Mental Wellness Support Group

[Bela Borgosi]

Ate 10 glazed donuts made with lard because I have stopped caring and no longer have the will to fight and hopes the carbs will do its job in ending my life. 40 is old anyways for new experiences so it doesn't matter.

 

[Commander Troi]

Bullshit. I'm about to turn 57 and I expect about 30 years worth of new experiences.

 

[fireproof78]

Bullshit. I'm about to turn 57 and I expect about 30 years worth of new experiences.

I learned something amazing from.a client yesterday: their brother had a heart transplant a year ago at 60ish. Man got passed his DoT physical and is back to trucking and loving it.

I'm like, "Damn!" Never too late for new adventures.

 

[raneclowd]

It's my experience this is accurate.

Wife and I try to give a caveat of "need to vent" or "need solutions."

A common video used to train on this concept is below.

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Not to take away from the seriousness and helpfulness of this thread but I like Janway’s solution:

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[raneclowd]

Ate 10 glazed donuts made with lard because I have stopped caring and no longer have the will to fight and hopes the carbs will do its job in ending my life. 40 is old anyways for new experiences so it doesn't matter.

I go through that sentiment every now and then…I feel like I just give up trying and eat whatever tastes good. And tasting good satisfies something in me. I get tired of being told I need to lose weight and take this pill and that pill. I feel like always trying to do something wears me out and I lose the motivation to try any more. What I need is to figure out is what to do with retirement and make myself feel valued and keep my body fairly fit (stop sitting around so much). Still working on the motivation for that. I think that’s why I hang out on this thread.

 

[fireproof78]

I go through that sentiment every now and then…I feel like I just give up trying and eat whatever tastes good. And tasting good satisfies something in me. I get tired of being told I need to lose weight and take this pill and that pill. I feel like always trying to do something wears me out and I lose the motivation to try any more. What I need is to figure out is what to do with retirement and make myself feel valued and keep my body fairly fit (stop sitting around so much). Still working on the motivation for that. I think that’s why I hang out on this thread.

It's a good goal. Hard part is deciding what is valuable enough to take the first step.

ETA:

A Garfield comic that I think is appropriate: choice is power. https://imgur.com/84MN2Ik

 

[Samhain Else]

Not to take away from the seriousness and helpfulness of this thread but I like Janway’s solution:

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Janeway kicked butt. #FAFO ?

 

[Samhain Else]

Bullshit. I'm about to turn 57 and I expect about 30 years worth of new experiences.

It's funny because lately I've been thinking at age 50, my best years are behind me, healthwise and other personal aspects.

With my A1c in the 8 percentile a few months ago, it seemed like nothing I did mattered. I was exercising and still getting post prendial glocose readings in the upper 200s to 300s. Fasting sugar readings were constantly above 150. I asked to be put on insulin, and now with my Freestyle Libre 3 and better eating habits, my glucose has gotten more stable. I can monitor my readings in real time, and I've significantly cut down on carbs (no rice, no pasta, no white bread, fewer sweets).

Perhaps there's hope for me yet.

 

[Faintly Macabre]

Juat an update: Following another flashback yesterday afternoon, my stress levels crashed in the evening. That's usually a sign that an epsiode is ending. I can expect a couple of minor flashbacks over the next few days (nothing like the intensity I've been having - I think of them like earthquake aftershocks) so I shall still be staying-in and avoiding known stress points.

Feeling worn out but I've had a couple of hours good sleep and am a lot better than I was. Hopefully, by Monday, I'll be able to start "pushing" back to what is normal for me.

Thank you for your support - it has been much appreciated.

 

[SJGardner]

Well, my endocrinologist, who just so happens to be one of the only medical professionals in my country who know and follow WPATH standards for gender-affirming healthcare for trans people, has just been taken by the police in handcuffs from her clinic, having been indicted of gross medical fraud for her (admittedly blatantly illegal) practice of performing surgeries on her private clients in the state-run hospital she also works at, and having the audacity to get them funded through social insurance (such as filing a hysterectomy for a trans man as a treatment for a congenital defect of his non-existent testicles). This is a well-known practice that practically all medical professionals in the country do as a way to supplement their meager income, so illegal or not, the fact that it was enforced in this specific case can't be anything other than a message from the government.

Naturally, our far-right state-run media is having a field day with it, fearmongering about evil doctors "running an illegal sex change racket" and mutilating hundreds of mentally ill people and whatnot. And what makes me really incensed is that my doctor knew that she was under increased scrutiny by both the police and medical regulators looking for anything illegal, and she kept gaming the system anyway, endangering hundreds of extremely vulnerable people who have relied on her for their medically necessary care.

So yeah, now I have to scramble to find someone to renew my prescription when my meds run out in mid-March, along with who knows how many other people. Just when I thought my anxiety was getting better.

ETA: As of now, a few people in the local trans self-help group are in communications with the National Institute of Pharmacy and Nutrition to get an official stance on our off-label medication approvals as they only authorize a specific medical provider to prescribe the approved dosage of a specific medication and generally shouldn't be transferable, but the implications of the provider who originally submitted the application no longer being able to provide care are unclear, plus as an alternative, they've reached out to the Serbian clinic that took us over on paper a few weeks ago for a confirmation if the doctor there who issued our foreign prescriptions will continue to provide coverage even without our own doctor being available.

 

[SJGardner]

Well, it seems we have a satisfactory, if not entirely calming resolution.

