TOS Caption Contest Scrimage #1

[Gary7]

Jarvis: "Good, good. That's it. Keep walking in a circle around the table, Captain Kirk and Mister Spock. One must pay the penance for bad deeds."

Kirk: "But it was Scotty who--"

Jarvis: "No back talking! I know what happened here. You distracted Mister Hengist and Spock rendered him unconscious with that nerve pinch of his. I won't tolerate such sophomoric behavior!"

Scotty: "Sorry, Cap'n. You know how I can't keep a secret! Hehehehehee."

 

[Shatmandu]

Carl, on earpiece: "You carryin'?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Uhura, at a whisper: "Girl, you gonna do that, you make sure you do an enema first, you hear? ... Look, I gotta go: we fightin' the Romulans or sumpthin' ... <disruptor fire rocks ship>"

nuUhura: Tell me 'bout it, gurl. Same shit's happening over here.

Oldhura, sassy: "You tell young Spock to take it easy on your 'shuttle bay' for me, unkay? Holla."

nuUhura: Fo'sho. If that shit you told me about works, he'll be dockin' it in da rear tonight.

 

[Shatmandu]

nuUhura: Tell me 'bout it, gurl. Same shit's happening over here.

Oldhura, sassy: "You tell young Spock to take it easy on your 'shuttle bay' for me, unkay? Holla."

nuUhura: Fo'sho. If that shit you told me about works, he'll be dockin' it in da rear tonight.

Uhura, laughing: "Girl, you sooooo bad. I gots to go: this fat cracker wants somethin'."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Oldhura, sassy: "You tell young Spock to take it easy on your 'shuttle bay' for me, unkay? Holla."

nuUhura: Fo'sho. If that shit you told me about works, he'll be dockin' it in da rear tonight.

Uhura, laughing: "Girl, you sooooo bad. I gots to go: this fat cracker wants somethin'."

nuUhura: No shit. Gay face, pretty boy cracker over here wants sumthang too. Peace out!

 

[cooleddie74]

"Bitch. You best keep outta my grill, sistah."

"Girl...you mess with me, you're messin' with the SHIT."

 

[Gary7]

^^ You guys are too much.

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"You're just in time, sirs!!

Jarvis, Hengist and I have already taken most of the bloody ecstacy...but there's still a few wee tablets left!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Nuhura: "Once you go split, you just cain't quit."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Great, we got the placebo.

 

[Captain Crow]

Scotty: Give me five, Clive.

[Kirk ignores him and walks past]

Scotty: Well fuck you! You non-matching toupe wearing, crap acting, girdle wearing, assfuck!

 

[Rat Boy]

nuUhura: Fo'sho. If that shit you told me about works, he'll be dockin' it in da rear tonight.

Uhura, laughing: "Girl, you sooooo bad. I gots to go: this fat cracker wants somethin'."

nuUhura: No shit. Gay face, pretty boy cracker over here wants sumthang too. Peace out!

Nine months later, Carl Spock was born.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Let me guess: Sulu left the parking brake on again."

Spock: "Yes, and this time it shredded the whole drive train."

Kirk: "Not the face!"

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"Great.

It takes D's. And all we have on board is one pack of AAA's."

(*Sighs dejectedly*)

KIRK:"He's giving me an overacting job I can't refuse!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Kirk and Spock didn't have any gas money, so they had to siphon it from a nearby shuttle craft.

Shatner: Some homeless man is peeing on my very expensive "compensating for a small penis" car!

Gangster with ill fitting hat: What do you think of my life-size William Shatner bubble blower?

Shatner: No! No! No! Look what you've done! You've made me miss the Ice Cream Truck!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: There's gotta be an easier way to bootleg the new film.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Tell Mister Scott I've found where he hides his weed."

Kirk: "Hey, fuck all you stinking wops!"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Are you two idiots going to get that shuttle fixed? I want to get back before Golden Girls starts."

Adam: "Hey, man, this doesn't make any sound."

Spock: "That's because it's a prop, you idiot."

 

[Mistral]

Spock: *sniffs* "If I wanted your 'suggestions' I would have asked for them. Humph."

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Jim, Chekov has got his dick caught in his zipper again.