Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #310: Communications Specialist

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to a long long awaited new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Now lets build that reactor!" Award, going to Scribble for:

Scotty: Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Next, we have the "Sucks to be Wilhelm" Award, going to CorporalCaptain for:

Scotty: Scott and security detail reporting, sir.... Wait, what happened? We beamed down with a full party of six!

Redshirt #1: We lost Wilhelm in the swamp, sir.

Scotty: Oh, right. I heard the scream.

Next, we have the "Division Issues" Award going to tharpdevenport for:

Scotty: "I'll try 'n' hold 'er together the best I can, Cap'in, but unless we get some blue and yellow goin' up here, I donno how long we shall last."

Next, we have the "Bluetooth OF THE FUTURE!!" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Some people have more trouble adapting to hands-free technology than others...

Next, we have the "Are my Cheezit's in there?" Award, going to JRTStarlight for:

Ach, looks like somebody already found my hidden snacks and clean me out.

Our Photoshop Award goes to Nerys Myk for:

REDSHIRT: There's something different about Mr. Scott.
REDSMOCK: I think he grew a mustache.

The Tribbles Choice Award goes to Tenacity for:

Redshirt: "How many more times are we going to have to run around this damned rock?"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

I apologize for how unacceptably long this contest has been just sitting here. Have I been busy? Yes. But the trap I so easily fall into is that I lose track of how long it has been since I started a new contest. I really didn't think it had been nearly this long.

And now, lets move forward and get our new contest featuring Lieutenant Nyota Uhura!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Kirk to Enterprise. The high beams are on.

Spock: Fascinating, these discs are completely useless.

Chekov thought he was going to be getting a backhanded compliment. He was wrong.

Tribble: Can you leave us in a food synthesizer? It should be safe in there.

Uhura: Whoa, that's Spock's mom and dad?

Kirk: Why did I use video chat for this?

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Kirk: What's that?
Village Elder: That is the entity that rules over us.
Kirk: (looking around) Uhura, there's no other redshirts, it's all on you!
Uhura: Hell no! Uhura to Enterprise, one to beam up!

Uhura: Can you believe that is some other reality, they seem to think that our platonic professional relationship has been warped into some sort of 'romance'?
Spock: Most illogical.

Uhura-Fu training session, she, Chekov, McCoy and Scotty would soon face off against the Kirk-Fu stylings of Kirk, Spock, Sulu and Chapel.

Uhura: You should come to my quarters tonight for dinner, I've making my speciality: skewered Tribble satay.

Uhura: Thank you for calling the U.S.S. Enterprise, all our operators are currently busy, please hold.

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Well, Captain?
KIRK: You're right, Uhura. The fluorescent lighting on this planet is unflattering.

 

[johnnybear]

KIRK..."What was that, Lieutenant?"
UHURA..."I think Mr.Spock has blown the ship up again, sir!"
JB

 

[Maurice]

UHURA: (singing)
Shine the light, shine the light
Shine the light, won't you shine the light
Philadelphia freedom, I love-ve-ve you, yes I do!
KIRK: Keep your day job, Lieutenant.

UHURA: Capellan Power Cat got ya tongue, sugah?

NICHELLE: And that's for taking all of George's lines that they could have given to me!

UHURA: Robert Heinlein hailed us again. Something about a "gentleman's agreement" not covering the merchandising of these "Flat Cats".
KIRK: Heinlein schmeinline, get these Flat Cats off my bridge!

UHURA: No, this is not "Chaturbate", sir.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Uhura slaps a bitch.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Spock: Has he gotten it yet?

Uhura: No. But his last two guesses were "Penda" and "Samara." I guess you could say he's getting warmer.

Spock: What about the... the....

Uhura: The other thing? He hasn't a clue.

 

[FormerLurker]

Shatner: Aren't spotlights only supposed to shine on one person at a time?
Nichols: Maybe it's compensating for someone's ego.
Shatner:

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: What is that, some kind of godlike being?
Uhura: Scotty blasting motha filking Lynrd Skynrd from orbit again, sir.
Kirk: Dammit Spock I told you to lock the mini fridge when I was away!

