TOS Temporary Caption Contest #9: Couples Therapy

[Rat Boy]

Carl does the math.

Then he does the meth.

Spock (whilst spinning): "I might throw up on you."

Spock: "Curious; I suddenly have the urge for Doublemint gum."

Kirk: "Bones, I was pretty sure I was stabbed in the back."

McCoy: "Which one of us is the doctor here?"

Kirk: "Oh, see, you screwed up the Second Amendment, too. It should read that every visiting starship captain should get his choice of the women of the tribe."

Cloud William: "I...I do not fully understand, One Named Kirk, but the holy words will be obeyed. I swear it!"

Blonde behind Kirk: "Oh, fuck."

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk: There's nothitng better than the feeling of large grit sandpaper rubbing your nipples.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "You got to stop having sex with M'Ress, Jim. We're running out at the blood bank!"

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Damn it Spock! Quit Rick Rolling me and putting videos of me drunk and falling down with that damn Keyboard Cat on Youtube!

 

[Alpha_Geek]

McCoy: Damnit, Jim! Stabbed or not, it's time for your prostate exam! Now since you're under the weather, I'll just use my right thumb.

Kirk:With that charm, no wonder the salt vampire wanted you, Bones. Unnf!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "Most guys have issues lower down, Jim. You're the first guy I know who has suffered moob-strain during his nude jumping jacks."

Kirk: "Shut up, Bones!"

 

[Alrik]

Carl. "My bitches got dis block. You'z all 'll have to find another corner."

Spock: "Doctor, you appear to be in pain."

McCoy: "Knee......(ugh).....to nuts.......next time, warn me when you're going to spin the chair."

Spock: "I believe a situation like this calls for Viagra."

Kirk: "Bones, it feels kind of tight. Are you sure you put it on right?"

McCoy: (muttering) "On right? Outta bitch slap you upside your stupid ass head."

Kirk: "What was that Bones."

McCoy: "Oh, I was just saying that sure its on right, it'll feel better once you get off of the bed."

Kirk: "It's a very impressive catalog, but I don't see a single entry for 'Girl on Girl'."

Cloud William: "That won't be available until Tuesday."

 

[Tan Ru]

You see?? Right here in the first paragraph of my contract; There must be a fresh supply of almond sandies in my dressing room at all times. And I'll remind you that I needn't share them with any guest-stars at any time!

 

[Alrik]

McCoy: "I just found out the Captain and Rand have been at it for nearly three and a half hours. Why wasn't I told?"

Spock: "The directions clearly state that you should be notified should it last for more than four hours. Clearly that is not yet the case."

McCoy: "Damn it Spock! I'm a Doctor and a voyuer. I wanted to watch!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kirk: "Outstanding! Moving, yet firm in statement. Intellectual, yet accessible. Logical in construction, resolute in decision, pure in aim and enfused with a sense of pioneering spirit."

Cloud William: "No, we're still not publishing, Shatner. Your last novel was egotistical and self-serving enough".

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "This isn't the Constitution! It's a Chinese take-out menu!

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "This isn't the Constitution! It's a Chinese take-out menu!

Kirk: "And with that being the case, I would like to place a take out order for the cream of som yong guy. It's for Sulu, he really likes that stuff."

 

[Gertch]

"I said I needed your full ATTENTION!"

"You should be following proper shop rules. Safety eyewear should always been worn and loose clothing should be removed. Preferably all of it."

"I like it Bones. It's almost like I'm hugging myself. Mmmmm, I love me."

"Our Obama made us all equal too. Equally destitute. But at least we elected a good one afterwards."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "That's how we bitch-slap in Georgia!"

 

[Gorn Captain]

McCoy becomes the latest victim of the infamous "Vulcan Nut Grip"

 

[Nerys Myk]

That "she" was a tranny was only the first suprise for McCoy.

 

[johnsonalmighty]

At that moment, the good doctor realized that a certain Green Blooded Bastard put laxatives in his favorite whiskey.

Spock: "...and ladies if I can have your attention, this is what I used to penetrate the captain's...."

Kirk: "...and then he shoved that giant plasma rod up my ass."
Bones: " No wonder your paralized and radioactive! I told you the pointy eared hobgoblin was nothing butt trouble!

 

[Shatmandu]

Been lurking a while, I've decided to contribute.

Hey, very nice! Thanks for joining in. Keep coming back.

Joe, hosty

 

[Shatmandu]

Carl: "I got something that'll make you shut down. And I won't have to use no cracker-assed word-play trickery, neither."

Spock: "I won't come to your party, and that's friggin' final."

McCoy: "Maybe it you'd not punch people with your ass, I wouldn't have to sew you up so often."

Kirk: "Says right here: if someone hits you in the head with an iron bar, you get to make monkey love with that person's woman."
Cloud William: "Hrmm."
Kirk: "You don't want to go against the E Pleb Neesta, dude."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Nope, the schedule is pretty clear. Carl's in this one, Cloud Festus will have to wait.