I'm dating an older woman!

[Squiggy]

I'm surry for not replying to you, ira75. I've been very busy and stressed. It's still difficult to type.

Thank you for all the messages of support everyone who has sent them, both here and in this thread.

I was still number for a long time after the dreadful thing happened, but now I've almost accepted it. The world is a horrible place. There are no rules. You can do whatever you want to get ahead as long as you can get away with it. There's no point being good. There's no reward. There is nothing but transiet pleasure. I intend to feel pleasure as often as possible. I had sex with my girlfriend again without caring about her or her needs, just treating her as a piece of meat, as a non-human, someone who wasn't even laive. It felt great.

I still do care about the kids. Maybe that's just sentimentality and I should get over it. Maybe they're holding me back. But I love those little guys. I'm sticking with my girlfriend ONLY for them, to give them a good life for now.

I havent' told her I don't love her. That would be too obvious. Instead y revenge is a more subtle one, I'm trying to slowly undermine her confidence and break her, the way she broke me. I've started by dropping in a few remarks about her age, trying to make her feel old and useless. I don't think she's picked up on them yet but they're there in the atmosphere flying about and they will hurt her eventually.

Also the first chance I get I will cheat on her.

You are aware that she can end this relationship...aren't you?

Other than that, a solid plan. I see no way this will backfire in a humorous and entertaining fashion.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

I'm calling it now: The girlfriend will realize she's pregnant (way earlier than she really should be able to realize due to the unique way time flows in the Bagginsverse) and she won't know who the father is.

I recommend Maury.

 

[Squiggy]

MB will then misinterpret all the available evidence and come to the conclusion that he's going to be the step-father of Jesus Christ and then turn towards a life of poverty and devotion.

 

[archeryguy1701]

Does anyone else remember the early talk of a grown up, more mature MB? Because this is definately the mature, grown up route to take.

Hey, MB, you remember how you left your cousin because you liked Batgirl's ass? And then do you remember how you left Batgirl because your cousin was crazy-horny? You know the only difference between you and girlfriend? She at least had the decency to only do it once and then try to stick it out with you. Life's a bitch when it starts using your own strategy against you, isn't it?

 

[Mallory]

Wow, this season sure took a dark turn in a hurry.

 

[Squiggy]

Over/under on him accidentally killing something and attempting to bury him/her in the backyard with the help of someone from his previous Cirque du haplessness?

 

[archeryguy1701]

^I say it'll happen within five more posts from him.

 

[Nobody]

Glad to see the old intelligent MB is back. Bring on the Stone Cold Stunner!

This is obviously leading up to him banging the cousin again and/or him finally banging the Aunt to get "his" money.


-nobody

 

[ria 75]

 

[Tom Servo]

 

[James Bond]

I'm surry for not replying to you, ira75. I've been very busy and stressed. It's still difficult to type.

Thank you for all the messages of support everyone who has sent them, both here and in this thread.

I was still number for a long time after the dreadful thing happened, but now I've almost accepted it. The world is a horrible place. There are no rules. You can do whatever you want to get ahead as long as you can get away with it. There's no point being good. There's no reward. There is nothing but transiet pleasure. I intend to feel pleasure as often as possible. I had sex with my girlfriend again without caring about her or her needs, just treating her as a piece of meat, as a non-human, someone who wasn't even laive. It felt great.

I still do care about the kids. Maybe that's just sentimentality and I should get over it. Maybe they're holding me back. But I love those little guys. I'm sticking with my girlfriend ONLY for them, to give them a good life for now.

I havent' told her I don't love her. That would be too obvious. Instead y revenge is a more subtle one, I'm trying to slowly undermine her confidence and break her, the way she broke me. I've started by dropping in a few remarks about her age, trying to make her feel old and useless. I don't think she's picked up on them yet but they're there in the atmosphere flying about and they will hurt her eventually.

Also the first chance I get I will cheat on her.

Best episode ever?

 

[ria 75]

 

[kimc]

Bring on the Stone Cold Stunner!

Hear hear! While this subtle darkness thing is an interesting new turn I'm missing the old Madbaggins.

 

[Australis]

Bump.

Hmmmm... silence.

Was that the season end cliffhanger?

 

[Squiggy]

Canceled without warning! This show must've been airing on Fox.

 

[SalvorHardin]

I've heard rumors there's a spin-off in the works.

 

[MadBaggins]

Hi guys! I've been busy. Life is really short and moves fast, has anyone noticed that? I amazed anyone manages to spend as much time posting on the internet as I used to. Don't they realize that they're just going to die? Huh!

