Dumped

[hellsgate]

Apostle: Dude, please just leave the twit alone. No love notes. No backpacks. No books in the backpacks. Just leave her the hell alone & move on with your own life. & let her deal with the slight to non-existant chance of "social fall-out" from your mutual acquaintances.

No e-mail's, no text messages & certainly no phone calls. No showing-up at her house, drunk or sober.

Your ex has left your ass flat, & isn't giving you a single thought so why afford her anything?

There are loads of other girls out there right now that think guys like you are awesome.
You're sweet, vulnerable & open to being another girl's "Ken Doll" (see the movie "Drive Me Crazy" with the girl from Sabrina The Teenage Witch & the dude from "Entourage".)

The kinds of girls I speak of, would love to change / dress your emotional wounds (please see "Nightingale Syndrome",) while nursing you back to being your normal happy-go-lucky self, because they know they'll be able to lord it over "the ex", if (god forbid) the ex's journey of self discovery doesn't pan out as anticipated & your ex comes back to re-negotiate the terms of the open-ended break-up.

 

[apostle83]

Well, it's happened.

I've bawled all day long on and off. She bawled and I bawled when we were exchanging the dog. She hugged me and wouldn't let go.

I feel, more firmly than ever, that she is freaked out about moving, her masters, and the fact that we were talking marriage so seriously.

I have a peace about this entire thing now. I think it's going to play out.

 

[RAMA]

A fundamentalist Christian with a gun? Now that's a deal breaker!

RAMA

 

[Squiggy]

I have a peace about this entire thing now. I think it's going to play out.

"...an unidentified Memphis man opened fire in a mall today killing 13 patrons of a local American Eagle..."

 

[JuanBolio]

I have a peace about this entire thing now. I think it's going to play out.

"...an unidentified Memphis man opened fire in a mall today killing 13 patrons of a local American Eagle..."

Getting that vibe myself...

 

[Kemaiku]

Yeah, this'll end well...

 

[Mr Awe]

^ For the most part, you're doing everything right.

Give it time.

For what - the pain to go away, or the dream to come true?

I know I'm going against the trend in this forum but I do think it's worthwhile to have a serious, calm discussion with her to see if there's any chance to fix this. By fix, I don't mean drag out, but I mean to honestly find if it's truly over or not. If the relationship can be restored, you both will have to work on it. Probably a lot of work.

So far, I don't see anything in your comments about doing this. At least for the dog swap, be ready to talk to her. Be prepared. It would be a mistake to not have one conversation to really discuss this.

You might've read my post in this thread about this girl and I who haven't spoken for over 20 years. I've always suspected but have had recently confirmed, that one simple, honest conversation could've fixed things right up. We were both too young, immature (craptacular relationship skills as someone said) to handle it. If either of us had tried just a little more we would've been fine.

It sounds like this is the case with you two.

To me, it sounds like it's worth the effort. She was your fiancee after all. But, if not, perhaps 20 years from now you can be in touch with her again.

Mr Awe

 

[Deckerd]

He's certainly handling better than my last big break up....where I didn't eat anything for 3 weeks and lost 50 pounds.

Did you have a baby?

 

[Mr Awe]

Well, I'm about to hop in the car. I'll have net access the entire way. If anyone thinks I should NOT give her that note, please speak now with explanation.

Well, it's probably too late. I think the note's ok but would go with something saying that you hope you can work it out. Yeah, I've read the overall tone in this thread which is basically, "don't take the chance to work on itbecause you might possibly degrade yourself."

In my view, having an honest, open, and calm discussion with her, just one, is the smart idea. She was your financee after all. Very few people will ever be able to say that. I think you both deserve at least one sincere talk. Maybe that would be the end. Or, maybe you'll both come out of it knowing what you need to do to get back to where you were.

Mr Awe

 

[apostle83]

Well, I'm about to hop in the car. I'll have net access the entire way. If anyone thinks I should NOT give her that note, please speak now with explanation.

Well, it's probably too late. I think the note's ok but would go with something saying that you hope you can work it out. Yeah, I've read the overall tone in this thread which is basically, "don't take the chance to work on itbecause you might possibly degrade yourself."

In my view, having an honest, open, and calm discussion with her, just one, is the smart idea. She was your financee after all. Very few people will ever be able to say that. I think you both deserve at least one sincere talk. Maybe that would be the end. Or, maybe you'll both come out of it knowing what you need to do to get back to where you were.

Mr Awe

After a lot of reflection, talking to mutual friends, and talking to her, I'm convinced that there is a chance for the relationship to work out. She is under pressure and I found out that she felt like she was holding me back... here I am, trying to save money to build a life together, and not completing school, while she is going to school, etc.

The fact that I'm going back to school, working out, etc,. have all made her feel better. The thing is, these are all things I need to do anyways, with or without her.

So... I'm now giving her space. She's asked me to give her updates about the dog when he has vet appointments, to send her pictures every week, etc., but I think even with that, I will try to combine communication. I want her to come back if she wants to... because she misses me.

Guys, she hasn't been some horrible witch throughout this process. She's just been doing what she's felt she needs to.

Mr. Awe, she did indicate there would be a chance to get back together later on. What she said was very personal, but I know that me thriving on my own is key in this process.

I appreciate all of your input.

 

[Squiggy]

I have a peace about this entire thing now. I think it's going to play out.

"...an unidentified Memphis man opened fire in a mall today killing 13 patrons of a local American Eagle..."

