GraysonMichael
Ensign
[FONT=Verdana]Hello All,[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I have a personal situation I have been struggling on what I should do and how I should handle it. Please forgive me because this requires some back story, but I will try to keep it as concise as possible.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Back in 2001 I felt like I was unstoppable and had the world under my control (I was 20 years old at the time). I was working on a bachelor’s degree at a very nice university, I had wonderful parents who supported me in my endeavors, and I had a truly wonderful girlfriend. Her name was [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. We went to the same junior high and high school and for some reason I could never understand why she hung out with me. I wasn’t one of the “cool” kids – I read comic books and watch sci-fi; she played basketball, ran track, and hung out with the click crowd. Don’t get me wrong, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] was a very nice and sweet-hearted young woman. Well to my astonishment one day she asked me out and I could not help but ask why she would want to go out with me. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] replied, and I will never forgot, “you make me laugh” So we went out and it went well and we continued on for four years. Of course we had our ups and downs but we somehow always seemed to work through our difficulties together.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Going into my sophomore year in college I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. I proposed to her and she accepted. We decided however on a long engagement and wait till we were both out of college. But in the meantime we started making wedding preparations. In November 2001, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] was killed by a drunk driver while coming home from a night class.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]It seemed at that moment my world came crashing down. I shut down and wouldn’t eat very much and had trouble sleeping for a long while. Some time in 2002 (I don’t remember exactly when) I took up jogging on the university fitness trail. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] always wanted me to go running with her and I made up excuses not to go. So one day I decided buy a pair of running shoes and hit the track. I started jogging as a way to stay close to her and to have something to do to pass the time. From 2002-2005 I jogged every single day on the track and when the weather turned cold or rainy I went inside to the gym’s jogging balcony. I got up to a fair about of distance- 6 miles. The track’s route ran next to the tennis courts and I would normally stop there after my run to stretch, cool down, and get some water. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Well, in 2005 (it took a while for me to finish my BS degree) I finally graduated. I applied to the Master’s program and discovered that I could only receive 12 graduate hours there and would have to apply elsewhere to finish my degree. I got accepted and started school. And I also continued jogging. Well as usual I made my stop near the tennis courts to cool down and I decided to watch the men and women’s tennis team practice for a little while. Tennis has always been a sport that has fascinated me because it doesn’t “look” that difficult but when you actually try to play it….Well, I can never get the ball over the net or I hit it too hard. So I am always amazed at players that seemingly perfectly hit the ball back and forth at each other with such ease and grace.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]November rolled around, which is a tough time for me, and one night I had to attend a guest speaker presentation for one of my graduate classes. I sat on the back row next to the walkway. As the auditorium filled up this woman sat across from me on the other row. This woman was absolutely beautiful – 5’6 brown hair to her shoulders. And she looked familiar and I realized she was one of the tennis players for the university that I saw during my cool downs. Well the presentation ended and I wanted to say something to this woman (although I didn’t know what to say since we didn’t know each other). I never did get to talk to her because of the crowd. I did eventually find out her name (I will not use her name here but I will refer to her as “Jane Doe”)[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Starting my last semester in the Master’s program I only took one class since that gave me an even 12 hours. As the roll was being called Jane Doe’s name was one that was announced. I turned around and sure enough it was the tennis player from the guest lecture. I decided what the heck this is my last semester at this school I will introduce myself and see what happens. I walked up to her asked her if she played tennis (even though I knew she did) and told her I had watched some of the practices after my jogs – surprisingly she said she recognized me as the “guy who runs all the time.” Well we played some racquetball and we studied for the exams and quizzes and got to know one another fairly well. One day I decided to ask her out and I did (and I botched it up sooooooooo bad because I stuttered all the way through it). Jane Doe turned me down because of her tennis practices, games, and having to study.