parents; a sympathetic ear/shoulder?

[Rÿcher]

Olivia would not go down for a nap. Every time I left her alone, she'd fuss and whine and squeal. She usually takes her nap at 12:00 sharp for consistency.

Every 20 minutes to half hour I would go and check on her to make sure she was okay and that her diaper didn't need changing. It needed changing once and I got her up for 20 minutes for a snack at 2:00 (again for consistency). Come 3:00, she was screaming her head off and I was grinding my teeth because I could hear it through two closed doors. I stormed in and yelled as loud as I could, "NO! YOU LIE DOWN AND GO NI-NIGHT!"

She stopped crying instantly.

Silence.

She then started to blubber and drool and slober and then she looked away.

I never felt so small in my life. I'm like, "oh my gosh, what have I done?"

I picked her up immediately, squeezed her, told her it would be okay and that I loved her and tried rocking her. I then brought her out to the dining room for a Little Debbie and some chocolate milk. She deserved it.

Will she forgive me? Am I an awful father?

 

[Robert Maxwell]

You are concerned she will be upset with you because you yelled at her? And you rewarded her to salve your own conscience?

I'm not sure you handled any aspect of that very well. But I wouldn't expect any lasting harm from the yelling. You did end up rewarding her for not going to bed on time, though.

 

[Gertch]

You are concerned she will be upset with you because you yelled at her? And you rewarded her to salve your own conscience?

I'm not sure you handled any aspect of that very well. But I wouldn't expect any lasting harm from the yelling. You did end up rewarding her for not going to bed on time, though.

I agree.

Kids wont always go to sleep. Some times they just aren't tired. You can always try to wear them out by playing or taking a car ride.

Once you get them in bed take out the vacuum and get the cleaning done. You can't hear them over the sound of a vacuum and they'll drift off if they are tired enough.

 

[Rÿcher]

^^Yes.

No. I gave her something as a peace offering, as a band-aid, something to say "daddy's not a monster".

She did eventually go down for her nap. She might be teething or going through a growth stage. We've been told that her naps might be interrupted by these things.

 

[Azlynn]

I then brought her out to the dining room for a Little Debbie and some chocolate milk. She deserved it.

Will she forgive me? Am I an awful father?

You're awful for feeding her that garbage. If you felt bad about upsetting her, then a snuggle and a book would have been a lot better than chemicals, sugar, and garbage.

Going in and out of her room likely didn't help things. And I'm baffled by the snack in the middle of nap time. With this you're basically teaching her that you'll be there in and out, especially if she fusses, and that she shouldn't expect to be down for any length of time as there'll always be other exciting stuff going on.

Unless you're trying to raise a hopped up kid with no attention span that bops in and out of everything. Then you're great.

But seriously, parents snap. Kids get over it. She won't knife you in your sleep in 14 years because of it.

 

[jbrinegar]

they only know what you teach them, in this case not going to sleep is rewarded with treats. Id expect more of this in the future.

 

[Small White Car]

You are concerned she will be upset with you because you yelled at her? And you rewarded her to salve your own conscience?

I'm not sure you handled any aspect of that very well. But I wouldn't expect any lasting harm from the yelling. You did end up rewarding her for not going to bed on time, though.

If the child is over 3 years old your advice is pretty good.

If she's under 3 you're completely wrong.

I have no idea how old this kid is, so I can't say which it is.

 

[Rÿcher]

you guys are more concerned that I gave her sugar than the fact that I yelled at her?

tough room.

 

[JonathonWally]

you guys are more concerned that I gave her sugar than the fact that I yelled at her?

tough room.

How old is she? That would probably make a difference I'm guessing.

 

[trampledamage]

How old's Olivia?

She may also just be growing out of the need for a nap.

Don't worry about the shouting or the treat-giving. So long as you don't make a habit of either there's no harm done.

Honestly, people seem to see children as these manipulative monsters who will take advantage of the first moment of weakness. This really isn't the way it works. She'll probably try for treats next time - but just say to her that this one time was a special occasion because you were upset and it won't be happening again, and then ride out the tantrum. She'll get over it quick enough.

When my daughter (who's now four) refused to settle to a nap (or to bed) I would calmly say "back to bed" and sometimes go in and tuck her in, but not always. If she's lying in bed crying, then as far as I'm concerned she needs help - either she's in pain or she needs company to sleep.

