CONFESSIONAL thread (ANONYMOUS so tell us the juicy stuff!)

[Gryffindorian]

I think you all are reading too much into kirk's_tights's problem. There is a difference between having an attractive friend and meeting up with an attractive old friend you haven't seen in years.

It's one of those 'I know it shouldn't be awkward, but it is' situations.

But isn't reading into things and making too much over nothing what we do here.

Aye.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

If you say it isn't a trust issue (and I believe you, I never implied otherwise), I don't think there is a problem with you meeting up with your handsome friend. I understand why it would feel kinda awkward, though. I sense a bit of uncertainty and vulnerability. If you find him cute and have a crush on him, don't deny those feelings. They're normal. You need not mention them to your friend or your hubby lest it might complicate things and cause a lot more jealousy and awkwardness. You're committed to your spouse and nothing or no one can change that fact. If you and your husband need some quality time together, you may want to work together to change hours, take some time off, etc. so you don't miss him that much.

Yeah, I get what you mean, I just feel weird about getting "those feelings" over someone else, even though it will amount to nothing anyways. It just feels so wrong. :/

I wish he could quit (he's been there 14 years and actually hates it now) but I was laid off so it's not exactly something he can just walk in tomorrow and do. Plus, the money he makes is awesome and he would have to try to find a job with similar pay or have to work his way up the ladder again, which is what I get stuck doing now because my job was awesome and had awesome pay (my middle finger extends to the economy right now) so it's crap. He is really hoping to get laid off because our company gives heavy $$$ packages. I worked there for a little over 6 years and got a hefty package so with his 14 years, I can just imagine how much $$ he would get but he is too important and knows far too much for them to afford getting rid of him so he's kinda pissed.

He woud like to switch to the early shift but he can't. It's a distribution centre and the afternoon shift is the most important shift where all orders need to be finished and shipped before anyone can leave so it's a major deal to have guys like him on that shift to get everything out and make sure it's done right.

Thanks to everyone and their input. It helps a lot. ^_^

 

[Gryffindorian]

It's also normal to have "those feelings" that you feel are so wrong. Something tells me you might have had a religious upbringing(?), and that's fine, too. As you said, we're all different.

We live in such tough economic times, that it really hits close to home for lots of people. Hang in there and things will likely change for the better.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Sorry, double post.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

It's also normal to have "those feelings" that you feel are so wrong. Something tells me you might have had a religious upbringing(?), and that's fine, too. As you said, we're all different.

We live in such tough economic times, that it really hits close to home for lots of people. Hang in there and things will likely change for the better.

I'm athiest, haha.

Thanks for the kind words. My 2009 has been a huge flop. It could be much worse but I really hope not.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

Yeah, I get what you mean, I just feel weird about getting "those feelings" over someone else, even though it will amount to nothing anyways. It just feels so wrong. :/

A large amount of people will eventually fall in love with someone else when they have a relationship. If you ask me, it's completely normal; you can't simply shut that function off or anything. And you don't even have to act on it; these feelings usually don't last for a long while, as long as the relationship hasn't stagnated. If it has, then you've got bigger issues do deal with, I think.

I'd simply go out with him, have a drink, have a bite. If you develop feelings, just ignore them and they'll go away. If you don't develop feelings, then there's no problem. But it seems a bit nonsense to not do something you'd both like, just because you're afraid of your possible feelings; life is all about taking chances you know.

Besides, feelings you've had for someone in the past usually don't propagate in into the future; not everything's like a high school flick where you fall in love all over again; in my experience, that rarely happens in real life and I've been in that situation more then once. People change, and they're not the same person you had a crush on.

So don't worry about it so much. Just do whatever would give you the most fun time.

 

[Australis]

KT, my advice would be:
meet in public,
keep it public,
Keep it brief(ish),
keep it light.

I've sorta been in that place. Why I could do it was acknowledging to myself that I'm heavily married, and that any thoughts about someone else (right now) is purest fantasy. My SO is extremely jealous, even a furtive glance is noticed, even an oblivious look (where I didn't know what I was looking at) gets a reprimand.

So keep it short, and carry it on via email, as a conversation between friends.

Also reminds me about my recent joining of FB, where a whole bunch of girls I haven't seen since primary school got in touch. I last saw them in 1970. And there's that funny vibe of "hmm, how you doin'?" in their enquiries. So I'm keeping my distance for now, which isn't hard as the nearest one is a hundred miles away, the rest are four hundred miles away.

 

[Amaris]

After all, we're only human!


J.

 

[Australis]

Yes, I know, normally I keep my awesomeosity under wraps.

 

[Holdfast]

A few more anonymous confessions:

Bit of an odd thing to confess, but what the hell.

Most people get deja vu, right? How it feels is different for everyone I would guess, but mine just gets to me sometimes. Occasionaly it's like when it actually happens, it feels like can actually say 'Wait a minute, why do I remember doing this 3 months ago?' or give an actual time. I don't know if that's how it's meant to work with some people, but it sounds unusual enough to me.

What feel worse though is something I call 'double deja vu' when while the event that I remember is happening, not only does it feel like I've done it before, I 'remember' having the exact same feeling of deja vu the 'original' time the event happened. Sometimes it almost feels like it sets off a recursion in my head that's disorientating to say the least.

