I've mostly given up...

[Trekker4747]

My life is just a mess.

I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I'm tired of being alone and I've not the power or the fortune to have it changed.

On a whim a moment of foolishness a couple months back I joined a IRL dating service that's pretty much brought me nothing. 3 referrals so far none worked out.

I've no idea what to do. You'd think something would've happened fo rme on accident by now. I just took a visit to a local nightspot, paid the cover charge, hanged out listening to the music, looking at the hotties and well still don't have the courage or what it takes to approach them and obviously I was nothing to be impressed over as I got no attention either.

I think God hates me as is just playing a sick joke on me.

I once had the perfect girl who crushed on me, who loved me, and who pursued me and got together with her and I fucked it up.

Fuck me I'm going to die alone.

 

[Colonel Green]

I met my fiancee via an online dating site. If you haven't tried it yet, you still have options.

That said, it took me at least 6 mos (with many abortive dates) to sort the wheat from the chaff, so if you go this route, give it some time.

 

[Trekker4747]

I met my fiancee via an online dating site. If you haven't tried it yet, you still have options.

That said, it took me at least 6 mos (with many abortive dates) to sort the wheat from the chaff, so if you go this route, give it some time.

I've tried on-line dating many times with zero luck. I don't photograph well, nor do I apparently have an appealing profile.

 

[Garrovick]

About a year after my Wife died, a friend talked me into putting an ad in the local paper's find a date section. I met up with this woman and we talked for about a week when it was revealed that her CURRENT HUSBAND was an inmate in the same prison that I was employed as a Correctional Officer. And of course I was in violation of State law. Audios Woman.

It took another three years before I ever hooked up again. Just one bad date after another.

Then it was a woman who was a cheer leader in the High School we graduated from. We've been "exclusive friends with benefits" for about 6 years now. Even though we've never lived together.

So, don't give up.

 

[Lindley]

I joined match.com a bit over a month ago. I've sent out a handful of emails and maybe twice again as many winks. Mostly they're ignored. However, the one girl who winked at me the day after I joined is the only one anything is happening with. I've hung out with her a few times, and she's coming over tomorrow for a marathon of the Terminator films.

Honestly I'm not sure where it's going yet. I've met more attractive women. But she's nice and she doesn't seem to mind spending time with me, which is more than I can say for most others.....

I do wonder what it means that the only woman who's paid any kind of attention to me on match is the one who initiated contact herself.

 

[T'Baio]

I met my fiancee via an online dating site. If you haven't tried it yet, you still have options.

That said, it took me at least 6 mos (with many abortive dates) to sort the wheat from the chaff, so if you go this route, give it some time.

I've tried on-line dating many times with zero luck. I don't photograph well, nor do I apparently have an appealing profile.

Well, gee...after reading your first post, how can you not have an appealing profile.

Mind over matter, dude. Mind over matter.

 

[Trekker4747]

I met my fiancee via an online dating site. If you haven't tried it yet, you still have options.

That said, it took me at least 6 mos (with many abortive dates) to sort the wheat from the chaff, so if you go this route, give it some time.

I've tried on-line dating many times with zero luck. I don't photograph well, nor do I apparently have an appealing profile.

Well, gee...after reading your first post, how can you not have an appealing profile.

Mind over matter, dude. Mind over matter.

I don't do well talking about myself inorder to fill out the profile and make it appealing for prespective matches to read/want to talk to me.

Countless times I've had hits closed on me for the "not interested based off the profile" option, or after I've attempted opening communication with them.

 

[T'Baio]

You're a smart guy, man. Reading half the shit you post in TNZ shows that you have half a brain. Don't just post a profile, think about it, like an essay. Polish it, refine it. What about you is semi interesting and what can you talk about...take that and write about that.

But first, realize that whether a woman likes you or is in your life is not an indicator of your worth. This will sound cliche', 'cause it is, but learn to like yourself first.

If it's any consolation, I like you.

