TNG Caption This! #427: Doorway to Captioning
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Beverly - "I'm a woman Will...I haven't had the company of a man in a long time...and the Captain owes me..."
Picard - "What the!?"
Geordi (OS) - "He's a peeping Tom!"
Data - "I assure you, I am not peeping, nor am I glancing, looking, squinting, staring, peering...."
Worf - "I tend to notice little things...like if a girl is a blond or brunette."
K'Ehleyr - "Which do you prefer?"
Worf - "Well, as long as the collar and cuffs match..."
I'm at the age where I just want to experiment. You know, play a crime investigator one week, a pregnant girl one week, an angel of darkness another week. I don't want to define myself by any category, or age, or role.
King Lear: That should mess them up!
Picard <whispering>: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Beverly is -
Beverly: Oh hello Odan, are you ready to have your little snake checked out?
Picard: - a slut.
Data: Please let me back in, Jenna! I was not referring to you as Tasha during our coitus! I was being a pirate! Yaaaaaarrrrrrrrr! Also it's not really detachable! I am in serious condition right now!
K'Ehleyr: And that is why what you've done is unforgiveable! Let that be your last battlefield!
Worf: Um, yeah, that was a TOS episode.
K'Ehleyr: If wishes were horses, Worf. If wishes were horses.
Worf: DS9. Yep, it says so right here!
K'Ehleyr: Time and again!
Worf: According to this, that one was Voyager. What will it cost me to get you to shut up and leave?!
K'Ehleyr: A night in sickbay!
Worf: Oh come on!
Picard: Wait...what?
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Beverly: "But this is ridiculous, Will! When the captain calls a meeting of all bridge personnel and you draw straws to see who stays behind to watch the bridge, the captain shouldn't draw one!"
Picard: "That's what I said!"
Worf: "And no onions."
K'Ehleyr: "I told you I am not fetching your lunch for you! I'm not your servant!"
Worf: "And get yourself something, too, if you want."
K'Ehleyr: "Sigh."
Picard: "Well done, computer! Just what I asked for! 'The perfect office for Dixon Hill, world famous private eye'! Now, where is my 'fan who blows really well'?"
Computer: "Just behind you, on the bookshelf behind your desk."
Picard: "Eh? Oh. No, I think you misunderstood me."
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Beverly: "Is this ... the bathroom?"
Picard: "No, but I have been peeing there for years."
Beverly: "Ew"
Picard: "Self-cleaning ship, Bev'."
Crusher: Why is Data leaning on the door?
Is it self cleaning or do they have like cleaning staff? ... I can imagine Data with a mop!
Beverly: After a short distance the paint stops and it's just plywood, with writing in chock.
Picard: What does it say.
Beverly: This side up, and there's an arrow.
Picard: "I've told them a thousand times: stop drawing on Commander Riker."
Crusher: My God... it's full of stars!
Picard: <sigh> That's a window, Beverly.
Riker: I just realized today is March seventeenth.
Worf:...
Riker:...
Worf:...
Riker:...
Worf:...
Riker:...
Worf:...
Riker:...
Worf:...
O'Brien: Whenever you're ready, Margaret.
Beverly: Jean Luc, everyone I care about has disappeared!
Picard: If that's true, why am I still here?
Beverly: Um....
Picard: Picard to Worf? Geordi? Data? That annoying waiter in Ten Forward? Dalen Quaice? Radish boy? Spot? Diomedian scarlet moss balls?
Beverly: Awk-ward....
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TFTW
Picard: I'd give it ten minutes if I were you, Beverly.
Crusher: I'm sure it will be fine... holy fuck!
O'Brien (thinking): Oh God, these two. Just pretend there's something interesting on the console.
Data: Screw it, I need the practice. Door, prepare to dance.
K'Ehleyr: There is no honour in anal.
Worf: Jeese, I just thought I'd suggest it.
Picard: Dix... LOL
Picard: I'd give it ten minutes if I were you, Beverly.
Crusher: I'm sure it will be fine... holy fuck!
O'Brien (thinking): Oh God, these two. Just pretend there's something interesting on the console.
Data: Screw it, I need the practice. Door, prepare to dance.
K'Ehleyr: There is no honour in anal.
Worf: Jeese, I just thought I'd suggest it.
Picard: Dix... LOL
Beverly: "Jean-Luc? Are you in there?"
Picard: "I'm down here, you blind-as-a-bat bimbo!"
Beverly: "Ooo! I love it when you talk butch!"
Picard: "It's fun having the ship all to ourselves, isn't it?"
Riker: For Christ's sake Beverly, press the door...buzzer...thing before just walking in!
Crusher: My God... the beard is stick-on!
O'Brien: I'm going to put you in the centre of town!
Riker: You mean that this time right? Not just on a hill overlooking the whole town meaning an hour walk?
O'Brien: Guaranteed!
Data: It is no good, Stuart Baird will break through at any second!
Worf: The new Ipad is rubbish.
Captain's Personal Log: I just got the "When is a door not a door?" joke. Look what 200 years of automatic doors have done to us!
O'Brien: I'm going to put you in the centre of town!
Riker: You mean that this time right? Not just on a hill overlooking the whole town meaning an hour walk?
O'Brien: Guaranteed!
Riker: "All right, but if you're wrong this time, I'll see to it personally you're transfered to Deep Space 9."
Worf: According to our data bank, this ship fired those torpedoes.
K'Ehleyr: I told you, I'm *not* role playing "The Undiscovered Country" with you!
(with apologies to inflatabledalek for the similar starting point.)
Computer: Your door is ajar.
Picard: What?
Computer: Your door is ajar.
Picard: Stupid computer, a jar is a container. You put things in it. There is no way this door could be used as a container. It is obviously NOT a jar! I think perhaps it might be time for a very invasive level one computer diagnostic.
Computer (minimum volume): Holodeck safeties disengaged.
Picard: What was that?
Computer: Nothing. Enjoy your program. I hear there are gunfights.
Picard: I feel so much safer since we had this installed!
Worf: Tell me what you think about the next generation theme I'm working on.
K'Ehlayri: Crap, you and your show tunes. Or "opera', whatever.
Worf: It goes:
"My
Name is Worf
Son of Mogh,
And I would gladly kill
You
Where you stand
(If you were any,
If you were any other)
My
Name is Worf
Rozhenkoooooooooo
And I only eat gagh when it's live
Not from a cannnnnnnn!"
K'Layer: Well -
Worf: I'm not finished!
"I
Pick my front tooth
With a bat'leeeeeeeeeeth
And I disembowel dishonorable men
Decisively deeeeeeeeaaaaad.
(Using a mek'leth,
A prop-quality mek'leth)
The
Klingon Em-
Pire won't faaaaaaallllll
Because Captain Picard
Put Worfie in charge -"
- and i can't think of what to say here.
K"Laiyairhr: Um, how about something like "Because I bore into their skulls like I was an Ascension Ritual"?
Worf: ...
K'Lhr@yrh: ...
Worf: ...
K'LLLreah: ...
Worf: "And the cha'DIch was not silent at alllllllll!!!!"
K'l%$&*$r: Can I GO NOW?? I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH DEATH.
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