Funerals....a load of bollocks???

[nedski]

Have a co-worker.. a bit sheepish and flabby but he has his moments when he can be funny ....
He never left the city, nor the country, he knows his path from work to home and he has his own "theory about life"...
He is around 50 +50 I think ,a few years older than me - he still lives with his mother, never got married.
His mother is quite ill, cannot leave the house ... he has to take care of things, but because of work he takes her out only in the weekends.
She has all sort of problems already, being pretty old and sick.
He is sad most of the time, but he didn't lost his sense of "black humor"....
We kept talking among colleagues about life, one of us asked him if something happens with his mother - what will he do or how does he see life without his mother....
He said (seriously but in a funny way too) .... well my friends, if I'll live 10 more years that will do for me.
If my mother dies, I have prepared in my drawer about 3 boxes of sleeping pills, I'll just ingest them all and that will be the end of everything.....
We started laughing, but he was kinda serious on the matter.... because he can't see life continuing without his mother.
We said to ourselves that of course there's the natural maternal love involved.... but somehow he doesn't want to admit that his way of seeing things or behavior are the problem not the world around him - and that change is possible if you really want.
We're still not sure if he really has the guts to take those meds as he claims....

 

[Commander Troi]

Damn. That's rough.

 

[Oddish]

It's no great surprise, really. Married couples who have lived together for 50+ years often die (naturally) just days or weeks apart because they can't imagine life without the other. This fellow, that's even more extreme, because instead of 2/3 or so of his life, he's been with his mom for all of it. He can't imagine life without her because he's never faced being alone.

 

[nedski]

It's no great surprise, really. Married couples who have lived together for 50+ years often die (naturally) just days or weeks apart because they can't imagine life without the other. This fellow, that's even more extreme, because instead of 2/3 or so of his life, he's been with his mom for all of it. He can't imagine life without her because he's never faced being alone.

I think he hasn't tried either to leave - I mean..... he's just feeling cozy and comfortable over there....
I guess there's nothing wrong in having a great bond with your mother, but taking a nap in your wife /girlfriend's arms or laying your head on your wife/ girlfriend's chest is even better
Smelling her perfume .... see the sunrise between some beautiful legs before breakfast )

 

[Oddish]

Yeah, but that assumes there's a woman out there who will have you. Not all of us are so lucky.

No, I don't live with my mother, but I'm a bachelor just days from turning 50, and I'm starting to understand why bachelorhood is (in terms of lifespan decrease) as unhealthy as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

 

[nedski]

I'm Pisces.... I have moments occasionally when I feel the inner comfort of loneliness .... in those moments I like to gather my thoughts and think things over..... enjoying moments of calm - when nobody disturbs your tranquility.
I remember watching DR. House ... back in the days ... and he was always saying that everyone will die alone eventually .... because you won't go away in the same time with your beloved one.
I believe having friends is the most important thing.
Geminis are a bit different.... they are in constant search for social attractions.... they "depend" on social life.... same as those gregarious monkeys from the Amazon lol

 

[oldtrekkie]

Well, you never know what people will do before they do it. Most of the time the people themselves don't know what they will do before being in a real situation. It's one thing to imagine ourselves in a situation and quite another to be in said situation. I did some time in the army and during that time I saw all sorts of things. People who looked, acted, and talked like tough guys but in the moment of truth panicked and others who seemed timid and unsure of themselves were capable of great acts of courage. That guy you talk about, when he loses his mother, hopefully in a long time, may find out that life alone isn't so bad after all or maybe he'll do exactly what he said he would. Although the fact that he talks about it could be an indicator that he has second thoughts about it and is trying to convince himself or maybe elicit counterarguments in others.

 

[dupersuper]

I'm Pisces.... I have moments occasionally when I feel the inner comfort of loneliness .... in those moments I like to gather my thoughts and think things over..... enjoying moments of calm - when nobody disturbs your tranquility.
I remember watching DR. House ... back in the days ... and he was always saying that everyone will die alone eventually .... because you won't go away in the same time with your beloved one.
I believe having friends is the most important thing.
Geminis are a bit different.... they are in constant search for social attractions.... they "depend" on social life.... same as those gregarious monkeys from the Amazon lol

That's what a gemini is supposed to be like? I certainly didn't need more proof that astrology is nonsense, but there it is.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

I'd say this is making me want to rewatch Six Feet Under, but...I don't have the emotional bandwidth for that show right now.

I gave up on Six Feet Under in the fourth season because it seemed to start to get repetitive and every storyline just ended up in dying and screwing. But I heard about the ending and I still kinda want to watch the last 15 minutes.

The only funerals I've been to are for my grandparents and I can't help but notice the contrast. My grandfather who died ten years ago, a hundred people came in from all over the country, distant cousins stayed in the area for a week, it was a big production. My grandmother on the other side who died a few weeks ago, nine attendants all of whom are parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, or cousins of mine. Twenty minute service and we had a nice lunch after.

It just gets you thinking, how introversion or acerbic intellectualism affects other people's estimation of the value of your life. People's willingness to put themselves out to mourn you a function of aesthetics.

 

[Malicia]

I remember being at the funeral of my great grandmother and my parents telling me and my brother and sister that we could go in to see her prior to the burial if we wanted but only if we wanted so there was no pressure to do it. I was about 8 at the time and I chose to see her and while I was there my dad told me if I touch her hand I wont have nightmares and I never did. For a few weeks after her face was all I could think about when I went to bed but never in a scary way and I then slept soundly and never had nightmares. I've grown up to know that paying respects from viewings are a very personal thing.

