Lets think of all the problems with Santa

[Miss Chicken]

or Father Christmas or whatever other alias he goes by.

1) He is an old guy who keeps a list of 'naughty' boys and girls.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

He's got a huge body mass index and waist size. If he continues to stress himself with carrying all those presents he's going to have a heart attack or stroke. All those mince pies will also push his blood pressure up and put him at risk of diabetes. Plus, given his obesity I'm surprised if he doesn't suffer from sleep apnoea, so he'd better not be caught asleep at the reins...

 

[blablover5]

All those cookies and milk are sure to give him hyperglycermia and cause him to pass out and knock over a Christmas tree.

 

[anais]

He's got a huge body mass index and waist size.

He is going to get stuck in a chimney one of these Christmases.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

He only works one day a year during which he illegally enters the airspace of several countries of the world, bypassing passport control, and sets foot on these lands stealthily and into private property when no-one's looking.

I think the SAS should recruit him.

 

[1001001]

He's a degenerate!

"If you sit on my lap today, a kiss a toy is the price you pay."

 

[Hennessy Badger]

He won't let the worker Elves unionize. Or so I've heard.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

He won't let the worker Elves unionize. Or so I've heard.

The elves are preparing for war as we speak, so I hear.

 

[Trekker4747]

Here:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer
which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378
million according to the Population Reference Reference Bureau. At an
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million
homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is
to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
millions stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course,
we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will
accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of
75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at
least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made
vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per
second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds),
the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could
pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even
nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even
counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for
comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In
short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the
reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The
entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times
greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)
would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's
dead now. Merry X-mas.

 

[Orintho]

He doesn't visit me any more!

 

[Trippy]

He sees you when you are sleeping...that is kinda creepy!

Santa is a stalker!

 

[trekkiedane]

He only works one day a year during which he illegally enters the airspace of several countries of the world, bypassing passport control, and sets foot on these lands stealthily and into private property when no-one's looking.

And then there's all the high-tech gadgets he spreads to the youth of war-faring nations

He sees you when you are sleeping...that is kinda creepy!

Santa is a stalker!

Ceiling Santa is watching you…

 

[Plecostomus]

He won't let the worker Elves unionize. Or so I've heard.

Nonsense, they unionized in 1969. Since then almost everything your typical child asks for is make in CHINA.

 

[Miss Chicken]

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer
which only Santa has ever seen.

It isn't just flying reindeer that he uses. For at least 3 hours of that 31 hours it is a totally different species that he uses.

 

[Kryton]

Fucker COULD go to the trouble of varying the wardrobe up once in a while.

And I KNOW he's got lots of different outfits but they're all fucking RED and/or WHITE!

 

[Trekker4747]

Fucker COULD go to the trouble of varying the wardrobe up once in a while.

And I KNOW he's got lots of different outfits but they're all fucking RED and/or WHITE!

Santa is contributing to global warming.

He's got a massive factory up there, he has to produce all of those toys. And even if you want to "buy into" that maybe he just simply buys toys from the stores and distibutes them he still has a massive factory up there for wrapping and distrubtion of his gifts.

 

[opali]

He never brought me the Easy Bake Oven I wanted. And I was really nice.

 

[Super Grover]

The reason Santa is always so happy is becasue he know where all the naughty girls live.

 

[opali]

The reason Santa is always so happy is becasue he know where all the naughty girls live.

Do you think one of them got my Easy Bake oven?

 

[Miss Chicken]

Does anyone agree with some of the things that Santa says here

For example

What it boils down to is a standard of living question. Less well-off children are accustomed to a certain standard of living that doesn’t measure up to what rich children are used to and have come to anticipate. Whereas a child living in an urban ghetto or some developing nation doesn’t expect to see anything more than a crusty Rubik’s Cube or some sickly stray animal in a box under their Christmas tree, shrub or rock, a child living in some semblance of civilization would feel slighted and sad by such a thing. Can you imagine the tearful insurrection that would ensue at the home of some bank vice president’s house if his kids woke up to find nothing but Chinese handcuffs and nectarines in their stockings?”

and

“Geographical and resource limitations also factor into the equation of which children receive what gifts. For instance, if a kid’s family is too poor to pay their electricity bill much less afford to live in a country with a reliable source of electricity in the first place, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to give him the hot new video game system, now does it? Likewise, it would be ridiculous to leave some child whose parents are on food stamps a new snowboard because after all, if you don’t have money for macaroni and cheese you don’t have the scratch for lift tickets.”

or

And not to mention, its hard enough to finish my route by morning as it is. If I reversed my policies now, I’d have to start visiting the rest of Africa north of Johannesburg and I’d never make it.”