How important are looks (men vs women)

[Von_Steinwehr]

Last night I had some friends over just to hang out and we had an interesting (and surprising) conversation on relationships. Before I describe our discussion, it kind of started when I told this story:

Last weekend I attended and presented a paper at a history conference. As I was leaving the town to head back home I stopped at a gas station to fill up my car. As I was filling up I thought I heard someone call out my name, and I thought to myself, surely no one knows me here (I was about 100 miles from my home town) and then I heard my name again. I looked up and this heavy set (I am guessing 300 lbs) bald guy comes up to me. He shakes my hand and asks how I have ben doing. I had no clue who this guy was and he started talking about how things have been going. I am hesitant in my repsonses as I try to figure out who this guy is. Finally, he gets the hint that I have no idea who he is and he said "I'm Corey....from high school." I was completely stunned. Corey was the "All American High School God"......he was quarterback of the football team, played basketball, hung out with the cool crowd, had the "looks" with a different girlfriend about every other month.

I am thinking to myself that there really is a God because this guy was a total jerk in school. I ended up telling him I am working on a Ph.D, published a couple of articles, teaching classes, haning out with my friends in the graduate program. And it got better...he has been married twice, has 3 kids, and is working at a lawn mower factory (not that there is anything wrong with that, but this guy's parents kind of provided everything he ever wanted, such as pickup trucks). To be fair I have also put on weight since graduation 9 years ago....I was 180 when I started college and now I am 200lbs.

So I was basically smiling all the way back home. I told this story to my Grad friends last night and our discussion kind of veered off to present day relationship issues. I am single 27 years old, there was a 27 year old guy that is dating someone, there was a 33 year old single guy, and two 28 year old women each in a relationship that came over. The surprising thing to me was that I and the 33 year old both said that looks aren't really that important anymore to us as long as we could find someone to hold a conversation with and enjoy spending time together. The women were the ones that wanted the male model type guys.

This conversation reminded me of one of my favorite quotes regarding relationships, "It's beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart"-Anonymous.

I realize that looks to play a role in relationships (especailly give the culture we live in) but how important are looks? I have a friend that is the "male model type" but can't keep a relationship because he is so full of himself and is rude (and can't keep a clean apartment). I also have a friend that isn't the "model type" that has a really hard time meeting people that has a great personality and is extremely funny. Personally, I am not that great looking either but I have been told I have a caring personality and a sense of humor, but that doesn't seem to be what women want.

So my question is how important are looks to you?

 

[T'Baio]

Looks are pretty damned important, I'll be honest. If I can't look at her in the morning when she gets up, that's gonna' be a long life. I expect the package...good looking girl and incredibly smart, witty and sophisticated.

Now granted, two things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I also realize I have to take care of myself because I fully expect her to feel the same way I do.

But hotness is super important.

 

[RoJoHen]

Looks aren't important at all, as long the girl isn't ugly.

Honestly, though, there are different degrees of physical attractiveness. For me, I prefer a girl that at the very least appears healthy and cares about their own physical well-being.

 

[JonathonWally]

Too many variables, depends on the girl.

 

[Trippy]

Too many variables. Depends on the guy.

I think that beauty is definately in the eye of the beholder. I have no need for men who think about thier appearance 24/7. I do not find vanity appealing at all. Health, yes. Nice smile, great. Rippling abs? No thanks.

 

[All Seeing Eye]

I think looks are equally as important as personality. At the end of the day sex is an important part of any relationship and I can't get a boner if what i'm looking at aint fit.

 

[RoJoHen]

Rippling abs? No thanks.

Does this mean rippling abs are a turn off? Or just the rippling abs that guys spend all day showing off?

 

[An Officer]

Not very important at all. Having said that, I couldn't be with somebody I wasn't attracted to.

 

[Trippy]

Rippling abs? No thanks.

Does this mean rippling abs are a turn off? Or just the rippling abs that guys spend all day showing off?

Turn off. I want huggable men. If I want to hug a stone, I will

 

[RoJoHen]

Eh, it's possible to have abs and still have some baby fat.

 

[Emher]

Looks is what gets you intrested, personality is what makes you stay. No, lets change that, looks is what might get you intrested. I'm pretty blessed since Sweden has loads of beautiful women, so the median on "pretty" is damned good around here.