 

[DonIago]

I've only been to one open casket funeral, and thankfully it was for a coworker's mother whom I'd never met previously, and thankfully I was under no obligation to approach, because I don't think I would have been at all comfortable doing so.

I'm not sure whether the deceased being someone I know would make it more or less "comfortable".

Anyway, with regards to funeral directors...I have to believe there are some good ones out there who genuinely are trying to do as well as they can by the bereaved. Six Feet Under was great about showing the contrast between a funeral home that was at least trying to do so (sometimes less successfully than at other times...) and a funeral home "enterprise" (pardon the phrasing).

 

[oldtrekkie]

That's what a gemini is supposed to be like? I certainly didn't need more proof that astrology is nonsense, but there it is.

It's a con. A way to get rich without actually doing anything.

 

[nedski]

Well, you never know what people will do before they do it. Most of the time the people themselves don't know what they will do before being in a real situation. It's one thing to imagine ourselves in a situation and quite another to be in said situation. I did some time in the army and during that time I saw all sorts of things. People who looked, acted, and talked like tough guys but in the moment of truth panicked and others who seemed timid and unsure of themselves were capable of great acts of courage. That guy you talk about, when he loses his mother, hopefully in a long time, may find out that life alone isn't so bad after all or maybe he'll do exactly what he said he would. Although the fact that he talks about it could be an indicator that he has second thoughts about it and is trying to convince himself or maybe elicit counterarguments in others.

It's true ..... sometimes those who brag about some things can turn out to be cowards if something unpredictable suddenly shows up or people who are "the silent type" can commit acts of courage indeed.
But with him it's a bit different.... I guess I could understand him if they would depend on each other financially - not to be able to move with someone or buy your own flat/house to have your own comfort somehow, but it's not his case..... and we did try showing him that there's a beautiful side of life too..... but he keeps saying that when his mother will pass he will already be old (and he's saying this since he was 35 or in his 40's coz we work together since a very long time.... ) I mean he considered he's old even when he was young
Otherwise he is a loyal colleague, but we don't hang out outside the working hours.... only if some teambuilding comes up (rarely)....

That's what a gemini is supposed to be like? I certainly didn't need more proof that astrology is nonsense, but there it is.

I'm just saying..... I don't believe too much in those predictions either.... I just read general things about each sign..... sometimes those descriptions are true..... but not those things which they invent each morning on some TV show or news...
I believe though the Chinese horoscope is more accurate than the regular one
You'll find yourself over there under the shape of a goat, monkey or pig

 

[Commander Troi]

I've only been to one open casket funeral, and thankfully it was for a coworker's mother whom I'd never met previously, and thankfully I was under no obligation to approach, because I don't think I would have been at all comfortable doing so.

I'm not sure whether the deceased being someone I know would make it more or less "comfortable".

My father-in-law's funeral was my first. I decided to approach out of sheer curiosity. I realized immediately that it wasn't him - he wasn't there at all. It was neither comfortable or uncomfortable. I don't know how to describe it.

I've been to a few funerals since then, mostly friends' parents. I usually hang with my friends' kids and try to be there for them. I don't need to see the body. I'd rather be useful.

I've been present at the deaths of 6 cats and 1 hedgehog. It's never easy. I've never been able to see the transition from There to Not There, but it's easy to see on either side. This is the Mystery, in the oldest sense of the word. We can believe whatever we want, but we can't *know*.

 

[oldtrekkie]

I saw a cat being run over by a car once. The cat didn't make a sound. It most likely was dead before it could feel a thing. We should be so lucky.

 

[nedski]

I also saw (at the news) a guy who jumped from the 8th floor because he wanted to commit suicide... Unfortunately (for him), when he reached the 3rd floor he landed on a poplar then to earth and nothing happened
Like this cat who jumped 5 floors and saved itself from fire..... so it may be true that cats have 9 lives after all....

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[Oddish]

Interesting fact about cats... they statistically have a better chance of surviving a long fall (7+ stories) than they do a short one. Something they instinctively do when they hit terminal velocity gives them a better chance.

 

[DonIago]

I also saw (at the news) a guy who jumped from the 8th floor because he wanted to commit suicide... Unfortunately (for him), when he reached the 3rd floor he landed on a poplar then to earth and nothing happened

I was in an online chat room on my birthday a long time ago. I was pretty distressed about the whole thing (consider: I was in an online chat room on my birthday ) and a well-intentioned friend had the admins of the chat do a public announcement to wish me well. One well-wisher struck up a little bit of a conversation with me, and it was pleasant enough, but I don't think I was very receptive due to my mood.

In any event, the next day the well-wisher jumped off a building, and while I have absolutely no reason to believe I played any part in his decision to opt out...the whole situation raises a lot of uncomfortable thoughts. :/

 

[nedski]

In any event, the next day the well-wisher jumped off a building, and while I have absolutely no reason to believe I played any part in his decision to opt out...the whole situation raises a lot of uncomfortable thoughts. :/

May I ask how many floors did he jump ? Or it was from his house roof ?

 

[DonIago]

May I ask how many floors did he jump ? Or it was from his house roof ?

He jumped from a 10th floor balcony.

https://web.archive.org/web/20030113170941/http://www.bayarea.com/mld/bayarea/news/local/3010767.htm