I'm not gonna' fuck you, though.

For free.

 

[freak]

I'm sort of always afraid of those dating sites. I'm afraid some psychopath is gonna come after me or something. But I know how you feel, trekker. I feel like I'm gonna die alone as well but don't have the means or wants to change it at this time. It's pretty pathetic. But hopefully we might both find someone soon.

 

[Daneel]

I've tried a couple of dating sites in the past few months... nothing so far.

I'm at a bit of a loss to explain it -- I mean, I don't want to toot my own horn, but my profile is always written clearly and eloquently. I make it known that I'm a friendly guy. Also, although it's hard to judge this objectively, I don't think my photos are too shabby (in fact, some of them are professional headshots that turned out quite well). Given that I've sent out dozens of messages (as well as winks/smiles/etc.), I would think the odds would have favoured me meeting at least one person by now, but almost all of my messages are ignored.

So as I said, I'm at a loss. The only thing I can figure is that a lot of women are put off by the fact that I've stated that I'm not looking for anything too serious (what can I say? I'm not, and it's not something I'm going to lie about). I guess most women are looking for something more long-term, whereas I mainly just want to find someone to have some fun with and see where things go from there.

On a few recommendations, I signed up on plentyoffish.com the other day. It's completely free and apparently quite popular, so if I have any luck, I'll let you know.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I was in the exact same position you are, and felt I would always be alone. Then one day through an Internet newsgroup I met a girl and we just started talking. That was 10 years ago and we are still together to this day. I don't me to imply that a relationship will drop in out of the blue, but it does show that anything can happen if you are still around.

You may not want to hear this, but by the tone and substance of your post I think it is probably very likely that you are transmitting your depression and uncomfortableness to any prospective dates even if you are doing it unconsciously. I think you should try and get some outside perspectives from some trusted friends or a therapist(especially maybe a group therapy situation) about how you come off and what specifically might turn a potential date off. You might have to put aside the general idea of being with a woman until you work out some specific individual problems though. Read the game by Neil Strauss, it will help you with some techniques. Good luck.

 

[JuanBolio]

Everyone dies alone.

Try to look at the big picture. It'll make your problems seem smaller. All in all, you have a pretty good life. You have food in your stomach, a roof over your head, and even internet access. Things could be much, MUCH worse. The odds are greatly in favor of you finding someone eventually.

But even if you don't, eventually you're going to die, the human race will either go extinct or evolve biologically and culturally beyond recognition, the sun will expand and burn the Earth to a cinder, and the universe will collapse on itself. Things aren't so bad.

 

[Trekker4747]

You're a smart guy, man. Reading half the shit you post in TNZ shows that you have half a brain. Don't just post a profile, think about it, like an essay. Polish it, refine it. What about you is semi interesting and what can you talk about...take that and write about that.

But first, realize that whether a woman likes you or is in your life is not an indicator of your worth. This will sound cliche', 'cause it is, but learn to like yourself first.

As I said, not great about talking about myself so I've always found it hard to write the profile out "like an essay." And, frankly, can't think of anything interesting about myself.

If it's any consolation, I like you.

Thanks.

I'm not gonna' fuck you, though.

Double thanks.

Frankly, though, you'd think it would think something would've happened for me on accident by know.

 

[JuanBolio]

Frankly, though, you'd think it would think something would've happened for me on accident by know.

Predicting chance human interaction is like trying to predict where and when lightning will strike.

Try going back to that night spot or a different one, and work up the nerve to talk to a girl. Most are really friendly and decent, even if they end up not being interested. Your chances of someone becoming interested in you are greatly improved by showing interest in others.

 

[T'Baio]

You're a smart guy, man. Reading half the shit you post in TNZ shows that you have half a brain. Don't just post a profile, think about it, like an essay. Polish it, refine it. What about you is semi interesting and what can you talk about...take that and write about that.

