Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Moments
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Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Does TN have no sales Tax or somethin?? Need more input.
So, today, sold a guy an engine. He gets mad I charge him sales tax, as he is in TN.
Share your moments - this will either be therapeutic or cause us to go on a mass driving spree.
Does TN have no sales Tax or somethin?? Need more input.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
To many to count, to many.
My fav: A man that used to come in the theater every weekend. Demanding "fresh popcorn". Even if we caught him a bag full as it feel fresh and hot out of the popper as he watched, he still said it wasn't fresh enough.
And a tie with that one: Bookstore, a customer returned a King-James Bible for being ~wait for it~....
... Being to religious.
And just plain stupid: Cafe, a customer that got pissed that there was ice is in a iced-mocha.
To many to count, to many.
My fav: A man that used to come in the theater every weekend. Demanding "fresh popcorn". Even if we caught him a bag full as it feel fresh and hot out of the popper as he watched, he still said it wasn't fresh enough.
And a tie with that one: Bookstore, a customer returned a King-James Bible for being ~wait for it~....
... Being to religious.
And just plain stupid: Cafe, a customer that got pissed that there was ice is in a iced-mocha.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Dude, you just opened some flood gates with me.
I had a customer ask me once, in all seriousness, "Is your pork kosher?"
There's also the countless people where the interaction goes like this:
Trekker: "Hello there! What can I do for you today?!"
Customer Dumbass: "Yes I need a steak."
...
...
...
...
...
...
T: "... Ok, what kind of steak can I get for you today?"
CDA: "Oh, sorry. That one there." (points)
Dude, you just opened some flood gates with me.
I had a customer ask me once, in all seriousness, "Is your pork kosher?"
There's also the countless people where the interaction goes like this:
Trekker: "Hello there! What can I do for you today?!"
Customer Dumbass: "Yes I need a steak."
...
...
...
...
...
...
T: "... Ok, what kind of steak can I get for you today?"
CDA: "Oh, sorry. That one there." (points)
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
I'm in TN, he's in TN. I thus have to charge him sales tax, even over the phone, unlike a customer in say, Oregon.
So, today, sold a guy an engine. He gets mad I charge him sales tax, as he is in TN.
Share your moments - this will either be therapeutic or cause us to go on a mass driving spree.
Does TN have no sales Tax or somethin?? Need more input.
I'm in TN, he's in TN. I thus have to charge him sales tax, even over the phone, unlike a customer in say, Oregon.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Ahh grocery store life, the bane of the working world.
-- From to many summers back than I care to remember--
Customer #1: Just cut my hamburger open and put it on the floorboard under the AC.
Me: Uh, okay
~ Next Day ~
Customer #1 (on the phone): Can I get a refund on the hamburger I bought yesterday?
Me: Depends, was there something wrong with it?
Customer #1: Yes, it spoiled before I go it home.
Me: Did you keep it on cool?
Customer #1: Yes, I kept it under the air-conditioner of my car.
Me: (Mind clicking as to who it was): Uh, miss, are you the one that had me cut open the pack and put in the floorboard?
Customer #1: Yes, and it didn't keep and it smells like antifreeze, I think it was spoiled when I bought it or something.
Me: Sorry miss, we can't do a refund under those conditions.
Customer #1: Oh...well do you think I cook it done enough that the antifreeze smell will go away.
Me: No miss, I think you'll end up in the hospital puking up coolant, good day.
Customer #2: ~ Slams a bag full of spoiled chicken on the Customer Service Desk~ I want a refund!
Me: Is there a problem?
Customer #2: Yeah, this chicken is spoiled.
Me: Okay, lets see what we can do, do you have your receipt? ~Look at receipt, it's a week old~ Uh maam, this is a week ago.
Customer #2: So?
Me: Well, how long did you know it was spoiled for?
Customer #2: When I opened my cooler this morning.
Me: ~pause, surely the fuck not~ Uh did you put the chicken in the cooler this morning? You did remember to put it on ice? ~please tell me I'm wrong, no one is that stupid~
Customer #2: Why do I need ice, it's a cooler you idiot it's keeps cold things cold.
Me: Yes, but you need to keep meat on ice in a cooler...how long have you had it the cooler?
Customer #2: All week, why is that a problem?
Me: Actually yes, you didn't handle the chicken properly and keep it cool enough. We can't do a refund.
