Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #502: Binary Code

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Nightmares" Award, going to Shivkala for:

Picard: No, I'm not the father, I'm not the father! Oh, damn it, not the "I'm Wesley's father" nightmare again!



Next, we have the "Still a problem in the 24th Century" Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Data: And this is how you change the size of your icons now.
Picard: I hate automatic upgrades.



Next, we have the "Tag backs are Illogical" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Savar: Tag. Logically speaking, you are it.



Next, we have the "Beware of old man Quinn" Award, going to Nerys Myk for:

CRUSHER: It's not a mask.
WORF: I guess Old Man Johnson is off my list of suspects, Daphne.
CRUSHER: Beverly.
WORF: Right.



Next, we have the "Justifiable Phaser Fire" Award going to Leviathan for:

Picard: Starfleet protocol Will. Dramatic pause...contemplate destruction of sentient life...ok...now we yell "IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US" and fire.

The Award goes to Mojochi for:

Captain's log: And that was the LAST time Riker played the Red Alert prank.

I decided to give 3 KBL's this time around!

First, The Squire of Gothos for:

Data: "Captain, I have discovered that pressing CTRL-H when using LCARS will display personnel browsing history"
Riker: <sweats>



Next, Noname Given for:

Lt. Cmdr. Data: "Captain, If you want to try and catch the 'Mega-Squirtle' for your Galactic Pokemon Go game account, we need to head to the Romulan Neutral Zone right now."



And, Inflatabledalek for:

Vulcan Set Designer: Excuse me Jonathan, but we haven't actually finished building this set yet. Look at all that empty blackness, couldn't you tell?



Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

I'm glad we had a clear winner for this contest, although don't be surprise if "The Big Goodbye" and "Justice" get their own contests after we have completed season 7. A new poll for season 2 is at the top of this contest. One of the winners will be next weeks contest.

But first, let's head to Starbase 74!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: We can never wear anything that's easy for bathroom breaks, can we?

Wesley: Are you going to tell me something cool about the universe I never knew before, like The Traveller?

10: No.

01: Go Away.

Minuet: Please State the Nature of the Shipwide Emergency.

Cinema Sins Guy: Roll Credits.

Picard: I'm confused, there is no engage button!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Rock and Roll. Roock and Roooll! Let us Rock! I'll never get the hang of it.

 

[rcjames]

"Captain no offence but next time can you knock? If you'd come in another thirty minutes later, you could have been walking into a Bourbon Street back alley."

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Worf: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all.

Riker: Stupid sexy Worf!

10: Shut

01: Up

10: Wesley

Minuet: I'm not bad, I'm just programmed that way.

Riker: "File = É"?

Riker: Is that, Led Zepplin? Sir, didn't you read the sign?

Picard: No stairway, denied!

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Nice bulge.
Worf: Sir I must protest!
Riker: I was talking to Tasha.
Tasha: It's a Soong-type.

Wesley: Did you hear what the bismuth salesman said to the sexually ambiguous Binar the next morning?
01: Please don't.
Wesley: Bye bye, and by-the-by, buy Bi, bi-Binar!
...
Wesley: Well?? Do you get it?
01: Trivalent elements are not funny.

Riker: Sir, I brought you here to meet Min.
Picard: Thanks Number One, I'm sure he is lovely but I don't swing that way.

Riker: Geez, Geordi, thanks for the visual aids.
Geordi: Stop stealing your own bits!

Riker: Engage, sir.
Computer: Lights off.
Riker: Engage.
Computer: Yellow Alert.
Riker: Any time now, sir.
Computer: Ejecting warp plasma.
Riker: Engage.
Computer: Lights off.
Riker: The big middle button, sir.
Computer: Lights off.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Yar: "Is the 50 Shades of Beard room open for business?"

Riker: "You bet. I see everyody dressed appropriately."

 

[Finn]

Bynar 1: What if we used him to link us together
Bynar 2: Nah, Bynarus would implode

Riker: Sir, I brought you here to meet Min.
Minuet: I made crumpets....
Picard: Merde

Wesley: (OS) I'm impressed. Didn't you use levers, dials and knobs in your day?

 

[Tenacity]

Wesley: "There were three young ladies in the school gym locker, when i noticed they were looking at me."
Binar: "We're not looking at you."
Wesley: "And so the game begins."
Binar: "What games? Tetris?"
Wesley: "Yeah girl, here come my "I-Block."

Picard: "University of Texas Longhorns ... forever."

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAR: We're off to the Federation Dance Team finals. Wish us luck.
RIKER: You'll need more than luck with those outfits.

 

[GeorgeKirk]

"Look, all I'm saying is that there are other colors. You don't all have to cosplay as the Blue Ranger."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: What the hell, it's gotta be better than anything Fox has done.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Yar: This is an away mission, sir. We have to make first contact with the..Merpeople.
Riker: Don't forget to turn over when you're sunning.

Picard: To fire, or not to fire? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to take arms against a sea of troubles --
Troi: Captain, please don't fire on my mother.

