TOS Caption Contest #133 - Alternate Universe

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "I think the Talosians have been preventing us from seeing the new Caption Contest. It's been up since Wednesday."
Kirk: "Wow. No shit?"
Pike: "Nah, I'm just messing with you. Outpost4 is knee-deep in hypersexual Puerto Rican twins. He'll be back when their spring break gets over or his penis falls off."

 

[Mistral]

Kirk: "We could end this caption contest right now, you know."

Pike: "How would we go about doing that?"

Kirk: "First, we need a bamboo tube. Then we have to find some sulphur..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "It's very simple, Outpost4: you either change out the contest, or we expose Captain Pike here to a massive dose of Delta Ray radiation, leaving him to live the rest of his diaper-pissing life inside an enclosed Hover-Round."
Pike: "Now wait just a goddamned min--"
<Shouting Spock grabs him around the ankles, tips him over, and drags him screaming into the turbolift.>

 

[Shaw]

Uhura: I could look at these same images forever.
Scotty: No argument from me there.​

 

[Shatmandu]

Uhura: "I get this cracker."
Noel: "Fine. Okay, after being here this long, I'll take a gassy Scotsman over nothing at all. C'mon, Stinky."
Scotty, dejected and happy all at once: "Aye."

 

[Shatmandu]

Mitchell: "Okay, I've had enough of this shit ..."
***God Sound***

 

[Shaw]

KIRK:"Odd."

PIKE:"What's that?"

KIRK:"A word used to describe something strange or unusual. A synonym. But that's not important right now!"

PIKE: "Surely you can't be serious?"

KIRK: "I'm always serious... and don't call me Shirley."

 

[Triskelion]

Mitchell: "Okay, I've had enough of this shit ..."
***God Sound***

Helloooo??

 

[Shatmandu]

^

Mitchell, offscreen, with Godly echo: "TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES."
T'Pol: "I don't th--"
Mitchell: "NO, NO. YOU IN THE COVERALLS."

 

[Captain Crow]

Zoe: Jamie where are we?

Jamie: I don't know Zoe. Maybe that man and woman over there can tell us.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Scotty? Are you here?"
Scotty: "I'll do all the nude jumpin' jacks ye want now, yeh pervy tube."

 

[Rat Boy]

Pike: "Well I hope you're happy. Now they're turning it into an ENT caption contest and whatever the hell that black and white picture is from."

 

[Shatmandu]

Pike: "Well I hope you're happy. Now they're turning it into an ENT caption contest and whatever the hell that black and white picture is from."

Kirk: "It smells British: bad kilt, bad hair, bad production values ..."

 

[cooleddie74]

First contact with Yucca Flats.

Ending everyone's career in style.

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Get yer bleedin' hands off me arse, Doctor."
McCoy, from a distance: "I'm over here."
Sombrero Shatner: "I don't need to know Braille to read what your ass is telling me, Doohan."
Doohan: "I. Will. Kill. You."

 

[cooleddie74]

PIKE:"Seen the Trek BBS troll films online?"

KIRK:"Nope. But I hear they're pushing for sequels starring Shameless and Cooleddie."

 

[Shatmandu]

Doohan: "Ooh, Nichelle, that feels wonderful."
Shatner: "Is Nichelle in here, too?"

 

[cooleddie74]

"OOOOOOOH, Jim. That feels incredible."


"BONES?!"

"Scotty, is that YOU?!"


(*Doors slam shut*)

 

[cooleddie74]

SHATNER:"I'll do the show...but tell Gene my trailer has to have a drawer full of girdles and Rogaine."

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "What in blazes are we doin' here?"
Mitchell: "Ask the bomb, heheheheh."