Customer #2: I'm calling your head-office! Every time I buy meat in here it's spoiled!
Dude, you just opened some flood gates with me.
I had a customer ask me once, in all seriousness, "Is your pork kosher?"
There's also the countless people where the interaction goes like this:
Trekker: "Hello there! What can I do for you today?!"
Customer Dumbass: "Yes I need a steak."
...
...
...
...
...
...
T: "... Ok, what kind of steak can I get for you today?"
CDA: "Oh, sorry. That one there." (points)
Ahh grocery store life, the bane of the working world.
-- From to many summers back than I care to remember--
Customer #1: Just cut my hamburger open and put it on the floorboard under the AC.
Me: Uh, okay
~ Next Day ~
Customer #1 (on the phone): Can I get a refund on the hamburger I bought yesterday?
Me: Depends, was there something wrong with it?
Customer #1: Yes, it spoiled before I go it home.
Me: Did you keep it on cool?
Customer #1: Yes, I kept it under the air-conditioner of my car.
Me: (Mind clicking as to who it was): Uh, miss, are you the one that had me cut open the pack and put in the floorboard?
Customer #1: Yes, and it didn't keep and it smells like antifreeze, I think it was spoiled when I bought it or something.
Me: Sorry miss, we can't do a refund under those conditions.
Customer #1: Oh...well do you think I cook it done enough that the antifreeze smell will go away.
Me: No miss, I think you'll end up in the hospital puking up coolant, good day.
Customer #2: ~ Slams a bag full of spoiled chicken on the Customer Service Desk~ I want a refund!
Me: Is there a problem?
Customer #2: Yeah, this chicken is spoiled.
Me: Okay, lets see what we can do, do you have your receipt? ~Look at receipt, it's a week old~ Uh maam, this is a week ago.
Customer #2: So?
Me: Well, how long did you know it was spoiled for?
Customer #2: When I opened my cooler this morning.
Me: ~pause, surely the fuck not~ Uh did you put the chicken in the cooler this morning? You did remember to put it on ice? ~please tell me I'm wrong, no one is that stupid~
Customer #2: Why do I need ice, it's a cooler you idiot it's keeps cold things cold.
Me: Yes, but you need to keep meat on ice in a cooler...how long have you had it the cooler?
Customer #2: All week, why is that a problem?
Me: Actually yes, you didn't handle the chicken properly and keep it cool enough. We can't do a refund.
Customer #2: I'm calling your head-office! Every time I buy meat in here it's spoiled!
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Yum. Fresh finger steak.
Dude, you just opened some flood gates with me.
I had a customer ask me once, in all seriousness, "Is your pork kosher?"
There's also the countless people where the interaction goes like this:
Trekker: "Hello there! What can I do for you today?!"
Customer Dumbass: "Yes I need a steak."
...
...
...
...
...
...
T: "... Ok, what kind of steak can I get for you today?"
CDA: "Oh, sorry. That one there." (points)
Yum. Fresh finger steak.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
When I worked at a party supply store, at least once a week, I had this conversation:
Them: How much for a dozen balloons?
Me: With helium, x amount. If you want them flat, it's x cents a piece or such-and-such amount for a bag of 25.
Them: How long will the balloons float if I don't put helium in them?
Me: *stare back blankly in hopes they'll think about what they just asked* (after 30 seconds of awkward silence) About 2 seconds.
When I worked at the credit card customer-service line (a fun job, where dumb people yell at you all day), I had person after person call me up and curse at me. Why? They'd received a finance charge on their statement. They paid the minimum amount due, so surely they shouldn't have to pay a finance charge. ER---dumbass---if you owe a bank 2,000 bucks that month and only pay 5 bucks, you pay finance charges. Read the freaking contract.
My favorite dumbass was the one who called about a fraudulent charge at a coffee shop. He thought the line marked LATE FEE was for a Latte place.
And then there was the drunk who called in and wanted to report his credit card had been stolen---but refused to close the account.
His reason? "I still want to use my card!"
"Sir, we'll close that account immediately and send you a new card right away, since you say that someone has stolen the card."
"They have. But I want to keep the same account number."
"You can't. If it's stolen, we need to close that account number immediately."
