2009 unveiled by Psychic Nikki!

[RJDiogenes]

In further news, Tom Jones will have a new Top 40 hit in 2009 with "My My My Dahlia Lama."

 

[Zulu Romeo]

A green bear will be found in China.

Stock Market up and down.

Hmmm... I don't know about that last one. Depends if the aforementioned green bear will unleash the contents of its bowels within the Chinese woodland.

Victoria and David Beckham have to watch their marriage and kidnapping.

... LIVE on Sky Sports HD!

A Belgium chocolate factory will burn to the ground.

Well that's what happens when you keep it out in the sun for too long. [You're fired - everyone]

Prime Minister Brown of England has to be careful of an attack.

Hurrah! The Scots have disowned Gordon Brown! The English can keep him, personally.

Death of Charles Manson.

What do you think of that, Mr. Manson?

Donald Trump has to watch his future wealth and be careful of helicopters.

I suspect there will be a heavy-priced toupee. [I said you're fired! - everyone again]

Fashion Predictions
Men
Mustaches for men – very Clark Gable, Burt Reynolds.
Black for men (think Johnny Cash).
Thin ties like the 50’s and 60’s.
Suspenders will be back.
Capes for men.

Wow. Who needs Holdfast when we've got Psychic Nikki?

A streaker on American Idol.

That Ryan Seacrest, what a cad.

The jitterbug dance, the tango, and the twist will be popular again.

Were they ever unpopular, though? I blame Craig Revel Horwood.

A Formula One car out of control – a fiery crash hitting the stands and killing the driver.

That's because said driver didn't "watch out for danger."

Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks split.

The funny thing is that this one wasn't filed under "Star Predictions." Poor Tom Hanks.

Tragedy around a mud wrester.

Insert your own punchline here.

 

[Jono]

I like no. 78, which says simply "more shark attacks".

I guess it will be at least another year until 'human beings and fish can peacefully coexist'.

 

[cobrien]

And I just found what appears to be a video of our Nikki on a TV show!
I wonder, just how desperate are those guys for finding guests to invite a "psychic" that predicts green flamingos and the capture of the Loch Ness Monster?
And that keeps predicting the death of old (and sick) Fidel Castro for the next year and failing?

 

[Finn]

I got one.

The Detroit Lions won't make the playoffs.

 

[Squiggy]

Well, let's just take a look at her predictions for 2008!

Tragedy around the Maid of the Mist in Niagara Falls,

No

a category 5 hurricane wipes out Miami,

No. Still there.

terrorist attack on the Beijing Olympics

No

plus another terrorist attack on Madrid, Spain,

No

as well as an attack in Chicago.

No

Two planes will collide over JFK Airport in New York,

Nope

a giant earthquake in Japan,

No

giant snowstorm blankets New York and shuts down the Metropolis for a week,

Nope

a disease wipes out tulips in Holland,

No

the US will invade Iran,

Well, there are still a few days left in the year…

assassination around President Bush,

No

the Empire State Building on fire,

Nuh uh

a stock market crash,

She got one!

an avalanche in Switzerland,

Possibly, I mean there’s bound to be one.

tragedy around a ski lift,

None reported.

wildfires spread to Los Angeles as well as a fire at a Chinese Theatre, in Los Angeles,

Nope

a daredevil walk across Niagara Falls on a tightrope,

Nope

and a daredevil will also scale the Eiffel Tower,

Eh, it’s possible. Not that this is really “news”.

a giant flood in Venice, Italy,

It’s constantly flooded. Doesn’t take a meteorologist to figure this one out.

6 children will be born to a woman in Iowa, USA,

Not this year

a giant rabbit will be found in Surrey, England,

The hell? No.

and a giant scorpion will be found in the Arizona Desert.

Nope.

Gigantic earthquake will hit Los Angeles,

No

San Diego

No

and San Francisco

And no

and an earthquake will destroy parts of Athens, Greece.

Athens is still standing

An earthquake in Rome..

Nope

Moscow on fire.

Nope

A cure for deafness,

THE CURE FOR DEAFNESS IS THE WOMEN!

a terrorist attack in Berlin, Germany,

Nope

as well as in Canada,

As well as no.

a civil war in Iran,

No

assassination of Government officials in Pakistan,

It’s a safe bet, but the big assassination of Government officials in Pakistan happened in 2007.

trouble around the Eiffel Tower in Paris,

Like, “parking ticket trouble”?

trouble at O’Hare Airport in Chicago,

Have you ever been to O’Hare?

tragedy around the Millennium Wheel in London, England.

Nope

The earth will move slightly off its’ axis causing some havoc,

“Some” havoc.

and another civilization will be found in the Andes.

Nope…just a bunch of Bolivians.

An arrest in the Madeline McCann case.

No

A heat wave in France and England

We call that “summer” and it happens every year.

and a dust storm will cause havoc in the state of Oklahoma.

Nope

A mine disaster in South Africa.

No

Five men will rob a jewelry story in New York with taser guns

Nada

and a man dressed as a Roman Gladiator will rob banks in Los Angeles

Seriously?

There will be another tsunami to hit Sumatra

Nope

and a volcano will erupt.

Where? In Sumatra? If that’s the prediction then “no”. If you meant that “anywhere on Earth a volcano will erupt” then yes. Way to swing for the fences.

A cargo ship will collide with a cruise ship in the Mediterranean killing hundreds,

Fail

a human embryo will be cloned,

Fail

and a giant crocodile will devour many people in Southern Florida.

EPIC FAIL

A raging fire in Chicago will destroy a large portion of the Old Chicago area

“Old Chicago”? Nope…still there.

and a bridge will collapse in Toronto, Canada.

