And if you do, what makes them your best friend and not just an ordinary friend?
What's your criteria for defining a best friend?
What's your criteria for defining a best friend?
Do you have a "best friend"?
- Thread starter The Borg Queen
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GodThingFormerly
A Different Kind of Asshole
I don't have any friends. 
TGT
TGT
My best friend died of a brain aneurysm a few years ago.
Yes, I've got a best friend.
Longevity is one of the factors...I've known her longer than most of my current friends.
Regular contact. We each talk to each other about pretty much everything, and both of us initiate contact. It seems a lot of people these days are unwilling or unable to make first moves, so I appreciate her for _not_ being that way.
The fact that we can both act like shits to each other given the wrong timing, place, or other circumstances, but we also both care enough about being friends that we talk the crap through, apologize, and forgive each other. And even laugh about it afterwards and acknowledge our own pettiness. In my experience, if you can't tolerate a friend acting like an ass once in a while, you're not going to end up with many friends. It's not all about always getting along all of the time, and it's _certainly_ not about only ever dealing with people who make you feel good.
I feel like there's more I should be writing here, but my brain's in the process of shutting down for the evening.
Longevity is one of the factors...I've known her longer than most of my current friends.
Regular contact. We each talk to each other about pretty much everything, and both of us initiate contact. It seems a lot of people these days are unwilling or unable to make first moves, so I appreciate her for _not_ being that way.
The fact that we can both act like shits to each other given the wrong timing, place, or other circumstances, but we also both care enough about being friends that we talk the crap through, apologize, and forgive each other. And even laugh about it afterwards and acknowledge our own pettiness. In my experience, if you can't tolerate a friend acting like an ass once in a while, you're not going to end up with many friends. It's not all about always getting along all of the time, and it's _certainly_ not about only ever dealing with people who make you feel good.
I feel like there's more I should be writing here, but my brain's in the process of shutting down for the evening.
TheLonelySquire
Vice Admiral
I do. We've been best friends since we were five years old. Common experiences and knowing he is unconditionally there for me and vice-versa is what makes him my best friend.
Yes, I do. We are best friends because we love and trust each other. We accept each other totally as each of us are, not as we would wish the other to be. In truth, it's because we wouldn't wish the other to be any other way the s/he already is, or chooses for him/herself in the future.
Now, she'd have to tell you what she loves about me, but some of the things I love about her are:
She accepts who I am but challenges me to grow.
She sees beauty in every part of life, and shares it, and, to me, this makes her a joy to be around and helps me appreciate the beauty in life and makes me a better person.
She would do anything in her power for me that I NEEDED her to do.
Simply being around her has a powerfully positive emotional charge.
She loves without restraint or condition.
She is strong and not manipulated by others.
She tells the truth, even if it is unpleasant.
We share a deep love for science, art, music, poetry, people, life and personal growth, among other things.
I suppose I could go on, but that's good for now.
Now, she'd have to tell you what she loves about me, but some of the things I love about her are:
She accepts who I am but challenges me to grow.
She sees beauty in every part of life, and shares it, and, to me, this makes her a joy to be around and helps me appreciate the beauty in life and makes me a better person.
She would do anything in her power for me that I NEEDED her to do.
Simply being around her has a powerfully positive emotional charge.
She loves without restraint or condition.
She is strong and not manipulated by others.
She tells the truth, even if it is unpleasant.
We share a deep love for science, art, music, poetry, people, life and personal growth, among other things.
I suppose I could go on, but that's good for now.
^What a beautiful post. It sounds like you are very lucky to have each other.
I have a best friend, and my relationship with her is on a much deeper level than my relationships with my other friends. I love her dearly.
We met each other in high school, and knew each other only two years before we went off to different schools on opposite ends of the country (she to Stanford, and I to NYU). Yet eight years after separating, we still remain the closest friends, even though we see one another only two to three times a year.
What makes her so special? She's a soul-mate; even three thousand miles apart we always seem to be thinking and feeling the same things at the same times. We can finish each other's sentences, we find humor in the same, strange places, and have a similar outlook on life. We were in part drawn together by our similar childhood experiences: we both came from severely, and sometimes violently dysfunctional families; we both have mentally ill parents; we both suffered abuse (of different kinds); we were both poor; and (if I can say so without sounding snobby), we were both isolated to an extent by our intelligence. I think we each saw ourself in the other.
