embarrassing request

[Rÿcher]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night. Dreams are pretty important for me - the ones I remember anyway. I was in a position of authority and I was trying to get some visitors to put out their cigarettes. They weren't listening so I raised my voice and I added some emphasis or strength to what I was saying but at the end of each sentence, the volume went way down or my voice cracked or something else. Have you ever shouted so loud that your voice just gave out? It was like that only I wasn't shouting.

They didn't put out their cigarettes.

To me, my losing my voice meant that I need more confidence especially in dealing with other people. I recognize that in my waking life.

got any tips?

 

[SPOCKED]

Join the military. You'll find your voice and your confidence.

 

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

Listen to a few Mr. Bungle songs

 

[Rÿcher]

Join the military. You'll find your voice and your confidence.

never

 

[JonathonWally]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night. Dreams are pretty important for me - the ones I remember anyway. I was in a position of authority and I was trying to get some visitors to put out their cigarettes. They weren't listening so I raised my voice and I added some emphasis or strength to what I was saying but at the end of each sentence, the volume went way down or my voice cracked or something else. Have you ever shouted so loud that your voice just gave out? It was like that only I wasn't shouting.

They didn't put out their cigarettes.

To me, my losing my voice meant that I need more confidence especially in dealing with other people. I recognize that in my waking life.

got any tips?

It's not the volume of your voice, it's the power behind it.

As for gaining self confidence and all that, sure there are tons of books, studies and essays you can read, many confidence building exercises, but what works a lot is just to fake it till you have it.

Your mind is more powerful over you than you realize. Just fake it till you've convinced yourself of it. Just be cautious how you go about it, people can tell when you're over compensating.

Just like egotism is often the overcompensation for an inferiority complex and low self-esteem.

 

[Darth_Pinche]

Here is a bit of guided imagery for you :
Find something that you do very well, writing, polka dancing, cooking, whatever. Do that activity, but mindfully be aware of what it feels like do that things well, really experience the feeling of competence and mastery, revel in it. Truly enjoy it. Then at other, stress free times, think about that experience, note the good feelings that come with it, relive the experience, picture yourself doing it. Practice being able to bring up that emotional experience at will.
Then during those times that you feel nervous or a lack of confidence, think about those experiences that you are masterful at. This can put you in a better place when facing challenges. It is all about attitude and practice.
Hope that helps.

 

[btflash]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night.

got any tips?

i had a dream last night as well. all i remember is that i ate a giant marshmellow and when i awoke my pillow was gone.

 

[DRMidnite]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night.

got any tips?

i had a dream last night as well. all i remember is that i ate a giant marshmellow and when i awoke my pillow was gone.

 

[tafkats]

Join Toastmasters. I think there are people here who have experience with the organization; I've thought about it myself, but haven't done it yet. It's a group in which members help each other develop better communication and public speaking skills.

Even if you don't want to join the military, like SPOCKED suggested, the basic logic behind that advice is still sound. If self-confidence doesn't come naturally to you, one way to develop it is to put yourself into situations where you're forced to. Volunteer to head up a project at work. If there are work-related tasks that you've always hated because they involve talking to lots and lots of people, stop avoiding them and volunteer for them instead.

 

[Elmo Dukat]

Have kids. You'll find a lot of confidence comes with being responsible for other (small and fragile ) people. And later, when they start talking back, you'll have to develop confidence to keep yourself sane!

 

[tafkats]

Have kids. You'll find a lot of confidence comes with being responsible for other (small and fragile ) people. And later, when they start talking back, you'll have to develop confidence to keep yourself sane!

Yeah, but if he doesn't want to join the military, I think having kids would REALLY be an extreme solution!

The Army can be a commitment of as little as a year and a half, but having kids? That's for life.

 

[P0sitr0nic]

Confidence is something that grows with small steps. I had to overcome a crippling shyness and lack of self confidence over the last decade. One tip that worked for me: I started asking girls out. I never would before, i always worried about how they'd react, if theyd laugh... Then i realised... "fuck it, you only live once."

Keep that in mind. A life lived in fear is a life not lived.

 

[RedFenix]

Have kids. You'll find a lot of confidence comes with being responsible for other (small and fragile ) people. And later, when they start talking back, you'll have to develop confidence to keep yourself sane!

Oh, don't do that. Become a teacher instead. Teach teenagers. If you don't start off with self-confidence, you'll learn it quickly enough.

 

[Rÿcher]

I have a daughter. I don't want to enlist due to conscientious reasons.

Sometimes while working retail, I get the chutzpah to stand up to an unruly customer but I feel like I'm going to faint and I get tunnel vision when I'm in the process. I also feel like I can't find the words but when I get home, I know exactly what I should have said. Hindsight, right? weird how I can have the testicular fortitude in my mind or my imagination but in reality, I'm really shy when it comes to conflict. Threaten harm against my daughter and I will fuck you up one side and down the other.

 

[jamestyler]

Do you have anywhere nearby that does any kind of martial art class or anything similar?

It's not for everyone, but the company I work for runs wrestling classes. Some come along just for fun, some even to raise their fitness, but with everyone thats stuck it out the experience has severely lifted their confidence. Especially when they get their first win in a shoot match - it gives an ego boost, helps fitness, keeps the mind sharp as you're always thinking and when you get that win you feel ten feet tall.

It's an odd thing to recommend, but it's harmless, you're well looked after and it's a great feeling.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night.

got any tips?

i had a dream last night as well. all i remember is that i ate a giant marshmellow and when i awoke my pillow was gone.

I had a dream that a hamburger was eating me! (Seinfeld)

 

[Danoz]

There are different kinds of confidence. confidence in work, hobbies, dating... and having one doesn't necessarily mean you're confident in the other. For instance, through high school, I was socially insecure with peers and girls-- but very confident in speech and debate, music and sports. A big part of it was that I had terrible acne and braces growing up, which made even basic interaction generally uncomfortable. Days it was bad I would even skip class entirely.

College, for some reason, was a bit of an awakening. Face cleared up. I gained healthy weight and hit the gym like a mad man and became very comfortable with my appearance. Everything fell into place. I had no problem flirting/asking girls out, I made friends easily and I was myself.

In my very limited experience, you need to be comfortable in your skin before you can feel social confidence. That's really all the advice I can give on this...

Best of luck. I too place value in dreams, though mine are very, very weird and anxious most of the time.

 

[Kelthaz]

anyone here know anything about teaching someone about self-confidence?

I don't want to be one of those guys who ooze with it and yet I don't want to be the way I am forever either.

I had this dream last night.

got any tips?

i had a dream last night as well. all i remember is that i ate a giant marshmellow and when i awoke my pillow was gone.

I had a dream that a hamburger was eating me! (Seinfeld)

I had a dream where I was eating a pizza and then the pizza turned into Pac-man and started chasing me. He didn't even have a power pellet; the cheating bastard.

 

[shrantastic]

Oh, don't do that. Become a teacher instead. Teach teenagers. If you don't start off with self-confidence, you'll learn it quickly enough.

That's really good advice. I used to be terrified of public speaking, then I got a gig lecturing at a university. There is no better way to hone your speaking skills than talking for an hour straight to bored 19 year olds.

 

[Kelthaz]

Oh, don't do that. Become a teacher instead. Teach teenagers. If you don't start off with self-confidence, you'll learn it quickly enough.

That's really good advice. I used to be terrified of public speaking, then I got a gig lecturing at a university. There is no better way to hone your speaking skills than talking for an hour straight to bored 19 year olds.

That idea sounds like it would make you an excellent public speaker overnight or crush your spirits so badly you wouldn't feel comfortable talking to your cats for 10 years.