But first, realize that whether a woman likes you or is in your life is not an indicator of your worth. This will sound cliche', 'cause it is, but learn to like yourself first.

As I said, not great about talking about myself so I've always found it hard to write the profile out "like an essay." And, frankly, can't think of anything interesting about myself.

Frankly, though, you'd think it would think something would've happened for me on accident by know.

You talk all sorts of an interesting game in TNZ. Post a profile like that. In your profile, post an angry diatribe about the state of politics of today and why it pisses you off...and that's it. Girls reading over those profiles have seen a million of the "I do this and I like that and I want this." Post something not about yourself, but just your opinion on something. Change it up every week. Eventually some girl is gonna' think, "this guy is interesting."

As for by accident...unfortunately, human interaction doesn't happen that way. Most human interaction is quite purposeful.

 

[TheBrew]

If it is just about the girl situation, hang in there. If it is about life, allow me to make a suggestion:

Get the fuck out of dodge.

I mean uproot your life: quit your job and move someplace new. Make drastic changes. Challenge yourself. I know that I operate much better overall when I am challenging myself. I constantly break my routines in an effort to try something new. Basically it boils down to this: if you are unhappy in your situation, change the situation. You can't force a girl to go out with, but you control everything else in your life. Take that power to make positive changes.

 

[JuanBolio]

If it is just about the girl situation, hang in there. If it is about life, allow me to make a suggestion:

Get the fuck out of dodge.

I mean uproot your life: quit your job and move someplace new. Make drastic changes. Challenge yourself. I know that I operate much better overall when I am challenging myself. I constantly break my routines in an effort to try something new. Basically it boils down to this: if you are unhappy in your situation, change the situation. You can't force a girl to go out with, but you control everything else in your life. Take that power to make positive changes.

I agree. Moving was one of the best things that ever happened to me. You can challenge yourself and re-invent yourself all at once.

 

[TheBrew]

I joined match.com a bit over a month ago. I've sent out a handful of emails and maybe twice again as many winks. Mostly they're ignored. However, the one girl who winked at me the day after I joined is the only one anything is happening with. I've hung out with her a few times, and she's coming over tomorrow for a marathon of the Terminator films.

Honestly I'm not sure where it's going yet. I've met more attractive women. But she's nice and she doesn't seem to mind spending time with me, which is more than I can say for most others.....

I do wonder what it means that the only woman who's paid any kind of attention to me on match is the one who initiated contact herself.

At this point, I am fairly beyond looks. While I do have some basic standards, I put much more stock into personality than looks. If you guys really hit it off, go for it. Though I will say a Terminator Marathon is an interesting date. You have a great way to end the evening: Take her to the bedroom and say "Come with me if you want to live."

 

[Azlynn]

I just took a visit to a local nightspot, paid the cover charge, hanged out listening to the music, looking at the hotties and well still don't have the courage or what it takes to approach them and obviously I was nothing to be impressed over as I got no attention either.

Gee, I can't think why you didn't find anyone that night. Are you using a similar approach to online dating as well? While I can't speak for all women, most of the time my interest in someone is sparked not by appearance, but by shared interest or personality. THEN comes along appearance/physical. Sure, I notice hot men, but I'm not interested in approaching or talking to them just because they're hot. That guy at a book sale holding a copy of my favourite book... he'd better watch out because I might jump him right there.

Be happy with yourself and it shows. Genuinely like yourself. Do things that you love and are interested in. I can't think of any of my friends that are in a relationship with someone that they met at a club or bar. A few met online with shared interests, others taking college courses, and the rest out doing things - clubs, meetings, etc.

You don't seem to like yourself all that much, or much of your life, and your interests seem to be leaned towards a hottie sex goddess who will screw your brains out, and then anything beyond that is secondary. Not saying this is all true, but it's what you give off, and have given off for years.

 

[sidious618]

If you need some help filling out a profile just drop me a PM. I'm good at stuff like that. I'll make you sound like an awesome guy!