TOS Caption Contest #295: The truth is out there

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Standard Procedure" Award, going to:

Spock: Welcome back from your vacation on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet, Captain.
Kirk: Thank you, Mr. Spock.
Spock: Dr. McCoy, I suggest you have the Captain accompany you to sickbay for his usual treatment of STD cleansing as top priority.
Kirk: What?

Next, we have the "Vulcan Vision" Award, going to:

Spock: Captain, you appear to be out of uniform. And there is a man behind you trying to impersonate you.

Kirk: Mr. Chekov go get Mr. Spock his glasses.

Next, we have the "Contagion" Award, going to:

SPOCK: Captain Kirk has Space Cooties. Pass it on.
BONES: He already has.
SCOTTY: Aye. And it burns!

Next, we have the "Cry me a river" Award, going to:

KRAKO: I want those heaters now, Kirk!

SPOCK: This is the galaxy's smallest Vulcan Lyre playing...

Next, we have the "Extreme Disaster" Award, going to:

Kirk: We're out of booze.

[overly dramatic music cue]

Scotty: WHAT!!

Next, we have the "Is Bender communicating through Tribbles now?" Award, going to:

Spock: "It is asking if I want to kill all humans."

It's always tough to narrow it down, but this time two captions kept fighting it out in my head. So they both win!

It’s national headbutt-a-scotsman day!

And..

Kirk: Scotty, you have to come back with me!
Scotty: Back where?
Kirk: Back to the future!

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, a little late, but still within a week of April 1st, an April Fools contest featuring Agents Mulder and Scully!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Scully: Mulder, how did you get tickets to the premiere of Fifty Shades of Gray?

Mulder: Just imagine, Scully. The day when laptops can connect to the internet without phone cords.

Scully: You're dreaming again, Mulder.

Scully: How have those cigarettes not freaking killed you yet?!

John Munch: Yeah, I'm not sure what I'm doing her either.

Byers: LeadHead wanted to make this the biggest crossover competition ever. Thanks for playing the same character in so many TV shows.

Scully: Oh no!

Mulder: What is it? Did you see a monster?

Scully: No, you idiot. We were supposed to get a warrant before we came in here. One more breaking and entering complaint and you're with the Federal Bureau of Unemployment.

 

[MANT!]

"OK, we'll try this one more time...What's this Technical Manual and who's this Commie named Franz Joseph.."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MULDER: Oh, I don't actually have any popcorn

MULDER: It's a bit cramped, but the wifi signal is awesome

MULDER: What was that number again?

SCULLY: 555-2368 "We're ready to believe you"

SCULLY: You're really ruining my car's resale value!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Muldar: "You just sat on my chili cheese dog. It's okay, though. I'm not really all that hungry anyway."

Scully: "Stop hotboxing in my car, asshole!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

No, you weren't the only one wondering what the heck was going on with the second X-Files movie.

Mulder: "Now that the Internet's been invented, we don't need the Lone Gunmen to do our research anymore."

Scully: "You're my Uber driver?"

CSM: "I know! Weird, isn't it?"

Munch: "Don't make me get Fin in here. You wouldn't like him.""

Scully: "...Mulder, when you said we were going to investigate a haunted house in Florida, I didn't think you meant the one at Disney World."

 

[Ithekro]

(Thank you for the win)

Mulder: Oh look a UFO

Scully: That's not a UFO, that a crashing STARSHIP!

Mulder: I'm with the KGB, pass it on.

Do I look smug? I should, I found where they plan to launch the SS Botany Bay.

The new 3D printers are so lifelike. He almost looks real.

Planet Sigma Iotia II, 60 years later.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Scully: "Mulder, what was that?"

Mulder: "Relax, it was just Mark Snow."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Mulder: When we get to the really scary parts, can you put your arm around me?

Muldur: Check this out! I can play cards...on my computer. And wait 'til you see this screensaver, it's like an endless maze..

Sculley: Is that a Lucky Strike? I haven't seen those since the Carter administration.

Bruce Wayne, half-uniformed: Uh...darn! You caught me. I like to pretend to be Batman. How do you like my costume? Looks real, right? Some nights I switch it up and pretend to be Superman.

 

[Rat Boy]

Munch: "What? I don't know any guy named Omar."

 

[Avro Arrow]

Mulder: Not to alarm you, but they call these first three rows the "spit zone".

Mulder: See, Scully, all these shippers online want us to get together. You wouldn't want to disappoint them, would you?

Scully: Alec Sadler?! How'd you get back here to 1995?

Munch: For the last time, I am NOT "the Fonz"!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LURCH: You rang?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Scully: "Mulder, is Pee Wee Herman doing in front there what I think he's doing?"

Mulder: "Slap on hte latex!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCULLY: Did that guy up there just say something about "Xenu"?

 

[Rat Boy]

Scully: "Did Kramer just say...?"

Mulder: "Yeah..."

 

[Triskelion]

Mulder: That Hansel, he's so hot right now.

Mulder: You think the alien conspiracy is mind-blowing, watch what happens when I put this last Ace on the King.

Scully: Wait, me hiking three miles back to the service station isn't how the "run out of gas" routine is supposed to work!
Smoking Man: Guess you shoulda thought of that before you reamed me out for opening your door.

Munch: I dream of a galaxy where your eyes are the stars and the universe worships the night.
Lone Gunman: Check please!

Mulder: Eventually we'll be on so long that we'll be reusing plots from Shakespeare, Dickens, or even Sophocles....
Scully: Is that a g-g-g-ghost?
Mulder: Zoinks!

 

[tharpdevenport]

"You know smoking can kill you, right?"

 

[Rat Boy]

"You know smoking can kill you, right?"

CSM: "So can sniper rifles and rockets shot from helicopters, but I try not to let that bother me, either."

 

[TRON JA307020]

And now, a little late, but still within a week of April 1st, an April Fools contest featuring Agents Mulder and Scully!

Scully: Uh oh fart. Mulder:Scully did you just fart. Did you fu@$ing fart? How can you stand that.

Mulder: Yep I know how to use a lap top. Impressed?

Scully:I have to poop. Finish lighting your cigarette and tell me what you're going to tell me so I can get to the ladies room.

Staring contest. Who will win?

Scully: These flashlight just aren't doing the job. I don't see anything. Mulder: Well if you would just point yours in the right direction you would see what I am seeing. No wonder you're a skeptic.

 

[Rat Boy]

Munch: "I'm not giving you Benson's phone number."