embarrassing request

[RedFenix]

Oh, don't do that. Become a teacher instead. Teach teenagers. If you don't start off with self-confidence, you'll learn it quickly enough.

That's really good advice. I used to be terrified of public speaking, then I got a gig lecturing at a university. There is no better way to hone your speaking skills than talking for an hour straight to bored 19 year olds.

That idea sounds like it would make you an excellent public speaker overnight or crush your spirits so badly you wouldn't feel comfortable talking to your cats for 10 years.

Well, it also teaches you to have a sense of humor, if you don't have one already.

 

[Philo]

^ Losing makes you funny. Winning makes you handsome.

It's not the volume of your voice, it's the power behind it.

As for gaining self confidence and all that, sure there are tons of books, studies and essays you can read, many confidence building exercises, but what works a lot is just to fake it till you have it.

Confidence is something that grows with small steps. I had to overcome a crippling shyness and lack of self confidence over the last decade. One tip that worked for me: I started asking girls out. I never would before, i always worried about how they'd react, if theyd laugh... Then i realised... "fuck it, you only live once."

Keep that in mind. A life lived in fear is a life not lived.

In my very limited experience, you need to be comfortable in your skin before you can feel social confidence. That's really all the advice I can give on this...

These guys are wise. I don't know what else to offer other than that. It's hard, but take it one step at a time and enjoy each step forward and don't rue each step back. Learn how to look at yourself in the mirror and smile until the smile is real.

I think acting is actually an incredibly good way to learn confidence. You force yourself to be centre-stage and you learn how to be somebody else. You get to pick a character that you wish you were more like and you learn to act like them until you become them.

It's trite, I know, but that's something you'll have to get over too.

Just like egotism is often the overcompensation for an inferiority complex and low self-esteem.

Hey, that's me!

 

[Sephiroth]

start a fight club

 

[jenji120]

That's really good advice. I used to be terrified of public speaking, then I got a gig lecturing at a university. There is no better way to hone your speaking skills than talking for an hour straight to bored 19 year olds.

That idea sounds like it would make you an excellent public speaker overnight or crush your spirits so badly you wouldn't feel comfortable talking to your cats for 10 years.

Well, it also teaches you to have a sense of humor, if you don't have one already.

Lot's of good advice... I agree that teaching really is a great way to build confidence -- there's nothing like lecturing college students, especially the younger ones but it doesn't have to be formal teaching or teaching as a profession to work.

Rycher, if you have a special skill, hobby, or interest, you could teach classes or hold workshops on whatever that subject might be at Churches/Synagogues/Mosques, community centers, schools that stay open after hours, coffee shops, or anywhere else with available space and have a blast while building social confidence. If you live near one, universities often offer non-credit courses that are open to the entire community and taught by anyone who decides to offer one (no special degree or certification required). The great thing about teaching, even if it's just a group of 4 or 5 people, is that you build that social confidence while pulling from expertise or a subject you're already confident and competent in. Since you're the teacher, you automatically get assigned the role of authority figure and expert and realizing that tends to help break through the fears some have of public speaking.

Also, given what you've said regarding your daughter I think you should take the role of advocate in conflict situations because the confidence appears to already be there. If you're quick to break someone in half for her but scared to engage people in areas where they're being rude or hostile you should imagine that you're not simply standing up for yourself but for others. With an unruly customer, realize you're confronting him/her on behalf of others --even if no one else is there not confronting a prick gives him/her incentive to repeat the behavior wherever he/she goes. No one else has the power or authority to stop them but you not only have the power but also the responsibility to engage them. It's not a matter of them just giving you a bad day -- they're disturbing other people.

 

[Hermiod]

start a fight club

I second this idea.

 

[Philo]

Oh Rycher, I was going to mention something else. Start by listing off all of the things that you're good at. This is your foundation, and it's bigger than you think it is. Modesty is for other people.

 

[jamestyler]

start a fight club

I second this idea.

I'll third it if I can be like Meatloaf and ignore the 'no shirts' part of the rules, being rather tubsy.

 

[Hermiod]

start a fight club

I second this idea.

I'll third it if I can be like Meatloaf and ignore the 'no shirts' part of the rules, being rather tubsy.

I claim Ed Norton's part, I'm already an insomniac and I want to beat up somebody good looking.

Where's Philo ?

 

[Philo]

Hey, I'm not what real men look like either.

 

[Holdfast]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

Fake it until you make it.

 

[Rÿcher]

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I’m barely making sense
For now I’m faking it
‘Til I’m pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as “I”
And not as “we”

 

[Holdfast]

I think "Every day and in every way, I'm getting better and better" has a snappier ring to it.