Changing last name after marriage: Who takes whose?

[SeerSGB]

Okay this is a convo that me and the wife have been having lately. For a variety of private reasons, I'm seriously considering changing IRL name. Well from there we got on the topic of why didn't I take her family name when we got married or for that matter, why didn't we just keep our respective family names? And frankly, I can't think of a reason, beyond we just did, to why we did have my wife take my family name.

What's others folks thoughts on this? Is taking our spouse's last name that big of a deal? And how do you feel on the "husband" taking the "Wife's"? Or is it just some silly hold over tradition from the past?

 

[Kestra]

I think people should do whatever they want, regardless of tradition. I took my husband's last name because I wanted us to have the same last name and deep down, I'm big on traditions, even silly and outdated ones.

But if a husband wants to take his wife's last name, or no one wants to change their name, it doesn't matter. A name's important to a person. So everyone should do as they like.

 

[Vulcan Princess]

I agree with Kestra. A name is very personal and the decision should be left up to the affected parties.

I'm not married, but if I do marry at some point in the future, I'm planning on keeping my name. I've had it all my life and I'm attached to it, plus, it's better for my career to keep it. I would consider hyphenating if it was a big deal to my future husband, but that could prove unwieldy. My surname is already 9 letters long.

I'm not sure what I would do for any future children. Hyphenation would cause the same problem with the long name, so I'll probably just give them my husband's name. The only thing I'm worried about is that I have no brothers or male cousins, so the family name won't get carried on if I (or my sister or one of my cousins, but they're all pretty traditionalist) don't pass it on.

 

[sidious618]

I'd want my wife to keep her last name. We're still two individuals.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

I'd want to keep my last name, since my family name means a lot to me. I wouldn't care if hypothetical future wife took my name, though, it's up to her (although for hypothetical future kids, it would be an issue and I'd tend to at least want male children to take my last name). It's a bizarre situation (probably the only one where I'm backwards looking and dated) but continuing my last name means a lot to me (there are probably only a handful of men of my generation with my last name in the entire country, so that number will continue to decline).

 

[Aurian]

I would take my husbands name. I am not overly fond of my last name right now, but I am also like Kestra pretty big on traditions like that.

 

[Michael Chris]

When I get married I would prefer for her to take my name, but it doesn't matter so long as we have the same last name. The only reason I'd want for her to get my name is because if I took her name that could lead to confusion for people on which set of grandparents are paternal or maternal. Of course, we could also both change names which would be fine too (so long as it was cool yet classy).

That said, I would absolutely insist that I have the same last name as my wife since we would no longer be two individuals but rather we will be one flesh.

 

[trampledamage]

I would take my husbands name. I am not overly fond of my last name right now, but I am also like Kestra pretty big on traditions like that.

This was my position. I wanted us to have a "family" name and I also was getting annoyed by mine since everyone always mis-spells it. So I went for mr trampledamage's name.

I think my dad would have liked it if we'd chosen my name so that our children would have that name (he's the last male to have the name, so it stops with him), but it wasn't something he made a fuss about. young master trampledamage has it as a middle name, so it may make a resurgance

 

[Kestra]

I'm not married, but if I do marry at some point in the future, I'm planning on keeping my name. I've had it all my life and I'm attached to it, plus, it's better for my career to keep it. I would consider hyphenating if it was a big deal to my future husband, but that could prove unwieldy. My surname is already 9 letters long.

Yeah, one of the things that made the decision easier for me was realizing that I could take my maiden name as my middle name (since I wasn't given one at birth). So it's still a part of my name. I think I would have been much more hesitant to change my last name otherwise.

Edit:

Of course, we could also both change names which would be fine too (so long as it was cool yet classy).

My husband suggested we both change our last name to "Skeletor." As much as I wanted to, it didn't seem appropriate.

 

[Yoda]

The woman takes the man's last name. Duh.

Caveman had bigger muscles than Cavewoman. That means you still have to give in on this 50/50 shit!

Oh, and I guess for same sex marriages (sorry, they're coming, whether you like 'em or not America!) I guess whoever is more butch gets to propagate their name. And if they're both equally butch... coin flip maybe?

 

[Count Zero]

I think people should do whatever they want, regardless of tradition.

Pretty much, yeah. I'd definetely keep my last name because I'm attached to it. As for possible children, I guess that could become a problem, depending on what my hypothetical husband would say, because I'd want them to carry on my name. Hyphenation is not allowed in this case in Germany, so there would have to be a clear decision.

 

[SeerSGB]

When I get married I would prefer for her to take my name, but it doesn't matter so long as we have the same last name. The only reason I'd want for her to get my name is because if I took her name that could lead to confusion for people on which set of grandparents are paternal or maternal. Of course, we could also both change names which would be fine too (so long as it was cool yet classy).

That said, I would absolutely insist that I have the same last name as my wife since we would no longer be two individuals but rather we will be one flesh.

See I appreciate that sentiment, but I can't see the importance. You're still to separate people, you're just in a mutually agreed pact to live as husband and wife.

The way we've [me and the wife] have been talking there's no more a reason to take a single family name as there is not to. I we never even noticed that we just defaulted to "the way it's done"; which was more a surprise considering my wife puts more importance on her family name than I do mine.

 

[Michael Chris]

^CountZero, they don't allow that? Whoa.

My husband suggested we both change our last name to "Skeletor." As much as I wanted to, it didn't seem appropriate.

LOL! I've only known one couple that used a new name. They were looking for one that no one had used, so they looked at books of surnames and did google searches and eventually found one they liked!

 

[Count Zero]

^CountZero, they don't allow that? Whoa.

Not for the kids. You can hyphenate your name when you marry and they want to prevent superlong names. Imagine if two people with hyphenated names married and dediced to hyphenate their names upon marriage and so on.

 

[Michael Chris]

Oh, I've definitely seen long long long loooooooooong names.

See I appreciate that sentiment, but I can't the importance.

Well for me if a woman wasn't willing for us to have the same name then that would indicate to me that she wants separation between us.

 

[Spot's Meow]

Regardless of what name we choose, I would like to have the same last name as my husband, and I would like our children to have our same last name as well. I'm not especially fond of my last name, and it makes it easier to choose his because it is more expected and therefore less likely to cause any confusion. Plus I just think it would be fun to change my name. I can't wait to figure out my new signature! I am bored of mine.

 

[Goliath]

I knew a guy, when I was an undergraduate back in the 80s, who took his wife's name.

Her last name was Fox. His name was Mike.

In the end, he became--Michael J. Fox. I kid you not.

 

[Aragorn]

I think hyphenated last names could potentially hell for the kids, especially if they fall in love with someone with a hyphenated last name. Maybe the wife can legally change her last name but keep her maiden name as her stage/business name.

 

[David cgc]

My cousin's husband liked our family so much he took her last name. I say, more power to the ladies. I, myself, have a rather convoluted last name, so I wouldn't force my wife to take it. I would insist on getting at least some of the kids, though. I only have sisters, and it'd be embarrassing to be the last of my line.

 

[Scout101]

I'll admit to being a little old-fashioned in that regard, but I'd be a little upset if the wife didn't take my last name. Kind of a silly thing, yes, but yeah. Same thing with wanting any potential kids to have my family last name.

Amusingly enough, I started this same thread a long time ago (almost 4 years, but seemed a lot shorter) after a discussion with a (now ex) girlfriend about this. Guess I'm just traditional about this sort of thing...