Getting that vibe myself...

Didn't American Beauty end this way?

 

[Misfit Toy]

After a lot of reflection, talking to mutual friends, and talking to her, I'm convinced that there is a chance for the relationship to work out. She is under pressure and I found out that she felt like she was holding me back... here I am, trying to save money to build a life together, and not completing school, while she is going to school, etc...

Did the words "It's not you, it's ME..." ever come out of her mouth?

 

[apostle83]

After a lot of reflection, talking to mutual friends, and talking to her, I'm convinced that there is a chance for the relationship to work out. She is under pressure and I found out that she felt like she was holding me back... here I am, trying to save money to build a life together, and not completing school, while she is going to school, etc...

Did the words "It's not you, it's ME..." ever come out of her mouth?

No, they didn't. She told me that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she used to, but that she does still have strong (again, not as strong) feelings for me.

I'm just... backing off. It hurts, but I'm backin off.

 

[apostle83]

"...an unidentified Memphis man opened fire in a mall today killing 13 patrons of a local American Eagle..."

Getting that vibe myself...

Didn't American Beauty end this way?

And where exactly are you getting those vibes from? How about you just back off with fuckwittery. This is seriously causing me pain, and I don't need the shit, ok?

 

[SeerSGB]

After a lot of reflection, talking to mutual friends, and talking to her, I'm convinced that there is a chance for the relationship to work out. She is under pressure and I found out that she felt like she was holding me back... here I am, trying to save money to build a life together, and not completing school, while she is going to school, etc...

Did the words "It's not you, it's ME..." ever come out of her mouth?

No, they didn't. She told me that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she used to, but that she does still have strong (again, not as strong) feelings for me.

I'm just... backing off. It hurts, but I'm backin off.

Ouch...dude sounds like she's already slotted you firmly into the "Ex - Not a chance in hell, but be nice to them anyway" cubbie.

 

[Crusher Disciple]

No, they didn't. She told me that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she used to, but that she does still have strong (again, not as strong) feelings for me.

Dude, she's playing you. She's holding you on the shelf in case whatever else she thinks she wants doesn't work out. You're her fallback plan.

Whether she's doing it consciously or not, that's what's going on. You're better off just breaking it off cleanly and moving on.

Nothing good can come of what she's doing.

 

[the 4th hanson bro]

No, they didn't. She told me that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she used to, but that she does still have strong (again, not as strong) feelings for me.

Dude, she's playing you. She's holding you on the shelf in case whatever else she thinks she wants doesn't work out. You're her fallback plan.

Whether she's doing it consciously or not, that's what's going on. You're better off just breaking it off cleanly and moving on.

Nothing good can come of what she's doing.

da bunny speaks the truth.

do things for yourself, not for her on the hope that you'll meet her criteria and she'll take you back. by allowing yourself to play that game, you'll never measure up and will miss out on a lot

 

[Mr Awe]

Guys, she hasn't been some horrible witch throughout this process. She's just been doing what she's felt she needs to.

Mr. Awe, she did indicate there would be a chance to get back together later on. What she said was very personal, but I know that me thriving on my own is key in this process.

Apostle, I think you're in a better spot now ... a better understanding of the situation. You're at a point where the relationship could work out. But, even if it doesn't, you gave it enough chance to work out that even if it doesn't you have nothing to regret for not trying down the road.

As for the overall reaction in this thread. I think it's pretty symptomatic of problems here in the States. Relationships are disposable and people don't want to put the necessary work into them. If there's a problem, just dump them and not risk "degrading" oneself. Also, I saw a lot of people ascribing motivations to her based on the slimmest of evidence. I think that says more about the posters than the lady in question.

Anyway, I'm glad you're in a better spot now.

Mr Awe

 

[apostle83]

Guys, she hasn't been some horrible witch throughout this process. She's just been doing what she's felt she needs to.

Mr. Awe, she did indicate there would be a chance to get back together later on. What she said was very personal, but I know that me thriving on my own is key in this process.

Apostle, I think you're in a better spot now ... a better understanding of the situation. You're at a point where the relationship could work out. But, even if it doesn't, you gave it enough chance to work out that even if it doesn't you have nothing to regret for not trying down the road.

As for the overall reaction in this thread. I think it's pretty symptomatic of problems here in the States. Relationships are disposable and people don't want to put the necessary work into them. If there's a problem, just dump them and not risk "degrading" oneself. Also, I saw a lot of people ascribing motivations to her based on the slimmest of evidence. I think that says more about the posters than the lady in question.

Anyway, I'm glad you're in a better spot now.

Mr Awe

Mr. Awe, thanks.

 

[SeerSGB]

No, they didn't. She told me that she doesn't feel as strongly for me as she used to, but that she does still have strong (again, not as strong) feelings for me.

Dude, she's playing you. She's holding you on the shelf in case whatever else she thinks she wants doesn't work out. You're her fallback plan.

Whether she's doing it consciously or not, that's what's going on. You're better off just breaking it off cleanly and moving on.

Nothing good can come of what she's doing.

da bunny speaks the truth.

do things for yourself, not for her on the hope that you'll meet her criteria and she'll take you back. by allowing yourself to play that game, you'll never measure up and will miss out on a lot

Yeppers. No matter what he does, it'll always fall short or be not what she wanted. More and more it keeps sounding like a woman that keeps coming up with anything she thinks will be what he wants to hear; while not out and out saying "fuck off"