If it's teething then it'll only last a couple of days. If it's more than that then you'll either need to settle in to being with her until she falls asleep or work out a set pattern and routine that both of you can become familiar with that will help her start to sleep by herself.


Every parent shouts occasionally. We're human too remember. Just don't do it again

 

[RJDiogenes]

I wouldn't worry about it. It takes far more than a brief temper flare up to make a kid hate her father.

 

[Trippy]

^thank goodness!

My son is 10 and still adores me, and I`ve lost my temper at him before too (mostly when he was 2, they don`t call them terrible twos for nothing!)

And my son never napped

Point is, parents are human and not perfect. We make mistakes (and I as a single mom was the only one to make them!)

There are, like in Harry Potter, 3 unforgivable sins: hitting, insulting and failure to provide the necessities.

 

[Rÿcher]

She's 17 months.

...and we're thinking about weaning her from binky.

Where's my ativan?

Thing is, she only uses binky for nap time and bed time now anyway.

 

[trampledamage]

She's 17 months.

...and we're thinking about weaning her from binky.

Where's my ativan?

Thing is, she only uses binky for nap time and bed time now anyway.

To be honest, if it's only at bed time and nap time I wouldn't bother.

 

[Rÿcher]

true but if she's seven years old and still relies on binky to go to sleep and need braces at 14, I'm sending you the bill.

After some soul searching, I realize I'm not a monster nor am I a robot.

I chalk it up to a learning experience. One that I won't repeat.

 

[trampledamage]

true but if she's seven years old and still relies on binky to go to sleep and need braces at 14, I'm sending you the bill.

After some soul searching, I realize I'm not a monster nor am I a robot.

I chalk it up to a learning experience. One that I won't repeat.

Welcome to parenting! Everything's a learning experience - we're all making it up as we go along.


Actually, looking on the bright side - Olivia's shock at your shouting shows one thing very clearly - you don't yell at her very often (if at all). That's a good thing.

 

[LaxScrutiny]

No nap, I wouldn't worry about.

She should have a sense of a routine, but if she doesn't want to sleep you aren't doing her any favours by forcing things.

Yelling, once in a while, isn't terrible. Kids are resilient and as long as you love them, they love you back. However if you feel bad about it, then it's the wrong thing to do.

I have always apologized to my kids when I lost my temper and yelled, and they didn't lose respect for me, they seem to have increased their respect for me. And they know that when I don't apologize or back down on something, they are really in trouble.

For a 17 month old, she is still a baby really, and needs to be comforted because she needs to feel safe. Leaving a child alone to cry in a cot isn't parenting, it's not even babysitting. 9 times out of 10, if you get her up, let her sit in your lap while you read, she'll fall asleep on your lap in 5 minutes anyway.

 

[SeerSGB]

You've got my sympathy Rycher.

My son just turned 6 a couple months back, and it was like flipping a switch. Now I'm dealing with "If I can kick daddy's butt, I can be the boss." And the running back and forth between mommy and daddy trying to finagle his way when he's told no.

 

[RevDMV]

Parenting, the shortest route to finding your inner demons. My oldest son (almost nine now) went through two years of colic(read at most four hours sleep a night for him near nothing for us) due to intestinal issues, now solved. Trust me he's still all in on me, one time from you is not going to be a big deal.

Back your situation like other have said, routines are good it helps the kids feel safe and secure, but be prepared for routines to change on a dime, and for good.

 

[jamestyler]

With my daughter was at the age where she started the parent-child struggle for power she used to cry when put to bed as she wanted to stay up (even though she was obviously tired) and learned not to respond quickly as it'd start a bad routine. Saying that I still sat at her door just in case. I was always really intent on keeping a routine, but always just there and checking on her to make sure she was ok. With how well behaved she is it worked well, but it was really hard on someone as paranoid as me.

It really helped later on as we knew if she woke up in the middle of the night it was only because something was wrong - such as needing changed.

Different things seem to work for different children/parents. What worked for me might not work for someone else.

When she was younger I did get frustrated as I was still getting to grips with everything and really struggling to the huge change - but I'm lucky enough to have a job that prepared me in a really strange way for the stress.