"It was stolen (long stream of curse words directed at me). Someone took it from my wallet.That's why I'm telling you. I don't want anyone using it but ME. But I want to keep the same account number working so I can use my card right now."
*This is when I start looking for a supervisor to pass this call to*
When I worked at a party supply store, at least once a week, I had this conversation:
Them: How much for a dozen balloons?
Me: With helium, x amount. If you want them flat, it's x cents a piece or such-and-such amount for a bag of 25.
Them: How long will the balloons float if I don't put helium in them?
Me: *stare back blankly in hopes they'll think about what they just asked* (after 30 seconds of awkward silence) About 2 seconds.
When I worked at the credit card customer-service line (a fun job, where dumb people yell at you all day), I had person after person call me up and curse at me. Why? They'd received a finance charge on their statement. They paid the minimum amount due, so surely they shouldn't have to pay a finance charge. ER---dumbass---if you owe a bank 2,000 bucks that month and only pay 5 bucks, you pay finance charges. Read the freaking contract.
My favorite dumbass was the one who called about a fraudulent charge at a coffee shop. He thought the line marked LATE FEE was for a Latte place.
And then there was the drunk who called in and wanted to report his credit card had been stolen---but refused to close the account.
His reason? "I still want to use my card!"
"Sir, we'll close that account immediately and send you a new card right away, since you say that someone has stolen the card."
"They have. But I want to keep the same account number."
"You can't. If it's stolen, we need to close that account number immediately."
"It was stolen (long stream of curse words directed at me). Someone took it from my wallet.That's why I'm telling you. I don't want anyone using it but ME. But I want to keep the same account number working so I can use my card right now."
*This is when I start looking for a supervisor to pass this call to*
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Working in the grocery-store deli, 4th of July afternoon.
Customer On The Phone: Do you cater parties?
Me: Yes we do, but we need 48 hours notice at the least. What would you like?
Customer: ~Rambles off a huge list of dishes that'd like to have~
Me: Okay, and how many will you be serving?
Customer: 200...no 100...no better make it 200.
Me: 200 people, no problem. And when would you like to pick this up?
Customer: I'll be there in a hour.
Me: ~pause~ Uh, we can't do that. Like I told you, we need 48 hours notice on all orders.
Customer: Oh...well I really need it in a hour, can't you speed it up?
Me: No sir, orders are taken on a first come, fist served basis and we have orders ahead of you. And like I said, we need 48 hours notice on all orders.
Customer: Well can I come down a buy hotdogs and pizza then?
Me: Yes sir, the main store is open
Customer: Well, will you cook them for me if I buy them?
Working in the grocery-store deli, 4th of July afternoon.
Customer On The Phone: Do you cater parties?
Me: Yes we do, but we need 48 hours notice at the least. What would you like?
Customer: ~Rambles off a huge list of dishes that'd like to have~
Me: Okay, and how many will you be serving?
Customer: 200...no 100...no better make it 200.
Me: 200 people, no problem. And when would you like to pick this up?
Customer: I'll be there in a hour.
Me: ~pause~ Uh, we can't do that. Like I told you, we need 48 hours notice on all orders.
Customer: Oh...well I really need it in a hour, can't you speed it up?
Me: No sir, orders are taken on a first come, fist served basis and we have orders ahead of you. And like I said, we need 48 hours notice on all orders.
Customer: Well can I come down a buy hotdogs and pizza then?
Me: Yes sir, the main store is open
Customer: Well, will you cook them for me if I buy them?
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
I don't know why, but I'm endlessly surprised at the idiocy of people.
I don't know why, but I'm endlessly surprised at the idiocy of people.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
I was talking to our Catering Coordinator the other day. He told me he gets calls like this all of the time, people calling at the last minuite, wanting huge catering orders and then wanting to pick them up in an unreasonbly short ammount of time. It's like they think we just have a huge room filled with deli and cheese trays, ribs, potato salads and all kinds of catering things and we just need to pull it out and hand it over.
Sorry, it doesn't work like that.
I was talking to our Catering Coordinator the other day. He told me he gets calls like this all of the time, people calling at the last minuite, wanting huge catering orders and then wanting to pick them up in an unreasonbly short ammount of time. It's like they think we just have a huge room filled with deli and cheese trays, ribs, potato salads and all kinds of catering things and we just need to pull it out and hand it over.