Our self-help group has managed to reach the National Institute of Pharmacy and Nutrition, and they have confirmed that despite what our probably-former doctor's extremely laconic communication suggested (as in, we were only told that our applications were withheld and expressly told not to speculate, which implied they were withheld at our far-right government's behest), the reason they've spent five months handling our off-label prescription claims was that they were aware that there are hundreds of people whose medically necessary care is at risk due to the ongoing (administrative at first then criminal) investigation against our provider, and the entire College of Medical Professionals has been working day and night to devise new national standard criteria for off-label hormone use so that we could be channeled into a fully legal standard of care in an orderly manner. The Institute even expressed disappointment that they had already told this to our doctor and couldn't understand why she didn't inform us about it.

The Institute expects that our doctor will lose her license to practice regardless of whether she'll be held in custody until her trial, and as these are extraordinary circumstances that no legal precedent exists for yet, they elected to annul and expunge all our applications so that we could reapply with a different doctor, with a fully standardized list of documents we need to provide (as well as what they will be looking for in the medical opinions we have to supply), with a recommendation that we primarily seek treatment at university hospitals so that we could access all required services in one place, but as far as I know, they will accept applications from any licensed endocrinologist.

The reason this isn't entirely calming is that my psychologist already told me how much they dreaded the prospect of having to write brand new medical diagnoses for all their several dozen trans clients at once, especially now that it's confirmed they have to include certain topics they usually don't, which means they can't just amend the original medical opinion with a provision that the contents are still valid. And as my medications run out in mid-March, I have at most a month to procure a recent opinion to submit. Maybe a bit longer if the doctor in Belgrade confirms they can keep treating us by themselves and can renew my prescription, so fingers crossed.

 

[Bela Borgosi]

Why can't I die already.(non suicidal)

 

[Commander Troi]

You are suicidal. You just don't want to actively take yourself out. Please call 988.

 

[EricF]

There is always someone to talk things through with no matter what either on ☎ 988 in the USA (1-800-273-TALK / 1-800-273-8255 still works if you prefer) or you can chat online with them via their website: https://988lifeline.org/

 

[Faintly Macabre]

Hopefully the last update!

I woke up today feeling more positive and much better than I have done for weeks. Been outside into the garden and, although the world feels a bit strange, it does feel "real". Been doing some clearing up of the fence I used to have before the storms...

Tomorrow I'll be looking to go out for my normal walk by the canal and perhaps the odd bit of shopping (those squirrels don't feed themselves, you know...*).

Thank you again for your kindness.


*Actually they do.

 

[raneclowd]

Dry January is over now (well as of yesterday). It was my 5th or 6th year to honor it. I love to have wine (mostly red) with meals as well as the occasional scotch or bourbon (cheers to Fenris Ranger Seven) or nightcap. I started to do dry Jan. because holiday time brought on holiday drinks and I always felt like I needed to take a break after the holidays.

This particular one felt smooth and easy compared to the past ones. The past ones I would start to crave that red wine with particular dishes (pasta!) or a nightcap to soothe anxiety. There were a couple of past ones where I didn’t quite make it to the end of Jan. This time, I had only a couple of times that I craved wine and then I just smiled and told myself I was really enjoying the month and had sparkling water with cranberry juice in it. Drank lots of water as well. Feels good to have done it.

Plan to keep the drinking to a minimum as much as I can this year. Practice makes perfect as they say.

 

[HIjol]

Why can't I die already.(non suicidal)

Are you there?…are you doing right by yourself?…please get to people that can compassionately help!!!

 

[Fantasy Lover]

@raneclowd We have a similar idea in my country, only it's in February and we call it tournée minérale

 

[Peach Wookiee]

I finally had a dream last night where my mom wasn’t mad at me. My dreams of her, after she died, only showed her angry at me. But last night, she said she was proud of me.

 

[SJGardner]

Well, so much for my optimism.

It very much seems like that most endocrinologists in the country don't see it proven that the National Institute of Pharmacy and Nutrition has in fact started processing off-label prescription applications, and keep operating on the assumption that applications have been frozen since September, therefore they only serve patients with valid off-label permits or have had a legal gender change (illegal since April 2020), with one single practitioner offering the alternative of putting us on a waiting list pending official confirmation from the Institute, openly acknowledging the risk that our freshly renewed diagnoses expire again by the time we get in front of the doctor. Most endocrinologists just flat-out refuse to see us, either due to transphobia, a fear of increased government scrutiny, or simply unease at treating a condition they're unfamiliar with. Most authorities and civil rights groups try to direct us towards university hospitals, but they've already signaled they can only treat patients who belong to them based on their place of residence. We haven't heard back from the clinic in Belgrade yet (and I'm really anxious about the prospect of having to place a phone call myself that will be answered in a language I do not speak), and right now the only viable option seems to be a private clinic in Vienna, but they're already getting inundated with Hungarian applications two days in, and information on what papers we would need to provide is conflicting.

So yeah. I hate my life. Sometimes I wish I never started HRT; yearning for something that's forever out of reach is so much more bearable if you haven't gotten a taste of it yet. I'm really not looking forward to the most probable scenario of having to go back to the way I was, with all the anxiety spirals, the constant overthinking and the uncontrollable mood swings for several years, helplessly watching as my body turns into that of an old man while I'm trying to acquire the language and marketable skills I'd need to move to another country and start the entire process all over from the beginning.