(Thanks for the win!)

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: You're dressing like that for the away mission?
TASHA: If none of us wear red, the aliens won't know who to shoot.

WESLEY: So what would happen if one of you had to call in sick? Would another of you have to stay home also to keep it a power of two?

RIKER: Captain, this may seem like an odd question. But how good is the holodeck at reproducing textures?

PICARD: Is this the Vulcan hand gesture, Number One?
RIKER: No, that would be the devil symbol in rock and roll.
PICARD: Close enough.

 

[Ithekro]

Wesley: So what are you working on now?

10: We have been given a contract to create something called a holonovel but the newly encountered Ferengi.

Wesley: What is it called?

01: Vulcan Love Slave.

Yar: We've got a gig to model for the Bynar's new holonovel.

Minuet: Two of you at once is highly illogical.

Picard: The Bynar need to work on getting the ears and hair right for a Vulcan. The attitude is spot on though.

Riker: Not from what I recall from Risa's Pon Farr Night.

Riker: I'll need to assist the Bynar with the more...graphic details in order to fulfill the Ferengi's order. Fortunately I am highly qualified.

Troi: I heard that thought, Will.

Picard: Reading this outline, why do the Ferengi even have a story about Vulcans? We've only just made first contact with this species. Yet they seem to have some very specific proportions for the Vulcan in this story. Seems highly unrealistic. Also when was there ever a Vulcan slave girl on an Enterprise? My memory might be a little sketchy, but I'm pretty sure Spock was a man.

Riker: What about Archer's Enterprise?

Picard: But there is no way the Ferengi ever got that close to Earth in the 22nd century. That would be unrealistic.

Riker: The Vulcan's proportions do come close to respected elder T'Pol.

Picard: And how would you know her proportions?

Riker: History courses....yeah, history courses.....

 

[Tenacity]

Picard: "What is it Commander?

Riker: "I believe it's file two hundred and one."

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Three Binars in a row? What is this, a hexidecimal hippie party?
01: LOL.
10: What a nerd.

Riker: Where's Skantie?
Yar: He couldn't make it. Something about still having a shred of dignity left.

 

[Triskelion]

Yar: You've heard of Meals on Wheels? Well we're Big Cans in Vans.
Riker: You sure are!

Riker: Wait until she hears I can play a mean 'bone solo, sir..
Picard: I would lead with that.

Riker: Computer, who named these files using binary code?!
Computer: The LCARS operating system is based on binary code computation compiled by space monkeys into computer programs and meglomaniacal media files -
Riker: No computer, I mean who is the person responsible for naming this file in binary??
Computer: A programmer, computer programmer, developer, dev, coder, software engineer or "dateless loser Geordi" is a person who writes computer software -
Riker: No computer! What idiot named all our files in binary language! It is a colossal waste of time!
Computer: A range of occupations, including: spaceware developer, web master, LCARS applications developer, embedded rogue cyberware, energy-being-possessed software engineer, mad computer scientist, or alien neural software analyst -
Riker: BAH! What's with this @#$%&* verbal interface?!
Computer: A voice-user interface (VUI) makes humanoid interaction with computers and intelligent space mushroom networks possible through a voice/speech platform in order to initiate an automated service, Victorian holographic fantasy or process -
Riker: No computer! I want to know who keeps wasting my time with these unnecessary tangents!
Computer: In space geometry, the tangent line (or simply tangent) to a plane curve at a given point is the straight line that "just touches" the curve at that point. Leibniz the Space Hologram defines it as....
Picard: NUMBER ONE! HAVE YOU LOCATED THE FILE YET??!
Riker: Nearly there, sir! Computer, locate this crewman Archimedes! I don't remember him on the roster!
Picard: Picard to Worf! Emergency! Please stroll to the bridge sometime today!
<ship explodes>

Riker: Sir, this is a 4,500,000 metric ton displacement starship armed with phaser arrays, photon torpedoes and antimatter mines. Not a starter piano.
Picard: It's the captain's duty to take over anyone's position at any time, Number One.
Riker: What I'm saying is that I think the crew would feel safer with the kid - who doesn't use the hunt and peck technique at the helm.
Picard: Captain's duty! Now be quiet, I'm covering a colonoscopy for Beverly later.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Sir, how come when ever some randon holodeck simulation goes wrong or an evil holodeck character simulation figures things out, we get attacked, shot at, taken hostage and generally threatened, but when some holographic woman takes a strong sexual liking to me, I'm not sexually taken advantage of? Repeatedly."

Picard: "Being taken advantage of sexually by a woman is the Captain's prerogative, number one."

Riker: "Captain, perhaps you should let Data take back his station; you're one of thsoe old people who hit buttons with one finger."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Rejected Episode Idea #93: While temporarily at the helm, Picard faces the moral dilemma of whether or not to swat the fly that keeps buzzing around his head, as it may be sentient.

Riker: "Seriously, have you guys looked at yourselves in the mirror? I bet the guy who sold those suits to you is laughing all the way to the bank..."