Sorry, it doesn't work like that.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Customer (on phone, calling from the projects): Hey, whut d'y'all got today tha's free?
Me (the pizza dude): ... Um, not much, really.
Customer: Man, you SURE you ain't got nuthin' free today?
Me: Yep, pretty sure.
Customer: Damn... thad sugs. (yelling over his shoulder to another person) Hey, homie say they don't got nothin' free tod-- *click*
I got that one a lot.
Edit:
I love how they get all whiny and expect that to change everything.
Idjits.
Customer (on phone, calling from the projects): Hey, whut d'y'all got today tha's free?
Me (the pizza dude): ... Um, not much, really.
Customer: Man, you SURE you ain't got nuthin' free today?
Me: Yep, pretty sure.
Customer: Damn... thad sugs. (yelling over his shoulder to another person) Hey, homie say they don't got nothin' free tod-- *click*
I got that one a lot.
Edit:
Got those a lot, too.
I love how they get all whiny and expect that to change everything.
Idjits.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
This is a second-hand story that I've posted on here before...
Some lady and her gangsta daughter tried to return a broken VCR for a refund, without a receipt, at a store that doesn't sell VCRs and they threw a major tantrum about it.
This is a second-hand story that I've posted on here before...
Some lady and her gangsta daughter tried to return a broken VCR for a refund, without a receipt, at a store that doesn't sell VCRs and they threw a major tantrum about it.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Well, just today one of my friends at work was laughing his ass off because somebody said they needed a new ice water because the one he had was watered down due to melted ice.
And yesterday, during Sunday church rush, I'll admit we were listening to different music. Nothing bad, sure the guy had a bit of a raspy voice, but this older couple sat down and looked in horror, saying "We must be listening to Korn."
Well, just today one of my friends at work was laughing his ass off because somebody said they needed a new ice water because the one he had was watered down due to melted ice.
And yesterday, during Sunday church rush, I'll admit we were listening to different music. Nothing bad, sure the guy had a bit of a raspy voice, but this older couple sat down and looked in horror, saying "We must be listening to Korn."
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
I used to work at a printshop where we made business cards, letterhead, envelopes and other stuff . . . and sometimes we'd get custom orders that were made with clip art, and the artwork was in jpeg format at desktop resolution . . . print resolution is almost 5 times larger, and they'd wonder why it came out looking like crap . . .
oh and another time we had a customer send us an order with the art for the business card printed out (we'd scan it), and the name was in some weird font, and they wanted us to change the name, but we didn't have the font . . . we got orders from them many times, and each time we put the order on hold and told them that we couldn't change the name because we didn't have the font, they'd reply "Well it's right there on the card."
or other times customers would email us with what to put on the business card, and attach the font they wanted to use . . . of course legally we couldn't use the font, because most fonts need to be purchased . . .
thankfully I don't have much firsthand experience with customers . . . I was in the prepress dept and all this was back and forth with the customer service dept
I used to work at a printshop where we made business cards, letterhead, envelopes and other stuff . . . and sometimes we'd get custom orders that were made with clip art, and the artwork was in jpeg format at desktop resolution . . . print resolution is almost 5 times larger, and they'd wonder why it came out looking like crap . . .
oh and another time we had a customer send us an order with the art for the business card printed out (we'd scan it), and the name was in some weird font, and they wanted us to change the name, but we didn't have the font . . . we got orders from them many times, and each time we put the order on hold and told them that we couldn't change the name because we didn't have the font, they'd reply "Well it's right there on the card."
or other times customers would email us with what to put on the business card, and attach the font they wanted to use . . . of course legally we couldn't use the font, because most fonts need to be purchased . . .
thankfully I don't have much firsthand experience with customers . . . I was in the prepress dept and all this was back and forth with the customer service dept
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
One from the theater days of 2003
Customer ~10 minutes before the movies starts~: I want a refund
Me: Is there a problem?
Customer: Yeah, the damn movie hasn't started?
Me: ~check the clock~ Yes sir, it doesn't start for another 10 minutes.
Customer: No, the paper says it starts at 3:30.
Me: ~check the listings~ No sir, it says it starts at 4, we don't have a 3:30 show.
Customer: No, it says 3:30 ~grabs a paper out of the box at the front of the lobby, turns to the listing~ See, right here, 3:30 PM, now call me a liar!
