Would you date an Adult Film Star?

[UncleRogi]

Inspired by the news...

Scenario: For whatever reason, you find yourself single and thrust into the Dating World.
A friend sets you up on a blind date, and you go "What the hell" and agree. You meet up
and have a wonderful time. The chemistry seems right, and you find yourself genuinely
liking this person. You ask "So, what do you do?" and the person replies "I make Adult films."

What do you think your reaction would be?

Myself, I'm rather conflicted. On the one hand, if the chemistry is good, why should I care?
I try not to be judgmental, after all its a job, and if you get along, why not? On the other, in the
back of my mind will always be that "going where thousands have been before" demon and the
thought of being compared to their fellow performers.

Being male, as long as the chemistry is right I think I would proceed.

What would you do?

 

[hbquikcomjamesl]

If she's intelligent, cultured, and enlightened (and not addicted to anything), why not?

Then again, I've got over a decade and a half on the "Forty-Year-Old Virgin," and I've been on exactly one date (which didn't go particularly well: I wasn't "Prince Charming" enough for her, and she wasn't cultured enough -- or geeky enough -- for me.)

 

[Marynator]

It is a difficult question to answer.

My first thought would be that I would have a hard time dating someone who profits off of an industry I find highly objectionable. On the other hand, the line of business that I work in (banking) might seem morally troublesome to other people. I do believe that honest people can work in a controversial industry without being morally compromised, so I feel that I would be willing to give him that leniency.

For me it would really depend on why he is doing that work. Is it that he likes the work? That would be a problem for me. Is he an aspiring actor with talent, but has not been recognized yet and this is the best work he could find? If everything else about him worked well then I like to think I would be willing to give him that chance, but part of that would be knowing if he has a development strategy or a secondary plan if this career just is not going to work out. I have a hard time imagining that a person who willfully works in the adult film industry as an end and believes in the work would be able to have a healthy attitude towards women. We could create a scenario and say "What if it's true", but I still feel logical difficulty accepting that - like as an (extreme hyperbole!) example, saying "He's a kind, sweet, gentle, man, but he also tortures puppies".

I don't date well though and have a history of disasters, so what do I know.

 

[Spot261]

Just to be clear, what role exactly does this person play in the filmmaking process? I'm assuming performer?

 

[Marynator]

Just to be clear, what role exactly does this person play in the filmmaking process? I'm assuming performer?

I assumed it could have been either a performer, director, or producer.

 

[Spot261]

I assumed it could have been either a performer, director, or producer.

I kind of jumped to performer, but then realised it might not be the only option and the distinction may be critical to people's responses.

 

[Marynator]

Which do you feel is worse? Personally I'd say performer the least (they could just be starting out in an acting career and this is all they can get for now), while producer would be the worst, since they're personally investing in making this happen.

 

[Riker'sMailbox]

Date? Sure. Date seriously? Probably not.

I dated a lot of dudes before I met my husband. A lot of dudes. My 20s were so so much fun. I don't really attach much sentimentality to sex, so I could care less how many people someone I am with has been with before.

They would probably be one hell of a fun fling!

 

[MacLeod]

Inspired by the news...

Scenario: For whatever reason, you find yourself single and thrust into the Dating World.
A friend sets you up on a blind date, and you go "What the hell" and agree. You meet up
and have a wonderful time. The chemistry seems right, and you find yourself genuinely
liking this person. You ask "So, what do you do?" and the person replies "I make Adult films."

What do you think your reaction would be?

Myself, I'm rather conflicted. On the one hand, if the chemistry is good, why should I care?
I try not to be judgmental, after all its a job, and if you get along, why not? On the other, in the
back of my mind will always be that "going where thousands have been before" demon and the
thought of being compared to their fellow performers.

Being male, as long as the chemistry is right I think I would proceed.

What would you do?

Sure why not, if as you say the Chemistry is right. After all what someone does for a job doesn't always define who they are as a person.