One last feeling with it is when the event that I get deja vu with last more than say 5-10 seconds, every action I take feels...painful, in that try to dog anything other than what I 'remember' having happened feels uncomfortable.

I may be completely wrong in thinking this is unusual, but I'm the only one I know out of the few people I've talked to about this that has experienced something similar.

I've had the "recursive deja vu", at least.

The next one is a sort of spin-off (spin-back?) from the Cupid thread:

No one knows this, but there are a few guys on the board that I have a crush on.

One of them is Astrosmurf. I usually don't name names, but he is witty, intelligent, funny, and adorable. I did not select him in the Secret Crush thread because I did not wish to complicate matters, as I am male, but I do think he is very cute, regardless of what he might think of me, and a person with a heart of gold.

Finally, this one takes keeping it in the family to a new height:

When I was 17, I dated three women at the same time. None of them knew I was dating the others, and I managed to keep that going for six months until one moved away and the other found someone new. The third one I broke up with. To this day, none of them know, and I have managed to keep that secret for many years. What makes that feat so special to me? They were all sisters.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

When I was 17, I dated three women at the same time. None of them knew I was dating the others, and I managed to keep that going for six months until one moved away and the other found someone new. The third one I broke up with. To this day, none of them know, and I have managed to keep that secret for many years. What makes that feat so special to me? They were all sisters.

"What's the name of your boyfriend?"
"Oh really?? That's the name of mine too!"
"Mine too!"
"Wow our boyfriends all have the same name!"
"And the same color of eyes!"
"And the same size of dick!"
"And the same preferences in bed!"
...
"How very weird. Oh well!"

 

[Colonel Green]

A fresh confession. And it's a good one:

I'm kinda horrified by this. You need to be honest with the woman that you're with (the one you're married to, that is). Being at 85% of where you were is meaningless if she doesn't know the truth. And think about how you're damaging her everytime you violate her trust. Everytime you have violated her trust.

Come clean and see where things go from there.

Agreed. I'm not one to pass judgment, but isn't marriage supposed to be monogamous? You made a vow to be faithful and to love only your wife and no one else. I think you (the confessor) have to make an assessment of your marriage and your whole relationship with your partner and try to see where this relationship is really going.

I couldn't disagree more. Obviously he should stop cheating (and seemingly has), but to suddenly confess his past infidelities would be nothing short of selfish. His conscience will be cleared, but his wife will be utterly devastated.

Keep your mouth shut and your dick in your pants.

 

[Kestra]

^ Oh, I do agree that confessing to infidelities can sometimes be a selfish act. But in this case, it appears that this person has a very difficult time being faithful. Which honestly, is understandable. The temptation is out there. But if he's "come clean" before and then cheated again, it's likely to happen again. He himself said that the temptation is still there. Simply saying "don't let it happen again" doesn't seem realistic in this situation.

 

[Squiggy]

A few more anonymous confessions:

No one knows this, but there are a few guys on the board that I have a crush on.

One of them is Astrosmurf. I usually don't name names, but he is witty, intelligent, funny, and adorable. I did not select him in the Secret Crush thread because I did not wish to complicate matters, as I am male...

Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I can see how "telling the wife about the affairs" might seem like a selfish act (to clear one's conscience). My advice to the confessor would be to talk with a counselor by himself, and if needed, have joint marriage counseling. If you're going to constantly cheat on your mate, you might as well ask yourself the question, "Do I still love him/her?" Which is why I asked him to evaluate/assess his relationship with the wife to see where things are going.

As for AstroSmurf, I, think he's a really nice and thoughtful guy. Why keep it a secret, though? I'm sure many posters feel the same about him.

 

[Gepard]

I've had the "recursive deja vu", at least.

As have I. It can be rather alarming.

 

[AstroSmurf]

A few more anonymous confessions:

No one knows this, but there are a few guys on the board that I have a crush on.

One of them is Astrosmurf. I usually don't name names, but he is witty, intelligent, funny, and adorable. I did not select him in the Secret Crush thread because I did not wish to complicate matters, as I am male...

Somehow I don't think that'll be a problem.

No it wouldn't and I am really confused. I thought my being a "Big Mo" was common knowledge but I am not all that feminine. (Don't get the wrong idea about the fairy costume kids. My being butch then wearing make-up and looking all girly was part of the big joke with that costume.) That could be throwing things off a bit. And I know for certain everyone knows about my being slutty. I advertise that.

 

[DiSiLLUSiON]

I've had the "recursive deja vu", at least.

As have I. It can be rather alarming.

As have I; once in a while. It can be very disorienting.

But the alarming phase only starts when you believe in reincarnation and learning life's lessons, and start to wonder whether it's a sign of you reliving your life again. And start to wonder if you're doing good, or if you're making the same mistakes. And if you are, what the actual mistakes are. Was it this? Was it that? What did I do? What didn't I do? What did I do wrong? Did I do anything right? Ahhhhh! Help Me!

Fortunately, I don't think about it like that. But I can imagine that would be come very annoying, very fast.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Sorry, but I have to confess to AstroSmurf, that when I first saw his Halloween fairy costume years ago, I thought it was a Talaxian costume. Sorry, my bad.

 

[Gryffindorian]

I've had deja vu experiences before. Sometimes I've had things happen to me that I don't even remember (would that be considered reverse deja vu?). Sometimes I have a feeling I'm going to do something I'm going to remember or not, but it's like I have a "memory of the future."