Me: Uh, sir, that is for our competitor across town, that's not our listing. It's a common mistake.
Customer: Bullshit...~looks at listing~ Well it's obvious you switched the papers.
One from the theater days of 2003
Customer ~10 minutes before the movies starts~: I want a refund
Me: Is there a problem?
Customer: Yeah, the damn movie hasn't started?
Me: ~check the clock~ Yes sir, it doesn't start for another 10 minutes.
Customer: No, the paper says it starts at 3:30.
Me: ~check the listings~ No sir, it says it starts at 4, we don't have a 3:30 show.
Customer: No, it says 3:30 ~grabs a paper out of the box at the front of the lobby, turns to the listing~ See, right here, 3:30 PM, now call me a liar!
Me: Uh, sir, that is for our competitor across town, that's not our listing. It's a common mistake.
Customer: Bullshit...~looks at listing~ Well it's obvious you switched the papers.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
At least you can use that to find the font and say "We can do that for $xx more"
It's amazing how many people are copyright experts. I get calls all the time about my VHS -> DVD service for home videos. My favorite is when I say "Well, let me look at it, but we might not be able to do it for you if there's a copyright issue."
"Oh, there's no copyright issue."
*puts tape in... first frame says "©OtherCompany 19xx"
At least you can use that to find the font and say "We can do that for $xx more"
It's amazing how many people are copyright experts. I get calls all the time about my VHS -> DVD service for home videos. My favorite is when I say "Well, let me look at it, but we might not be able to do it for you if there's a copyright issue."
"Oh, there's no copyright issue."
*puts tape in... first frame says "©OtherCompany 19xx"
ed629
Rear Admiral
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Years and years ago, at Blockbuster, had a lady come in and fill out the entire form, SSN, address, etc. Most people got pissy about the SSN, but she was fine with it. Then she goes and picks up about a dozen movies, comes up to the counter. Scan them and tell her it's going to be something like $36.48. She threw a fit, started screaming "What do you mean I have to pay for them?!?!?!.... Why would I pay to watch a movie?!?!?!?!..... Who's you manager?!?!?!... I know the owner, he's my neighbor...." and so on. She really expected to take the movies home for free, and not only that she thought she'd get to keep them.
I used to get the "I know the owner\manager!" or "The owner\manager is my neighbor\friend!" thing all the time. I'd always respond with "You know David?" they'd respond with "Yes, he's my neighbor\friend!", me "OK, well his name isn't David, it's John, so I guess you don't know him." It's was amazing how angry they would get after that.
Years and years ago, at Blockbuster, had a lady come in and fill out the entire form, SSN, address, etc. Most people got pissy about the SSN, but she was fine with it. Then she goes and picks up about a dozen movies, comes up to the counter. Scan them and tell her it's going to be something like $36.48. She threw a fit, started screaming "What do you mean I have to pay for them?!?!?!.... Why would I pay to watch a movie?!?!?!?!..... Who's you manager?!?!?!... I know the owner, he's my neighbor...." and so on. She really expected to take the movies home for free, and not only that she thought she'd get to keep them.
I used to get the "I know the owner\manager!" or "The owner\manager is my neighbor\friend!" thing all the time. I'd always respond with "You know David?" they'd respond with "Yes, he's my neighbor\friend!", me "OK, well his name isn't David, it's John, so I guess you don't know him." It's was amazing how angry they would get after that.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
Ahh, Blockbuster, the flypaper of idiocy.
Worked at one for 3 or 4 months, never again. My fave with them was getting videos for other rental stores and people calling us up and bitching us out when they got late-fees from said store.
Ahh, Blockbuster, the flypaper of idiocy.
Worked at one for 3 or 4 months, never again. My fave with them was getting videos for other rental stores and people calling us up and bitching us out when they got late-fees from said store.
Re: Your "I Won't Say Anything, but this Customer Needs a Brain" Momen
I don't really do retail, so I don't expect I'll have to deal with this one. It'll be fun if I do, seeing as how I AM the owner.
Any of you get "I know the owner" at an employee-owned store or a mega-corporate entity like Wal-Mart?
I don't really do retail, so I don't expect I'll have to deal with this one. It'll be fun if I do, seeing as how I AM the owner.
Any of you get "I know the owner" at an employee-owned store or a mega-corporate entity like Wal-Mart?
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