This is tocuhy subject because it varies soooo much from person to person. For instance I think the girl in our class (yes singular, welcome to the movie business) is pretty, and when she puts some effort into it (as in chosing clothes that go for from more then function and maybe a biiiiit of make up) is very beautiful. At least one of the other guys said to me once in a conversation where she came up that he barely recognises her as female. Granted that guy is the typhical shallow idiot (soccer player), but still it illustrates the difference between people.

Me I think I have a much wider definition of what makes an attractive woman then most other guys. It doesn't matter if she's short or tall, thin or round, small breasts or big breasts, green eyes or blue eyes, and so on. As long as she keeps herself clean and isn't like a chain smoker. Sure I have preferences, but what absolutely gets me? A great smile, a great laugh, a nice voice. For instance, Sarah Chalke from Scrubs, attractive woman to begin with, but it's not the main reason why have bit of a thing for her. It's her laugh. I heard her very hearty laugh in the Scrubs blooper reel and was sold.


Some of my cents so to say

Rippling abs? No thanks.

Does this mean rippling abs are a turn off? Or just the rippling abs that guys spend all day showing off?

Turn off. I want huggable men. If I want to hug a stone, I will

I have been described as very nice to hug In fact a female friend of mine keeps hugging me because of this

 

[Von_Steinwehr]

"beauty is definately in the eye of the beholder." This is very true.

I remember there was this one girl I was absolutely crazy about and thought she was the most beautiful woman on the planet. There was a picture of her in our town's newspaper and I showed it to a friend who thought she wasn't as pretty as I thought.

Obviously, looks are important, not so much "model appearance, but does the person take care of themselve and not a slob. Personality is key for me. The guy I mentioned in my originial post who has the model appearance, he has every week girls stop by his office to "chat" and he will hold them in his office for 30-40 minutes while the guys that stop by are in and out in less than 5. I am not the only person to say this, but other GAs have said his apartment is filthy and doesn't clean, throw out the trash, etc. I TA with him and he will tell his classes point blank that they are a bunch of idiots. He has no problem "getting" girls, but he can't keep a relationship because of his attitude and personality.

 

[Small White Car]

"beauty is definately in the eye of the beholder." This is very true.

Right, anyone who says looks don't matter is lying or an idiot. They matter very much.

The key, as you've found, is that different things appeal to different people.

So the question is not "do looks matter?" (because the answer is 'yes') but rather "is he or she hot to YOU?"

 

[RJDiogenes]

Depends on what is meant by "looks being important." Naturally, we must be attracted to our romantic partners; that's basic biology. But despite the generic standards of any particular time and place, most people have their own ideas about what is attractive; and that is often effected by how we feel-- the more you like someone, the more attractive they become.

 

[Jetfire]

I'd have to say as long as the woman is beautiful to me...that is all that matters, alot of females I find attractive, consider beautiful others find somewhat unattractive...some cases ugly. Relationships are more than superficial nonsense...it is up to the people involved.


JF

 

[Maestro]

I like a girl with a nice pair of C-cups.

 

[Garrovick]

The entire picture is important. So is personality. I've seen fives that when dressed up looked like tens, and tens when dressed down looked like fives.

For fours and under like me, nothing helps.

 

[Daneel]

Damn right looks are important. As others have said, I simply couldn't be with someone that I'm not attracted to (I think RJ put it best: that's basic biology). Of course, it's all a matter of personal preference; I might find a particular girl incredibly alluring, while someone else might not find her anything special at all. It's all subjective.

Naturally, looks aren't the only deciding factor when it comes to whether or not you're interested in someone, but I'd say they're definitely the first, and arguably one of the most basic and important.

 

[Lindley]

Looks help. There's no question about that. But personality is more important.

 

[jamestyler]

I'm far from being an attractive guy but that still somehow doesn't take away the shallow side of me.

Looking at past relationships, flings and even one night stands, they all started on something physical that appeal to my tastes. Or just happen to have astonishingly large breasts. Though I can' have anything other than a passing interest on someone who doesn't have similar interests, some degree of intelligence, a personality etc... if it's purely physical I'll get bored and see who's next...

But thats me. I don't even find the conventionally beautiful people attractive, I have my own tastes. I'm reasonably comfortable with any shallowness, though not as comfortable as the reputation it gives me with some friends...

...but looking a bit like a potato, I struggle to find the attractive side of myself and often get by on personality