That might sound like a strange thing to say, but I had a near death experience two days ago. Well, an experience with near death. My girlfriend nearly choked to death on an apple. I watched, for a moment. I thought about what she'd done, how she'd ruined my faith in love, taken my very innocence. It wasn't even that I was thinking of letting her die, more that I was thinking of not saving her. But I did. I sprang to my feet and tried the Heidenreich manouver on her. It didn't dislodge the apple so I slapped her back, hard. The apple came popping out. My girlfriend thanked me for saving her life. She was crying. I could see the agony in her eyes, of being sucked away from death so suddenly. It made me think about how we can all die any moment. In that moment I understood why she slept with her ex. You have to live every moment. I love her again, so much, more than the more than love before. I want to spend every living moment with her. She's sitting next to me now reading a book about asteroids.

Ria, thank you for your advice again. I almost did cheat, earlier in that day. I was a mess. A girl at the gym I've seen before was flirting with my pretty blatantly. I even imagined what it would be like to grab her ass (it looks great in spandex), spin her around and make love to her right there on the treadmill. But when I looked up she was gone. Just as well. It was almost like fate, given what happened later with the apple. I was supposed to be going out with Thames that night but I called him and said no. Life is too short for Thames.

I think everything will be fine now. I'm close to my girlfriend than ever. She will never cheat again and I will never think about another woman again. I am already planning our long lives together. I only have one piece of advice for her, and I will type it in all caps then tell her to look up and read it.

NO MORE APPLES!

Aww, she laughed. She wants to know what I'm typing, got to go.

 

[GeorgeKirk]

. . . I even imagined what it would be like to grab her ass (it looks great in spandex), spin her around and make love to her right there on the treadmill.

I'm imagining that too. And it would be hilarious, especially if you got caught up in the moment and forgot to turn the treadmill off.

 

[TheBrew]

What a thing to wake up to.

 

[ria 75]

Hi guys! I've been busy. Life is really short and moves fast, has anyone noticed that? I amazed anyone manages to spend as much time posting on the internet as I used to. Don't they realize that they're just going to die? Huh!

I think that insulting your readers is not a very good way to start.

That might sound like a strange thing to say, but I had a near death experience two days ago. Well, an experience with near death. My girlfriend nearly choked to death on an apple.

All right, this time, I don't believe you. Or she's dumber than I thought. Or was she arguing with you at the time?

I watched, for a moment. I thought about what she'd done, how she'd ruined my faith in love, taken my very innocence. It wasn't even that I was thinking of letting her die, more that I was thinking of not saving her. But I did. I sprang to my feet and tried the Heidenreich manouver on her.

There are very good online dictionaries where you can check your spelling in an instant. Try this one. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/ I use it when I'm posting. I think it's courteous to the readers and also a matter of self-respect. Or is that only me ?
And for last names, there's Google. It's "Heimlich maneuver".
Not that I haven't posted a wrong spelling for a German name before...

It didn't dislodge the apple so I slapped her back, hard. The apple came popping out. My girlfriend thanked me for saving her life. She was crying. I could see the agony in her eyes, of being sucked away from death so suddenly.

How lyrical.

It made me think about how we can all die any moment.

And that wasn't brought about, at all, by the previous plot suggestions?

In that moment I understood why she slept with her ex. You have to live every moment. I love her again, so much, more than the more than love before. I want to spend every living moment with her. She's sitting next to me now reading a book about asteroids.

MadBaggins, you're full of surprises. You remind me of... a roulette wheel.

Ria, thank you for your advice again. I almost did cheat, earlier in that day. I was a mess. A girl at the gym I've seen before was flirting with my pretty blatantly. I even imagined what it would be like to grab her ass (it looks great in spandex), spin her around and make love to her right there on the treadmill.

Aw, I don't believe it. I was not striving in vain.

But when I looked up she was gone.

Never mind. That's what made the difference.

Just as well. It was almost like fate, given what happened later with the apple.

That's what I'm saying. You're not the wheel, you're the ball. But aren't we all, to a certain extent? I must confess I let fate decide of a lot of things in my life.

I was supposed to be going out with Thames that night but I called him and said no. Life is too short for Thames.

You lost me there.

I think everything will be fine now. I'm close to my girlfriend than ever. She will never cheat again and I will never think about another woman again.

Yeah, right. I believe you. What if FATE puts another girl on your path?
She's not safe from that sort of thing either. Unless you guys make vows.

NO MORE APPLES!

Don't be silly. They're good for the health.
But that was sorta cute.

Aww, she laughed. She wants to know what I'm typing, got to go.

By golly, she really exists!