

Um...I buy boiled peanuts from a roadside vendor.

I'm not proud of it, but there - it's out now.

 

[Aurian]

OH.. donuts. There is nothing better in the whole world. And I can't bake that.

 

[Timby]

OH.. donuts. There is nothing better in the whole world. And I can't bake that.

That's why you need a deep fryer.

Or, in tune with the "kitchen confessional" theme of the thread ... a FryDaddy.

(No, I don't own one of these, but only because my current kitchen has enough counter space for the aforementioned tiny, piece-of-shit Mr. Coffee and the George Foreman Lean, Mean, Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine.)

 

[Aurian]

I know.. but I would gain 10 kilos in like a week.. Atleast in the store I have to limit myself..

 

[Vulcan Princess]

My grandfather was a gourmet chef. My mother went to cooking school. She taught me everything she knows, and I'm halfway decent at it. (I get compliments whenever I cook for people.) That said, I hate to cook. I'll do it anyway because it's cheaper, but I don't make much stuff from scratch.

On Sunday evenings, when I'm at home alone with my cat, reveling in the silence of my apartment, sometimes I'll have a bowl of guacamole and tortilla chips for dinner. It's so delicious it ought to be a sin.

 

[Angry Angel]

OH.. donuts. There is nothing better in the whole world. And I can't bake that.

That's why you need a deep fryer.

Which will never enter our house. Being Dutch I'm too tempted to having fries and frikandellen or kroketten for dinner on a day you don't want to fuss with cooking. And I would try to find excuses for it.

That is my confession ... I'm dying for fries with 2 frikandellen, and a bear claw drenched in peanut sauce. I don't care if it's made from waste meat. Next time I'm in Holland I'll make a special trip to a snackbar, just for that.

 

[Garak]

I love to cook, but sometimes can't help but go to this shit awful place called Red Burrito and get myself a massive greasy burrito that a Mexican hobo would probably sneer at.

 

[An Officer]

I have eaten more KFC Zingers than I care to admit.

 

[RoJoHen]

But for the really serious cravings, Papa Johns The Works pizza is the only thing that works.

Papa Johns rocks my world.


I also eat way too many Pizza Rolls.

 

[TrekkieMonster]

Oh my God! What a great thread!!!

I, too, am a pretty good cook, and enjoy fine cuisine and even finer wine. I try to eat healthy meals always. There are slips, of course, but for the most part.

I do, however, have a few shameful secret passions. I'm surprised Timby mentioned one right out of the box. My mom always used the McCormick seasoning packets all the time when I was a kid, especially for tacos, and to this day I will sometimes get a craving and no other kind of taco -- no matter how authentic -- will state my hunger.

Likewise that silly "Garlic Bread Sprinkle" they make (which should probably be spelled "Garlik" or something appropriate to indicate that it contains no real, honest to goodness garlic.) I make a mean roasted garlic and parmesan garlic bread when I want to impress guests. But, if it's just me at home alone and I want a quick pasta meal, I whip out the trusty ol' McCormick Garlik Bread Sprinkle and I'm a happy camper, just like when mom used to make it. And, to make matters worse, I can't find it in stores on the east coast, so I have actually stooped to bringing it back on a plane with me after visiting my parents on the west coast. Multiple containers, no less. I was even stopped and searched by the TSA one time because, 3 of them all lined up in my duffle bag apparently looked somewhat like a pipe bomb on the x-ray machine. My shame knows no bounds.

Then, of course, there's the boxed mac & cheese that everyone loves.

But, my one most embarrassing and most secret (until now) food confession is that I absolutely love and cannot get enough of ... Swanson Turkey Pot Pies. But only when I know I'm going to be home alone where no one will see me. I hide them in the back of the extra freezer in the garage, stacking "real food" in front of them so as to better hide my shame.

And it's not just the pies, themselves, but there's a whole ritual about their preparation, plating and consumption that has followed me since I was a small child. They are my passion, and they will be my undoing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to make a trip to my local Whole Foods and fall to my knees before the organic produce gods to ask for forgiveness.

 

[Holdfast]

But, my one most embarrassing and most secret (until now) food confession is that I absolutely love and cannot get enough of ... Swanson Turkey Pot Pies. And not just the pies, themselves, but there's a whole ritual about their preparation, plating and consumption that has followed me since I was a small child. They are my passion, and they will be my undoing.

The mention of pies reminds me of probably my most unhealthy food indulgence. Yes, even worse than McDonalds or Papa Johns.

Pork & Egg (Gala) pies. And it must be cured pink meat and obviously reconstituted egg, none of the retro Melton Mowbray/artisanal chopped meat nonsense using real whole eggs.

No, it needs to be a properly unhealthy pork pie with plenty of jelly. And lashings of pickles, chutney or ketchup. Or all the above.

Now I'm hungry...