Spock: Sensors indicate a sudden spike in sass, Captain.
Uhura: You better pump your brake, Mother Spocker.

Chekov: Knockout chops were a Russian inwention.
Uhura: Shazam! Well I pimp slap like an Egyptian, motha -
Bones: Is she going to end all her captions calling someone a maternal expletive -
Scotty: Oh aye.

Spock: Lieutenant Uhura, please keep your living fashion accessory off the bridge.
Uhura: Hold this bitch so I can cut his little balls off.
Spock: That statement is illogical.
Uhura: I was talking about you, motha vulcan.

Kirk: Sara, y'all contact Starfleet and update our position.
Uhura: I'll call the damned hospital and tell 'em Deputy Fife is about to sit on his own damn bullet!
Kirk: Wait until Floyd hears about this next time I go through the Guardian.

 

[Leviathan]

Uhura: NOW can we discuss why I'm the only one on the bridge who does not get pants?!

 

[Leviathan]

Early attempts were less than successful, but eventually Starfleet worked out how to do Lens Flare.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "Ah, a double cheese burger, onion rings, and a large orange drink. Please."

Uhura: "Lt. Uhura, speaking, Captain."

Kirk: "Did ... did ... did you get my order?"

Uhura: "How can I help you, Captain?"

Kirk: "A double cheese burger! Onion rings! And a large orange drink!"

Uhura: "I don't think I understand you, Captain. Can you repeat that?"

Kirk: "NO! I want a cheese burger! A double cheese burger! ONION RINGS! And a LARGE ORANGE DRINK!"

Uhura: "Huh?"

Kirk: "A Cheese burger! AGH! I wanna--"

Uhura: "What?"

Kirk: "Listen to me, shut up! A double cheese burger -- say it! DOOUUBBBLLEE CHEEESSSE BUUURRRGER!"

Uhura: "A double cheese burger?"

Kirk: "Right! UUUNNNIIIOOONNN RIIINNNGS! Say it! Union rings!"

Uhura: "Union rings?"

Kirk: "And a LLLAAAAARRRRRGGGGGEEEEE OOORRRAAAAAAANNNGE DRINK!"

Uhura: "A large orange drink?"

Kirk: "Drink! Drink! Drink! Say it! I want a double cheese burger, onion rings, and a large orange drink! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

Uhura: "I don't get what you're asking, Captain."

Kirk: "NO! NO! NO! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!"

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[Redfern]

Uhura: "Look, M'Ress, I appreciate you as a valued co-worker, but I'm jut not into you like that. So would you stop poking your d*mned fuzzy ass cheeks in my face?!"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Uhura: "Pssst. Don't turn around, but I think the captain's wearing your old fencing tunic."
Spock: "That old thing? I don't know why Mother packed it with the rest of my clothes. I haven't worn it since secondary school."
Uhura: "That would explain the fit."

Kirk: "Is that your new ID card photo, Lieutenant? 'Cause I got to say, it doesn't capture the real you."
Uhura: "This is the real me, Captain. I'm calling from the bridge with those status updates you wanted, but maybe I'll just send them to Spock instead."
Kirk: "..."
Spock: (OS) "I believe the word you are looking for is, "awkward."."

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Sir, toupee wrangler is not in my job description.

 

[tharpdevenport]

UHURA: Sir, toupee wrangler is not in my job description.

Kirk: "That's for Scotty, Lieutenant. And he uses it ... down below....."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Scotty and Bones are delighted as Chekov is menaced by the reprogrammed T-1000 and its tickling weapon.

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "How the hell is this happening now ?!?"

Soran: "When you harness the power of The Nexus all things are possible, Kirk."

Uhura: "What do you want from me ?!?"

Soran: "Sing to me. You can start with 'the window is a moo-oo-oo-oon to heaven'."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Caligula: Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

Guy in black: (snickers) You said Poop! Most ingenious, my lord!

Guy in white: Can we get this over with already? The latest episode of XXIV is on in an hour!