ENT Caption Competition #103: Senator's, Military Son

[Nebusj]

Hi again folks and welcome to the 103rd, or thereabouts, installation in the Caption Competitions. And again I want to thank everybody who's put up their riffs. And to answer the question on everyone's mind: no, there really isn't a picture of T'Pol making a face that I won't think worthy of including here. See if you can spot this week's T'Pol Making A Face screen capture! But first, the winners of Competition #102.

There was a fierce battle going on for ``Archer's Gradually Dawning Self-Awareness'' this week and the nominees for that trophy are ...

Archer (thinking): So.... what is it with me and secret underground facilities, anyway?

Archer (thinking.) "Who's Captain Archer? Where am I? I was Agent Dwayne Pride a second ago. Al!"

Archer: "So, where are the Vulcans? Oh, wait......"

Archer: It's just a blinking light! This isn't a control panel at all!

... but it took collaboration to win, and that goes to:

Archer: "You say this place is equipped with the most advanced technology you have. Does it come equipped with anything to make this plot more interesting?"

The Minibar.

Oh we have to face the Minibari? That will be interesting.

Winning the ``This Is Just The World We Live In, Apparently'' Resigned Sigh At Technology ...

ARCHER: Set magnification to creepily intrusive.

For the ``Caption I Was Secretly Hoping Somebody Was Going To Give'' Medallion we have ...

"Captain, we're entering the Mickey Mouse cluster. Systems are acting a little goofy."

The Fan Movie Solo Trophy goes to ...

JACK: That transporter effect works really well.
ZACK: Did it all in Windows Movie Maker.
JACK: Seriously?
ZACK: Yep.
JACK: Too bad mom wouldn't let us move the bench out of the way. It just makes the whole scene look like we shot this in our basement.

The Fan Movie Collaboration Trophy goes to ...

STAR TREK: SHAKESPEARE sounded like a good idea on paper but turned out to be a laughable mess as a fan film.

Friends, Romulans, Countrymen point me your ears!

The Belly Laugh and the Photoshop Of The Week awards were earned by ...

TRAVIS: Captain, we might have to go back to the Vulcan database.

Threatening to spoil me on Star Trek Beyond already was ...

Every game begins with one block. This summer, Paramount Pictures proudly presents... TETRIS: THE MOTION PICTURE.

And the ``Yeah, I've Had This Week'' Trophy to ...

Archer: Don't worry, those are the movers I hired to help me get my stuff to the Enterprise.

Trip: Cap'n, didn't you hire the "Blue Tractor Movers?"

Archer: Oh, S&%$!

Once more, thanks to everyone who entered. This was a tough week to pick, especially since all the Willy Wonka riffs tugged at my heart, and I don't think there were any jokes about the Disney Space Anomaly that didn't tickle me.

And now for the new contest. It's drawn from the first-season episode where Travis Mayweather's background and culture are at their most relevant and important, so see if you can spot the screen capture where he actually appears!

Thanks and good luck to all!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Archer: "Ah, that Botox was supposed to go in your forehead..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RYAN: DJ...Gimme a beat!

KEENE: Don't stand there smirking. Give me a hand!!!! I'm old!

T'POL: And then he was all like (makes kissing noises) It was gross!!

 

[eyeresist]

It was an easy way to make some extra money, but still Archer couldn't help feeling cheap and used.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NAUSICAAN: I'm shocked, shocked to find Nausicaans involved with piracy!

FORREST:You realize that you're giving this report to the United Earth Council live right?

ARCHER: Yes.

FORREST: And this is a two way transmission.

ARCHER: Yes

FORREST: So you might want to put on some pants

 

[T'Girl]

While the crew had joked for months about replacing Travis with a plastic replica, it caught Trip by surprise when the crew finally did it.

 

[Ithekro]

FORREST:You realize that you're giving this report to the United Earth Council live right?

ARCHER: Yes.

FORREST: And this is a two way transmission.

ARCHER: Yes

FORREST: So you might want to put on some pants

ARCHER: No, sir. I prefer to remain completely open with the Council at all times with nothing to hide.

 

[T'Girl]

Kylie Jenner's latest cosmetic surgery yielded result's somewhat different than she expected.

 

[hux]

Archer: Oh hi admiral, i didn't see you there. I was just cleaning my beagle.

Forrest: Is that what you call it

Archer: You know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together and blow.

T'Pol: Pffrrrttttbbbbbrrrrr

Mayweather: So i cut the food with the spoon, right?

Trip: I'm gonna just ignore what you're doing under the desk and press this button to move the ship.

Ryan: Don't take this wrong way but i think i can do better.

Shaw: How was your visit to the toilet?
Ryan: I don't wanna talk about it. Just let me. Let me sit down very slowly.

Nausican: Evil plans? Moi? No, i'm a simple stained glass windows salesman captain. Are you interested?

Archer: We're ready to leave, just as soon as you pull that dildo out of your arse.
Keene: Understood. I'm nearly finished.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TUCKER: That's the biggest continuity violation I've ever seen!

MAYWEATHER: And it's only Season One!

 

[eyeresist]

ARCHER: [invisible] I guess now I know how Travis feels most of the time.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Archer: So let me get this straight. A heretofore unknown alien species is preying on Earth civilian cargo ships.
Forrest: That's correct.
Archer: And we have to stop them.
Forrest: Right again.
Archer: Without instigating an interstellar war.
Forrest: That's the long and short of it.
Archer: I just have one question, sir.
Forrest: OK, go ahead.
Archer: Why are all our monitors still 4:3?

Mayweather: Here comes the airplane! br-br-br-br-br-br-...

Ryan: Seriously, buy some Dentyne Ice. It's not that difficult!

Archer: I'm not sure how to put this...
Nausicaan: Yes, captain?
Archer: Well, um, your speech pattern. You seem very... articulate.
Nausicaan: I'm not sure I follow you.
Archer: You know. What happened to "hu-mon play dom-jot", and all that?
Nausicaan: Oh, my, captain, I understand now. You seem to have confused me with a member of the sub-species known as LOLNausicaan!

 

[T'Girl]

Archer (thinking) I don't always understand everything Daniels sends me.

 

[Avro Arrow]

^ That's great! Where's the dancing clip from?

 

[Nerys Myk]

^ That's great! Where's the dancing clip from?

The Big Bang Theory, I think.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

T'Pol: That was hotter than I expected, but I cannot admit such a thing or I will never hear the end of it. Nor can I spit it out into a napkin as Commander Tucker just did. I must swallow as quickly as possible and hope no one noticed, that is the only logical solution.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: What's going on?

TRIP: T'Pol is tying a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue.

 

[Willow]

FORREST: (thinking) So, it must be REALLY cold in deep space....

 

[Willow]

Mayweather: Can you please tell me again, which are the green beans?

 

[Nerys Myk]

MAYWEATHER: This is great. All we have on the Enterprise is reconstituted waste products.

RYAN: And there goes my appetite.