DS9 Caption Contest 110: SPRING BREAK!

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back to another fun-filled week of two of captioning. This week with winter on the retreat, we're calling it spring break and featuring the crew at their leisure, enjoying the sun -- and also Dukat, for some reason. He looks relaxed. First up though, let's serve some winners, and there were some awfully good ones this week.

​

ARMIN SHIMMERMAN: Time of death, 4:53. Cause, overacting.

Masked Figure: I know what you did last summer.
Dax: You're going to have to be waaaaaay more specific than that,

Dukat: I SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM ALLLLLLL!
Sisko: The Bajorans?
Dukat: No, the dozen roses from my garden I wanted to snip and wrap with ribbons in a bundle just for you.
Sisko: Ohh?
Dukat: YES, THE BAJORANS!
Sisko: Awww.

Weyoun: So, how do you like my cooking.
Julian: That's disgusting.
Weyoun: I don't understand. I for one find that dish perfectly acceptable.
Julian: Well, considering that you have no sense of taste and are immune to most poisons, you'll excuse me if I don't find that particularly reassuring!

Say it with me, class: "I hate temporal mechanics!"

O'Brien: I'm from the future. Hurry and get back on the Enterprise before they leave. You'd be better off!

*whooshes as the timeline changes*

O'Brien: Don't change your mind! Stay! Riker will blame the sheild modulation failure on you. Keiko leaves you and you will never see Molly again. You end up on Voyager and get stranded in the Delta Quadrant and serve as Neelix's Sous Chef. Stay and you will get to do big things.

*whooshes as the timeline changes*

O'Brien: I'm from the future. Hurry and get back on the Enterprise before they leave. You'd be better off!

And best of!

Benny: It's reeeeeal! It's reeeeal!
Kira: Racism in the 1950's?
Quark: Science fiction as a legitimate literary genre?
O'Brien: Postwar existential angst?
Bashir: Alien planetary conquest by cheesy crust?
All: ...........??
Bashir: Just sayin'. It's a lot of cheese.

And now, the beach!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "UUUMMMMM, Jadzia's panties. They're so soft. So silky. They smell like a true sexual mate for long nights of warrior BDSM."


Quark (off screen): "Ah, that's are Gowron's jockstrap."

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: I can't wear these. They say Friday.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DUKAT: Trust me, this is going to kill in Vegas!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

SISKO: Hey babe. Wanna date a guy who goes into battle constantly in a military that puts family on board their ships? Free life insurance!

WORF: You will be a dick for a while, then redeem yourself by being less of a dick. ...Stupid Chinese.

DUKAT: And now for my next act, I will light myself on fire for 37 straight hours! You see, the Bajorans should have never doubted my greatness!
SISKO: It's a trick!
DUKAT: Heresy!

RISAN: Curzon was with me when he died of having thirteen STDs. Oops, I mean, heart attack. Caused by STDs. Oh, crap. No, I mean just a regular heart attack. Anyway, wanna have sex?

HOLOGRAPHIC JADZIA: Come to bed Quark. What's the problem?
QUARK: Real Jadzia found out about the program.
HOLOGRAPHIC JADZIA: Sounds like you had a bad day. Climb into bed!
QUARK: Not for a few weeks. I'm recovering for a catastrophic testicle injury.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Dukat: Benjamin, I'm not evil. I used to be the #1 Michael Jackson impersonator on Cardassia.

Worf: "Property of Curzon Dax?" Jadzia, I will not wear your previous hosts' hand-me-downs.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: This 'Rocky Balboa' was a true warrior.

Dukat: I'm sorry, Benjamin! I can't hear you over the sound of how hot I am.

Worf: Damned Federation Girl Scouts...I do NOT wish to purchase your insipid cookies. And may Fek'lhr's grandchildren nest in your sock drawer.

Jennifer: Look, when I told you to go pound sand, this is NOT what I meant.

 

[fonzob1]

"Stylish Klingon underpants. The greatest gift you could give a Klingon Warrior."

"Oceans of fire. I don't suppose it's too late for me to repent for all those war crimes I committed."

"OMG! Vanessa Williams! You look amazing for being 334 years old."

"Losing your virginity is nothing to be nervous about, Qwark."

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Don't you hear no evil, don't you see no evil, don't you lay no evil down on meeeeeeeeeE -- you're gonna burn in Hell! Speak no evil, don't you see no evil, don't you lay with evil, 'cause I'm freeeeeeeeeE -- you're gonna burn in Hell!"

 

[loghaD]

Worf: Are these real QalwI'nIv swim trunks?

Jadzia: Yes, Worf. I traveled to Qo'noS, punch a norgh in the gills, extracted nine of its fangs while it was still struggling and gave the fangs to a widowed seamstress. Then I spent three days harvesting SIrghpev SuD for her to weave into a pair of swim trunks.

Worf: I was ... just asking.

 

[f14peter]

ARANDIS: "Yea, it's true. I won the Miss Risa contest last year, but nobody could find any nude pictures of me so I had to relinquish my title."

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Odo: Ow! Watch it!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Arandis: It was death by Jamaharon.
Worf: You know that 24th century medicine can stop a heartattack, even in a trill as old as Curzon.
Arandis: No, it was a Jamaharon Transmitted Infectious Disease.

 

[Leviathan]

Worf: At last a worthy adversary.

<underwear still kicked his ass 2 minutes later>

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: *sigh* Jadzia, a REAL Klingon warrior always goes commando.

Dukat, singing: ...dancing through the fire, 'cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roaarrrr!

Risan: Really? You're on Risa and you're still in uniform? I thought the Puritans behind me were bad enough, wearing actual clothes, but FULL UNIFORM?

Quark: Ohhhhhh, I am so deceased.
Jadzia: Diseased? You said you were clean!

Jennifer, voiceover: I was a 97-pound weakling who no one respected on the beach. But then I tried Charles Atlas' Ten Steps to a Better Body, and now even Nausicans back down from me!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dukat: Does this not scream 'fixer-upper'? A little call to the Pah-wraith pest control, replace the drapes, a potted plant in the left corner -- it could be home!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Dukat: Remember friends, try our super-hot Yamok sauce on your next sem'hal stew, and this could be you! Call 1-800-O-BITE-ME while supplies last.

 

[Rat Boy]

Jennifer later started doubting Ben's story about their meeting was an accident when she realized he walked half a kilometer before his feet were burned.

Worf: "...at least it's not as weird was what the Edo wore."

Dukat: "Your fajitas will be ready shortly. Thank you for dining at Chipotle."

Arandis: "A Klingon guest! Murray, get the festive looking painstiks!"

Quark: "I knew I shouldn't have splurged for ocean view. Now the ocean's in my room."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Quark: Raining? On Risa? If I knew it was dangerous I would have stayed on the station.
Jadzia: ....it's rain, Quark. Water. It can't hurt you.
Quark: "Rain can't hurt you"? You don't call skin being burned, crops being destroyed, and buildings melting to be dangerous?
Jadzia: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, right. Ferenginar. No environmental regulations.

 

[locutus101]

I'm singing in the fire
Just singing in the fire
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at bats
So dark up above
The fire's in my heart
And I'm ready for hate
Let the burning flames chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the fire
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the fire!