The similarities in our characters are a glue for us, but in many ways we are very different. Our similarity keeps us together, and our differences keep the relationship interesting and fresh.
I have a best friend, and my relationship with her is on a much deeper level than my relationships with my other friends. I love her dearly.
We met each other in high school, and knew each other only two years before we went off to different schools on opposite ends of the country (she to Stanford, and I to NYU). Yet eight years after separating, we still remain the closest friends, even though we see one another only two to three times a year.
What makes her so special? She's a soul-mate; even three thousand miles apart we always seem to be thinking and feeling the same things at the same times. We can finish each other's sentences, we find humor in the same, strange places, and have a similar outlook on life. We were in part drawn together by our similar childhood experiences: we both came from severely, and sometimes violently dysfunctional families; we both have mentally ill parents; we both suffered abuse (of different kinds); we were both poor; and (if I can say so without sounding snobby), we were both isolated to an extent by our intelligence. I think we each saw ourself in the other.
The similarities in our characters are a glue for us, but in many ways we are very different. Our similarity keeps us together, and our differences keep the relationship interesting and fresh.
I do. Two of them really, for more or less the same reasons. But it's because I love and trust both of them, and they love and trust me. No matter how big of a pain in the ass either of us are, we're there for each other.
Now, I havent known either of them for too incredibly long, but they are both the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I'm not one to keep friends for too long, as I move a lot and lose contact with the people I once knew. These two have been the most consistant, and I trust that they are going to be in my life for a very, very long time. Plus, Ive let them in a lot closer than I have anyone prior, and Id be too afraid to start over again.
Anyways, they know who they are, and if they post stalk me on here, let me say this: I love you guys.
Now, I havent known either of them for too incredibly long, but they are both the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I'm not one to keep friends for too long, as I move a lot and lose contact with the people I once knew. These two have been the most consistant, and I trust that they are going to be in my life for a very, very long time. Plus, Ive let them in a lot closer than I have anyone prior, and Id be too afraid to start over again.
Anyways, they know who they are, and if they post stalk me on here, let me say this: I love you guys.
I don't believe in this concept any more. There were several persons over the past years upon whom I'd have conferred this status, but eventually each betrayed me. It was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers; one day, they were just different and wrong. I have had to radically increase my estimate of the span of time people will behave completely contrary to their true natures to fool others, even when this offers no apparent benefit to them. I feel that conferring an extra level of trust in someone as a "best" friend--that's my criterion--is a mistake and could only comfortably think of someone in this way if my expectations were not in any way heightened as a result.
Yes, I have a best friend--maybe because she's my only "real" friend---the one I can feel totally comfortable around, not worry if she likes me or if she's just being polite. We both like movies and tv, and both like science fiction and games. We're both Trekkies and loves things that are "offbeat" and intelligent.
But she's almost 20 years older than I am, and now lives several states away from me. She's also hard of hearing and can't use the phone because of nerve deafness. So we email a lot.
She's been in extremely poor health lately.
I miss her terribly.
I could also say that my hubby is my best friend. It'll be five years of marriage come this March. Oh sure, there are times he irritates the heck out of me but I'd rather be with him than anyone else.
We like most of the same things, we have the same thoughts on politics, religion (or lack thereof), responsibility and humor. We can tease each other and finish each other's sentences.
As much as I love my hubby, it would be nice to have a girl best buddy that I can hang out with and confide in. I work at home, and he's gone all day, so I have absolutely no one with me for 10-11 hours a day, 5 days a week.
It gets rather lonely.
But she's almost 20 years older than I am, and now lives several states away from me. She's also hard of hearing and can't use the phone because of nerve deafness. So we email a lot.
She's been in extremely poor health lately.
I miss her terribly.
I could also say that my hubby is my best friend. It'll be five years of marriage come this March. Oh sure, there are times he irritates the heck out of me but I'd rather be with him than anyone else.
We like most of the same things, we have the same thoughts on politics, religion (or lack thereof), responsibility and humor. We can tease each other and finish each other's sentences.