No.

A sex scandal in Washington DC.

Amazingly…no.

Two Mississippi River boats collide in the Mississippi River,

I supposed it might have happened.

a transvestite will be a contestant in the Miss USA contest,

Sounds hot. No.

a biological attack on the United States,

No.

robotic pets,

What?

the Arch De Triumph in Paris, France, will collapse

Non.

and there will be many buildings collapse in Mexico City.

Also non.

A subway attack in New York.

Nothing of note.

Nikki also sees the largest Powerball Lottery ever won in the United States will go to a homeless person,

Nikki needs to get a new set of glasses.

another breakthrough in the cure for cancer from a French doctor,

Sacre bleu! NON!

assassination attempts on President Chavez of Venezuela,

No

Masaaroff of Pakistan,

Who? If you mean “Musharraf of Pakistan”, then no. The only thing that died this year was his career.

the Pope,

No

and an assassination around Benazir Bhutto.

I guess by “around” you mean “of” and “2008” you mean “2007” then you nailed it!

A gigantic earthquake in Iran,

A gigantic no.

Hillary Clinton has to watch her health,

Don’t we all?

and more nudist colonies will merge when people try to become more natural.

Sounds interesting.

Al Gore will run for politics.

An inconvenient no.

A terrorist attack in California,

No

Nevada

No

and New York.

And no.

An arrest will be made n the Jon Benet Ramsey murder.

Nope.

There will be a space tragedy.

With this last misfire she got 1 out of 75. Way to go Nikki!

 

[TorontoTrekker]

tragedy around a ski lift,

None reported.

Actually, there was a ski lift that partially collapsed about a week and a half ago in Whistler, BC: here's the Globe and Mail story.

There were 13 injuries in total (including an employee who was cut while evacuating people from the gondolas), and 53 people were trapped until they could be evacuated, but there were no deaths. So this probably counts as half a point.

That's not much better, though!

 

[Trekker4747]

I'd argue a "tragedy" occurs around ski-lift on fairly regular basis. They're common mechanical things of which there's thousands of them around the planet. So, for sure, somewhere in the last year, somewhere, one fouled up and someone died, or it got stuck, or something.

Squiggy:

Give the woman a chance, she still has almost another week to get those right! So it's about to be one HELL of a week.

A hail Psychic Nikki!

 

[OmahaStar]

Well this thread is just made of pure win. lol

I had never heard of this "psychic nikki" person before, but after reading the "predictions" on her page, and the comments here, I am not exactly surprised. I love the google caching showing she "predicts" things that have already happened and changes her site to reflect the revisions of the future-past.

I see two possibilities. One is that Trekker4747 was right, she's using the spaghetti version of psychosis ... throwing things out to see if they stick.

There is another possibility, though. South Park's version of Family Guy's writing ... She's using manatees picking up random words and stringing them together to write her "predictions".

I predict she is made of fail.

 

[Rÿcher]

Psychics are optimists, huh?

or just retards.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

I heard about this impartial magistrate who was arrested for physically assaulting this psychic and force-feeding her Prozac. In his defence he said he wanted to strike a happy medium.

 

[Trekker4747]

I heard about this impartial magistrate who was arrested for physically assaulting this psychic and force-feeding her Prozac. In his defence he said he wanted to strike a happy medium.

Go to your corner.

 

[TorontoTrekker]

How tall is this Nikki, anyway? She looks quite short in her pictures. I ask because if her predictions are this bad, she must have been arrested for fraud at some point and escaped... which would make her a small medium at large.

 

[Squiggy]

tragedy around a ski lift,

None reported.

Actually, there was a ski lift that partially collapsed about a week and a half ago in Whistler, BC: here's the Globe and Mail story.

There were 13 injuries in total (including an employee who was cut while evacuating people from the gondolas), and 53 people were trapped until they could be evacuated, but there were no deaths. So this probably counts as half a point.

That's not much better, though!

"Bad day", "tragedy", whatev.

 

[Trekker4747]

How tall is this Nikki, anyway? She looks quite short in her pictures. I ask because if her predictions are this bad, she must have been arrested for fraud at some point and escaped... which would make her a small medium at large.

Go to your corner.

 

[OmahaStar]

How tall is this Nikki, anyway? She looks quite short in her pictures. I ask because if her predictions are this bad, she must have been arrested for fraud at some point and escaped... which would make her a small medium at large.

I'm going to hurt you for that. And Psychic Nikki can't tell you when it'll happen.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Well, if her psychic abilities aren't up to scratch (which they aren't) she could take up Buddhist dentistry, in order to transcend dental medication.




OK, I'll stop with the bad puns. But I'm serious. Buddhist dentistry is a real discipline, requiring years of barefoot labour and spirit-crushing mental torment in order to master its subtleties. Somehow I don't think she'd manage that, come to think of it, and it would leave her mind broken, her feet battered and worn, and her dental health in a worse state. Yes, she'd become a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sigh. It's so rare to see medium jokes well done.

 

[Gepard]

^You're not helping.

 

[Holdfast]

Well, if her psychic abilities aren't up to scratch (which they aren't) she could take up Buddhist dentistry, in order to transcend dental medication.




OK, I'll stop with the bad puns. But I'm serious. Buddhist dentistry is a real discipline, requiring years of barefoot labour and spirit-crushing mental torment in order to master its subtleties. Somehow I don't think she'd manage that, come to think of it, and it would leave her mind broken, her feet battered and worn, and her dental health in a worse state. Yes, she'd become a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

Nice try, but no Poppins pun will ever exceed this 2000 headline from The Sun.