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I got accepted at another school 60 miles away to finish my master’s degree. We kept in contact over Facebook and through emails, and we did get to hang out some over the two year span I was away. To my surprise though, I developed feeling for her like I felt for [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. Jane Doe graduated with her BA degree last May so a few days before her graduation I came back into town and wanted to treat her to dinner to celebrate. We went out, ate dinner, sat and talked for a couple of hours, and then decided to go for a walk around campus. As we walked though the campus I told her that I really cared about her. I honestly don’t know why I told her, I knew she didn’t feel the same way. She did reply that it was impossible for her to “date” with her schedule and that I was gone for two years, also she said she didn’t know if she believed in love. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]So we parted ways again. This time I got accepted into a Ph.D program also in May so I spent the summer moving. As with last time we keep in touch over Facebook and chat using its application. I talked to my dad about her during the summer that I really care about her and I don’t know how to work past this. He didn’t have a solution. I started the Ph.D program in August and in early October I received a phone call that my mom and dad had been killed in a car wreck in [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Memphis[/FONT][FONT=Verdana], [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]TN[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] because someone did not stop at a red light. So I this holiday season wasn’t very merry.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Finally, about three weeks ago I had to go into [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Memphis[/FONT][FONT=Verdana], [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]TN[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] to do archival research at their university for a manuscript I am working on. I got out late at night from the records house and as I was walking back to my car a group of guys (4 or 5) came out of nowhere, drew a gun on me, and mugged me. I gave them my wallet, car keys, watch, cell phone, and then they proceeded to beat me up and kick me repeatedly while I was on the ground. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I say this because after the attack, as I was crawling to get help, all I could think about was “Jane Doe.” It dawned on me that I don’t just care about her – that I love her. I guess staring at the possibility of death makes you see things differently. But I don’t know how to handle this. I mean I told her that I cared about her (not love at the time) and she didn’t respond that way I hoped. I just don’t know how to handle this situation. And since I have no one to talk to about this I bring this to you all and hope you can give me advice. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Thanks for reading this very long note. I appreciate it. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I have a personal situation I have been struggling on what I should do and how I should handle it. Please forgive me because this requires some back story, but I will try to keep it as concise as possible.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Back in 2001 I felt like I was unstoppable and had the world under my control (I was 20 years old at the time). I was working on a bachelor’s degree at a very nice university, I had wonderful parents who supported me in my endeavors, and I had a truly wonderful girlfriend. Her name was [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. We went to the same junior high and high school and for some reason I could never understand why she hung out with me. I wasn’t one of the “cool” kids – I read comic books and watch sci-fi; she played basketball, ran track, and hung out with the click crowd. Don’t get me wrong, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] was a very nice and sweet-hearted young woman. Well to my astonishment one day she asked me out and I could not help but ask why she would want to go out with me. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] replied, and I will never forgot, “you make me laugh” So we went out and it went well and we continued on for four years. Of course we had our ups and downs but we somehow always seemed to work through our difficulties together.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Going into my sophomore year in college I decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. I proposed to her and she accepted. We decided however on a long engagement and wait till we were both out of college. But in the meantime we started making wedding preparations. In November 2001, [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] was killed by a drunk driver while coming home from a night class.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]It seemed at that moment my world came crashing down. I shut down and wouldn’t eat very much and had trouble sleeping for a long while. Some time in 2002 (I don’t remember exactly when) I took up jogging on the university fitness trail. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] always wanted me to go running with her and I made up excuses not to go. So one day I decided buy a pair of running shoes and hit the track. I started jogging as a way to stay close to her and to have something to do to pass the time. From 2002-2005 I jogged every single day on the track and when the weather turned cold or rainy I went inside to the gym’s jogging balcony. I got up to a fair about of distance- 6 miles. The track’s route ran next to the tennis courts and I would normally stop there after my run to stretch, cool down, and get some water. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Well, in 2005 (it took a while for me to finish my BS degree) I finally graduated. I applied to the Master’s program and discovered that I could only receive 12 graduate hours there and would have to apply elsewhere to finish my degree. I got accepted and started school. And I also continued jogging. Well as usual I made my stop near the tennis courts to cool down and I decided to watch the men and women’s tennis team practice for a little while. Tennis has always been a sport that has fascinated me because it doesn’t “look” that difficult but when you actually try to play it….Well, I can never get the ball over the net or I hit it too hard. So I am always amazed at players that seemingly perfectly hit the ball back and forth at each other with such ease and grace.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]November rolled around, which is a tough time for me, and one night I had to attend a guest speaker presentation for one of my graduate classes. I sat on the back row next to the walkway. As the auditorium filled up this woman sat across from me on the other row. This woman was absolutely beautiful – 5’6 brown hair to her shoulders. And she looked familiar and I realized she was one of the tennis players for the university that I saw during my cool downs. Well the presentation ended and I wanted to say something to this woman (although I didn’t know what to say since we didn’t know each other). I never did get to talk to her because of the crowd. I did eventually find out her name (I will not use her name here but I will refer to her as “Jane Doe”)[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Starting my last semester in the Master’s program I only took one class since that gave me an even 12 hours. As the roll was being called Jane Doe’s name was one that was announced. I turned around and sure enough it was the tennis player from the guest lecture. I decided what the heck this is my last semester at this school I will introduce myself and see what happens. I walked up to her asked her if she played tennis (even though I knew she did) and told her I had watched some of the practices after my jogs – surprisingly she said she recognized me as the “guy who runs all the time.” Well we played some racquetball and we studied for the exams and quizzes and got to know one another fairly well. One day I decided to ask her out and I did (and I botched it up sooooooooo bad because I stuttered all the way through it). Jane Doe turned me down because of her tennis practices, games, and having to study.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I got accepted at another school 60 miles away to finish my master’s degree. We kept in contact over Facebook and through emails, and we did get to hang out some over the two year span I was away. To my surprise though, I developed feeling for her like I felt for [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Brittany[/FONT][FONT=Verdana]. Jane Doe graduated with her BA degree last May so a few days before her graduation I came back into town and wanted to treat her to dinner to celebrate. We went out, ate dinner, sat and talked for a couple of hours, and then decided to go for a walk around campus. As we walked though the campus I told her that I really cared about her. I honestly don’t know why I told her, I knew she didn’t feel the same way. She did reply that it was impossible for her to “date” with her schedule and that I was gone for two years, also she said she didn’t know if she believed in love. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]So we parted ways again. This time I got accepted into a Ph.D program also in May so I spent the summer moving. As with last time we keep in touch over Facebook and chat using its application. I talked to my dad about her during the summer that I really care about her and I don’t know how to work past this. He didn’t have a solution. I started the Ph.D program in August and in early October I received a phone call that my mom and dad had been killed in a car wreck in [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Memphis[/FONT][FONT=Verdana], [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]TN[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] because someone did not stop at a red light. So I this holiday season wasn’t very merry.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Finally, about three weeks ago I had to go into [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]Memphis[/FONT][FONT=Verdana], [/FONT][FONT=Verdana]TN[/FONT][FONT=Verdana] to do archival research at their university for a manuscript I am working on. I got out late at night from the records house and as I was walking back to my car a group of guys (4 or 5) came out of nowhere, drew a gun on me, and mugged me. I gave them my wallet, car keys, watch, cell phone, and then they proceeded to beat me up and kick me repeatedly while I was on the ground. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]I say this because after the attack, as I was crawling to get help, all I could think about was “Jane Doe.” It dawned on me that I don’t just care about her – that I love her. I guess staring at the possibility of death makes you see things differently. But I don’t know how to handle this. I mean I told her that I cared about her (not love at the time) and she didn’t respond that way I hoped. I just don’t know how to handle this situation. And since I have no one to talk to about this I bring this to you all and hope you can give me advice. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana] [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana]Thanks for reading this very long note. I appreciate it. [/FONT]