 

[Spot261]

Which do you feel is worse? Personally I'd say performer the least (they could just be starting out in an acting career and this is all they can get for now), while producer would be the worst, since they're personally investing in making this happen.

Not sure, we're all dancing round the question of sexual jealousy but it would (I think) be a factor for many people.

 

[UncleRogi]

I kind of jumped to performer, but then realised it might not be the only option and the distinction may be critical to people's responses.

That was my thinking, but producer, director works too. I'm NOT thinking about the sound person...


EDIT: I was thinking of sexual jealousy being a factor as well with my OP.

 

[Riker'sMailbox]

Not sure, we're all dancing round the question of sexual jealousy but it would (I think) be a factor for many people.

I think it depends on what "dating" means. To me, dating is a non-exclusive thing. It is just going out on dates with one or more people and seeing if there is potential. I would never assume that someone I was hooking up with while dating was not hooking up with other people, because I know I probably was.

If people view dating as being in a relationship, then I can absolutely see how this can lead to jealousy.

 

[Marynator]

I guess that could be subjective from person to person. For myself, I feel that if you go on a second date, it automatically moves to an exclusivity status. The first date would be for testing compatibility.

 

[Riker'sMailbox]

I guess that could be subjective from person to person. For myself, I feel that if you go on a second date, it automatically moves to an exclusivity status. The first date would be for testing compatibility.

Totally subjective.

I have dated guys for several months just for fun, with neither of us assuming exclusivity. Like, they were not Mr. Right, but the were great Mr. Right Nows. But, I know that some people are not comfortable with the idea of non exclusive dating. They are only in the market for a relationship.

 

[MacLeod]

Totally subjective.

I have dated guys for several months just for fun, with neither of us assuming exclusivity. Like, they were not Mr. Right, but the were great Mr. Right Nows. But, I know that some people are not comfortable with the idea of non exclusive dating. They are only in the market for a relationship.

None-exclusive dating is just fine so long as both parties know that this is a non-exclusive relationship, i.e. they have discussed it and agreed to a non-exclusive relationship.

 

[tharpdevenport]

I guess it depends on what she's done, how often she's doing what she's doing, and how often she gets tested.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Yeah, sure. Adult film stars are people too.

 

[Riker'sMailbox]

None-exclusive dating is just fine so long as both parties know that this is a non-exclusive relationship, i.e. they have discussed it and agreed to a non-exclusive relationship.

In my experience, the conversation comes once it has been decided that dating has changed into a relationship. I would never expect to have a conversation with someone I was newly dating that I was also dating several other people. I would assume that they are too, because dating is just dating.

I mean, think about who you would introduce as your date and who you would introduce as your boyfriend/ girlfriend. The person that you introduce as your date is just someone you are seeing, not someone you are invested in.

 

[UncleRogi]

Yeah, sure. Adult film stars are people too.

There are some out there who would not share that opinion, sad to say.

 

[Spot261]

Totally subjective.

I have dated guys for several months just for fun, with neither of us assuming exclusivity. Like, they were not Mr. Right, but the were great Mr. Right Nows. But, I know that some people are not comfortable with the idea of non exclusive dating. They are only in the market for a relationship.

I've been in several non exclusive relationships (including a few years of my marriage)but experience tells me there comes a point where the accumulated emotional investment starts to tell.

Equally I spent a while working as a stripper whilst engaged and frankly the two just weren't compatible. For me "friends with benefits" or "open couple" really only work in the short term and that's based on hard learnt lessons, but I'm not everyone.

As you say, though, it depends how you define "dating" but the impression I got from the OP was "relationship", as in "could you cope with such a situation?"

Yeah, sure. Adult film stars are people too.

Which is very true, but the question isn't whether you value that person or not, but whether you could cope with what they were doing with other people. I don't look down on adult film performers but I'm not sure I'd be able to handle having something so personal and special devalued by being also performed so freely and causally with so many others.