I wonder if you have to autoerotically asphixiate yourself with a Nintendo-brand controller for that to work...? My Zelda is on my computer, and I have a simple gamepad with which to play. Oh well, I'm going to try it. If I don't post again, avenge my death.
I agree with virtually everything you said, except that for whatever reason I LOVE Zelda II. It's nearly impossible on your first try, but after my many attempts over the years I've gotten it down to a science and I think it's one of the most fun entries in the series, in addition, to being the most different from the rest of the top down/3-D adventures. I've also always loved how the Ocarina of Time creators made their sages to have the same names as the towns from Zelda II...a really cool in-joke to a game that most people may not have finished in the first place.
I'm thinking about playing Zelda II again, mainly because it's been so long since I last played it. I remember renting the game a lot when it was first released, then I ended up getting it as a Christmas present - so I have a wave of nostalgia when playing Zelda II. It's been so long since I've taken on any of the bosses in that game, that I may be a bit rusty. It was a fairly epic game at the time, it had a broad scope, and had traditional RPG elements thrown in, which hasn't really been seen since in the Zelda series.
For anybody who's wondering, the officially confirmed LoZ timeline (at the present time) looks like this: Ocarina of Time starts it out, and then, based on that game's ending, the timeline splits into two branches, one which contains Majora's Mask and Twilight Princess, and another which contains The Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass. There is quite fervent debate still about the placement of the other games in the franchise, although evidence has emerged that would concretely place the original Legend of Zelda and its direct sequel, The Adventure of Link (Zelda II) as well. As for where the OP should start, the best game to play if you're just starting the series is, IMO, Ocarina of Time.
I'd definitely recommend Ocarina of Time. I liked the darker, serious tone of the game over Link to the Past's cartoony graphics although LTTP is an excellent title as well.