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Voyager Caption This Blowout Sale!

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Seven: Why are you attempting to sell Voyager's anti-theft alarm?

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Paris: WHY AM I YELLING?

Chakotay: I don't know. Must be something to do with the "Quinto's Spock Must Be Constantly Shouting" thread.

Paris: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE WOMEN!

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Neelix: And the winner gets a lifetime supply of my special leola root stew!
 
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``This radio speaker is playing the tunes of Rudy Vallee.''

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``So ... you're not going to clean the garage, are you, Mister Paris?''

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``Chakotay --- I don't think it's working --- he doesn't look at all jealous of you!''

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``Don't shoot, Seven, it's Majel Barrett!''

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``According to the script the four of us go on an away team and one of us gets horribly killed! I wonder who it'll be?''

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A merry Neelix Claus brings the gift of ugly hats to Jadzia Dax, Kathryn Janeway, and Beverly Crusher's stunt doubles.
 
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7 of 9: (innermonologue over the reflection in the item), "Ummm, the porportionate posterior of that young human human is quite nice."

Neelix: (innermonologue over the reflection in the item), "Ummm, check out the ass on that guy..."
 
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It took some searching, but Seven finally found a new Borg diaphragm.

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"It looked bigger on the box."

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"No, I'm more emasculated!!"
 
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Seven: "Mr. Neelix, I believe you are incorrect in your identification of this object as a 'nipple clamp.'"

Neelix: "Sure. Next you'll be telling me these aren't cock rings! I think I know my way around the Delta Quadrant's S&M scene a little better than you, missy."


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Tuvok: "Are you certain the captain's orders were to manufacture a Sybian?"


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Paris: "I don't care if you did think they were washable markers. You wouldn't have this problem if you hadn't been drawing on your face... again!"


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Janeway: "blah, blah, blah, improve engine efficiency... blah, blah, blah, shave ten years off our journey... blah, blah, blah, Borg resistant shielding... So far, I haven't seen how this helps the coffee situation. Get rid of it."


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Neelix: "... and once every two years, Talaxians shed their testicles, all twelve of them! They're considered quite the delicacy. Who wants to try one first?"
 
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Paris and Chaktoy try deserately to make the Vulcan laugh doing Abbott and Costello skit Whose on First...


