Was it because of Remus because Kirk does mention that in their debut episode.
No, it's more because the Nemesis Remans were so obviously, visibly different from their counterparts on Romulus. In the Duane novels Remans were simply the political "out" group, and were not physically different from the inhabitants of their sister world.
Actually the "we are Romulans!" from way back in "Balance of Terror" alone contradicts the idea that "Romulan" is a name humans gave the Rihannsu.
Unless you assume (as Duane presumably did) that what the audience heard was the Universal Translator's translation of what was said. The Romulans weren't speaking in English, after all, even though that's what we heard.
ENT: "Minefield" later gave us a Romulan/human first contact where they introduced themselves as Romulans.
I didn't watch every episode of ENT, so I will take your word for it. (A Romulan/human first contact in ENT, though? Then why didn't Kirk's crew know what Romulans looked like in "Balance of Terror"?)
Look, folks, I know it's not actual canon. It's a well-developed, in-depth construct that I find rather more interesting than what TPTB did do with the same civilization Duane wrote about. As long as I'm not mistaking it for real canon, though, may I not have my preference?
If we're speaking in terms of novelverse "facts" that are not contradicted by canon, I have to say that my personal head canon totally includes the marriage of Jean-Luc Picard and Beverly Crusher.
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