Aw sadface man, real sadface right there!
There's always Wild Things, you know.
No hooters on Starship Troopers
- Thread starter Odon
- Start date
There's always Wild Things, you know.
I havent seen this movie yet? Is it worth watching or is it on par with ST 2?
you know she's also got implants (revealed like just about everything else on the Howard Stern show).
Aw sadface man, real sadface right there!
There's always Wild Things, you know.
Or a google search...
No, actually, I didn't know that.
Purist..., but so am I! Bring on the REAL movie version of Starship Troopers!!
^Talk about a campaign I could get behind... or is it in front of?
Now that's change we can believe in!
^ Brastrap O-Mama? Or Bigrack Onmama?
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Yes, I can see it now...
STARSHIP HOOTERS 3: UNDRESSER
Announcer: "Meanwhile on Roku San, the Federation has introduced its latest weapon against the Bug…the spade!"
Enter a six foot two black man in fascist uniform.
Dix: "What did you call me, white boy? Colonel Rico, have this honky redneck shot!"
Announcer: "I MEANT THE SHOVEL! THE SHOVEL!"
Dix: "That's right – the shovel. As you know, the latest evolution in bug-weaponry is the Rectal Bug which can instantaneously bury our soldiers under a ton of bullsh…"
Rico: "Ah General, it's actually our propaganda section doing that."
Enter a hot French battle-babe brandishing a huge can of RAID.
Lt Manion: "I lick my buds flies in ze moaning!"
Rico: "Lieutenant, will you stop talking like that? Firstly, I can't understand a word you're saying and second — your accent gives me a raging booner!"
Lt Manion (in French, eyeing Dix): "Oh my Heinlein! I bet he's hung like a peacenik protestor at Alamo Bay!"
Dix: "Rico my strictly hetrosexual war buddy, I've fallen in lust with a hot space pilot with amazing hooters!"
Enter Captain Lola Beck, who looks like a Vulcan chick with bobbed ears in a permanent state of pon farr.
Lola: "Johnny Rico, you hunky White Anglo-Saxon Filipino! How's it hanging?"
Dix: "You've…met?"
Lola: "Of course! Johnny here was a member of Rasczak's No-Guts. I got his entire battalion off in just fifteen seconds."
Dix: "Wow! That must have been one hell of a combat drop!"
Lola: "No, I just entered the drop room in a tight T-shirt."
Announcer: "And now we break net for some metaphors for the war in Iraq…I mean Vietnam. Today in the Outer Colonies a crowd of demonstrators was beaten unconscious for protesting over how Heinlein's concept of franchise earned through public service has been turned into a blatant fascist metaphor. However public support for the agitators faded dramatically when the people realised there were no co-ed shower scenes in Heinlein's novel."
"Meanwhile on Earth, Admiral Enolo Phid has decided to raise money for the war effort by showing off her tits."
Scene showing how the media is being manipulated by electronically changing Phid's shrivelled tits into Pamela Anderson-size knockers.
"While the Federation sees the greatest number of hangings since the 21st century as General Dix Hauser decides to execute every other man who's ever slept with Captain Beck."
Official Executioner: "That's 5,958,034 so far, General."
Captain Lola Beck strides through the corridors of her spaceship Rodger Me Senseless. Men stand at attention at the sight of her tight pseudo-Nazi uniform and high-heeled calf boots.
Enter a Denobulan quack.
Phlox: "Captain, you appear to have picked up a pornographic spore, so you'll need to spend three hours in a decontamination room with panoramic windows…"
Lola rips out his tongue and ties it round her waist as a belt.
Suddenly the entire ship lurches, causing the hottest crewmember present to hurl face first into the captain's cleavage. Scorching hot shit-on-a-shingle explodes from the kitchen, burning alive a hapless expendable ensign.
Engineer Brittles: "Captain, the inertial dampeners have been thrown off balance by the weight of your huge knockers!"
Lola: "All hands to the Escape Testicle!"
Moments after they eject, the spaceship slams into planet OMYGOD-1.
Behemecoatyl: "OUCH! THAT HURT!"
Cue lots of beautifully-photographed scenery and badly-scripted dialogue as the survivors slog across the endless sands. The desert gets hotter and hotter for our heroes as Lola strips off more and more clothing.
Little Hotty (I mean Holly Little): "Brittles, would you consider embracing the Christian faith?"
Brittles: "Errr…."
Holly: "If you do I'll marry you, and you can have sex with me for the rest of your life."
Brittles: "YES! YES! EMBRACE ME OH LORD!"
In response the ground opens up and Behemecoatyl emerges, looking like a gigantic toothed vagina.
Brittles: "ARRGH! That's put me off sex with women forever!"
Chaos ensues. Bugs attack. Holly shoots Brittle for turning gay. Men are pierced by bug claws and turned into talking zombies, vastly increasing their acting skills. Lola Beck stands akimbo, a machine gun in each hand, the combined recoil causing her breasts to jiggle dramatically.
A penile bug-claw erupts between Holly's legs. A jagged crack in the earth points the way up her skirt. Critically wounded bugs obey their instinctive urge to ensure species survival by spraying bug semen across her face. Tentacles erupt from the ground and do things you only see in the more perverse forms of Japanese hentai.
Lola: "Let go of her, you bitch!"
Behemecoatyl: "NO. YOU TWO ARE THE KEY TO ENDING THIS WAR AGAINST THE HUMANS. THROUGH YOU I SHALL INSPIRE SLAVISH WORSHIP AND GRATEFUL SERVITUDE!"
Lola: "How? By making the human race think that you're a god?"
Behemecoatyl: "NO. BY SHOWING THEM YOUR TITS!"
Tentacles rip off Lola's top, and millions of Trekkies bow down in worship…
Starship Troopers without the powered armor is like Lord Of the Rings without a ring.
Yeah, not that many women are blessed. Neither are men in certain departments too.
We don't have to look at ST3 for Jolene tits, she was topless in some b-movie I can't remember the title of.
Wasn't there powered armor in ST3?