As much as I love my hubby, it would be nice to have a girl best buddy that I can hang out with and confide in. I work at home, and he's gone all day, so I have absolutely no one with me for 10-11 hours a day, 5 days a week.
It gets rather lonely.
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I don't have best friends. I have true friends, I have friends, and other people.
I don't feel that I have a best friend. My girlfriend could easily qualify, She's perfect, but I've never thought Girlfriends/spouses counted as best friends. They share many of the same qualities of a best friend, but it's ultimately a different type of relationship.
I knew a great guy in high school whom I considered a best friend for several years. We hung out so often his parents began to cook more food every night assuming I would be there at dinner. We were inseperable. He now works in Arizona, and I see very little of him.
As for now, I have some cool people I hang out with, but I don't feel that close to them.
I knew a great guy in high school whom I considered a best friend for several years. We hung out so often his parents began to cook more food every night assuming I would be there at dinner. We were inseperable. He now works in Arizona, and I see very little of him.
As for now, I have some cool people I hang out with, but I don't feel that close to them.
I had a best friend but she and I have grown apart. We were very close, did a lot of things together, but when I learned that her boyfriend was abusive toward her our relationship changed. Not too long after they broke up - and a court case later - our friendship just ended without explanation. Her official reason for it was that "I had changed."
I like this post. I think it summarizes nicely a lot of the misconceptions about friendship, which is being able to take crap from those who you think care about you. Friendship is difficult. It has its ups and downs. But I think it is rare for someone to understand the other for their idiosycrancies and accept him or her for them. I think that is the true defining nature of friendship -- to be able to accept someone for who they truly are.
I've had two people who I thought were my "best friend", which I think is a relative term because a lot of people loosely throw it about these days.
"He's my best friend...no, wait, he's my best friend..."
Those aforementioned friendships dissolved because of me, mostly. I was either too selfish or needy or inconsiderate. Yes, friendship is a two-way street, so naturally the dissolution of a friendship requires the participation of two people, but I guess I tend to take most of the blame, which kind of flows to my next point, a point DonIago excellently made, about initiation.
Those friendships failed because of a lack of initiation, on both sides. I have a friend now, that I've known since 2004, but I didn't become good friends with until about two years ago, who understands this. If I don't call him or contact him, he does. If something goes wrong, he always apologizes, even when he shouldn't have to. He's caring, considerate, thoughtful, and understanding. He is also very emotive, which for some males is a hard thing to come by. I'm a decently emotional person, in the sense that I can handle my emotions and deal with them maturely, but not many guys can. This person, this friend of mine...he can. He's younger than me but leaps and bounds more emotionally mature than either I or anyone I have ever met.
I'm not the most intelligent, emotionally "sound" individual, and sometimes I do things that are stupid. He understands them, and scarily enough he accepts them. He lets me go on rants, tangents, and he realizes my interests and knows how to playcate to them (in the good way). He's extraordinarily kind, doing things he wouldn't normally do, things I even question, "Why did he do that?", but he does them anyway. He is truthful, and I feel like I have earned his trust. That is also a really big and important thing. Trust.
Anyway, I'm going on making this sound like a love letter, but what I'm really trying to say is how unique and rare it is to find someone who understands who you are and accepts you for who you are. To me, that is the true definition of friendship, and of a "best friend".
Yes, i have a best friend. We've known each other for 15 years. There's very little we don't know about each other.
Yes, I have a friend.
And unlimited mutual exchange of conversation, advice,
compassion, support and "Hey man, can you do me a favor?"s.
And unlimited mutual exchange of conversation, advice,
compassion, support and "Hey man, can you do me a favor?"s.
Had 2 good friends.
One developed a mental condition, we lost touch, he died of a brain tumour.
The other moved to the UK, then stopped emailing me cold. Never responded since. After a year and a half I had to cut her off for my own peace of mind.
Don't think I'll bother any more. Too much hassle. Too much hurt.
One developed a mental condition, we lost touch, he died of a brain tumour.
The other moved to the UK, then stopped emailing me cold. Never responded since. After a year and a half I had to cut her off for my own peace of mind.
Don't think I'll bother any more. Too much hassle. Too much hurt.
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