Paris: Well Chakotay, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Chakotay: Look Paris, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Paris: I certainly do.
Chakotay: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Paris: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Chakotay: You mean funny names?
Paris: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
Chakotay: His brother Daffy.
Paris: Daffy Dean...
Chakotay: And their French cousin.
Paris: French?
Chakotay: Goofè.
Paris: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Chakotay: That's what I want to find out.
Paris: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Chakotay: Are you the manager?
Paris: Yes.
Chakotay: You gonna be the coach too?
Paris: Yes.
Chakotay: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Paris: Well I should.
Chakotay: Well then who's on first?
Paris: Yes.
Chakotay: I mean the fellow's name.
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: The guy on first.
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: The first baseman.
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: The guy playing...
Paris: Who is on first!
Chakotay: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Paris: That's the man's name.
Chakotay: That's who's name?
Paris: Yes.
Chakotay: Well go ahead and tell me.
Paris: That's it.
Chakotay: That's who?
Paris: Yes.
PAUSE
Chakotay: Look, you gotta first baseman?
Paris: Certainly.
Chakotay: Who's playing first?
Paris: That's right.
Chakotay: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Paris: Every dollar of it.
Chakotay: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: The guy that gets...
Paris: That's it.
Chakotay: Who gets the money...
Paris: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Chakotay: Whose wife?
Paris: Yes.
PAUSE
Paris: What's wrong with that?
Chakotay: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: The guy.
Paris: Who.
Chakotay: How does he sign...
Paris: That's how he signs it.
Chakotay: Who?
Paris: Yes.
PAUSE
Chakotay: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Paris: No. What is on second base.
Chakotay: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Paris: Who's on first.
Chakotay: One base at a time!
Paris: Well, don't change the players around.
Chakotay: I'm not changing nobody!
Paris: Take it easy, buddy.
Chakotay: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Paris: That's right.
Chakotay: Ok.
Paris: All right.
PAUSE
Chakotay: What's the guy's name on first base?
Paris: No. What is on second.
Chakotay: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Paris: Who's on first.
Chakotay: I don't know.
Paris: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Chakotay: Now how did I get on third base?
Paris: Why you mentioned his name.
Chakotay: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Paris: No. Who's playing first.
Chakotay: What's on first?
Paris: What's on second.
Chakotay: I don't know.
Paris: He's on third.
Chakotay: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Chakotay: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Paris: All right, what do you want to know?
Chakotay: Now who's playing third base?
Paris: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Chakotay: What am I putting on third.
Paris: No. What is on second.
Chakotay: You don't want who on second?
Paris: Who is on first.
Chakotay: I don't know.
Paris & Chakotay Together:Third base!
PAUSE
Chakotay: Look, you gotta outfield?
Paris: Sure.
Chakotay: The left fielder's name?
Paris: Why.
Chakotay: I just thought I'd ask you.
Paris: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Chakotay: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Paris: Who's playing first.
Chakotay: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Paris: No, What is on second.
Chakotay: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Paris: Who's on first!
Chakotay: I don't know.
Paris & Chakotay Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Chakotay: The left fielder's name?
Paris: Why.
Chakotay: Because!
Paris: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
Chakotay: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Paris: Sure.
Chakotay: The pitcher's name?
Paris: Tomorrow.
Chakotay: You don't want to tell me today?
Paris: I'm telling you now.
Chakotay: Then go ahead.
Paris: Tomorrow!
Chakotay: What time?
Paris: What time what?
Chakotay: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Paris: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Chakotay: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Paris: What's on second.
Chakotay: I don't know.
Paris & Chakotay Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Chakotay: Gotta a catcher?
Paris: Certainly.
Chakotay: The catcher's name?
Paris: Today.
Chakotay: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Paris: Now you've got it.
Chakotay: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Chakotay: You know I'm a catcher too.
Paris: So they tell me.
Chakotay: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Paris: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Chakotay: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Paris: That's all you have to do.
Chakotay: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Paris: Yes!
Chakotay: Now who's got it?
Paris: Naturally.
PAUSE
Chakotay: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Paris: Naturally.
Chakotay: Who?
Paris: Naturally.
Chakotay: Naturally?
Paris: Naturally.
Chakotay: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Paris: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.
Chakotay: Naturally.
Paris: That's different.
Chakotay: That's what I said.
Paris: You're not saying it...
Chakotay: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Paris: You throw it to Who.
Chakotay: Naturally.
Paris: That's it.
Chakotay: That's what I said!
Paris: You ask me.
Chakotay: I throw the ball to who?
Paris: Naturally.
Chakotay: Now you ask me.
Paris: You throw the ball to Who?
Chakotay: Naturally.
Paris: That's it.
Chakotay: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Paris: What?
Chakotay: I said I don't give a darn!
Paris: Oh, that's our shortstop.
 
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Seven: Fascinating it's one of Mick Jagger's Body parts, I always knew...

Neelix: "Sure. He's been around a long time...."


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Tuvok: Wow look at the new Compact shuttle craft. How bout we get some lotion and try it out. "


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Paris: Moron
Chaktoy: Putz...


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Janeway: "According to this, we should redesign and put a dungeon here, and all become dominatrixes."


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Neelix: "... and once every two years, Talaxians take wives and become what you Earthers call Mormons... So who wants to draw to be the first wife and first ride on the "Big Meat."
 
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Neelix: "This next gift was inspired by an ancient Earth movie called 'Se7en'. Who wants to open it?"

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Janeway: "I want all available resources put towards fixing my broken treadmill."
 
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"We were lucky we stumbled upon this place. They do, in fact, sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback."

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"Mr. Paris, if you're going to construct a shuttle that just screams of fanboyishness, than the third warp nacelle and photonic cannon are an absolute must."

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"Yeah, Chakotay? Well, Captain Picard called, and he wants his neutered, emasculated, shield percentage shouting first officer back!"
 
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SEVEN: Are you sure MacGyver can build an atomic bomb with all this?

NEELIX: All we need is the duct tape.
 
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Paris: The hull is made of trita... AMG WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CROTCH?
Tuvok: Explain
Paris: Look through the delta's window, you've got no crotch!
 
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Paris: I want to know when the damn Caption Contest is gonna end?

Chakotay: I don't know! If it bothers you so much then why don't YOU do something about it?



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Paris: What ... he told me to do something myself and this little device is all i need. It will go back to the 21st century and force Evil Twin to end the caption contest Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(Tuvok slowly inches away)
 
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"Looks futuristic, doesn't it?"

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"On our way Captain, we'll take the new shuttle Paris is designing. Get in, Mr Paris"
"But it's only a model-"
"I said get in"

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Tuvok was hoping they'd just kiss and get it over with.

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"No Seven, no, she said she CAN'T see your penis"

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"These modifications look alright but- B'Elanna! Why are you wearing that top? We're not still trying to cover up the fact that you're pregnant are we?

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Neelix was giving away the last of his credibility.
 
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